Dating Horror Story – The Grinch who stole my 21st birthday

Since you guys seemed to really enjoy my last relationship horror story I thought I’d share another one with you. This one is about the Grinch who stole my 21st birthday.

I met the Grinch at my local pub which in hindsight should have been my first red flag. I had been eyeing him up for months and he was flirting back but never made a move. So on New Year’s Eve I decided fuck it and made the first move myself. We ended up having a great night and we swopped numbers.

For the next month we texted and chatting a little but not much more than that. The guy moved slower than a snail. With a little pushing from my friend we ended up in a relationship just after Valentine’s Day.

It was never a happy relationship the guy had issues. Issues he managed to hide pretty damn well until we were in an actual relationship. He had problems knowing when to stop drinking and I later found out he did drugs too. Which would have been a deal breaker if I had known.

One night he called me from town drunk begging me to come get him. So I agreed to pick him up. Not a great idea. I couldn’t get the idiot out of my car. I spent 40 minutes outside his house trying to get him out. Pulling, pushing, and kicking him. I wasn’t having much luck. I managed to get him half way out of my car. Then he looked at me laughed and got back in and shut my car door. Needless to say I didn’t find it so funny. I gave up after that and drove home and left him in my car to sleep it off.

I went inside and got ready for bed. About 3 hours later I hear a noise at my front door. I got out of bed to check it out and it was the Grinch trying to get in my house with his house key. Needless to say I wasn’t impressed. I let him in because I had no real choice and let the asshole take my bed and I took the couch. I was ready to dump his sorry ass but I listened to friends and gave him another chance. (That was a stupid move and I’m no longer friends with those people.)

In May of that year he dragged me to a family wedding. We all know how I feel about weddings. This wedding was worse because his family is a walking, talking Adam’s Family. It was a fucking nightmare. Or should that be he was a fucking nightmare.

He was drunk and loud and really rude to his family. I was embarrassed to be seen with him. He was such as ass I actually ended up putting him on the floor. The dude was acting like a fucking child. It was total nightmare.

I had every plan on dumping him but it was 10 days till my birthday so I decided to hang on until then. I figured I deserved a present after the way he acted. I never did get the present because two days before my birthday he dumped me. That’s right that poor excuse for a man dumped me.

Needless to say I was more than a little pissed off. I wasn’t hurt or sad about the break up; I was just plain old mad. Who was he to dump me after the way he acted?

He added to my anger when I found out he had plans to pop in and see me at my birthday party. I had been saying for months I didn’t want to do anything for my birthday but him and my best friend at the time forced me into planning a night out. Once we broke up I figured I didn’t have to go out now. And I was free to spend the night the way I wanted to. I was wrong.

I actually had a great night until Mr. Grinch showed up. When I saw him I actually saw red. I really don’t remember much after that until we were outside talking and he said something. I guess I didn’t like what he said because I punched him square in the jaw. He was out cold. I remember feeling cheated because he went down so easily, I wanted to kick the shit out of him. The real punch line is he’s a personal trainer who had just gotten back from a boxing course. Guess they forgot to teach him how to keep his hands up.

I got a lot of praise for punching him and putting him in his place. Guess he had rubbed more than just me up the wrong way. As good as it felt, it really sucks that’s how my 21st will always be remembered. He stole the night from me. Why would you show up where you knew your ex is going to be on her birthday?

It still makes me mad to think about that relationship. But I’ve learned my lesson. Never date people you have a chance of running into once you’ve broken up. Stay safe guys.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxoxo

The Down Side

A large percentage of my friends are guys and I love it that way. It cuts way down on the amount of drama in my life. However there is a down side to having mainly male friends.

That down side is they tend to a wee bit protective of me.

When we all go out together, God help any guy who comes up to me. They better have nerves of steel because the guys will do pretty much anything to scare them off.

My favourite move is when they play gay. One of the lads will stork the hand of the guy who is hitting me, ask for their number, whatever they can think of. It’s pretty funny and a little uncomfortable to watch, but it tends to work and scare off the guy.

Most of the time I don’t mind the guys scaring off whoever is hitting on me, there are a lot of ugly guys in this world. But once in a while they’ll scare off a guy who I’m really into. It’s for the best I know because if they can’t handle my friends there is no way on this earth they would be able to handle me but it’s still annoying.

The other downside is.....guys suck at giving advice. They make a great shoulder to cry on but instead of giving advice they want to fix everything. “Oh he hurt you did he? Give me 5 minutes and he’ll be hurting too”. As sweet as that is, it doesn’t really help me and then instead of me venting, I have to prevent them from hurting whoever hurt me. Guess it kind of works to take my mind off it but not very helpful in the long run.

Even in the online world most of the people I talk to regularly are guys. I’m not sure if that’s down to me wanting less drama or because most of the people I talk to online are fellow Leafs fans. The point still stands.

I love the relationships I have with my friends, but pretty much every boyfriend I've had hates it. I’ll ever understand that. I had the friends before the relationship so why they even date me when they have a problem with it, is beyond me.

I know there is a little flirting between the lads and me but it’s completely harmless. Yes some of them will sit with their arm around me but it’s not like I’m fucking any of them. I swear sometimes the guys I date just use it as an excuse to start a fight. And that’s one fight they’ll never win.

I love my male friends dearly I just wish they’d be a little selective when it comes to who they scare off and who they don’t. They really don’t seem to have any rhyme or reason. I guess that's guys for you.

Anyways I’m heading off for the night. Hope you all had a great weekend and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxoxoxo

Magic Trick

I have a friend who is a complete sweetheart when it comes to the women he dates. He’s unbelievable. He’ll stay up all night to keep them company when they’re working the nightshift. He’ll run miles on his lunch break just to spend 5 minutes with them. He always puts their happiness above his own and he does all that without the aim of getting them into bed. And before you ask no he is not gay.

He is unbelievable, and that’s the problem. My brain actually doesn’t believe it. I can see it with my own eyes but my brain doesn’t believe what my eyes are telling it. It thinks it’s some sort of magic trick.

It’s crazy. I’ve dated (and I use that term loosely) more men then I’ll ever admit, not to mention almost all my friends are guys. Thanks to all of that I should qualify for my masters in men and despite that fact I’ve never come across anyone like him before and it's fucking with my brains logic centre.

My brain knows men are incapable of putting anything before the needs of their penis. My brain also knows men will do and say almost anything to meet those needs. As I’ve grown up I’ve realised guys like my friend are as real as Santa Clause. They’re something dreamed up by Hollywood directors and mother goose. They are 100% fictional.

I know seeing is meant to be believing, but not in this case. I think experiencing would have to be believing or something like that.

Saying that, a good guy like that would be wasted on me. If a guy were to text me 5 times a day, just to see how I was, I’d file a restraining order. Maybe at this point in my life I’m just too acclimatized to asshole men but someone like my friend would creep me out. I’d go mad in that kind of relationship. I’d always feel like he didn’t trust me and felt he had to check up on me.

The other problem is I love a good fight. I like being able to disagree and debate with my boyfriend. I feel that good guys tend to say “yes dear” a lot and those two words infuriate me. I need to know if I’m being totally unreasonable that my partner would put me back in my place. I may kill him for it, but my point still stands.

I love a good challenge and if my boyfriend was always there when I clicked my fingers, where would the fun be in that? I need someone who can keep me on my toes and guessing. I’d rather that person not be a total asshole but I like my guys to have a little bite.

Play Safe Guys, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Dating Horror Story

I was looking back at some of the reasons I decided to take a break from dating and I just randomly started laughing at something that was so horrific at the time but is kind of funny now. I thought you guys might get a kick out of the story.

It was about 3 years ago I think. I meet a guy online and we started chatting. After a few months of chatting and texting we decided to meet up. We got along great and went out 5 or 6 more time. Nothing more than just a good night kiss ever happened between us. Which I thought was odd but didn’t read much into it.

About 3 days after our last date, I was sat on my bed checking my Facebook and I noticed this guy updated his relationship status. As you do when a guy you’re dating updates his relationship status I checked it out.

It had him as “in a relationship” with some dude so I figured it was guys fucking around and didn’t think anymore of it.

....until about 5 minutes later when I saw he uploaded some pictures.

These picture were of this guy full on making out with the guy he changed to “in a relationship” with.

I was in shock. I just sat there on my bed not moving, with my mouth wide open. I don’t even remember blinking. I just sat there like a statue for a good 5 – 10 minutes. When I finally did move, I didn’t break eye contract with the screen. I just moved my right hand to pick up my phone and dialled my best friend at the time.

I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. It went something like this.

Me- “hmmmmm, hi.......do you remember that guy I was seeing?”

K – “Yeah, what’s wrong”

Me “hmmm, hmmm"

K –“You’re not pregnant are you?”

Me – “God no”

K – “Then?”

Me – “Facebook”

K- “I need more”

Me- “He changed his status”

K - “To?”

Me - “Fucking some dude”

K – “What!?”

Me - “He’s in a relationship with a guy”

K – “He’s joking”

Me – “No, no, no, there are pictures”

K – “Pictures?”

Me – “Yeah..... Crystal clear, colour photos”

K – “Oh”

Me - “Yeah”

K – “I’ll be right over”

When she got here I was still sat glaring at my netbook. She closed it and looked at me. And we both started to laugh because what else can you do. She then asked to see the pictures, which lead to the most horrified look on her face I've ever seen, It was so funny, my sides hurt thinking about it. That girl is far too innocent.

We then went out the pub for a drink and then......I don’t really remember much. Oh, I lie, I do remember getting a beer for free because we told the bartender I turned a guy gay.

I never did confront the guy because I don’t think the words for conversation exist. That’s why Hallmark doesn’t make greeting card for it. So once I was over the shock, I just laughed it off. I figure when they make the movie of my life that scene would keep people talking and make me more money.

Sometimes in life you just got to laugh....even if it’s because you turned a guy gay. How many people can say that eh? Lol

Stay safe guys,

Love you,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxoxo

Sorry

I just wanted to say sorry to you guys. I’ve been a bad blogger over the past few weeks. Hopefully by this weekend I’ll be back to normal and back to keeping you guys entertained and laughing.

Because some of you have been asking the problem was the doctor changed my pain medication and I neglected to read the enclosed leaflet. I’ve come to find out anyone taking the pill also needs to take a multivitamin because it blocks certain vitamins. After a couple months of not getting those vitamins I’ve been feeling ill, tired and ran down.

I’m hoping by this weekend I’ll be feeling better and be able to return to my normal posting schedule. Which is one weekday post (Mon-Thurs), and one weekend post (Fri-Sun).

I also do a post every Monday for Logic Haze (http://logichaze.com/type/article/thehonbit) I’m looking at bring back “The Honest Bitch Helps” for that weekly post. It’s a lot of fun for me to write and you guys seem to enjoy it. So if you have any questions about relationships, sex, life, or whatever you’d like me to answer is my unique way send them to Ms.HonestB@gmail.com It’s all in fun and maybe it’ll help someone and ….upset a few guys :-)

Also keep your eyes open for my guest post on http://almostlastmanstanding.com/ and he’ll also being doing a guest post for here so that should be worth a read, he's a talented and funny writer. I’d tell you guys to be nice but that’s not your style I know. So I'll just tell you to be honest and have fun with him.

I’m looking look forward to getting back in to the swing of things and back to having some fun with you guys. How I’ve missed your evilness.

Love you guys,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

The Law Is The Law

There has been something making its rounds on Facebook…again and instead of ranting on one friend’s status I thought I’d just rant here instead to a wider less argumentative audience.

“TO NON-PET OWNERS who visit my home. Don't complain about my pets. (1) They live here, you don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'Fur'nitur e. (3) Chances are, I love my pets more than I like you. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are family who are hairy, walk on all fours & don't talk back. Re-post if you love your pets!”

Speaking as a non-pet owner, all the above it’s perfectly fine. There is no problem with furry furniture or you loving you animal more than me because odds are I’m not your biggest fan either. The problem comes when your stupid fucking pets jump on and lick me and you just stand there doing nothing looking like it’s the cutest thing in the world.

It’s not cute. It’s gross and really unhygienic.

It’s not that I hate pets. I grow up having dogs and cats. But mine were well trained and knew who the boss was.

If people want to pretend their pets are human, that’s perfectly fine by me. However if that’s the case I was to see those furry little bastards in a pair of teeny tiny paw-cuffs.

If a human were to act in the same manor, jumping on and licking me, without hesitation I’d have that person arrested. It’s a criminal act and I’d expect the perpetrator to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. If the offender happens to be four legged and have a cold nose so be it. I want to see the little bastard behind bars and in a bright orange jumpsuit. No means no and not speaking English is no excuse for breaking the law.

If you want to pretend your pet in human, that’s fine. I’ll play along but I want to see that them follow the same laws as any other human. After all fair is fair :-)

Stay safe guys, Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Forgive and Forget

Hey Guys,

Let me start by apologizing for my whininess in my last post. Writing a blog post with a 102 degree fever wasn’t my smartest move but I promised a post and I wasn’t about to let anyone down.

However I’m feeling much better now and I have an absurd concept I’d like to talk about.

“Forgive and forget”

The whole idea of forgiving and forgetting is completely bonkers to me. I’m not against forgiving people so don’t get me wrong. It’s the forgetting part I have a problem with. It’s like that old saying “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.”

You're never going to learn from anything if you constantly forgetting. It’s the recipe to becoming a doormat. “Oh he cheated on me” --> forgive and forget --> “he cheated on me” --> forgive and forget --> “he cheated on me” --> forgive and forget! On what planet does that make any sense? It’s the merry-go-round ride to hell.

My common sense would tell me after the first time I had to forgive someone that may this person is trouble and it’s time to find a new friend or boyfriend or whatever. I sure as hell wouldn’t get on the “forgive and forget” marry-go-round.

While writing this I can across something that said forgiving and forgetting can improve your health. But what about your quality of life? Actually a better question is why would you be around that many people who you constantly need to forgive?

I understand once in a blue moon something happens and you need to forgive or not forgive someone. But how many idiots do you have to have around you for it to impact your health. If you have that many fuck-wits around you, you deserve all the health problems you get. Use your brain. Stupid deserves stupid.

Maybe I’m wrong but in my opinion. Forgiving and forgetting is a sure fire way to become a doormat. You need to use your brain and not blindly follow some poorly thought out saying.

I’m heading back to bed. As always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

Sane vs Crazy

I’m going to keep this as short as I can because I’m in bed sick and rather cranky. And by rather cranky I mean being a total bitch to anyone who comes near me.

On top of being cranky with everyone else I’m also cranky with myself. Unlike most women I know when my brain is being crazy. And it pisses me off when I know my brain is working in a way that is illogical.

Let me explain. I can’t stand to see Mr. X upset or sad. It really eats at me to see him that way. The amount it bothers me I can’t even began to put it into words. I actually lost sleep over him being hurt.

This is crazy behaviour on my part. I’d have every right to enjoy every second of seeing him down. Hell I should throw a parade. But instead of being logical my brain decided to be crazy. Luckily I’m sane enough to spot these crazy flare-ups.

I’m upset, that him being upset upsets me. (Ever wonder what a crazy sane person sounds like? lol) I know that I shouldn’t care and on the whole I don’t. He could be eaten by beavers and that would be fine. It’s just him being upset I can’t stand. And I’m not mad at him for it; I’m pissed off at myself for my own reaction, which evidently I have no control of.

I’m just as hard on myself as I would be on anyone else, if not harder. I know my reaction is crazy. There is currently a war going on in my head between the sane side and this crazy flare-up. But all I can do right now is shake my head like an etch-a-sketch and try to put it out of my mind and move on. But the war wages on.

I’m going back to sleep now. I feel like death. Stay safe guys and stay away from sick people.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxoxo

Biased

I have a massive pet peeve I’d like to share with you. It’s when I post something to my blog about an event or about a conversation I had and then someone calls me biased.

Of course I am!

This is my blog, it happened to me and it’s my point of view. Of course I’m biased.

At the end of the day this is a personal blog not the evening news. I share with the world my point of view on things whether they’re right or wrong it’s just my opinion. And I’m entitled to my opinion whether people like it or not.

However I’m nothing if not fair. So if I write about you and you feel hard done by and want to write a rebuttal, please do so and send it to (Ms.HonestB@gmail.com) and I’ll post it. I’ll warn you now though I will have a rebuttal of my own.

No one is forcing anyone to read my blog so it’s simple if you have a problem with the way I write, fuck off.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

This Needs To Be Said

This needs to be said.....

When you’re constantly breaking up and getting back together, that is NOT a relationship. That is a fuck friend who doesn’t know the rules.

Stop being so naive, he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t miss you, and he sure as hell doesn’t want to make it work, and before you say it, NO, YOUR MAN IS NOT DIFFERENT!

He’s horny. It’s simple.

Stop lying to yourself and more importantly stop making everyone hear about how he’s going to change. You my dear, are nothing but a place for him to rest his penis in.

There is nothing wrong with this per se. Fuck friends are great, but you need to be aware that’s what you are.

So stop the drama and either call a spade a spade or move on with your life. Don’t be stupid and pretend there’s something there when there clearly isn’t. It just makes you look pathetic and meek. Stop making the rest of us look bad and being a disgrace to the female race.

That’s my 2 cents and I’m sure you’ll tell me yours. Love you guys and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

Bad Boys, Idiot Girls

Why do women go for “bad boys” then insist on bitching about them when they get hurt?

Nothing pisses me off more than listening to women bitch and moan about a guy; she has referred to as a “bad boy”. Surely the title alone is enough of a warning sign. Do you really need to touch the fire to see if you’ll get burnt?

Personally I don’t know what draws women to bad boys, they’ve always seemed like complete idiots to me. My common sense wouldn’t allow me to date anyone like that. But apparently common sense isn’t all the common.

If you choose to date “bad boys” do me a favour and don’t come crying to me when you get hurt. As far as I’m concerned it’s self inflected, and you deserve whatever you get for not using your brain.

Also let me add this when you contently breakup and get back together with a guy, you look like a weak minded doormat. It’s just an exercise in futility. Men don’t change! That’s just a fact of life, deal with it.

Women like that, who allow men to walk all over them, give us all a bad name. Not to mention it sends screwed up messages to men. Ever wonder where all the good men went? Women like that sent them screwy messages and turned them all into assholes........Ok some of them were born assholes but my point still stands.

Anyways my dears I’m heading off. Have a great day and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

I'm Not That Girl

I’ve reached an age where a lot of my friends are starting to get married off. That’s all well and good for them but I have a problem with it. It’s not with them getting married per se it’s more about them telling me about it and expecting me to be all excited for them. News flash....I’m not that girl.

I’m just not someone who dreams about their wedding day, I never have been. Even as a kid I never pretended to get married or even gave it a thought. It’s not that I’m against marriage or anything like that. I just believe that love is between 2 people and why should hundreds of guests be forced to hear about it.

I actually remember being at Sunday school, my teacher at the time was the pastor’s wife and she decided one Sunday to show us their wedding video. I remember sitting there, while all the girls were crying thinking, “why is she torturing all those people.” (Kids think the darndest things, eh?)

I like to think in every circle of friends each friend as a speciality. Love or matter of love was never mine. In the friendship world my speciality is “break-ups”. If you’re crying at 3am because your boyfriend dumped you, I’m the girl to call. Maybe it’s because I’m a bit of a bitch but bad mouthing the guy that dumped my friend and pointing out all the guys’ flaws comes naturally to me. However if you want to get back with him....it's not advisable to call me.

Clearly I’m not the girl you call when you decide to get married; I’m the girl you call when you decide to called off your wedding. When my friends tell me they’re getting married it takes everything in me not say “Congratulations, call me when you get divorced.” That’s not me being mean that’s just me embracing who I am.

Everyone always says play to your strengths and I do that. Ok, my strengths are a little meaner than most but in the world of friendships I play a vital role.

I love you guys and as always please stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Four Kinds of Girl

Over all my years of being friends with and dating far too many guy I’ve come to work out that in their minds women fall into 4 main categories, needy, pushy, stupid or bitch. And they will always whiny about a girl no matter which of these categories she falls into. Unless you’re in the process of making him cum, a guy will always find something to bitch about. You can never win; you can just shut him up for extended periods of time.

If you enjoy spending time with your boyfriend, sending texts or talking on the phone with him you fall into the “needy” category. You may be the most impendent person on the planet but when he is out with the guys and you text him even if he messages you first you’re needy. This is where things being so black and white in man-land gets them into trouble, Everyone knows there are different levels of neediness but you’d never know that listening to them talk.

If you have ever asked a guy out, approached a guy or told him to stop playing games you fall into the “pushy” category. In my personal experience sometimes you need to be pushy when it comes to guys but no man will ever see it that way. The only good pushy in the male mind is if you’re pushy in the bedroom. It messes with their male ego otherwise.

Now for the “stupid” category, these are the girl's guys date once with the intention of sleeping with them and never calling again. In my books it’s only stupid if you fall for their bullshit. But once again they’d never admit that in man-land.

The last category is bitch. There are 2 main ways to end up in this category. The first way is be opinionated and have your own views on things. I’ll never understand why women like that rub so many men up the wrong way but a lot of men hate it. The other way is to play the game they do. Show no interest, use them just for sex, and make them come to you. Keep that up for any period of time and they’ll soon be calling you a bitch.

Personally I don’t see anything wrong with being a bitch so they call me one all they like. I have a mind of my own and opinions and I don’t follow men around like a lost puppy so if that makes me a bitch, I’ll own it. Hello world I’m bitch, deal with it!

You’ll never please everyone so don’t every change who you are, especially to please a man. Just be who you are and own it. Sooner or later someone will come along who will take you for what you are. Don’t ever lose any sleep over him either because I’m willing to bet he isn’t losing any over you. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

As always my dears stay safe and don’t stress over things you can’t change.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxoxo

Natural Comfort

I was cuddled up in my bed last night thinking about people who we’re naturally comfortable with. The sort of person you never feel awkward around and where everything just feels like second nature and comes so easily.

A lot of the time (at least for me) being comfortable around someone isn’t effortless. It’s very much a learnt behaviour. It takes me a while to warm up to a person and even more time for me to feel comfortable with them touching me. I’m not a touchy feely person by nature. I’ve had to learn to be ok friends touching and cuddling me it certainly, at least at first, didn’t come as second nature to me.

I can only think of two people that I’m truly naturally comfortable with. That’s not to say there has never been any awkward moments between us but on the whole I’m totally comfortable around them.

Chicken man is one of the two. Minus when he first gave me his number there has never been an awkward moment between us. First kiss, first time we slept together it was all so natural. I never even had that “what the hell is he doing moment”. It was just right and second nature

The other one will remain nameless and minus our one and only date I always feel comfortable around him. It’s kind of strange because I’ve only actually met him in person a half a dozen times. But for whatever reason I’m totally comfortable around him. Plus he never fails to make me smile, which helps the comfort level.

It’s nice to have people like that in your life, where you don’t have to work at things. It just comes natural; it’s just so much better and feels almost right.

Anyways my lovelies, I’m heading to bed. Stay safe.

Love

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxoxo

Keep Off

This may sound weird coming from someone who blogs about every detail of her life but I’m going to say it anyways......... Keep your shit off Facebook!

There are so many reasons why you shouldn’t write your personal business on Facebook, I can’t even think of a good reason to do it, so stop!

First of all you’re making things worse. The second you post your problem with someone else on Facebook you’ve gone from it being between you and the person, to it being the business of everyone on your friends list. It may as well have been on the evening news; it’s in their news feed after all.

So now you have people, possibly perfect strangers add fuel to the flame. Everyone has their 2 cents on the matter. Everyone has advice to give and opinions. And don’t forget the other person is reading this, watching you spread gossip and bad mouthing them so instead of calming down they’re getting angrier.

Because they’re getting angrier they post a status too, so now you have their friends getting involved. Your joint friends end up taking sides. This upsets you both more. Sooner or later you start commenting on each other’s statuses. And the whole thing goes from something small to the worlds ending.

Not sounding like such a good idea now is it?

Might I add just because some of your friends aren’t commenting doesn’t mean they’re not reading what’s going on. And I’m willing to bet most of them are probably thinking you sound like a whiny small child.

Then you have the problem when you two make up that you’re left looking like an idiot to everyone on Facebook. You can’t get around that fact, once it’s all said and done, you’re left with 100’s of Facebook friends who read what was happening, and now think you’re an idiot.

So if you don’t want to be labelled a whiney idiot think before you write a status and take my advice is to keep your shit off Facebook.

I love you guys, and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxoxo

Whack-A-Mole

The past month I’ve felt like I’m playing a massive game of “whack-a-mole”. Every time I turn around I’m bumping to another guy I refused to sleep a million years ago. It’s like they all got together and decided they would all pop up at me over the course of 4 weeks.

Just so you don’t think I’m being over dramatic, I swear to god this is an honest list of guys that have contracted me in the past month. Paul, Jason, Sukhi, Shane, Daniel B, Danny, Peter, Daren, Daniel S, Andy, Clint, Mr. X and the unknown texter (whom I thought I had blocked on my phone).

Out of that whole list of ghosts of men past I am only happy about one of them getting in contract with me. He’s the only one on that list that can make me laugh and always makes me smile when his name pops up. I’ll let you guys work who I’m talking about.

As for the rest of them, why the hell do they popup from nowhere? I’ve just proven that the odds are against anyone being happy to see them. What’s their motivation? It really does feel like a game of Whack-a-Mole, they popup, I hit them with bitchiness then they crawl back into the hole came out of. And with a bit of luck most of them well stay there this time.

I’m a lovely person but there is only so many “men moles” a woman can take before she has to throw all niceties out the window.

Anyways my dears I off for the night, so always stay safe.

Love

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

Girls Night Out

On the last Saturday of every month me and a few girlfriends and our gay side kick get together and drink way too much. A lot of the time we just stay in and watch a film, screw around online and bitch. But this month we decided to go to bingo.

I had free tickets because of my birthday so we decided to go and try and get rich and drink cheap booze. I swear the booze is so cheap so you can’t play your cards right.

When we got there the guy that took our cards recognised me. It wasn’t till I looked at his name badge I worked out who he was. His name was Ross he’s someone I went to college with. He was a second year when I was a first.

The second we found a table the talk turned to whether or not I slept with him. I don’t think I did, I’m actually sure I didn’t. Some of them remember him flirting with me at college and bumping into him at town a few times but minus a little texting nothing happened.

He was actually calling the books and I blame him for us not winning. He came up and chatted to me for a while. Turns out he has a kid and asked if I had a family yet. My brain wasn’t a fan of that question. I just turned 24. Call me old fashion but I want a ring on my finger before I even think about having kids. Hell I want the ring before I think about having pets with anyone.

You can say a lot of things about me but I have my head on straight, unlike some of the people I know.

Anyways my dears I have things I need to do. As always stay safe.

Love

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxoxo

Moonlighters

A moonlighter is someone who only sends messages in moonlight, for whatever reason they only send and reply to messages under the cover of darkness. Moonlighters are not to be confused with “lights out texters” who are generally motivated by their nether regions. Moonlighters aren’t always nether regions driven.

Moonlighters messages can be about anything and yes sometimes they can turn a little spicy but the difference between a moonlighter and a lights out texter is a lights out texter will message whenever horny comes a knocking and a moonlighter will only message when it’s dark out.

It kind of begs the questions why only in the moonlight? There are different theories out there. Some are quite basic like they’re in a relationship or they’re married. Some have suggested they’re murders or crooks. I’ve even hear stories about these people being under a witch’s cure. However my favourite theory is it’s a werewolf type syndrome and the moonlight sends their thumbs into over drive.

I don’t really trust moonlighters, there is just something creepy about them. They popup out of nowhere, send you messages while your asleep and then when you reply in the morning, they’re gone. They’re like living ghosts who leave a text message footprint.

I remember stories from my childhood about things that go bump in the night and they rarely turned out to be friendly; the only difference is instead of going bump moonlighters go beep.

Be careful guys, and stay safe.

The Honest Bitch

Happy Birthday To Me

Hey Guys,

I just wanted to thank you all for the birthday wishes. I managed to have a great birthday this year, partly because I was wasted for a larger part of the day. I wasn’t up 15 minutes before that first cocktail past my lips. I’m not a massive drinker but some days you just need alcohol.

My day started well; before I got out of bed I snuggled up and watched my friend’s latest video. That got me laughing; it’s never a bad day when you start laughing before you get out of bed.

When I did get out of bed I head for the kitchen and made myself a lovely cocktail. I then started on the mountain of text messages and Facebook messages. I definitely felt loved and special, there were quite a few messages for me to reply too. I also got a few text messages from Canadian friends and family, Facebook messages are fine but these people went out of their way to message me. It’s a lovely feeling to know they haven’t forgotten me.

Gift wise I got what I asked for which was a book. Not sure how I got it because it’s not out here yet but the mailman must love me. I got a lovely laptop tray. I’m totally in love with it. It’s a great set up for my late night blogging. My mother took my shopping the following day to get a cute skirt I wanted. (And yes, I do wear skirts from time to time, when in the sun or when planning on getting laid outdoors)

I had lovely birthday even if I did have a little bit too much to drink. I managed to keep myself out of trouble. The best part being I woke up the following day with no hangover. Although it is possible I was still wee bit drunk. My old friend Tequila does like to hang around a bit.

Thank you guys for a great birthday and as always stay safe.

Love you

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxoxo

Breaking with Birthday Tradition

I’ve always blamed my bad birthdays since I’ve moved to England on me being homesick. I’m away from my best friends and family it’s not the makings of a good day. But after a little chat NTB I’ve realised there’s been another reason why my last 3 birthdays have been below par.

I’ve been broken up with days before my birthday 3 years in a row. Clearly they weren’t that important to me if I’m only just realising that. In all honesty there are just other events that standout more to me.

Last year (2010) was when Mr. X and I started talking again. Which over shadowed my breakup with Stephen (my rebound to Mr. X) and my breakup with Andy who by the way was a cheating scum bag. Before you ask yes I did overlap relationships if you can call a rebound boyfriend a “relationship”.

2009 was the breakup with Steve. That breakup was overshadowed by the sinus infection from hell.

2008 which was my 21st birthday was all about me knocking out my ex boyfriend Keith whom broke up with me days earlier. He deserved to get his ass kicked and I’m pleased I did the world that service.

This year is the end of that tradition. I’m heading into my birthday 100% single and more importantly I’m not interested in anyone so this birthday should be drama free.

My plan for my birthday this year is to get very drunk and with a little bit of luck I won’t remember it so I won’t know if it’s another shitty birthday or not. Smart thinking eh? I think I should start writing apology notes now. Lucky for everyone I’m a fun drunk, random but fun.

Anyways my dears it’s not my birthday yet so I have things I need to get done. As always stay safe and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

Love Always

The Honest Bitch

Xoxoxoxoxo