Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts

Sunday, 28 September 2014

The Departure Of Hank

So Hank has been returned to his natural habitat and I’m actually a little sad about it. I may have even shed a tear or two on the way home, which is completely ridiculous given the fact I didn’t even cry when the supervisor left. But for whatever reason I’m genuinely saddened by his departure.

Part of it is selfish, with him gone, my development fundamentally ceases and that’s horrifying to me. Part of the reason I love my job is the challenge and without the ability to grow to meet the challenges, what’s the point. I may as well just stay in bed.

The other part of it is I really like Hank, he is the grumpiest, sharped tongue asshole you’ll meet. But he’s genuine. Don’t get me wrong, he’s also sweet, super funny and a lot of fun to be around, but what I respect most is there’s nothing fake about him. He’s just unashamedly him and that’s awesome. He’s the sort of person I like to spend my time with in the real world. So it was nice to have someone like that in my work life too, it made work seem less flying knifey.  

I’m pretty sure the gay husband is going to miss him too. He was on a one man mission to marry us off. He wholeheartedly believes Hank may be the only man on the planet that has the ability to deal with me at my worse. I take a little offense to that, but I can’t disagree that Hank seemed to manage my moods effortlessly. That poor boy saw me at the worse I’ve been in years and came off completely unscathed. There are many that wouldn’t believe that to be possible.

I like to give credit where credit is due and that man is definitely special, but I hate to pop the gay husband’s bubble but I can’t foresee anything happening there. First of all, I’m not his type, second, I’ve never dated anybody younger than me and third of all, I occasionally enjoy sex and his penis is currently an investment banker.

And on that note, I shall leave you wonderful people with this question; why do people in relationships try to marry off their single friends? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxoxo

Friday, 12 September 2014

Rarely Used Penis

My temporary supervisor was telling that he hasn’t had sex in over a year and a half and at first I found that a little shocking, I mean he’s a young guy and at that age sex is meant to be what gets them out of bed in the morning, but after thinking about it, I actually find it incredibly attractive.

Hear me out for a second; I’ve reached an age where sex isn’t everything, what I’m looking for is an actual relationship and with someone like Hank at least I’d know his main goal isn’t to get in my pants.

Don’t get any funny ideas, I like Hank, he’s a great guy, but he’s already shot me down and after the epic saga that was Mr. X, I’m not going to peruse that anything further. I shall just take the hint and move on with my life.

I just happen to find it sad that the only way I feel comfortable at the minute that a guy isn’t just after sex is when it has gotten to the point where it’s been so long he’s forgotten how to use it.

Anyways, on that note I shall leave you with this question; is a guy that hasn’t had sex in a long time a turn on or a turn off? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,


The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Sunday, 16 March 2014

Talking Dirty and Hang Ups

I don't normally do this but lets start with the question of the blog; what are your thoughts on talking dirty? Turn off, turn on, can you do it sober or do you need a drink? I'm dying to hear your thoughts on this.

It's a well known fact I can't talk dirty sober, for whatever reason it makes me giggle uncomfortably. It's just not something I am able to do. And I'm probably not much better drunk in all honesty, but when everyone involved is drunk who's to say?

I bring this up because I had another date with Barney last night and it turns out he is very much a dirty talker and well it's not really having the desired effect on me. And to add things he's very keen for me to join in and well..... That's not happening.

Let me preface this by saying I really like this guy and outside of the land of sex everything feels natural and easy. It's just in the bedroom things feel.... forced.

Part of it is my own hang ups and I know it, thanks to the epic shit show that was Mr. X  I'm more cautious and guarded and painfully adware things may not be what they appear. And as you can imagine, that uncertainty doesn't really pair well with great sex.

However, as I was writing that, it hit me just how much I must like this guy. I mean I've had sex since Mr. X, I've had good sex since Mr. X and none of this has been a problem. It's fear of everything feeling right and then on the turn of a dime everything changing, to find out it was nothing more than a physical thing from the beginning. It's that dishonesty I'm scared of. 

That could very well be why when he's saying "I want you to ride my cock" I'm thinking is that all you want? What if I don't? Are you going to leave? Are you going to vanish for months? And instead of feeling turned on by his dirty talk all I'm feeling is pressured. Which is weird because I want to sleep with him, it's not like I'm being pressured into having sex with him, but yet I feel pressured....and yes I'm aware I sound like a crazy person right now. 

I think this crazy person needs to go to bed before she over thinks things and ruins what hopefully could be a meaningful relationship with a great guy.....even if the sex isn't quite there yet. I mean sex isn't everything, right? And thankfully it is improving it's just a process..... hopefully not a long one. Anyways as always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxxo



Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Relationship Or Mind Blowing Sex

Someone asked me the other day would I kick Merlin out of bed for Sparky; which caused my brain to get stuck in a logic circuit nearly resulting in it blowing up

The problem my brain faced was I like Merlin, he is the sort of low maintenance guy I’m after; he is for the most part un-blog worthy. Sparky on the other hand is hot....and hot. I don’t want to date him or even cuddle with him, to quote A Million Little Brains it’s like my vagina is possessed. The man just needs not to be in clothing.

So this raises the question would you chose amazing sex over a relationship?

I have no actual knowledge of either man’s bedroom performance; this is purely speculation on my part but one gives off the paint by numbers lover vibe and the other well.....the good luck walking in the morning vibe. Which is strange because it’s a well known fact good looking men tend to be rubbish in bed but I’d bet otherwise in this case.

My brain struggled with the question for a very long time...once again my vagina was possessed so logic wasn’t really a factor in any of this however now Merlin seems to have warmed up a little and doesn’t seem so scared, paint by numbers or not, I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for Sparky. I might pretend he was Sparky but I wouldn’t kick him out of bed.

It did however take me over a week to come up with an answer so I have to ask would you choose mind blowing sex over a relationship? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Sunday, 21 July 2013

The Return of the Creepy Lay

After finding out Merlin is as good as gay and the constant sibling-esque torture from Will and Kate (I may be being over dramatic…ok I am being over dramatic) I made the decision to get in contact with a guy who I know isn’t as good as gay; Pete, Pete the Painter.

I met Pete 3-4 years ago, at a local pub. I fell in lust straight away, he was cute, a little quiet but he was all smiles and joking with his friends. Oddly enough I think he’s the only guy in history I’ve made the first move on. He was at the bar; so I downed my drink and headed to the bar myself. I made a little small talk and by the time I went back to my table I had his phone number.  

A few weeks later I saw him in the pub again so I sent him a text message, and we text back and forth and then he told me it was his birthday. I wished him a happy birthday and he texted back asking where his birthday kiss was. So, later that night, I met up with him away from our friends and gave him his birthday kiss.

We hung around together for maybe 4 or 5 months; he was just the sort of guy I go for, well spoken, looks presentable, a little quiet but a good conversationalist, and most importantly he could make me laugh.

He sounds perfect, right? That’s what I thought until I slept with him. I am not going to go into graphic detail here but he liked eye contact and by that I mean constant you can’t look away or close your eyes, eye contacted. If you broke said eye contacted, he’d stop. It was the strangest, most creepy sex ever. After that night I choose not to see him again.

However after the Merlin fiasco I figured why not go for another guy that has “THIS IS GOING TO END BADLY” written all over him. And who knows, maybe since our last encounter he’s learned how not scare women he’s currently in.

That’s wishful thinking on my part isn’t it? Could you over sleep with someone like that? And what is the strangest kink you’ve come across? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

1-800 DICK WAD

Does horniness affect the male IQ or are men just born idiots?

Last night I received a text message from a guy I “dated” (and I use that term very loosely; we hung out a few times and slept together once) 4 years ago. The text read “miss you sexy x x x x” Now you don’t need to be a genius to know where he’s going with that message. So I replied back with “Really???” anybody who knows me can feel the sarcasm dripping off that message, but apparently he didn’t feel it because his reply was “mmmm so much x x”.

At that point my ability to play nice broke and I snapped back with “DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING 1-800 NUMBER???? I’m not here to service you dick wad!” I really wish I had thought of something better then dick wad but sadly in the heat of the moment I didn’t. I then shot off a message saying “Since you seem to be having trouble understanding English tonight, let me make this easy for you. I wouldn’t fuck you for all the Mojitos in Cuba.” Now that’s saying something we all know how fond I am of a Mojito.

I just don’t understand why guys pull this shit, surely using their hand or investing in a fleshlight is a whole lot easier. So I guess that’s my question to you, why do guys waste their time trying to get laid when there is a quicker and easier solution to the problem? Let me know what you think in the comment box below. And as always stay and of course play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Sunday, 27 January 2013

Ghosts

Someone sent me a question asking why I call my exes ghosts and since my brain is taking an unplanned holiday (too many late nights not enough sleep) I thought I’d answer it here.

First things first, I call both exes and guys I slept once upon a time ghosts. And the reason is very simple, like ghosts you never expect to see these people. I’m not sure why but when you breakup with someone or stop sleeping with them your brain assumes they fell of the face of the planet or died or something. You just don’t expect to see these people ever again.

So when you do bump into these people or they send you a message out of the blue you get a “I'm screwed” feeling in your gut the same feeling I imagine you’d get if you run into an actual ghost.

Maybe I’m just crazy, am I the only one who gets that ghost like feeling when you hear from or see an ex? Or are there some of you out there that actually enjoy seeing your exes? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Monday, 17 December 2012

Turning A Bad Christmas Gift Into A Good One

Have you ever done something so spectacularly wrong, you’re almost proud of it? That’s what this blog is about.   

Normally I write about the stupid things men I’ve dated have done, and there is a little of that in here but this blog is different, it’s mainly about something stupid and wrong I did while in a relationship. Something so bad it’s legendary among my circle of friends.

The story begins 9 years ago this very month; I had been dating a guy named Kev for 6 months. We met in a nightclub, he was in his 20’s and I was underage, a fact he didn’t find out until we broke up.

I had spent weeks shopping to find the perfect Christmas gift for him. Nothing big but something that showed I was listening and that I cared. After weeks I found the perfect gift for him; a sweater with his favourite soccer team’s logo on it and his name. It was something I knew he’d love.

I saw him a few days before Christmas to swopped gifts but we decided not to open them until Christmas day.

Christmas day rolls around and I took the present he got me from under the tree and opened it. Let’s put it this way it’s a good thing we didn’t open gift together or it would still be lodged in his colon to this very day.

It took me weeks to find him the perfect gift and it was very clear he spent seconds picking mine. He got me the cheapest, nastiest bath set known to man. It was clearly the freebie in Boots’ buy two gifts get one free Christmas offer. The thing cost £4 tops and had no thought at all put into it, I was fluming.

The next day, still fluming, I get a call from my friend Crystal asking if I want to go to town drinking. I jumped at the opportunity; I figured a drink was just what I needed.

We couldn’t have been in the club more than 10 minutes before I spotted a cute guy making eyes my way. I figured Kev clearly didn’t care so why the hell not, so I flirted back.

It wasn’t long before the guy joined me and Crystal on the dance floor, we were dancing and flirting, it was all pretty harmless at the time. Then Crystal started complaining her feet were sore so while she went to the bar to get more drinks me and flirting eyes went to find a table.

We were talking then I turned around to grab a drink from Crystal and when I turned back there were two of him. Admittedly I had been drinking but I was nowhere near the seeing double stage. Then the double leaned in and gave me hug, it turns out flirty eyes had an identical twin.

We talk for while and did a little more dancing then Crystal decides she’d had enough and wanted to leave. I was having good time and wasn’t going anywhere so one of the twins walked her to a cab; while the other one stuck his tongue in my mouth (so much for harmless eh?).

At this point the evening gets a little fuzzy, as most nights do when I drink tequila. I vaguely remember some dancing and some more kissing however I can’t be sure which twin I was doing what with because like I said they were identical and I was....drunk.

I can’t really blame the tequila, my default mode whether I’m drunk or not, is to do the thing that makes the best story. This has a habit of getting me into trouble, fun trouble but trouble nonetheless. So bearing that in mind, when one of the twins asked me to come back to their place at the end of the night, the answer was always going to be a yes.

When we got to their place, we had a few more drinks and watched a film then thing get really fuzzy, there was kissing and then some clothe removal, and some more kissing, then there was a bed with 3 naked bodies in it and from what I remember 3 happy naked bodies........then 3 hung-over semi-naked bodies.

Kev and I broke up a few days later over that evening but not for the reason you think, he was mad I went out with Crystal in that argument he called me immature so I told him how old I really was, and that was that. I never did tell him about the twins he was mad enough about the age thing.

I know what I did was wrong, on so many levels, and I probably shouldn’t have done it but it’s one of those stories looking back where you did the wrong thing but it was right thing (if that makes any sense at all).

Sex with identical twins in the revenge Holy Grail and either way I was going to end up single in a few days. The way I see it I turned his bad Christmas gift into a great one. (I’m going to hell I know).

Like I said at the start, it’s one of those things that’s so bad you can’t help but be a little proud of it. Have you ever done anything like that? And if not, what’s the first thing I should do when I get to hell? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always stay and play safe, love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Friday, 16 November 2012

Mr. Dexter

I’ve either been watching too much Dexter lately or my dreams are trying to tell me something. Last night I had a well and truly fucked up dream about Mr. X.

In season 7 of Dexter there is an episode called “Do the Wrong Thing”. In that episode Dexter takes Hannah McKay to a Christmas themed theme park and in a “shocking” turn of events it turns out Dexter has a kill room setup there. He prepares to kill her in his normal way but instead of stabbing her in the chest he cuts the plastic off and fucks her right there on his kill table. 


In my dream Mr. X takes me to an empty hockey arena (even in my dreams there’s a freaking lockout) and we’re skating around having a fun then everything goes black. When I come too I’m on a metal table in a room with a Zamboni and everything is covered in plastic. Mr. X is walking around the table with a large knife telling me whether I like it or not he has the control and it’s time our little game came to a permanent end. He’s lifts the knife up to plunge it in my chest and I say “If you really had the control we wouldn’t be here.” And give him a mischievous smile. Down comes the knife and slices the plastic off and we have sex right there on the table without saying a word. When we were done we were laying there with his arm under my head and he sits up a little and leans into me and says “you know this isn’t over right?” and with that I woke up.

The funny thing was when I woke up I wasn’t scared or anything I was actually laughing, it wasn’t till much later I started wondering whether my brain was trying to tell me something. I know Mr. X and I have a fucked up.....whatever the hell you want to call it but I’m pretty sure.......ok like 70% sure he isn’t trying to kill me.

So that begs the question have I been watching too much Dexter or is Mr. X in fact trying to kill me? Let me know in the comment box below and while you’re at it let me know what strange dreams you’ve had. As always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Outside The Box

We all know by now when it comes to thinking none of mine is done inside the box. I’m a little out there but some of my theories aren’t that crazy or at least I don’t think they’re that crazy.

My theory on why exes come back around long after a breakup comes to mind. I think my theory is completely logical; my friends on the other hand do not.

Most women would like to think their exes come crawling back because their exes still love them and that love conquers all and all that other fairytale bullshit.

I’m not that stupid; I know love isn’t what’s dragging them back. My theory makes much more sense than that, its lust that is dragging them back. That’s the part of my theory most people can agree on.

Here’s where it gets a little less agreeable.

I believe the time since the break up and how good you are in bed are directly proportional. My logic being if someone isn’t good in bed you wouldn’t put in the time or effort to stalk them. I mean your hand is a much more time efficient solution. If someone is willing to chase you after 10 years there is a reason and it sure as hell isn’t love. My theory is........its skill.

I may be crazy but I’ll leave that up to you to decide, so what do you say, am I crazy or does my theory make some sense? And while you’re at it tell me what strange theories you have? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Thursday, 1 November 2012

Shit My Friend's Say

I have the best group of friends a person could ask for; however they aren’t the sanest group of people you’ll ever meet. We all have a love for something creative be it art, writing, acting or music; we’re all very creative people.

There is a stereotype that creative people are kind of nuts and well, we don’t disappoint on that front.  The things that come out of our mouths are enough to make the average person wonder about our mental stability. However when we can make someone inside our group think that, well that’s just impressive.

This week my friends have been on fire, so I thought I’d share some of the funny, random and downright head hurting stuff that has flown out of their mouths.

Starting with......

“I am a horny ice cube.” – This is, believe it or not, how one of my dear friends introduced himself to someone I use to work with. Some who I’m willing to bet is un-friending me on Facebook as I write this.

“We’ve all been there a hot guy undresses and then boom there it is a tiny penis and instantly he’s hotness diminishes by like 600%. Do men have that same problem?” I have no comment for this at all, unless you want to answer her “do men have that same problem?” Sometimes I think I need new friends.

“Sex is like riding a kangaroo.” I can’t tell you where she was going with this one because she never got to finish it, because that’s what happens when you randomly blurt out “sex is like riding a kangaroo.”

“The stars are like the sun’s illegitimate bastard children.” This was said when I had people over for a late Thanksgiving last weekend. We were sat outside waiting for dessert and this gem fell out of one my friend’s mouths.

“Men like women to wear make-up while they’re having sex so they can tell if they’re doing a good job or not. The more clown-like the make-up looks the better job he did.” .......Really I think I could use some new friends. On second thought that one could be true, men’s minds are pretty messed up places after all.

So that’s some of the random things that my friends have said, what random things have your friends said let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Sunday, 16 September 2012

Women and Porn

Someone sent me a question on twitter asking me if women watch porn, and if so why? Since he isn’t the first man to ask this question I thought I’d turn it into a blog. So let’s start with the first part of the question.

Do women watch porn? YES!! Yes, women do indeed watch porn.

Now on to part two of that question, why? There are a lot of reasons why....

Reason 1: Safety: The only thing you’re likely going to catch from porn is a computer virus, making it a lot safer than sex. I’m not just talking about STDs here, I’m also talking about physical safety; every time you invite a stranger into your house it comes with a risk.

Reason 2: its their Boyfriend’s: This is probably the second biggest reason women watch porn.  They come across it on their boyfriend’s computer and can’t help but check it out to see what kind of freaking stuff their boyfriend is into.

Reason 3: Education: A lot of women watch porn to learn new moves. Ever wonder where you’re girlfriend leaned that new move she used on your birthday? Porn.

Reason 4: Sex Buddies Have Lives Too: They aren’t always there when you need them and as I’m sure you know horny waits for no one.

Reason 5: To Explore Secret Fantasies: Women can be a little shy about these things and through watching these sorts of films they can explore that side of themselves.

Reason 6: To get in the Mood: Women unlike men need a build up; we can’t just snap our fingers and be ready to go. Porn helps with the build up and good job too because a lot men suck at foreplay.

Reason 7: A Lacking Partner: Some guys just can’t get the job done or Mother Nature wasn’t kind to them in the size department porn lets us to escape that reality.

Reason 8: We Need a Good Laugh: It’s not unheard of for women to get together and drink wine and laugh at porn. Some porn can be hot, yes. But a lot of it is ridiculous. No woman is into it that much.

 Reason 9: Curiosity: A lot of porn has a certain freak show quality about it, whether its boobs that can function as floatation devices or people doing things that science can’t explain. Sometimes you just have to look.

Reason 10: To Orgasm: This may come as a shock to some men but the number one reason why women watch porn is to get off; women get horny too, hence the whole Ann Summer’s being a thing. Plus who do you think is keeping all those battery companies in business? Sex toys are a billion dollars a year businesses and most of that comes from women. What did you think we were using those toys for, to make sandwiches?  Think again.

So hopefully that answered some of the questions my handful of male readers had and to my female readers, do you watch porn and why? Let me and them know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Saturday, 25 August 2012

Zach The Breakable

Fact: The better looking the guy the more breakable he is.

I don’t know what causes this to happen but it’s happened so many times now I’m willing to call it a fact. If anyone out there has any insight to why this may be, please let me know. It’s one of those mysteries of life that is crying out for an answer.

So now let me explain the story behind the latest guy I broke.

So you know I’ve been on a dating site spite mission and it hasn’t been going to plan. All the site seems to be turning up is freaks and stalkers. With one exception, a gorgeous guy I use to work with about 5 or 6 years ago. For the sake of this blog I am going to call him Zach.

Zach worked on checkouts briefly before moving to another department. A man on checkout is almost unheard of, so when there is a guy around, the ladies turn into teenage girls talking about Justin Bieber. But sadly the guy normally turns out to be more Shrek then Prince Charming. So when I heard the girls swooning over Zach I didn’t think much of it.

Then I saw him, long blonde hair, cute smile, gave off the stoner crowd vibe not my type at all but even I’ll admit he was damn good looking. Then he opened his mouth and coherentness (yes that’s a word now) came out, I was impressed, gorgeous smile, nice down to earth guy, hot body, I wanted some. And so did most of the checkout girls, even some of the married ones had some very non –PG comments to say about him.

Minus a little flirting on my part nothing happen while we were working together. Then while dealing with a stalker type I saw his picture come up and I must admit when I saw his picture there wasn’t a pure thought in my head. I didn’t join the site for sex that was the last thing I was looking for but when it comes to him that’s a different story (one that is in the adult section of most book stores).

His message was about work and people we worked with all friendly non sexual stuff. I got the vibe he wasn’t into me that way. But to my pleasant surprise I was wrong. Boy was I wrong. Apparently he had noticed me and had some very nice things to say. Things that turned me an interesting shade of red, I was home, in bed alone and he had me actually coving my face with my arms trying to hide the blushing, from whom I don’t know. He’s definitely a smooth talker.

Things were on the verge of getting a little risqué when he sent me two pictures at which point my brain broke, and all I could think about was his hot naked body pressed against mine and his lips exploring my body. For a brief moment I think I got a glimpse into how it must be like inside the male mind. Sadly I can’t share the actual pictures with you guys but you can use your imaginations or any good porn site.

Once I regained some non-sexual thoughts in my head the conversation continued and then abruptly stalled. The reason it stalled was he wanted a picture of my ass. I don’t like my ass; it’s not my best feature. So getting a picture I'm willing to send to someone I want to fuck is impossible. You can’t just send crappy pictures you don’t like to a man you want in you....that story doesn’t have a happy ending (then again nor does this one).

Since he didn’t get a picture he ended our conversation there and hasn’t been heard from since, leaving me to officially declare him broken or maybe dead.

I know what you’re thinking if the guy couldn’t last 24 hours there’s no hope for a relationship, and I agree with you but I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I was looking for penis. The funny part is that night I had dream about him and me in bed, he was laying behind me with his strong arms warped around me kissing my neck, our naked bodies pressed against each other, his rock hard...... and I still didn’t get laid.

I couldn’t even get any in my dreams! How pathetic is that? Maybe its best I don’t sleep with him it might ruin the fantasy but given the chance we all know I would.

So I’ll leave the question with you, would you sleep with your fantasy or do you think it would ruin things? Let me know in the comment box below also if anyone knows why good looking guys are so breakable please tell me. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  
xoxoxo

Sunday, 19 August 2012

Born-Again Virgins (I'm right you're wrong)

I am for the most part a reasonable person and I’m always open to discuss my opinions with anyone who may see the world differently than I do and I will always try to do so in a respectful mature manor.  

With that being said, I can only do that if the other person's counter argument in based on facts and not make-believe.

Today I received an email from someone telling my views on born- again virgins is completely wrong and I don’t know what I’m talking about.

My response was how am I wrong? Let’s just look at the facts here.

The dictionary defines virginity as “The state of never having had sexual intercourse”.

My view on born-again virgins are that they’re a load of bullshit because once a penis enters your vagina you’re virginity is gone and no amount of wishing is bringing it back. Sound spot on to me.

The counter argument is..........god forgive all.

Well news flash your hymen doesn’t. By that logic I could sleep with a million men and then on the day I get married pray and lo behold I can claim to have lost my virginity on my wedding day. Does that seem fucked up to anyone else?

 Give it up! You had sex, “mistake” or not, you did it so now you’re just like the rest of us who didn’t want to wait. You’re common; you don’t get a special title.

And if you’re going to pick an imaginary title there are so many better ones to choose. Like millionaire or queen but just because you call yourself one doesn’t make it true.

There are a lot of my views you could argue with me about and who knows you might even be right about some of them but not this one. You’re SOL. And there is no amount of hate mail that's going to change my mind. But keep it coming please (Ms.HonestB@gmail.com) I can always use a good laugh.

On a side note: Why is it all my hate mail comes from Christians? Aren’t you people meant to be all “love thy neighbour” not tell her she’s a whore and going to spend all of eternity in hell?

Since you’re all reading this and are most likely going to be joining me for all eternity in hell I have to ask what is the first thing you’re going to do when you get there? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Sunday, 29 July 2012

Relationship Killers

There is something very strange going on with my group of friends, we’re pretty much all single or on the road to singledom, which is unheard of. For the most part we’re always outnumbered by loved up couples; it kind of makes a nice change. Because of our group's singleness and the few that are about to make that relationship status change we got chatting about why relationships fail and because drunk conversations are always fun I thought I’d share our findings with you guys.

Lack of Sex Drive – You’d be right in guessing this was the biggest complaint/whine from my male friends. When asked how much sex is the right amount they said 4 times a day......you my dear friends are going to die alone with your hand.

Friends/In-laws- This was one of the biggest issues my female friends had. The family issue was pretty minor, at least for my non-married friends. That issues gets a lot bigger once you say “I do” apparently. My female friends biggest problems was and I quote “his douche-bag friends”. My experience is douche-bags flock together if his friends are that way; he probably is too, so run!

Boredom – We’ve all been there, you get bored of dating the same person and doing the same things, kissing the same face. It just happens sometimes.

Jealousy – Being jealous was something my guy friends had a problem with. But since men are from Mars and women from Venus the girls in my group actually had a problem with their boyfriends not being jealous. Girls like to know that their boyfriends care and them showing a wee bit of jealousy can be kind of sweet. But apparently guys don’t see it that way.

Control Issues – There is a fine balance of give and take in a relationship and when that doesn’t happen, relationships end. Nobody likes being dominated in a relationship save that shit for the bedroom.

Time – Both too much and not enough can be a problem. People need some alone time but given too much of it, you may start to wonder why you’re even in a relationship.

Attachment – Be it my girl friends or guy friends nobody likes a clingy partner. And they also don’t like a clones, someone who is so attached to you they stop functioning like an individual. Doormats aren’t hot, be yourself.

Selfishness- This one speaks for itself. If you want someone to cater to your every whim, hire a maid.

Stubbornness – I’m guilty of this one; I blame it on me being a Taurus. This one goes back to give and take in a relationship. However I standby when I’m right, I’m right and I’m not going to back down when I know I’m right. (Yeah, I’m going to die alone with a million cats.)

Not Being Compatible – This is why you shouldn’t jump into relationships people. This is one of those bullshit problems that shouldn’t be an issue; if you’re not compatible with someone don’t enter a relationship with that person.

Cheating and Lies – Once you do something to lose the trust of the other person, the relationship is always doomed. No matter what you do you can’t rebuild it. Side note: we all agree (guys and girls) faking orgasms doesn’t count as lying and they don’t want to know you’re doing it (trust me).

Poor Communication Skills – Commutation consists of two basic things, listening and talking and you have to do both well to have a healthy relationship. You have to understand that your partner isn’t a mind reader and you need to voice things. On the other hand when your partner voices things you need to listen (actually listen don't just pretend you are).

Comfort Zone – When you get to the point where body functions are normal and you stop putting any effort into your looks. You stop shaving, doing your hair, wearing makeup, you’ve officially reached the point where romance is dead and a lot the time the relationship follows suit.

Lack of Appreciation – When you don’t appreciation what you have it goes away, just remember that.

Disillusionment – We always think the grass is greener on the other side, there is someone better looking, with more money out there. You begin to over think what a relationship should be, those are all very dangerous thoughts to have in a relationship

Fault Finding – Women are experts at this. And within my group of friends we’ve broken up with people, mainly guys, for some frankly pathetic reasons. Here’s a short list of some of my favorites. Too young, too short, strange eye twitch, his hands are like sandpaper and my favorite his dog has bad breath.

So that’s our list of relationship killers, what do you think? Did we miss anything? And what have been your past relationship killers? Let me know in the comment box below. As always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo