Feeling Single

I’ve been single for just over a month now and until recently I hadn’t really noticed. I know that sounds crazy, but given mine and Barney’s relationship it’s understandable. I didn’t see the man very often and towards the end of our relationship, our conversations weren’t very boyfriend/girlfriend like. Breaking up wasn’t any great loss…hell it wasn’t even a moderate loss.

That said, the other day for the first time in a very long time I truly felt single. What was the catalyst for this feeling you ask? 

This

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       Well, in actual fact, this.  

                      ----------------->

Leave it to Ikea to make a girl feel all alone. I’m not an overly girly girl and going into the whole flat pack thing I felt confident. Then I opened the box and quickly realised why women get married.

Now don’t get me wrong this girl is no quitter and I did get it built, it may have taken 12 hours but I got it done. But even afterwards that all alone feeling lingered. There was nobody there to share in my flat pack triumph.

It was weird, I’m not someone to worry about my relationship status. I couldn’t care less whether I’m single or in a relationship. As long as I’m happy within myself anything else is a bonus.  

The way I see it is I spend all day around men and if I’m going to put up with one without being paid he better be something special. I get my fill of jerks and fuck-wits at work. Admittedly, I do get some sweethearts and real gems at work too, but for the most part…..I spend 90% of my night wondering how on earth most of these men are married and whether their women are being held captive King Kong style.

I really should be thankful that some of them are so repulsive, it was the thing that managed to pull me out of my “being single” funk. It’s hard to long after something when you’re wondering if soap and water are just a little too complicated for their species.

I have to admit there are a few men there that make being in a relationship seem tempting. I work with some absolutely lovely guys that would do anything for me and that often prove that not all men are bad. However, all that loveliness is quickly balanced out by a grown men having a temper-tantrums……the joys of the transport industry, eh?

Anyways, my dears, I am off to that lovely place I call bed to dream about doing very unladylike things to my Supervisor….what? Just because I’m content being single doesn’t mean this girl doesn’t have needs. Anyways, before I go I shall leave you with this question; what snaps you out of your “being single sucks” moods? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Unavailable Men

So it’s been nearly 2 months since I last posted and the good night text message battle rages on. Lucky for him I’m pretty laid back because I’m pretty sure any other woman at this point would have kicked his ass. Hell, if this was any other guy I’m pretty sure I would have kicked his ass by now. But for whatever reason he seems to have a weird effect on me.

I may not be winning the good night battle, but we are talking a lot more throughout the day so it's making the good night battle seem less important, but he still isn’t messaging at all during the weekends and that's grating on me a little. It’s my birthday Saturday and I’m willing to bet I don’t hear from him at all. But if I want to see what’s there I guess that’s something I’m just going to have to deal with.

In other news Mr. X messaged me yesterday….yeah, I didn’t see that coming. It appears he’s been reading my blog and a few questions and a statement for me. His opener was “surely I don’t have a hold over you now?” Nothing like a simple opener eh? He followed that gem up with “I do regret that we never saw things through, you know? I wasn't fair on you with that and I apologise”. I hate to admit this but I shed a tear when I read that. Don’t get wrong, I’ve gotten over all this and have moved on but looking back at it all….it still hurts.

Mr. X and I have a strange relationship, there is a reason things went on as long as they did, we have spark and not just sexually.  We’re able to be very straight spoken and honest with each other even now so when he says “if I was ever alone with you again, I'd jump you” it’s not in itself shocking but its definitely unexpected coming from a now married man.  

Speaking of married men that evening I also got a message from one of my old drivers asking me out…..small problem he’s married. Larger problem for him I’m not interested.

I already have my own unavailable guy (admittedly at least these ones text, but still) and if I wanted one that wasn’t single well, I’d finish what I started with my supervisor…..who I may or may not have made cum on our boss’s desk, but that’s a blog for another day and also pre-Barney so no angry emails please.

I guess that brings me to the question of the blog; what makes married men hit on single ladies? And when was the last time one hit on you? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Barney

As promised in my last blog, here are all the Barney details.

Barney is a 36 year old, truck driver who I met at work. Facebook kind of had a helping hand in it too. When I started at my new job his named popped up saying I might know him because we had 8 friends in common. When I looked I noticed they were all drivers from my last job so the next time Barney came into work I asked him about and I found out he use to work there, so that instantly got us talking.

I wasn't interested in dating him off the bat, he has a lot deal breakers working against him. He has kids, and we all know I don't date men who have proven their sperm works. He's been nearly married at least 4 times, although I joke with him that that number is in 100's. He smokes.... He just isn't someone I date.

Plus, we were working together and I can't date someone I work with. There's no rule about it, but working in the field I do, I can't afford to get a reputation. As I've witnessed guys talk more than girls do and working with 60 guys a night, it won't take 30 seconds for that gossip to spread.

But after Barney left I didn't see the harm in agreeing to go to dinner with him. He might not be someone I date, but we always had a laugh working together so I figured why not.

We went out a few weeks ago and I have to admit I had a blast. It was probably the best first date I've had. There was no awkwardness, everything was so easy and I don't think we stopped laughing all night. He was a perfect gentleman too. Well....almost.

Things did get a little heated during our good night kiss but due to circumstance out of our control we didn't take things to the bedroom. But I'll tell you something, it's been 3 weeks since our date and I'm still thinking about that first kiss.

So that's it for now I have some stuff I have to get on with. That brings me to the question of the blog, what was your best first date? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

Alleviating Guilt

Today was an interesting day; I finally found some resolve on my feelings for CM. Up till now I’ve been kind of wishy washy on the issue. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve liked the guy and there’s been something there but it hasn’t been enough to alleviate my guilt.

Every time I’ve been with him I’ve been kind of uncomfortable and super aware that he isn’t......mine for lack of a better word. And because of that I’ve made a conscious effort to keep my feelings fairly neutral. Which in hindsight is probably why my guilt wasn’t alleviated.

Today was different, I went to see CM on his lunch break, and after talking for a while he kissed me and for the first time there was no moral dilemma in my head, it just felt right, that spark was there and it out weighed everything else.

It’s been an awesome feeling all day being able to answer those “feelings” questions within myself. However they bring their own set of problems...that at least for today, I’m not willing to think about.

I kind of want to live in LaLa land today and just focus on the positives, him being a total sweetheart, really funny and the way he makes me feel. I’ll deal with the other stuff....later.

Anyways my dears, I have to go and swear at the Leafs until they put some damn pucks on net. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

CM First Kiss

The same day I posted my last blog, CM made his move and kissed me and I’m sure you’re dying to know how it was but sadly I can’t tell you. Why you ask? Because the whole time he was kissing me why brain was too busy informing me there was another girl’s boyfriend on my lips.

I swear the little voice in my head was going “knock, knock......sorry to bother you miss but I wasn’t sure if you were aware that the man current attached to your lips should be attached to someone else’s”.......and yes I am aware that sentence makes me crazy but that’s nothing new.

I was super nervous about the kiss; CM and I spend an impressive amount of time talking during the week and I was worried that it might change things. It turns out he was nervous too but for a different reason, he was worried it wouldn’t go well and he’d get “friend zoned”.

I can honestly say his “friend zone” fear is unfounded, I would not have sent him to the friend zone over a kiss.....well I lie but it would have had to be god awful for that to happen. The funny part is he thinks my fear is unfounded too because and I quote “that just wouldn’t happen”.

As for the kiss from CM’s point of view he seems to have enjoyed it, he’s eager to get his lips on me again, which can only be a positive thing, and apparently I have very soft lips which is only a borderline creepy thing to say. With a bit of luck the next time we kiss my brain will be more on my side and I can have my own borderline creepy thing to say or at the very least I’ll be able to tell you if it was any good or not.

So I guess that brings me to the question of the blog, have you ever been in a romantic situation and your brain refused to co-operate? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Crossing The Line

It’s no secret that when it comes to dating and relationship I’ve been known to make some.....questionable decisions. However despite many years of ill-fated decisions there are a few lines I’ve never crossed.

I’ve never dated a friend’s ex, I’ve never made a pass at married man and I’ve never gotten involved with someone who is already in a relationship.

There’s actually a running joke among my friends about the latter, because despite me being.....me. It’s my friend Courtney (a relationship good two-shoes) who is the homewrecker. In her defence she is now happily married to the man but it doesn’t change the fact she had to break up a home to get him.

For whatever reason this has always been a line I’ve not been willing to cross; in my head once a man is living with a woman he is as good as married and becomes an untouchable.

With that said over resent months I’ve found myself flirting dangerously close to this line and fear it’s only a matter of time before I completely cross it.....if I haven’t already.

And if that sounds ominous, it kind of is. Let me just say I’ve purposely not made any moves and have taken the back seat in all this because somehow in my head it makes it a little less bad.....but in all fairness...it doesn’t.

It all started with some harmless messages, then some harmless flirting, at which point he told me he liked me and I made my position clear. Then he gave me a cuddle and as ridiculous as it may sound, my will to resist him severely depleted.

You’ve heard of pussy whipped, it’s quite possible I’m cuddle whipped. What I can I say the man give the best hugs on the planet, when his arms are around me it feels like a meteor could fall from the sky and I’d be safe. (That might be the lamest thing I’ve ever said.)  

After the cuddles weakened my defense we started flirting more and more; once again with him taking the lead because someone that makes it better. Then one night some flirty messages turned a little (ok a lot) risqué and a line might have been crossed. (Yeah, I know I’m a bad person.)

Saying that in theory we’ve done nothing wrong, reality might be a different matter but in theory we’re golden. The most we’ve done in person is cuddle and that’s not a crime, it’s socially acceptable for two friends to cuddle. So by all rights I shouldn’t feel guilty............Right?

But I do, I really do, especially because I know damn well the next time I see him that “in theory” is going out the window because he’s going try to kiss me and I’m going to let him. I shouldn’t, I know shouldn’t but I going to. I know all of this is a horrible idea but what if it isn’t?

Let me know what you guys think in the comment box below and as always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

Merlin and Sperm

Never let it be said I’m a cold hearted bitch, because I actually feel bad for referring to “The New Guy” (who I will now be calling Merlin) as “emotionally detached”. That was a poorly thought out turn of phrase.

Merlin is not emotionally detached, he is a little tightly wound and possibly has a stick up his ass but emotionally detached was an unfair comment. However I am still unsure if he actually posses a sense of humour or not. I’m leaning towards not.

None of this actually matters because William was withholding crucial information about Merlin from me. The first thing he failed to tell me is there is already a woman laying claim to Merlin's penis. And the second and fatal blow that William neglected to inform me of is Merlin has an Arthur. Or in terms anybody who isn’t inside my head would understand he has a child!

I do not date men who have proven there sperm to be functional. It’s part of my safe sex plan. Birth control, condoms and a reasonable chance the man I’m with is shooting blanks! Call me crazy, but it’s worked for me so far.

However William seems to think by ruling out all men who are responsible for successful ovum landings I am cutting off my nose to spite my face. So I have to ask; would you date someone who has a child? And do you think I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below and as always stay and play (especially play) safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Fatal Attraction Flaw

I just got home from another night shift and instead of doing the smart thing and getting some sleep I’m lying here analyzing my thoughts.

I’m not sure if I told you about Kate, but she a woman from work that is on a mission to find me a guy. And despite there being some not horrible options around I find myself wanting the one guy who has “THIS IS GOING TO END BADLY” written all over him.

He kind of reminds me of The Grinch and we all know how that story ended. That should really be the only warning sign I need but my brain is apparently immune to logic.

So instead of doing the logical thing it wants to separate a man, who is emotionally detached, possibly missing his sense of humour and has said maybe 10 words to me in the 2 weeks I’ve been there, from his clothing.

And now instead of sleeping I’m laying here trying to work out what my brain’s motives are. I mean he’s cute but he isn’t the cutest and he doesn’t tick the makes me laugh box, he isn’t “datable” .......and literally as I typed that it hit me....“Mr. X syndrome”.

Any girl will tell you there is something hot about a guy playing hard to get. There is something about the chase and the progress and then the reward that is just alluring. But like a lot of people, I have a long history of getting bored with the reward once I catch it. So by picking an unattainable guy like this new one or previously Mr. X I can’t get bored because I can’t catch it. It’s like I’m playing a game that is rigged against myself; and yes I’m aware how fucked up that is.

I was going to end this post by saying something about love being blind and lust being logic-less but it appears that there actually is some logic, it just happens to be twisted logic.

And before you ask I’m not actually sure what makes the new guy unattainable; it’s just the vibe I’m getting. I guess that can be the question of the blog what makes a person unattainable and have you ever caught the unattainable? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

Soft Spoken

“You’re spoken, not that that’s a bad thing but you are” – William         

 “I think you scare him”. –William

Forgetting for a second that I am not “soft spoken” when the hell has a soft spoken person scared anyone, ever, in all of history?

