Marriage

This weekend one of my best friends from school got married and despite the fact I’m not a big fan of marriage and even a smaller fan of weddings I’m actually really happy for her. She's one of the very few that have gotten married for the right reasons and not because she’s Snookie and got herself knocked up. Plus her and her now husband, are perfect for each other.

If you follow me on twitter you’ll know marriage has been a bit of a theme this week. Some gossip made its way to me that Mr. X was getting married. Admittedly he did contracted me later that day telling me that the gossip was untrue. But I still want bonus points for taking the news (although false) so well. I even surprised myself. I was actually more upset that someone took the time to message me with that gossip thinking I would care.

The reason I took it so well is up for debate I’m either well and truly over him or I’m a “vindictive bitch”.  I think that’s a little harsh, betting girl would be a better way to put it. It’s not my fault half of all marriages end in divorce. And the odds said divorce turns nasty and bitter is ¼. None of that’s vindictive, its math.....throwing a party would be vindictive.....3^rd Saturday in June good for everyone :-)

Personally I think I took it so well because the idea of him getting married is kind of funny to me. I believe the devil is a wedding planner and him with a wedding planner and a Bridezilla just makes me smile.

I’m a bitch and I know it but you have to find the humour in these things and for whatever reason him getting married just makes me laugh. Do that make me strange?

What random things make you laugh? And if I’m wrong and the devil isn’t a wedding planning what do you think he does for a living?

I need to head to bed, as always my dears stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

How To Move On

Recently I’ve had a lot of people messaging me asking how they can stop caring about someone. I’m not sure how qualified I am to give advice but I’ll give it a go.

Let me start by saying despite what people think I didn’t just flip a switch and was over Mr. X, I wish it was that easy. What happened is I took my heart and stubbornness out of the equation and thought about things logically.

You can’t argue with logic. Even if your heart or stubbornness is tell you otherwise once you have logic on your side those things quickly shut up and you realize you’d be a fool to do anything else but just walk away.

You’ve heard of the gray area well I call emotions the pink area and once I wrote everything out in black and white that pink area seemed to have the mental capability of a first grader. And I don’t know about you but I’m not in the habit of taking dating advice from a 6 year old.

Following a 6 year olds advice isn’t a good look for anyone and that sort of thing reflects poorly on you. Look at it like this, would you tolerate a boyfriend making you look bad? That’s what’s happening. The guy you’re chasing is making you look like a fool. He’s causing you to sell you’re short and that’s just not on. You’re above that.

And once I realised all that, I didn’t want Mr. X, I was fine. I was able to talk to him without feeling anything. It’s like my heart killed him off. As far as it was concerned he was dead, RIP. I can’t begin to tell you how amazing it feels to let go. He has no power over me anymore. I’m so much happier without the weight of his baggage holding me down.

Maybe that’s the best way to stop caring, pretend he’s dead. Look back at all the times he’s wronged you and realize he’s added a lot of pain to your life. Get mad about it and pick yourself up in the knowledge that you won’t let it happen again, you’re stronger now. Take the lessons and drop the baggage he caused. And move on with a smile on your face.

I know it’s not easy but once you do it you’ll feel so much better than you ever thought possible.

That’s my advice, or rant....Not sure which. What do you guys think, what advice would you give someone who is struggling to let go and move on?

As always stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

One Last Lesson

As I sit here on my bed thinking about my reaction or lack of reaction to the whole Mr. X new love thing. It finally hit me, I could lay here and cried all I wanted, but he wouldn’t care, and that’s why I don’t.

I’ve spent so many years chasing the phantom, convincing myself I’ve put too much effort and time in to give up. I think by the end it became more about the thrill of the chase and the need to win more then wanting a relationship or anything like that.

Don’t get me wrong, there are things I genuinely love about him. His sense of honour, his wit, the fact his assholedom pushes me and motivates me to do my best. But let’s face fact...I’m not what he wants.

And.....I’m ok with that.

When I really think about it, he isn’t what I want either. I want someone who’ll take me as I am, someone who cares enough to spare my feelings, someone who will be there when I’m upset or hurt. I remember being in hospital, waking up after surgery in the recovery room and asking for him. But even then, deep down I knew he’d never be that guy.

The truly fucked up part of that story is I was deep into a relationship with Chicken Man at the time, who I also didn't see while I was in hospital but I digress.

After everything is said and done, I don’t regret anything and I can honestly say it hasn’t left me bitter. Some guys give you earth shaking orgasms and others just shake you to your core, changing you forever. Since I’m not the same girl I was all those years ago I can safely say he did that.

And as a parting gift he taught me one more very valuable lesson...

....You can’t win them all.

-The Honest Bitch

When One Cock Closes...

When One Cock Closes Another One Pops Up....

....The title of a blog I probably shouldn't be writing while drunk but I’ve never been one to take the dull way out and since I haven’t been able to write this sober, drunk is clearly the way forward.

Here’s how the story goes.

I was feeling very guilty about not putting up more of a fight when I warned NTB about this girl he was into. I’m calling her Ms. Train-Wreck. I knew she was trouble but I just wanted him to be happy. Little did I know she’d turn out to be Mr. X in drag. So now NTB is where I was 2 years ago and I feel horrible about it.

Well I was busy feeling bad about that, Mr. X sideswiped me with the news he has a girlfriend. I’m not stupid, I’m aware we both date but we don’t normally tell each other about it. So the news shocked me. It was really odd though, I didn’t cry or turn to my BBF in these situations (a very large bottle of tequila), I just went for a long walk and that was it.

There was one unforeseen problem though; I haven’t been able to string two words together since. Hence the drunken blogging, well that and it’s international drink something green day. Mojito is my green weapon of choice.

I’ve spent the afternoon/evening watching rugby and drinking with a bunch of my guy friends and now I’m home drinking more Mojitos (only 5 or 6) in bed and watching my sex and the city box-set. And I’ll tell you what, it feels damn good to let lose.

Anyways back to the story, after my long walk I came home to find a message on my twitter account from the evil monkey. It was such a sweet message and very well timed I could help but smile.

Then just as I was crawling into bed I noticed I had a Facebook inbox message. Thinking it was my cousin I got up to check it out, it turned out to be a message from a guy I haven’t seen or really spoken to in 2 years. We never dated we just kind of lived in the gray area.

I’m a smart girl, I know what an inbox message means but I needed a picked me up after the sideswiping so I decided to hear his BS out. It was the normal “we should go out sometime”, “I always think about you”, “you’re gorgeous”. I know that’s all code for “I’m horny”. But I needed the boost and it’s not like I was going to sleep with the guy. It was just a pick me up. And pick me up it did.

It was also a much needed reminder that when one cock closes another one pops up :-)

Play safe guys, Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Teddy Bear with Razorblades

I was chatting with NTB the other night and while he was catching me up on all his gossip he brought up a blog I wrote about how women want what they can’t have. He said if that’s true he’s screwed because he won’t play those games.

In his case I don’t think he should play those games. His strength and appeal is that he doesn’t do that stuff. He’s a straight shooting guy who won’t mess you around. There a lot of girls who would appreciate that. However there are a lot of girls who that kindness is wasted on and will take advantage of it. Luckily he’s a smart guy so I’m not overly worried about that. Although there is one girl I’d like to punch on his behalf. He just needs to patient and someone will come along for him. Someone who will see him as the teddy bear he is and not a doormat.

Mr. X on the other hand is a teddy bear full of razorblades, cute and cuddly but also sharp and deadly. But what he does so well and that I wish NTB would take note of is he plays to his strength. He knows he’s an ass but he owns it.

We were debating my sports knowledge last night, and by debating I mean he was ranting at me. After he said his piece I jokingly called him an ass and his comeback was “well I am Mr. X after all”.  There’s nothing you can say to that because he’s already owned it.

Don’t get me wrong he does show some NTB style flashes of sweetness but he likes to down play those. He knows his strengths and what works for him and he’s plays to it and if people don’t like it, I can’t be sure but I think he kills them.

I love NTB dearly, he a great friend but I wish he would take a little of Mr. X’s Oscar the grouch attitude and mould it into a firmer hand. Just a little hint of that don't fuck with me attitude would go a long way in keeping some chicks in check.

So my question to you is, if you’re a girl have you ever used or played a nice girl and if you’re a guy, have you ever been played by a girl?

As always stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Good Looking Boogeyman

A reader sent me a DM on twitter asking for my advice on how to get someone out of your head. My first thought when I read the message was “clearly they haven’t read my blog before.” I’ve been battling that exact problem with Mr. X for years.

I have made leaps and bounds in the matter but as recently as 2 nights ago he showed up in my thoughts. That’s kind of fucked up to be honest because I haven’t thought about him in months and without notice “boom” there he was. He’s like a good looking Boogeyman.

I don’t have any tips or solid advice on how to keep someone out of your head. What I do when I’m being plagued by a good looking Boogeyman is stay busy; when you’re busy you don’t have time to think about it. Also I stay off his Facebook page, Twitter and stay clear of Facebook chat. That seems to help. Like they say, out of sight, out of mind.

There is a Selena Gomez song, “Ghost of you” and that songs pretty much sums up the feelings of being hunted by a good looking Boogeyman. Near the end of the song there is this line “But for now there’s a reason that you’re still here in my heart.” And I think it’s important to realize that there is a reason this person is still in your head.

I’m not suggesting that means you’re meant to be together. It just means you have more to learn of the person. They may not be easy lessons to learn but there’s a old saying a painful lesson is a lesson rarely forgotten. And that’s true. Some of lives most important lesson are the painful ones.

Sometimes I find when dealing with someone who just won’t exist your mind the harder you fight it the worse it gets. In these situations my advice is be smart. You may find yourself playing with fire once in a while ( I know, I do) but just be smart enough to know you’re doing it.

I flirt with Mr. X once in awhile and I know its dangerous behaviour and I accept that. It’s like a chocolate bar you know it’s not healthy but sometimes you just have to have it. When you do give in to that melt in your mouth chocolate goodness my advice is get your fix quickly and get out. When you play with fire it’s only a matter of time before you get burnt. You have to accept that risk and pray when it happens it’s not a third degree burn. (Yet another painful lesson you won’t forget any time soon).

I guess the best advice I could give anyone is be realistic, fairytale endings only happen in chick flicks, don’t waste your time waiting for something that most likely will never happen. Don’t let that good looking Boogeyman control you. Just move on with your life and over time his grip on your mind will become less and less.

I’d love to hear your opinions on this. What do you do to get someone out of your head?

As always stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Old Habits Die Hard

In recent months I've been flirting with a new guy, let's call him Jon. He's not my normal type. For starters he doesn't have any ego issues and he's younger than I am. Normally that would be grounds enough for me to write him off but since he's such a sweetheart I decided despite his age to give him a chance and see what happens.

It's not like the older guy thing has been working out so well for me anyways.

Despite him being a sweetheart a few weeks ago he started blowing hot and cold on me and instead of asking Jon what was up, I decided to fall back on an old habit.

I contacted Mr. X. He's what you'd call a safety net. If things turn bad I can always fall back on him. Sounds horrible I know, but he does the same thing to me. We flirt for a few hours or days (depending how bad the damage is), and once our confidence is fully restored we go on about our lives.

This time was different though, instead of trying and failing to separate him from his clothing, I decided to treat him like a failed science experiment and see what I could learn from him.

Despite the fact I want to strangle him a lot of the time, he's helpful in his own twisted way. He took the time to explain to me why guys blow hot and cold. He wasn't so useful in explaining how to fix the problem though. He suggested murder but blood makes me queasy so that idea went out the window.

I managed to sort the issue without following his bloody advice. I did what I should've done in the start and confronted the guy. But Mr. X gave me a lot to think about. Despite being an ass I'm grateful for his advice and ability to lighten the mood. He may be a jerk but he's proven himself a good ally.

As always stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

PS Just for future reference how would you handle a guy (or girl) that was blowing hot and cold?

New Year's Eve

Going to start by apologizing to Nathan, apparently, he isn't the only one who thinks I'm currently dating Mr. X. Let me set the record straight for those of you who are confused, I'm not currently nor do I ever plan on dating him.

We have a love/hate relationship and currently I'm in hate with that love/hate relationship. It actually has nothing to do with him for a change. I'm just bored with it all. It's time for a new challenge, preferably one that isn't such a time waster.

Since this is my last post of the year. What I'd normally do is hash out all the many mistakes of the past year in a bid to stop you from following in my footsteps. But this year I feel oddly at peace with everything.

Yeah, some things didn't go my way but in the big picture I played my cards right. It's that life lesson “you can play your hand perfectly, and still lose”. I don't think I have lost anything important, besides, maybe my mind.

I don't do New Year’s resolutions, I think the whole concept is stupid, but I do like to take a deep breath and release all the bullshit from the previous year. I know this time in 12 months it will be a whole new list of bullshit bugging me and nothing that's happening now will be important.

I wouldn't call New Year's a fresh start, because we all know it's not but it’s a fresh perspective on everything. Realizing given a little time, most things fade in importance.

As always, stays safe my dears, and have a great New Year’s Eve and fingers crossed your hangovers aren’t too bad.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Girls and Jackasses

Guys seem to always be asking; ok bitching about how girls seem to go for guys who are assholes. Despite what my “relationship” with Mr. X may lead you to believe I don’t fall into that category.

My attraction to him isn’t based on his jerk like tendencies. I like him because he’s not afraid of me. If he has something to say he’ll say it. He’ll go toe to toe with me if need be. I’m a strong personality and I need someone like that to deal with me.

Saying that doesn’t mean I don’t want a nice guy. I just want a nice guy with a pair of balls. I’m sure I’m not alone in that.

I’m not sure girls actually are going for jackasses. I think some of it goes back to the old days when the guy was the head of the household. It’s not about wanting an ass. It’s about wanting a leader, someone who is strong, decisive and powerful also known as “grrr”.

Grrr is a very important quality, not just bedroom but in a relationship. A female may be strong and independent but she still wants a guy with some grrr. I mean nobody likes a doormat.

They say confidence is sexy. And they’re right. It’s not just confidence about the way you look but confidence in the things you do. The trick is doing it without becoming a jackass.

As always stay safe guys, love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Bottled Up

As my name suggests I’m not afraid to speak my mind. However there are some little things I choose to let slide. I like to pick my arguments.  Mainly because it’s reduces the risk I’ll end up in jail for murder.

The problem is after a while of bottling up all these little things. I pop.

Mr. X called me a drama queen the other day. I don’t think he understands what is truly going on when I lose it.

It’s not him I’m not reacting to, he’ just the straw the broke the camel’s back. I’m reacting to all the little things that I’ve been letting slide. The idiot who cut me off, an email from an ex’s new girlfriend’s sister (true story), my step dad and then on top of all that you have Mr. X being jerky. It’s only a matter of time before I explode and someone is scraping my exploded brain off the ceiling (pretty picture eh? Lol). There is only so much a girl can take.

I am not a drama queen, I’m a time saver. Instead of reacting to each individual event I pack all my reactions into one firework filled show.  Seem logical to me.

Anyway my dears, I’m heading off to do some Christmas shopping (what tools do I need for a lobotomy?). As always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Guest Post: An Open Letter From Mr.X

An open letter to The Honest Bitch and her loyal band of bitches,

The Honest Bitch is a curious creature. If you haven’t met her, then that is a shame for you because she is pretty thing with cute complexities and vulnerable virtues. I’ve met her, as you may have read. She has this tendency to rip my clothes off and take advantage of me, something for which I am immensely grateful, since the girl has some skills.

But she gets this magnificent blog to share her soul with the world. I gather some of you want to know about me, the enigmatic Mr X. Why, I have no idea, but allow me to indulge some of you.

I was born in London. It was a difficult birth because my mother was in Manchester at the time. I was raised by a pack of wolves until my youth. I was educated in the dreary school system that taught me that the correct answer is never the facts but what the teacher wants to hear. As a consequence, I managed to get an A in most subjects by writing my name and “How’s about it Miss?” on the front of most exam papers. Strangely, I did poorly in Media Studies. Mr Smith was obviously expecting me to put down actual answers.

Then I went to University in Oxford and instantly fell in love with the city. Sadly, society frowned upon marriage between a man and an urban area, so we had to just stay friends. I came away from my academic studies with a Masters in Wit, Charm and Cynicism. I also picked up a Doctorate in Trust Issues.

I now work as the boss of a shadowy organisation planning on world domination by turning the world’s brains to mush. That’s right; we are behind The X Factor, the Twilight saga and McDonalds.

The Honest Bitch and I met under auspicious circumstances. There I was, randomly spraying myself with two cans of Lynx on a beach, when an armada of women came galloping my way. However, no one was stopping The Honest Bitch, who battered through the crowd with the brutality of an ice hockey player. Little did I realise that she had studied such an art for some time.

So why aren’t we together? Well, I’m a man. Commitment breaks me out in a rash. We could be sex buddies but it would only lead to commitment and we wouldn’t be friends after the ugly break up, done via text message or a restraining order.

Some of you may have questions. Feel free to put them in the comments and those that The Honest Bitch really wants answering, I’m sure she’ll put them to me. The rest will probably end up on her Facebook page in some edited format!

Signing off,

Mr X

C'est La Vie

Its one thing when my readers question me it’s quite another when Mr. X himself is questioning.

“So you still holding that hope someday we’ll be together, the happy couple?” – Mr. X

I didn’t actually answer his question, I just nicely side stepped it and changed the topic as quickly as possible.

It’s not an easy question. Feelings don’t evaporate but hope does. I don’t want to say I gave up because that’s not it. I just accepted I have no control over the matter and moved on with my life. It sounds cliché but whatever will be, will be. And whatever feelings I may or may not have are irrelevant.

That being said, I still have the urge to separate him from his clothing. I’m only human after all. And damn he’s hot.

As for the “relationship dream” my attitude is very ces’t la via. It’s not on my radar right now. Even thought it seems to be on everyone else’s.

All I have to say is whatever happen or doesn’t happen in the future I just hope he’s happy. Wow, I actually meant that. Think I’ve been hanging around NTB a little too much. He’s starting to rub off on me. That's a little scary.....and creepy.

Anyways I have things I need to get done. e.g my plot to take over the world (You didn't think my nicest would last did you?) . As always stay safe guys.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

No Small Talk

I have a friend who a while back was talking about how he couldn’t stand small talk. And for once I actually agreed with him on something. So now 90 percent of the time I just say or ask what I want without the hassle of making small talk first.

My friends are pretty use to it now, most of the time. The big issue comes when I talk to someone new who isn’t use to my straight forwardness. It tends to catch people off guard.

I mean if someone sent you a message out of the blue that said “where do you hide porn?” how would you take it?

Personally I’d just answer the question but not everyone works like that. People have a nasty habit of getting offending. I’d ask why the question is being asked before putting the effect in to be offending.

Then again I’m not the sort of person who is easily offended. I worked customer service for many years; I developed a pretty thick skin doing that, that and a hatred for most people.

I think the last thing that truly offended me was, shock horror Mr. X. We were talking in the back of his car and he said something about his parents and I replied jokingly “well remind me keep a ways away if I ever meet them.” To which he snapped “don’t worry you’ll never met them.” That one got my back up. I actually, come to think of it, haven’t seen him since he said that to me.

The difference being I was offended by a statement rather than an open ended question that could be interpreted many ways. People jump to conclusions when it comes to my random, out of the blue questions. And personally I think it’s their conclusions that offend them rather than my questions. But they’ll never admit it.

Anyways my dears, I’m heading off for the night. As always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Dream: Switching Off

I had a strange and disturbing dream last night and because a lot of you share those characteristics (Maxwell) I thought I’d share the dream with you.

The dream took place in a long, dark, museum like hallway with offset lighted pedestals lining either side.  

I was on this purple floating moving platform with Mr. X. He was the museum docent. On each of the lighted pedestals was a half naked gorgeous guy. As we pulled up to each of these gorgeous guys Mr. X would talk about them.

“This is Nick, he’s 28 from BC, he plays hockey and is hung like a horse.”  Then just as I was starting to drool over the guy, Mr. X would say something like “Yes, hung horse but he could never measure up to my personality. Then the light on the pedestal would go black and we’d move on to the next one.

“This Scott, he’s 29 from New York, he’s the lead singer in an up and coming band.” “He can sing but he’ll never have my sense of humour.” Then the light would go off.

And this kept going on and on and on, “this is Jeremy he looks perfect doesn’t he?” “Wrong! He lacks my ability to tell it how it is.” There were about 50 different guys and one after another the lights would turn off. Until I just couldn’t take anymore. I ended up jumping off this moving platform and running for the museum exit (not easy in the dark).

I ended up waking up before I manage to find my way out of there. The dream was so weird and disturbing, I struggled to fall back to sleep after it.

I have no idea what the meaning behind that dream was and I have a feeling I don’t want to know. The female mind is a scary place at the best of times. Have any of you ever had a dream like that?

I’m heading off for the night and fingers cross this doesn’t become a reoccurring dream. Stay safe guys.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Mr. X and NTB

You guys have been asking about Mr. X and NTB a lot lately so I thought I’d take this chance to fill you guys in.

Let start with Mr. X.

I’m over it. It’s no secret we blow hot and cold. Right now it’s my turn to blow cold. I’m not feeling it right now. The challenge was fun at first but its turn into the challenge that never ends. And that's about as appealing as an episode of Lamb Chop’s Play along.  

I’ve moved on, I’m crushing on someone new, someone who is a lot less asshole like. Mr. X is an amazing person don’t get me wrong, I’m just bored of the games and BS.

I think NTB brainwashed me into hating games. Speaking of NTB nothing happened there. He’s just a busy bee right now. He’s trying to become a doctor so there just has been very little time for anyone more fun than a text book.

So in a nutshell I replaced Mr. X with a cuter, younger model and I’m waiting for NTB to become Dr. NTB, no great mystery and last time I checked I didn’t murder them....although that could change.

Anyways my dears as always stay safe and Happy Halloween.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxo

Dating

Every now and then I get the feeling I should start to date again. Then I go on a date and I quickly decide I’d rather die alone.

I stopped dating a while ago because of all the drama and headaches it caused. Let’s just say I haven’t been having the best of luck with British guys. They look all sweet and charming in the movies but let me tell you, in real life a large percentage of them are douche bags.

Not to mention a lot of them are liars too. I don’t have a problem with a purely sexual relationship. If you’re looking for a fuck-friend that’s fine by me, it saves me money on batteries. But be straight about. Don’t wrap you’re horniness up in a lie. Don’t pretend you want more then sex when you don’t. Just don’t be an ass.

NTB has made a big thing out of not playing games and I love him for that. If he has something to say he’ll come right out and say it. He takes all the guess work out of relationships and dating. I personally think there is a time and place for a little toying and flirting but on the whole I wish guys would follow his lead.

That’s kind of why I still keep Mr. X around. I love that he is so straight forward. There is no game play with him. He is what he is, take it or leave it. The difference is Mr. X does it in a jerk way and NTB does it in a way that doesn’t make you want to run him over with your car.....repeatedly.

Saying all that I still continue to flirt with Mr. X. What can I say; some people are just fun to flirt with. It’s not a I want to see him naked thing, it’s more of a he’s cute so why not thing. Flirting is good for you. It’s good for your health and your mood. (That may or may not be a scientific fact.)

I’m sure one day someone will come along who will change my mind on the whole dating thing but right now, I’m not interested. I’d rather have a peacefully life, with no drama.


As always my dears stay safe and don’t do anything I wouldn't do.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo