Sunday, 10 June 2012

Too Much Truth

A few nights ago the girls and I got together for a gossip session and during our chat they decided it was time for me to start dating again and I actually agree with them for a change. I’ve been single for a record amount of time and I’m ready to start looking again.

However we didn’t agree on everything. We were split on whether or not I should tell prospective boyfriends I’m a blogger or not.

Obviously If I found myself in a serious relationship I would tell him. That’s not the question. Everyone I blog about regularly knows; Evil Monkey, NTB, Mr. X they all know and even read my blog.

The question is at what point do I have to tell them?

If I wait too long to tell someone it sets a bad tone for the relationship. It comes off like I wasn’t being forthcoming. To combat that problem some of the girl suggested I tell the guy from the start I’m a blogger but don’t give him my URL. I’m not really sure that makes it any better. That’s still not being very forthcoming.

One of the girls said it’s best not to say anything at all. And I see where she’s coming from but if a guy comes across it on his own, things are going to get messy fast. So I’m not sure how smart that idea is.

The rest of the girls said I should just tell any guy I meet straight up from the start. That has one big flaw in my book. Can you really get to know someone if they’re always in the back of their mind, wondering what you’re going to write about them? I honestly don’t know if that’s possible.

People worry about their image and if they know you’re likely to post something, good or bad, be it now or 5 years down the line, they may not be so willing to let their walls down and show the real them.

Because I write a mix of current life and past relationships it’s hard for anyone to know what may find its way into my blog and when. I use this method because I like to leave a gap between a breakup and me insulting them. I find the longer I wait the less they care what I write. But I could see that being a problem for a new boyfriend. Nobody likes hearing about their girlfriend’s exes and then you have the problem that if I don’t write about him, he's wondering if he’s not special enough to be written about.

It’s a strange position to be in and the whole thing hurts my head. So what do you guys think? Should I tell a prospective boyfriend I’m blogger and if so when? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always my dears stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

28 comments:

  1. K my boyfriend thinks that you don't need to tell a guy until you are exclusively dating

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is tricky. Due to the sensitive nature of your subject matter, my initial instinct would be to tell you to stay silent, but you may find that the guy may want to be 'the one' who challenges your perceptions and never becomes an ex, thus never becoming blog material.

    Of course, you may also get the vain type who would relish the opportunity of being the subject of a post or two and would then play up to this for the chance of being featured. Maybe look at big-name columnists who write about their personal lives: are their partners still with them?

    It is a minefield laced with arsenic and razor wire.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I say only divulge the info if it gets to become serious...some guys relish the opportunity to be a muse for their blogger girlfriend, but at the same time, you run the risk of talking about him too much or painting him in a light that he's not comfortable w/...I think by dating the guy though, you'll figure out what type he is and proceed accordingly

    ReplyDelete
  4. As long as you agree to give them a slick pseudonym in all blog posts, it is fine to tell them from the beginning.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Personally, I wouldn't want to blog if I knew the person I was dating was reading. It gives them an upper hand, knowing everything you're thinking, and you're always going to refrain from posting certain things if you know the person is reading.

    ReplyDelete
  6. If you, and the person you date, are worthy of having a healthy, honest relationship, your blog shouldn't pose much of any kind of serious issue. As for when you should tell a guy that you regularly tend to a blog? When you feel like it. If he asks what things you like to do or something similar, just name it in a list of other hobbies and focus however much attention you feel comfortable giving to him about it at the time. If you feel that he might resent you for anything you post about on a normal basis or that he might use it to take advantage of you, you probably shouldn't be dating him anyway.

    I don't blog, but as a musician I can relate in a way: both are usually only interesting if they are some sort of expression of who you are, because that is what any type of good art is, and if a person should choose to be a significant part of your life they would be wise to affect you positively. I would personally hate to know I was the inspiration behind someone's dark painting, or their victorious break up song or even their "look at how horrible my ex is" blog. Both good and bad relationships inspire great masterpieces in all types of art. Any person that likes you for who you are won't, and shouldn't, make you feel obligated to pull away from who you are or what you do, though you might find yourself willing to do so for them if they somehow needed it.

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