The guy in question can be scared of me, I don’t care; most men are. I’m a blogger and that’s not a selling point. It’s like trying to sell a house next to an airport. I understand that, well I don’t, but accept it. It takes a certain kind of person to deal with it. 

But the guy in question doesn’t know that about me. And since 3 different people at work have called me “soft spoken”, which is 50% of the people I can actually name, how do I scare anybody? Especially someone I’ve never had a proper conversation with?

Maybe he’s a mind reader......we all know my mind is a scary place. Scary but awesome I might add.

I don’t really care; I was just bemused by the fact a soft spoken person could be scary. So you tell me, can a soft-spoken person be scary? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Reasons to Kick Men in Their Junk

I was in bed the other night, struggling to keep my eyes open when my phone started ringing; that’s never a good sign, I am a text person. I looked at the phone and saw Hope’s name, then notice it was only 11 o’clock; I knew she had a date with her......I’m going to call him her boyfriend because it’s easier than trying to explain their actual relationship, so I was little worried why she was calling.

When I picked up all I could hear is her crying, knowing I had no hope of understanding a word of it over the phone I asked her if she was home, I assumed she said yes  (I really couldn’t understand a word she was saying) so I told her I’d be right over. Luckily she lives pretty close so I put on my dressing grown and pink fluffy slipper boots and walked around.

When I got there she was face down on the coach still crying, I sat on the edge of the couch and she didn’t react to me being there. I’ve said this many times but this is my friendship specialty so I know from experience that's a bad sign, normally people sit up, hug you and make your shoulder all wet. Luckily I have a trick to fix this, so I walked into her kitchen and took a bottle of wine (if you can call Lambrini wine) out of the fridge, sat down on the floor next to the couch, opened the bottle and offered it to her (this isn’t the time for glasses). She sat up and took the bottle from me.

After most of the bottle was gone, and most the tears stopped I asked her what happened.  She down the rest of the bottle, got up and got another one, came back and told me the story. Her and Platypus (he’s Australian and a mammal so why not) had gone out and after dinner they went for a drive, they parked somewhere quiet and one thing led to another and they didn’t have sex but a.....hmmm...how to put it....hmmmm......a DNA handshake happened.

When all that was finished they were talking and he casually mentioned he was tired because the night before he had a date and that women didn’t leave his place until he left to pick up Hope. I’m not sure how but Hope kept her cool and told Platypus to drive her home. Once she got in she lost it and called me.

I then took the wine from her and had some myself, because sober isn’t the answer to that problem. We processed to get trashed and talk shit about Platypus. I then asked her how she managed not to kick him in the balls, after hearing that.  She said she was raised that there is never a valid reason to kick a man in his privates. I looked her in the eyes and said “honey, that's bullshit. And a guy being a dick to you while there are still remnants of his cum on your person is just ONE of the many valid reasons to kick a guy in his junk”.  We then continued to drink and crack jokes at Platypus’s expense until the wee hours of the morning, when she fell asleep and I walked home getting many strange looks for people walking their dogs.

So I have to ask; what other valid reasons can you think of to kick a man in his junk? Let me hear them in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Guest Post Dilemma

I’ve been working on a guest post (that I may never finish at this rate) for  thesexysinglemommy.net about how we all bitch and moan about wanting to find the elusive triple threat guy; a guy that’s not only nice and sweet but funny too, yet when we were in school we all over looked these sweet, funny guys in favor of guys, who in hindsight, were total douche bags.

Because I’m not a total hypocrite and like to heed some of my own advice, I messaged the guy who in my mind is the quintessential nice, sweet, funny guy that got over looked in school.

Besides the fact it took him a week to reply to me (which isn’t cool and almost caused a blog about us turning those nice guys into douche bags) it went ok. It was nice to catch up with him and there may have been a little harmless flirting going on. But after a couple of days messaging back and forth he vanished without a trace, and after two unanswered messages (which contained questions) and 8 days, I am declaring him officially dead.

Which leaves me with the problem of how to finish my guest post; did we turn all the nice guys into assholes? Maybe I just broke this one or maybe they just seemed so nice in school because the guys we were chasing were such fuckwits in comparison.

What do you guys think? I want to hear your opinions on this, leave your comment in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Men Are Like Cabs

The older I get and the more I date the more I think Miranda (or the writer who wrote it) from Sex and The City is right

“Men are like cabs, when their available their light goes on. They awake one day and decide their ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. Next woman they pickup, boom, that' the one they'll marry. It's not fate, its dumb luck.” – Miranda

There are millions of websites out there that claim to know all the secrets to landing the perfect man and claim if you follow their easy steps you’ll find your soul mate in no time at all. Millions of websites telling women exactly what they want to heard instead of the truth.

The truth being: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE PERFECT GUY!

I am sorry Disney lied to you but the truth is it all boils down to timing and dumb luck!

I’ve dated a lot of guys who were nowhere near ready to settle down yet boom the next women they dated they married. Why? Because they went to bed one night and woke up the next morning with their light on.

It’s not that they were soul mates or because he wanted to change for her, or because she tamed him, it’s dumb luck. And in my case lucky luck because I know what I’ve dated and thank god that light wasn’t on (I must start making better choices).

So what do you guys think is there such a thing as soul mates or is it timing and dumb luck, (or in some cases an unplanned pregnancy) let me know what you think in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

2nd Enigma

Why do women get mad when men don’t notice they’ve had their hair done? 

Thoughts:  Women take great pride in their appearance. You only have to look at the effort they make in
comparison to men. As if to prove the point, every item of clothing I am wearing as I type this was the thing that was on top in each respective drawer. Between that, deodorant, aftershave and a touch of gel, I, like most men, have made an effort about as sophisticated as a crayon. Whereas a women does her hair, puts on various kinds of make up, tights over shaved legs and then walk on shoes with stilts attached at the back. It is a daily masterpiece that shouldn't look out of place on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel!

This is why I think a woman gets angry when we don't notice that she has had her hair done. It is her art, her work, her passion and we have been apathetic about it. It is like seeing the Mona Lisa and then sneezing on it. While Da Vinci was there. And he had just finished it. It is a royal kick in the teeth.

You see, women look good for three people. Other women, because it is a competition, sometimes friendly, sometimes vicious. They will notice that a woman has had her hair done because they know it is important. Then there is themselves. A woman takes pride in her appearance, something that men increasingly embrace but irritatingly to excessive levels. And indeed, men are the third group. Yet this shift from obsession with sports and beer to hair products and clothing labels hasn't taught us men an appreciation for the vanity game.

Women seem to think we should be more aesthetically savvy but we're not. That is why they get irritated more and more. They think we should know by now. That we should appreciate their effort to impress. So why do they get angry? Because they have forgotten that men are not that fussed about a woman's hair. After all, the question "Are you shaved?" isn't asked because every man is after Sinead O'Connor. You get me? (By Joel Sparks) 

Reality: There are a few reason why we get mad when you don’t notice we’ve had our hair done. The first being we assume you haven’t notice because you’re not paying attention to us. In our minds it’s hard to understand how it’s possible not to notice our hair is a different colour or that it’s 6 inches shorter. I mean if something was 6 inches shorter on your body I think we’d notice.

The second reason we get mad is because we partly do it for you! We don’t roll out of bed looking this way. It takes time and effort.  And when you don’t notice it feels like that time and effort was wasted. I swear the reason women post so many self pics to Facebook is because they spent 4 hours getting ready (hair, makeup, waxing, creams, sprays, lotions) and their other half barely looked up from the TV, so they settle for thumbs ups and comments from jealous women and horny men.

The third and final reason we get mad is, it’s not cheap. The average cost of a women’s hair cut is $45 and for some reason there is no exchange rate because in the UK the average price is £45. And that’s just to get it cut, if you want it coloured you’re talking a 100+. How would you like to spend over $100 on something that's attached to you and have nobody notice? That’s not a great feeling.  (By The Honest Bitch)

Enigma?: Apparently not, men seem to understand women on this one. Don’t get me wrong, they’re not about to change but at least they seem to understand what the fuss is about. Which I have to admit, I didn't think they would

So once again no enigma here, men do understand why women get angry when they fail to notice their hair. 

(I’m sorry for the delay in posting this installment of The Enigma Project, hit the link to check out the project so far. Also be sure to check out my writing partner’s (Joel Sparks) blog. Keep those questions coming in and thanks for reading)

50/50

I’ve come to the conclusion men are illogical, because the qualities about me you’d think would be a big plus to men; apparently scares them.

I wouldn’t class myself as a tom-boy. I like a lot of girly things like the colour pink, chick flicks and I love my cocktails. I also wouldn’t class myself as a girly girl either because I hate shopping, I don’t do high heels and I haven’t worn a dress in.....all the time I’ve been in the UK come to think of it.

I’m what I’d class as 50/50. Growing up all my mom’s friends had boys so I’d watch wrestling, play video games and roughhouse with them. At home it was just me and my mom so we’d watch figure skating, gymnastic, do arts and crafts and I’d play Barbie’s. It’s what I’d call a well rounded childhood, and that balance continued into my adult life. 

I’m a huge hockey fan, I love to watch pretty much any violent sport you can think of, I can lose days playing video games but on the flip-side of that I love to watch gymnastics and figure skating, I enjoy going to the theatre and I can’t get enough trash TV. You’d think the last part would be the deal breaker but apparently not.

Apparently it’s “scary” when a girl can kick ass at COD, or can spend an evening drinking a beer watching and talking UFC with her friends. I always thought shared interests were suppose to be a plus not a negative.

I know when Chicken Man use to talk art or theatre with me it was awesome not scary. He was ridiculously knowledgeable, he put my knowledge to shame and I didn’t find that at all intimidating. So why on earth do men find my sports stat knowledge and video game playing ability scary?

I’m struggling to find the logic in the male mind. When a guy says a girl is “hot and knows her shit” and follows it up with “and that’s why I could never date her.” My head can’t compute that level of crazy.

Here’s what my friend Paul said when he tried to explain it to me; “No guy likes to lose a “who has the biggest cock contest” to a girl. You and your scary guy knowledge beats them hands down making them feel like they have a toddler’s ding-a-ling”. To that I say WTF????

Maybe this why some women choice to play dumb; it’s easier to stroke a man’s ego and have him explain things you already know, followed by the mandatory “oh, you’re so smart” then to sit there and debate whether or not that was goalie inference or not.

What do you guys think? And because that was vague should women play dumb in certain areas? Let me know what you think in the comment box below and as always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

1-800 DICK WAD

Does horniness affect the male IQ or are men just born idiots?

Last night I received a text message from a guy I “dated” (and I use that term very loosely; we hung out a few times and slept together once) 4 years ago. The text read “miss you sexy x x x x” Now you don’t need to be a genius to know where he’s going with that message. So I replied back with “Really???” anybody who knows me can feel the sarcasm dripping off that message, but apparently he didn’t feel it because his reply was “mmmm so much x x”.

At that point my ability to play nice broke and I snapped back with “DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING 1-800 NUMBER???? I’m not here to service you dick wad!” I really wish I had thought of something better then dick wad but sadly in the heat of the moment I didn’t. I then shot off a message saying “Since you seem to be having trouble understanding English tonight, let me make this easy for you. I wouldn’t fuck you for all the Mojitos in Cuba.” Now that’s saying something we all know how fond I am of a Mojito.

I just don’t understand why guys pull this shit, surely using their hand or investing in a fleshlight is a whole lot easier. So I guess that’s my question to you, why do guys waste their time trying to get laid when there is a quicker and easier solution to the problem? Let me know what you think in the comment box below. And as always stay and of course play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Chicken Missing

It’s been about a year since Chicken Man and I have been in the same country at the same time and I’m really missing him. I miss the easiness of our relationship, I miss that he could always make me feel better without even trying and I really miss well.....his penis, ok, I said it, I miss his penis. I swear to god that thing was built for me.

As fond as I am of his penis, it’s his ability to make me feel better I’m missing right now. I miss how when one of us was sick we’d spend all day in bed together watching films you couldn’t pay most men to watch. He loved theatre so we’d watch so The Phantom of the Opera, Cats, or Les Miserables. Like I said, stuff you couldn’t pay most guys to wouldn’t watch.

It always makes me laugh that when people see Chicken Man they think he’s some tough guy, with his knuckles tattooed and all that (which for the record isn’t my type at all) but in reality he’s just this funny, teddy bear who is extremely well traveled and versed in the arts. Saying that I wouldn’t want to cross him, I remember his reaction when it came to light The Grinch cheated on me, that guy is so lucky I beat him up.

 It’s a running joke with my friends that leave it to me to date a “bad boy” (air quotes are needed) that is so well traveled and versed in the arts. Most are into drugs or drinking mines into musical theatre, I never do anything the normal way J

Thank you guys for listening to rumblings I actually feel a lot better now, so what are your “bad boy” or “bad girl” (I’m sure I have some male readers) dating experiences? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo