Wish List

Everyone seems to be doing their Christmas wish lists. Basically it’s a list of things that want in an ideal partner. So I thought I’d get in on the act with my own list. Not just because I have a massive headache and this takes little to no brain power but because it actually looks like fun. 

Let’s start.

First of all I want a guy who understands Canada is my home and if I’m going to settle down anywhere it’s going to be there. In the land of -40 winters and blowing hot summers.

I want a guy who understands I have loved the Leafs longer than him. And if given the choice I’d much rather watch the Leafs beat the Habs then have mind blowing sex with him.

I want a guy who understands I’m a soccer free zone. You can love it all you want but I don’t want to see or hear it. Soccer can be your dirty little secret.

I want a guy who can make me laugh. I’m the sort of person who can make a joke out of anything. I can be mad as hell on minute and then on the floor the laughing the next. Yes, I am crazy.

I want someone who understands the importance of alone time. I’m an only child so I’m very use to being alone and I like it that way. I’m sure that sounds horrible but I don’t care.

I need a guy who can put me in my place when I’m being a bitch. I’m a strong personality and because of that a lot of guys just “yes dear” me and I hate it. I want a guy who can look at me a say “you’re being a diva, stop!” Not sure I’d listen but it’s worth a try.

I want a guy who can do the above without being a dick.

Most importantly I need a guy who understands my blogging and that it will continue and he may be written about. He needs to just shut up and take it like a man.

Like most people I don’t think my list is asking too much. I think it’s just the right amount of crazy. So come on guys tell me what is on your wish list?

As always stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo


P.S Be sure to go check out Jimmy's Low- maintenance girl wishlist 
Also check out Joel's wish list  so I missed you the first time around 

Stop Knocking Up Chavs

Lately it seems instead of ending up with nice, sweet, respectable girls all my guys friends are ending up with the first chav they knock up.

It’s starting to drive me crazy. Forgetting the fact I have to be nice to these “women”, I just think almost all of my guy friends can do better and I hate to see them throw away their life’s over misplaced sperm.

I’m not even sure who I’m madder at, the women who trap these guys or my guy friends who are falling for this BS.

There are many ways not to get pregnant, birth control, condoms, vibrator or just keeping your fucking legs shut. They are all very effective so how all these women are catching pregnancy like it’s a disease is beyond me.

Then I have my guy friends who decide since she’s having their baby they have to be with her. Are you stupid? That’s not the way it works! The only person you are responsible for is that child.

It always amazes me how these guys will repeatedly slag off these women and then the second they find out she’s having a baby they’re magically in love. What a load of shit.

You’re not in love, you’re in trouble. Feelings don’t magically appear in the snap of a finger. I'm not sure who’s worse in all of this, the women who aren’t responsible enough to take birth control or the guys go fall for this BS. Grow a back bone already.

Call me old fashion but I thought the idea was to fall in love and get married not to fall in sperm and settle.

Anyway that’s my rant on the matter. Let me know what you think. As always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Comfort Sex

One of my readers sent me an article from the Huffington post about comfort sex. He wanted to know if it was true that women really did this. I could have answered his question before I read the article; of course women have comfort sex.

I think the article does a good job of explaining what comfort sex is. It’s not mind blowing sex. It’s good sex. That pretty much goes the same every time you’re together. There is nothing life changing or special about it, just solid reliable sex. And the reason it’s called comfort sex is because it releases endorphins and leaves you with a warm and safe feeling afterwards.

All women do this whether they are single or in a relationship. Like chocolate sometimes sex is just what you need (and it’s a lot better for you then the chocolate.)

Bad day, pissed off, broke a nail, boss is being a prick or ran into an ex’s new girlfriend are all reasons we turn to comfort sex. It’s a very quick and effective way of turning a frown upside down.

Sex has the magic ability to change our moods and there is nothing wrong with tapping into that power to uplift our sprits when we’re down. Some people pop pills others have orgasms.

As long as what you’re doing doesn’t leave you feeling worse in the morning in book it’s all a good thing. Sometimes we all need the comfort that sex can bring.

Stay safe guys, Love

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

P.S Is there such a thing as comfort making out?

Tougher

Seems like everyone over the past few weeks have been posting statuses about how they’re tougher than people think they are. I don’t share that problem. Everyone knows how much of a tough bitch I am.

My problem is because I’m known for being such a bitch,I’m actually nicer then people think I am. Admittedly some of that is my own fault because I have selective niceness, so most people don’t get to see that side of me. But just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. (God it sounds like I’m talking about Santa Clause.)

When I’m around friends (I actually like), boyfriends (I’m not planning on dumping) and family I’m a lot less bitch like. I’m still as honest as ever but I just make sure to sugar coat it.

I tailor my level of bitchiness to suit the person I’m dealing with. Some people require more of a verbal bitch slapping then others. And others need to be spoken to as if they were a first grade special needs students

People seemed to be shocked when they hang out with me and I’m just as straight talking as they thought but I’m nice. It almost confuses them. I may be a bitch but I direct my bitchiness to where it’s dissevered. Am I the only person who does that?

Anyways I off do the evening. Have fun and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Bottled Up

As my name suggests I’m not afraid to speak my mind. However there are some little things I choose to let slide. I like to pick my arguments.  Mainly because it’s reduces the risk I’ll end up in jail for murder.

The problem is after a while of bottling up all these little things. I pop.

Mr. X called me a drama queen the other day. I don’t think he understands what is truly going on when I lose it.

It’s not him I’m not reacting to, he’ just the straw the broke the camel’s back. I’m reacting to all the little things that I’ve been letting slide. The idiot who cut me off, an email from an ex’s new girlfriend’s sister (true story), my step dad and then on top of all that you have Mr. X being jerky. It’s only a matter of time before I explode and someone is scraping my exploded brain off the ceiling (pretty picture eh? Lol). There is only so much a girl can take.

I am not a drama queen, I’m a time saver. Instead of reacting to each individual event I pack all my reactions into one firework filled show.  Seem logical to me.

Anyway my dears, I’m heading off to do some Christmas shopping (what tools do I need for a lobotomy?). As always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Guest Post: An Open Letter From Mr.X

An open letter to The Honest Bitch and her loyal band of bitches,

The Honest Bitch is a curious creature. If you haven’t met her, then that is a shame for you because she is pretty thing with cute complexities and vulnerable virtues. I’ve met her, as you may have read. She has this tendency to rip my clothes off and take advantage of me, something for which I am immensely grateful, since the girl has some skills.

But she gets this magnificent blog to share her soul with the world. I gather some of you want to know about me, the enigmatic Mr X. Why, I have no idea, but allow me to indulge some of you.

I was born in London. It was a difficult birth because my mother was in Manchester at the time. I was raised by a pack of wolves until my youth. I was educated in the dreary school system that taught me that the correct answer is never the facts but what the teacher wants to hear. As a consequence, I managed to get an A in most subjects by writing my name and “How’s about it Miss?” on the front of most exam papers. Strangely, I did poorly in Media Studies. Mr Smith was obviously expecting me to put down actual answers.

Then I went to University in Oxford and instantly fell in love with the city. Sadly, society frowned upon marriage between a man and an urban area, so we had to just stay friends. I came away from my academic studies with a Masters in Wit, Charm and Cynicism. I also picked up a Doctorate in Trust Issues.

I now work as the boss of a shadowy organisation planning on world domination by turning the world’s brains to mush. That’s right; we are behind The X Factor, the Twilight saga and McDonalds.

The Honest Bitch and I met under auspicious circumstances. There I was, randomly spraying myself with two cans of Lynx on a beach, when an armada of women came galloping my way. However, no one was stopping The Honest Bitch, who battered through the crowd with the brutality of an ice hockey player. Little did I realise that she had studied such an art for some time.

So why aren’t we together? Well, I’m a man. Commitment breaks me out in a rash. We could be sex buddies but it would only lead to commitment and we wouldn’t be friends after the ugly break up, done via text message or a restraining order.

Some of you may have questions. Feel free to put them in the comments and those that The Honest Bitch really wants answering, I’m sure she’ll put them to me. The rest will probably end up on her Facebook page in some edited format!

Signing off,

Mr X

C'est La Vie

Its one thing when my readers question me it’s quite another when Mr. X himself is questioning.

“So you still holding that hope someday we’ll be together, the happy couple?” – Mr. X

I didn’t actually answer his question, I just nicely side stepped it and changed the topic as quickly as possible.

It’s not an easy question. Feelings don’t evaporate but hope does. I don’t want to say I gave up because that’s not it. I just accepted I have no control over the matter and moved on with my life. It sounds cliché but whatever will be, will be. And whatever feelings I may or may not have are irrelevant.

That being said, I still have the urge to separate him from his clothing. I’m only human after all. And damn he’s hot.

As for the “relationship dream” my attitude is very ces’t la via. It’s not on my radar right now. Even thought it seems to be on everyone else’s.

All I have to say is whatever happen or doesn’t happen in the future I just hope he’s happy. Wow, I actually meant that. Think I’ve been hanging around NTB a little too much. He’s starting to rub off on me. That's a little scary.....and creepy.

Anyways I have things I need to get done. e.g my plot to take over the world (You didn't think my nicest would last did you?) . As always stay safe guys.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo