Cheap Shot

In my last blog I spoke about how my friend got dumped and how I was trying to help her through it. I got a little bit of stick over us poking fun at his poker. Some people felt it was a “cheap shot” and something women always turn to.

First of all you make it sound like women are the only ones who take cheap shots. I’ve seen men call a size 2 girls fat so get off your high horse. We all do it and we all know what buttons to press.

Secondly it wasn’t really a cheap shot. It wasn't like she was in bed with him and asked “are you done yet, so I can finish myself off?” She was pissed off that he was jerk and broke up with her via email and need to vent. That’s perfectly fine by me, it's not like she called him out on it. The email breakup was the cheap shot in my books.

Also from my personal experience women whether they’re mad or not, will not make fun of a guys junk if he knows how to use it. I’m not going to sit here and say size doesn’t matter, because I’d be lying. There is such a thing as too small and even too big but on the whole knowing how to use it is most important.

So you’ve now heard my sleep deprived rant but what do you think, was it a cheap shot or was she justified? And while I’m asking questions does size matter? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always my dears stay and play safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Helping A Friend Through A Breakup

It’s been a long couple of days, one of my dear friends got dumped by a jerk and since my speciality is breakups, I’ve been at her 24 hour beck and call. Which means lots of late nights and a few makeup strained shoulders (anyone know how to get mascara out of a white shirt?).

Honestly I don’t really mind, although the first 24 hours after a breakup suck even for me. You can’t really do anything to help during that period. You just have to sit there and listen. And maybe throw out the odd “it’s going to be ok”. You can’t say anything else because they don’t want to hear it and it almost sounds a little forced. You just have to let them cry it out no matter how tough it is to watch.

When it comes to breakups I follow the saying “cry a river, build a bridge and get over it”. But unfortunately step 1 is crying the river.

Depending on how long they dated normally after 24 hours they’re ready for some humour based bad mouthing. You can’t be too mean at this point or they’ll burst into tears and say “but I love him” and nobody wants to see that mess (trust me). But if you can get them laughing 99% of time you’re golden.

With my friend the line that worked was “look on the bright side at least now you don’t have to shave his bear skin rug like back.” It was true and got a snotty laugh, gross but a good sign.

After humour bad mouthing comes my favourite part, junk and bitching. Admittedly I feel sick today after the pizza, ice cream and chocolate last night (please note no alcohol, that’s very important. NEVER give a dumpee booze) but she’s feeling better and that’s what matters. We spent the evening plotting revenge and discussing his small penis, lack of manners and how he laughs like a “brain dead hyena”.

While I’m home today recovering from last night’s junk fest she’s out with some of the other girls getting her hair and nails done. Once you stop the crying phase it’s important to look good. It makes you feel better and let’s face it, if you run into your ex there is no better revenge then looking hot (unless you're in your car when you run into him). Hell even if his friends see you they’ll report back to him so looking good is a must.

Normally after a week or so my friends are pretty much back to their normal selves. They might still have the odd tear and shouldn’t be drinking and left alone with their phone but on the whole there pretty stable at that point and the amount of calls I get reduces drastically.

I’m not sure how I ended up in this role but when my friends are crying they always ask for me. I don’t really understand it but my best guess is it’s because I don’t fed them lies, I don’t say they’ll get back together, I just listen and once they’re ready, joke with them. I mean I can’t fix it so all I can do is try to lighten things up and occasionally threaten an ex or two.

So that’s how I handle my friends when they’re going through a breakup but what do you do? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always my dears stay and play safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Too Much Truth

A few nights ago the girls and I got together for a gossip session and during our chat they decided it was time for me to start dating again and I actually agree with them for a change. I’ve been single for a record amount of time and I’m ready to start looking again.

However we didn’t agree on everything. We were split on whether or not I should tell prospective boyfriends I’m a blogger or not.

Obviously If I found myself in a serious relationship I would tell him. That’s not the question. Everyone I blog about regularly knows; Evil Monkey, NTB, Mr. X they all know and even read my blog.

The question is at what point do I have to tell them?

If I wait too long to tell someone it sets a bad tone for the relationship. It comes off like I wasn’t being forthcoming. To combat that problem some of the girl suggested I tell the guy from the start I’m a blogger but don’t give him my URL. I’m not really sure that makes it any better. That’s still not being very forthcoming.

One of the girls said it’s best not to say anything at all. And I see where she’s coming from but if a guy comes across it on his own, things are going to get messy fast. So I’m not sure how smart that idea is.

The rest of the girls said I should just tell any guy I meet straight up from the start. That has one big flaw in my book. Can you really get to know someone if they’re always in the back of their mind, wondering what you’re going to write about them? I honestly don’t know if that’s possible.

People worry about their image and if they know you’re likely to post something, good or bad, be it now or 5 years down the line, they may not be so willing to let their walls down and show the real them.

Because I write a mix of current life and past relationships it’s hard for anyone to know what may find its way into my blog and when. I use this method because I like to leave a gap between a breakup and me insulting them. I find the longer I wait the less they care what I write. But I could see that being a problem for a new boyfriend. Nobody likes hearing about their girlfriend’s exes and then you have the problem that if I don’t write about him, he's wondering if he’s not special enough to be written about.

It’s a strange position to be in and the whole thing hurts my head. So what do you guys think? Should I tell a prospective boyfriend I’m blogger and if so when? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always my dears stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Gossip Pleasure

I thought I’d give something new a try today. As most of you know tabloids and celebrity gossip sites are my guilty pleasure. And there have been a few stories this week I can’t help but rant about. So I thought I’d rant here and let you guys weigh in on the topics.

I’ll link to each story in the headline and as always when dealing with celebrity gossip and gossip sites, how true it is, is always up for debate.

So let’s get started:

Story 1: Jenny McCarthy bashes Jim Carrey for turning his back on her autistic son

Shocking how this story comes out while she’s promoting her new show. Also explains why she waited 2 years after breaking up with Jim to say anything. It actually says in the interview she hasn’t reached out to him directly. So.....He’s a mind reader apparently. I don’t understand how she can go on the record bashing him over her decisions. She broke up with him after all.  Plus it’s not even his kid.

Story 2: John Mayer whines about Taylor Swifts song “Dear John” calling it a “cheap shot”

Really Dude, you’re John Mayer. (That’s all I have to say on that one).

Story 3: Miley Cyrus is engaged

The story itself doesn’t interest me at all but I do look forward to the cheating scandals and divorce.

Story 4: Bandwagon Celebrities

I am Canadian, therefore I’m a hockey fan and nothing annoys me more than people jumping on the bandwagon when a team is doing well, and celebrities doing it annoys me even more.

Since the LA Kings are most likely going to win the Stanley Cup this year every celebrity and the tabloid that covers them is on their bandwagon. It ridiculous! Next thing you know a Kardashian will be dating one.

It’s so stupid if I can support the Leafs and all there suckdom surely they can tweet regular season games.

Story 5: 14 year old talk show host blames President Obama for “making kids gay”

If you haven’t seen this video, don’t, you’ll end up with the over whelming urge to punch a 14 year old in the face.

The misinformed teenager in the video not only talks about the President encouraging people to gay but also says “a person isn’t born that way, no matter what Lady Gaga says, it is a decision.”

Let’s start with the fact none of my gay friends chose to bullied in school, chose to be called names they didn’t choose to be that way, they just are. But you know what is a choice? Homophobia, and religion for that matter.

That brings me to the other annoying part of this video. This little boy tries to push his religious beliefs on others.

I was raised going to church every Sunday and I may not agree with all their teaching now but they did get a few things right. A big thing in my church was the teaching that people have the right to pick and practice whatever religion they want or none at all. And they’re free to do that without having other people’s opinions pushed a pun them. Religion is between the individual and god and that’s it. Smart teaching and personally the way I think it should be.

This kid fucks me off on so many levels its unreal. I’d be all for GLAAD hire a hitman to deal with this hate spewing idiot and the people who thoughts he's parroting.

Anyways my dears that’s my rant or rants on this weeks big gossip site stories. What do you guys think? And are there any big stories I missed? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always my dears stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Count Down To Canada Day

Like years past I will be spending this July 1^st in London celebrating Canada Day with my own kind and I can’t wait. I’m a little more excited this year because my favourite band is playing. But even without Hedley I love this event, Canadian food, Canadian beer, Canadian music and most importantly Canadian men!

I have a theory that Canada and England are separated by an ocean for a reason and because of that reason people from the two shouldn’t date. Since finding a fellow Canadian in this Brit pond is rare I’m planning on taking full advantage of Canada Day.

I’ve given British guys a fair chance; I’ve dated more than my fair share and time and time again they've proven my theory right. We’re just from two different worlds.

It’s not just the silly things like soccer and their inability to handle the cold; it’s our sense of humour and mannerisms. We’re just not on the same page.

English guys don’t get me, they can’t understand why I stay up till bird singing o’clock to watch hockey. And they really can’t understand why I watch when my team couldn’t score a goal even if the other team wasn’t in the building.

The other problem is they just don’t know how to take me; I’m definitely not the average girl here. I’m sharp tongued, I’m opinionated, I listen to punk and rock, I drink beer, play video games, poker and I know sports; MMA, boxing, hockey (of course) anything violent really. I mean I give as good as I get and that’s not really the norm here.

And since I have no desire to be the norm I get stuck dealing with random BS I shouldn’t have to and I’m sick of it. And since I’m not going to change the guys I date are going to have to.

Don’t get me wrong I know Canadian guys aren’t perfect, they can be just as bad if not worse but I just feel like I’m better equipped to deal with them.

Or maybe I’m just more willing to deal with them. But I think the fact we’d be starting off on a more even footing may help things. I don’t know if there’s any truth in that but something has to give before I snap and go on a killing spree. I probably shouldn’t joke about things like that or I may find myself on some government watch list.

Anyways we all know what I’m looking forward to this summer but what are you guys looking forward to? And do you think I’m right that there’s ocean between certain places for a reason or am I just crazy?

Let me know what you think in the comment box below and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

Dating Rules

After a few drinks the girls and I (and our phones) got chatting about dating rules. I’m not sure if it was the tequila or the rules but 99.9% of them made no sense at all. And the idea that there are women out there actually following these rules is just absurd. So absurd it calls for a blog.

Here are some of the gems we found.

Never divulge unnecessary information: - This rule is very true if you are being questioned by the police, however in the dating world it’s stupid. What are you going to do stick to yes or no answers all night? If you did that you’d never get a second date. A better rule would be, be smart about what you reveal and when. Not you have the right to remain silent. That’s just stupid.

If he doesn’t send flowers after a date dump him: - If a guy sent me flowers after the first date I’d be worried they were laced with chloroform. If the guy paid for the date (which he better have) there is no reason for him to send flower it’s 2012 not 1912.

Don’t have sex with a guy until he has fallen for you: - There are so many things wrong with this rule I don’t know where to begin. So I’ll just say this, don’t sleep with a guy until you feel ready that’s the only rule you need on that matter.

Wait at least 3 days before replying to him: - I don’t know one guy wroth dating that would wait 3 days for a reply. If you keep a guy waiting that long don’t be surprised when he moves on.

If he doesn’t reply to you within 3 days move on: - Double standard much? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

Never reply to him on the weekends: - I know you can’t see me but I’m rolling my eyes at this one. The idea is this rule makes it look like you lead a busy life. Give me a break, as my dear friend NTB would say “DON’T PLAY GAMES!” If you play games like this don’t get all pissy when he plays games back.

After many hours and way too many cocktails the 5 of us (4 girls and our GBFF) managed to find a few dating rules we all agreed on. One thing is for sure you can be damn certain we didn’t find them on any Christian dating sites (“Don’t kiss him until there is a rock on your finger”, I’m still laughing at that one.).

These are the rules we all agreed on

Trust your instincts: - If you think something isn't right odds are you're spot on.

Sometimes sex is just sex: - Don’t try to make it something more then what it is.

Being single isn’t the end of the world: - You’d never know it by the way some girls act.

Dating is meant to be fun: - Enjoy it don’t treat it like a job interview.

Drunk is not sexy: - This is true for both men and women. No your limits and stop drinking before you reach them.

Speak your mind; you won’t scare away Mr. Right: - I love this rule because I don’t think I could keep my mouth shut if I wanted to.

And last but not least

No man is perfect and neither are you

Those are the rules we could all agree on and hopefully they’re a little less crazy then some of the other ones out there. What do you guys think? Are there any we missed? And are there any other dating rules you find absolutely absurd? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Change

Last night I was in a bit of a playful mood so when I noticed Mr. X had posted an uncharacteristic status I couldn’t help but give him a hard time about it. After a few exchanges in which he didn’t bite back like normal he basically said being in love has changed him. My first reaction was “awwww did the Grinch’s heart grow 3 sizes. You know people die from enlarged hearts every day.” What can I say? Being a bitch and sarcasm kind of go hand in hand.

My next reaction was one of repulsion. I fell in love with his quick-witted, sarcastic, sharp tongue humour. Him turning into a sensitive shell of his former self is (lets go with) unappealing. Whoever he’s dating can have him; I like my men a little less close to metro sexual line.

My exchange with my former kryptonite got me thinking about change and whether changing in a relationship is a positive or negative thing, a sign of growth or maybe one of insecurity.

 We’ve all been there, dating someone, normally someone out of our league, and all of a sudden you’re pretending to like music you’ve always hated just because “it’s his favourite”, watching war films with more blood then acting. We’ve all done it at some point. Dating someone out of our league changing ours selves in an attempt to prevent him from figuring out you’re out of his league.

That’s insecurity for you and it’s definitely not a positive thing.

On the other hand there are relationships that change you, admittedly all mine have been for the worse. But I hear it works the other way too. Relationships that make you want to be a better you. Unlike mine which make me want to become serial killer but I’m sure that’s just me.

Becoming a better person isn’t a bad thing, it’s actually very positive but a fixer upper man isn’t.

That’s what I wonder about how many people actually change within themselves and how many are moulded in a fixer upper project?

When you get in a relationship you’re meant to love the person for who they are and not what you can change them into. Plus you can’t really change anyone; fixer upper changes are most always temporary. They relapse and you’re left frustrated and disappointment, trust me on that one.

This is one of those blogs where I just don’t have an answer or even a clue for that matter. So I guess I’ll leave it in your capable hands. Is changing in a relationship and good or bad thing and why?

As always my dears stay safe and have a great weekend.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo