What Women Want

There’s one question I get asked time and time again, be it through email, twitter or even in person and that question is “what do women want?” And truth be told we don’t really know what we want a lot of time. And when we do know, it changes based on our mood, hormone levels and who’s asking.

It really isn't a straight forward type question, but there are few things I can tell you that will help you stay in our good books while we’re busy deciding what it is we want.

Remember Random Milestones- It’s a good rule of the thumb to know our birthday and anniversary but trying remembering some of the small things too like our first kiss or the first time we said I love you. As stupid as it sounds women just melt over that stuff.

Return Our Messages- Women gauge how into us you are by your replies or lack thereof. Once again we know it’s crazy but that’s how the female brain works, so reply to us and “k” or “ok” doesn’t count.

Women Love Intelligent Men- And your world of knowledge about sports doesn’t count. We like to have meaningful conversations and decisions. If you can’t hold your own in a conversation you’re screwed and not in the fun way.

Be Honest- If you lie to us we will find out and make your life a living hell, we specialize in that shit. So save yourself a few headaches and just be honest with us.

Have a Sense Of Humor- A great sense of humour is important to all women, you can win a girl over by making her laugh and you can lose one by failure to do so.

Listen To Her- This one is really important. Actually listen to her don’t just pretend actually do it. You don’t have to offer advice or try and fix everything just listen.

Be Generous- Gifts are never frowned upon, it doesn’t have to be big just thoughtful, pick some flowers, teddy bear, surprise her with dinner or dancing. Put some effort in and don’t be tight wad, tight wads never get laid.

Keep Promises- No matter what happens, keep your promises, if there is a chance you may not be able to come through with something don’t promise us. You’re only as good as your word.

Kiss Her for No Reason- Before/during/after sex doesn’t count. Kiss her when you come in a room, kiss her while she’s cooking dinner. Kiss her when you’re not trying to get laid!

Hold Her Hand – There is something very sweet about walking hand in hand with someone you love or just holding hands under the table while you’re out to dinner with friends. It goes a long way to show how you feel.

Take up an Activity with her- .......Outside of the bedroom. Bowling, tennis, antiquing, anything the two of you can do together. And preferably something neither of you do already.

Be A Man- Do man things, change a tire, build something, do something that requires testosterone. There is nothing hotter than a man with a little dirty on his face, a little on sweaty side just grrrrr (said in the I’m going to rip your clothes off way not the I’m going to kill you way.)

Never Follow a Women- There is nothing less hot then a man following a woman. And more importantly a lot of women don’t want to lead. There is something very attractive about a man talking control.

Keep the Power- A lot of guy will give the power to the women in an attempt to gain approval. Stop it! Man the fuck up. Keep the power and use it. Power is sexy, remember that.

Don’t Need A Women- Staying on the power is sexy theme. Needy men, men who need relationships, men who lack a pair of balls are just sad. Most women will pity you not love you.

Protect Us – This doesn’t mean fight our fights or hit a guy in a bar, this mean make us feel safe. Put your arm around us when creeps are hitting on us, get up in the middle of the night when we hear a noise. Make us feel safe and protected.

Look After Us When We’re Sick – This one will get you massive bonus marks. There is nothing sweeter than a guy taking care of his sick girlfriend and NOT complaining about it. Making soup, just cuddling it means the world to us.

Time for the last and final rule that will help keep you in our good books.

Have Eyes For Only Her- Guys tend to suck at this final rule. I’ve been on dates where guys have gotten whip lash from how fast their head has spun following a girl with big fake boobs. Then they always complain about foot pain afterwards. It may have something to do with me stomping on it but I can’t be sure.

Just don’t do it! Have eyes for your girlfriend or date and her alone. Make her feel like she is the only girl who matters. If you can do that it’s a safe bet that you’ll be what she wants.

What do you guys think, do you agree with my list and is there anything I missed? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always stay and play safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo 

Too Much Truth

A few nights ago the girls and I got together for a gossip session and during our chat they decided it was time for me to start dating again and I actually agree with them for a change. I’ve been single for a record amount of time and I’m ready to start looking again.

However we didn’t agree on everything. We were split on whether or not I should tell prospective boyfriends I’m a blogger or not.

Obviously If I found myself in a serious relationship I would tell him. That’s not the question. Everyone I blog about regularly knows; Evil Monkey, NTB, Mr. X they all know and even read my blog.

The question is at what point do I have to tell them?

If I wait too long to tell someone it sets a bad tone for the relationship. It comes off like I wasn’t being forthcoming. To combat that problem some of the girl suggested I tell the guy from the start I’m a blogger but don’t give him my URL. I’m not really sure that makes it any better. That’s still not being very forthcoming.

One of the girls said it’s best not to say anything at all. And I see where she’s coming from but if a guy comes across it on his own, things are going to get messy fast. So I’m not sure how smart that idea is.

The rest of the girls said I should just tell any guy I meet straight up from the start. That has one big flaw in my book. Can you really get to know someone if they’re always in the back of their mind, wondering what you’re going to write about them? I honestly don’t know if that’s possible.

People worry about their image and if they know you’re likely to post something, good or bad, be it now or 5 years down the line, they may not be so willing to let their walls down and show the real them.

Because I write a mix of current life and past relationships it’s hard for anyone to know what may find its way into my blog and when. I use this method because I like to leave a gap between a breakup and me insulting them. I find the longer I wait the less they care what I write. But I could see that being a problem for a new boyfriend. Nobody likes hearing about their girlfriend’s exes and then you have the problem that if I don’t write about him, he's wondering if he’s not special enough to be written about.

It’s a strange position to be in and the whole thing hurts my head. So what do you guys think? Should I tell a prospective boyfriend I’m blogger and if so when? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always my dears stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Dating Rules

After a few drinks the girls and I (and our phones) got chatting about dating rules. I’m not sure if it was the tequila or the rules but 99.9% of them made no sense at all. And the idea that there are women out there actually following these rules is just absurd. So absurd it calls for a blog.

Here are some of the gems we found.

Never divulge unnecessary information: - This rule is very true if you are being questioned by the police, however in the dating world it’s stupid. What are you going to do stick to yes or no answers all night? If you did that you’d never get a second date. A better rule would be, be smart about what you reveal and when. Not you have the right to remain silent. That’s just stupid.

If he doesn’t send flowers after a date dump him: - If a guy sent me flowers after the first date I’d be worried they were laced with chloroform. If the guy paid for the date (which he better have) there is no reason for him to send flower it’s 2012 not 1912.

Don’t have sex with a guy until he has fallen for you: - There are so many things wrong with this rule I don’t know where to begin. So I’ll just say this, don’t sleep with a guy until you feel ready that’s the only rule you need on that matter.

Wait at least 3 days before replying to him: - I don’t know one guy wroth dating that would wait 3 days for a reply. If you keep a guy waiting that long don’t be surprised when he moves on.

If he doesn’t reply to you within 3 days move on: - Double standard much? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

Never reply to him on the weekends: - I know you can’t see me but I’m rolling my eyes at this one. The idea is this rule makes it look like you lead a busy life. Give me a break, as my dear friend NTB would say “DON’T PLAY GAMES!” If you play games like this don’t get all pissy when he plays games back.

After many hours and way too many cocktails the 5 of us (4 girls and our GBFF) managed to find a few dating rules we all agreed on. One thing is for sure you can be damn certain we didn’t find them on any Christian dating sites (“Don’t kiss him until there is a rock on your finger”, I’m still laughing at that one.).

These are the rules we all agreed on

Trust your instincts: - If you think something isn't right odds are you're spot on.

Sometimes sex is just sex: - Don’t try to make it something more then what it is.

Being single isn’t the end of the world: - You’d never know it by the way some girls act.

Dating is meant to be fun: - Enjoy it don’t treat it like a job interview.

Drunk is not sexy: - This is true for both men and women. No your limits and stop drinking before you reach them.

Speak your mind; you won’t scare away Mr. Right: - I love this rule because I don’t think I could keep my mouth shut if I wanted to.

And last but not least

No man is perfect and neither are you

Those are the rules we could all agree on and hopefully they’re a little less crazy then some of the other ones out there. What do you guys think? Are there any we missed? And are there any other dating rules you find absolutely absurd? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Relationship Equality

I’m beginning to think when it comes to the term “relationship equality” men and women have two very different definitions. So different I’m not sure they’re even written in the same language.

When men hear the term relationship equality their brain jumps to physical things like not paying for their date.

When women hear the term relationship equality our brain jumps to emotional/mental things like having an equal say in what happens, where we go, how we get there.

They’re two very different things, and probably the reason why women and men don’t see eye to eye on the topic.

 A lot of men think women mistake equality for chivalry and women think men are idiots.

Take going out for dinner as an example.

Man’s view of equality: The bill comes he pays his half, you pay yours. Or he pays the whole thing and you two go to his afterwards for sex and that balances things out.

Women’s view equality: When making plans where to eat her and her boyfriend talk about where to eat and when together and come to an agreement.

The two sexes really aren’t on the same page.

A farther example of that is men think women see them paying the bill as chivalry. They’re idiots. We see you paying as compensation for the time and money we spent getting ready for the date. Do men think we roll out of bed with a full face of makeup and our hair perfect?

If men think paying half the bill is equality in a relationship, how about we take equal time getting ready for a date too. See how long that lasts before they’re whining about areas needing shaving/waxing and us looking like we just rolled out of bed.

Relationship equality is a strange subject both sides are looking for two very different things out of that statement and neither side is completely wrong or right.

It’s all about give and take and I think on the whole relationships tend to balance out. Women have sex when we really don’t want to; men go to see the latest chick flick they don’t want to. Men want to get drunk and watch sports in peace, we want a nice meal. Everything equals out.

I think the term needs to be replace everything was fine before we started talking about “relationship equality”. It’s give and take and if you’re giving or taking too much it’s called YOU’RE NOT MEANT FOR EACH OTHER!

That’s my opinion let me know yours in the comment box below. As always my dear stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Facebook and Gossip Sites Makes Everything Better

Let me start by thanking everyone for all the lovely birthday wishes. Despite hitting my scary grown up age, I actually had a really nice relaxing stress free day. I think that’s down to me being well organized and having had my quarter-century crisis months ago. I’m never one to leave things to last minutes.

Plus two of the Teen Mom’s were in the news this week and no matter where I am in life it’s comforting to know I’m not that fucked that up. I read gossip sites for the same reason I follow old school friends on Facebook. It’s uplifting to know in the grand scheme of things I’m not nearly as messed up as some other people. I’ve made it to 25 without any baby daddies, no failed marriages and no criminal record, how many people can say that?

I’m by no means perfect just look at any of my past relationships. But at least my screw ups make people laugh and not feel sorry for me. Plus there are women twice my age who still don’t have their relationship act together.

Half my problem is given the choice between two things I tend to pick the one that will make the best story. Not very smart but a lot of fun.

 It’s kind of strange to think of grandparents today with their war stories by the time my generation is that age there will be next to no war stories but there will be a hell of a lot of sex stories. Poor grandchildren of the future, they’re all going to need therapists.

Anyways my dears I have stuff I need to get done. But before I go I have to ask what topics are you going to have a lot of stories about by the time you’re old and gray?

As always stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Birthday Island

I've always said the world would be a better place if all my ex boyfriends were shipped off to a small island, then I realised they already live on a small island the only problem is I’m stuck on it too.

It’s kind of strange to think that all my ex boyfriends exist in a space no larger than Lake Ontario. All those headaches, tears and stress all contained in such a relativity small space, it’s crazy.

And great motivation to get the hell off this island. I’ve been here a fairly long time but no matter how long I’m here it’s just not home. It’s true what they same home is where the heart is and my hearts never been here.

It’s my birthday tomorrow and this time of year is always a little hard on me. I want to spend the day with my family and friends I’ve had since kindergarten. But instead I’m spending it what feels like hostile territory.

Luckily over the years I’ve found a good way to deal with birthday homesickness. I spend the day in bed with a pitcher of cocktails watching all 3 mighty ducks movies. Sounds a little pathetic I know but I enjoy it. If I wasn’t a Leafs fan I’d top the day off with some playoff hockey but we all know that’s a pipe dream.

I’m stranded on an island full of my exes and my hockey team beyond sucks...... Guess we all know what I’ll be wishing for as I blow out my candles tomorrow.

So tell me what do you do when you’re home sick? And would the world really be a better place if all your exes were sent to a small island?

As always my dears stay safe and be sure to join me in a drink Thursday (Tequila and Mojitos preferably).

Love Always,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

The 90 Day Rule

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How To Move On

Recently I’ve had a lot of people messaging me asking how they can stop caring about someone. I’m not sure how qualified I am to give advice but I’ll give it a go.

Let me start by saying despite what people think I didn’t just flip a switch and was over Mr. X, I wish it was that easy. What happened is I took my heart and stubbornness out of the equation and thought about things logically.

You can’t argue with logic. Even if your heart or stubbornness is tell you otherwise once you have logic on your side those things quickly shut up and you realize you’d be a fool to do anything else but just walk away.

You’ve heard of the gray area well I call emotions the pink area and once I wrote everything out in black and white that pink area seemed to have the mental capability of a first grader. And I don’t know about you but I’m not in the habit of taking dating advice from a 6 year old.

Following a 6 year olds advice isn’t a good look for anyone and that sort of thing reflects poorly on you. Look at it like this, would you tolerate a boyfriend making you look bad? That’s what’s happening. The guy you’re chasing is making you look like a fool. He’s causing you to sell you’re short and that’s just not on. You’re above that.

And once I realised all that, I didn’t want Mr. X, I was fine. I was able to talk to him without feeling anything. It’s like my heart killed him off. As far as it was concerned he was dead, RIP. I can’t begin to tell you how amazing it feels to let go. He has no power over me anymore. I’m so much happier without the weight of his baggage holding me down.

Maybe that’s the best way to stop caring, pretend he’s dead. Look back at all the times he’s wronged you and realize he’s added a lot of pain to your life. Get mad about it and pick yourself up in the knowledge that you won’t let it happen again, you’re stronger now. Take the lessons and drop the baggage he caused. And move on with a smile on your face.

I know it’s not easy but once you do it you’ll feel so much better than you ever thought possible.

That’s my advice, or rant....Not sure which. What do you guys think, what advice would you give someone who is struggling to let go and move on?

As always stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

No Patience

It’s my birthday in a matter of weeks and at this point in my life I’m so over guys playing games. I really don’t have the patience for it anymore.

It’s actually reached the point where it’s a massive turn off. I’m a straight shooter who has no problem telling anyone what I think and having a guy around who is wishy-washy or hot and cold just isn’t a good fit. I like my men to men and there is nothing manly about a guy hemming and hawing, it actually kind of pathetic.

I also like the men in my life to think they wear the pants in the relationship. We all know that’ll never be the case but he has to think it. There’s something very sexy about a man who thinks he’s in control. (A man who’s actually in control infuriates me.)

Saying that, I want a man who can be manly and forceful without being a jerk, you know the type, a big scary grizzly bear but when he’s home cuddling he’s a teddy bear, kind of like most hockey players, just not Sidney Crosby that guys a pussy. A well paid, pretty pussy but a pussy nonetheless.

I just wish I could understand what causes men to be so indecisive when it comes to relationships. Men who are otherwise steadfast become complete morons when it comes to dealing with relationships or potential relationships.

It makes no sense and I really can’t be bothered to deal with this BS anymore. I need a guy with no baggage and no emotional issues or whatever else causes them to be relationship morons.

Anyway my dears I have things I need to get on with. Let me know what you think, what turns men into relationship morons?  Have a good evening and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Yep, It's My Fault

“The problem is you pick the wrong guys” – People who suck at breakup advice

With the exception of Mr. X my relationship problems have nothing to do with the men I pick. And has everything to do with the fact relationships turn otherwise nice guys into pricks.

I’m not the sort of person who goes out with a guy once and then he’s my boyfriend. I like to get to know my prospective boyfriends. I like to befriend them first, get to know them. See if they’re good boyfriend material or if they have more issues then playboy.

I’m selective with my boyfriends, I don’t go for “bad boys” or guys who are rude or disrespectful. That’s just a massive turn off to me. I like nice guys who are independent, who have the ability to make their own decisions and not follow the crowd. I like a guy who has his own beliefs and morals and stick to them. It’s not like I go for jerks and cheaters I put every effort in to screen them out.

I’m not a high maintenance girlfriend either so why men turn into assholes when they’re in a relationship is beyond me. My requests in a relationship are simple; I like a good night text and message if you’re running late. Clearly the makings of pushing a man over the edge.

It just infuriates me when people assume the girl is the problem, and it’s her fault things end poorly in a relationship.

Of course it’s my fault; I’m the one inserting his dick into other women. Yep it’s my fault I put his tongue in that girl mouth. Completely my fault I wrote the script he read when he lied to me. Give me a fucking break.

I know I’m not innocent and I’ve fucked up in the past and I own that. I’m by no means perfect. But neither are the guys I’ve dated and to pin their fuck ups on me is low and pathetic. Grow the hell up.

That’s my rant on the matter, what do you guys think. Is it the girls fault when a relationship doesn’t end well? As always dolls, stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Questionable Penis

There is something that has baffled women for years and I have to ask, why do guys take pictures of their junk and send it to us?

On behalf of women everywhere “STOP”! I don’t know what response you’re hoping for but I can guarantee you’re not getting it.

When we receive these unsolicited pictures our first response is to laugh, men look funny naked, it’s just a fact of life. While we’re laughing we’re also scanning the picture for information. This may sound strange but women are nosey and by scanning a picture of this type I managed to find out the guy I was chatting to was married. See, not so strange, it’s smart.

After all the laughing subsides, we begin to wonder why any guy in their right mind would want to show that off. Guys in these pictures always look so proud and after seeing more then my fair share I can safely say they shouldn’t be. I don’t believe there is such a thing as a well hung picture flasher.

Picture flasher is the technical name my friends and I have come up with for this phenomenon. Unlike their flasher cousins these men don’t wear trench coats they’re just armed with digital cameras.

I’m sorry to tell you this guys but on the whole women just aren’t turned on by seeing a dick. There is actually scientific research to back me up on that statement.

Men are mainly turned on visually; they can see something and thier little friend pops up to play.

Women on the other hand are more turned on by sound. We like to hear the interaction and hear that everything is being enjoyed. So because of that fact women are never going to ravage you just because you held your camera up to your junk.

The other thing you may not be aware of is women talk. We also share picture and when we share these pictures nice things are never spoken. I would say for every 1 picture you send 3 women and a guy see it.

If I had my way all the unsolicited pictures would be posted online with a picture of the guys face next to it. That way all women could see it and judge and or laugh for themselves.

Also by sending us these pictures you’re just setting yourself up for failure. If we decided to see your manhood in person, you know what we’re thinking. We’re thinking it’s a lot smaller than in the picture both in length and girth. Keeping in mind we probably didn’t think it was that big to begin with. That’s what you call double disappointment.

And double disappointment is the number one cause of faked orgasms.

Play safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Most Annoying Words In The English Language

Are there any more annoying words in the English language then “send me a pic”?

It’s like the modern day equitant of sharing a bed with a women and repeatedly poking her in the back while she’s trying to sleep.

Give it a fucking rest!

First of all, are men aware how whiny and needy they sound when they’re repeatedly asking? It’s like a small child throwing a temper tantrum in a grocery store because he can’t have any candy. Nobody wants to fuck a man-child.

If all you really wanted was a picture you wouldn’t have to ask, it’s called Facebook. Pretty much everyone on the planet has more than their fair share of pictures on there. But you don’t really want a picture do you? You want something to cum over but instead of being honest you take the slimy road. And then wonder why the girl is getting irritated with you.

Of course your cure to the irritation you caused is to butter us up with comments about how good we look or your “feeling” for us. You couldn’t be any more transparent. It’s pathetic.

What I don’t understand is, if your goal is to get laid how does pissing off women get you closer to that goal? It makes no sense to me.

The whole thing is just a blatant insult to our intelligence. Then men wonder why women think romance is dead. We think it’s dead because pretty much every nice thing that comes out of a man’s mouth seems to be followed by “send me pic.”

How would you like it if we related everything nice we said to a picture? Image this, you’re making out with a hot girl, it’s all going great then she says “oh you’re so hard”.....”But it looked a lot bigger in the pic.” Mood killer right? Cheapens the whole thing, and that’s what you do to us every, single time you ask.

There is a time and place for pictures and if you have to ask it’s not the right time and you don’t deserve one.

Play Safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo