An open letter to The Honest Bitch and her loyal band of bitches,
The Honest Bitch is a curious creature. If you haven’t met her, then that is a shame for you because she is pretty thing with cute complexities and vulnerable virtues. I’ve met her, as you may have read. She has this tendency to rip my clothes off and take advantage of me, something for which I am immensely grateful, since the girl has some skills.
But she gets this magnificent blog to share her soul with the world. I gather some of you want to know about me, the enigmatic Mr X. Why, I have no idea, but allow me to indulge some of you.
I was born in London. It was a difficult birth because my mother was in Manchester at the time. I was raised by a pack of wolves until my youth. I was educated in the dreary school system that taught me that the correct answer is never the facts but what the teacher wants to hear. As a consequence, I managed to get an A in most subjects by writing my name and “How’s about it Miss?” on the front of most exam papers. Strangely, I did poorly in Media Studies. Mr Smith was obviously expecting me to put down actual answers.
Then I went to University in Oxford and instantly fell in love with the city. Sadly, society frowned upon marriage between a man and an urban area, so we had to just stay friends. I came away from my academic studies with a Masters in Wit, Charm and Cynicism. I also picked up a Doctorate in Trust Issues.
I now work as the boss of a shadowy organisation planning on world domination by turning the world’s brains to mush. That’s right; we are behind The X Factor, the Twilight saga and McDonalds.
The Honest Bitch and I met under auspicious circumstances. There I was, randomly spraying myself with two cans of Lynx on a beach, when an armada of women came galloping my way. However, no one was stopping The Honest Bitch, who battered through the crowd with the brutality of an ice hockey player. Little did I realise that she had studied such an art for some time.
So why aren’t we together? Well, I’m a man. Commitment breaks me out in a rash. We could be sex buddies but it would only lead to commitment and we wouldn’t be friends after the ugly break up, done via text message or a restraining order.
Some of you may have questions. Feel free to put them in the comments and those that The Honest Bitch really wants answering, I’m sure she’ll put them to me. The rest will probably end up on her Facebook page in some edited format!
Signing off,
Mr X
Saturday, 19 November 2011
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
C'est La Vie
Its one thing when my
readers question me it’s quite another when Mr. X himself is questioning.
“So you still holding
that hope someday we’ll be together, the happy couple?” – Mr. X
I didn’t actually
answer his question, I just nicely side stepped it and changed the topic as
quickly as possible.
It’s not an easy
question. Feelings don’t evaporate but hope does. I don’t want to say I gave up
because that’s not it. I just accepted I have no control over the matter and
moved on with my life. It sounds cliché but whatever will be, will be. And
whatever feelings I may or may not have are irrelevant.
That being said, I
still have the urge to separate him from his clothing. I’m only human after
all. And damn he’s hot.
As for the “relationship
dream” my attitude is very ces’t la via. It’s not on my radar right now. Even
thought it seems to be on everyone else’s.
All I have to say is
whatever happen or doesn’t happen in the future I just hope he’s happy. Wow, I
actually meant that. Think I’ve been hanging around NTB a little too much. He’s
starting to rub off on me. That's a little scary.....and creepy.
Anyways I have things
I need to get done. e.g my plot to take over the world (You didn't think my nicest would last did you?) . As always stay safe guys.
Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo
Labels:
Ces’t la via,
Feelings,
Hope,
Lust,
Mr. X,
No Stress,
Relationships,
Sex
Saturday, 12 November 2011
No Small Talk
I have a friend who a
while back was talking about how he couldn’t stand small talk. And for once I
actually agreed with him on something. So now 90 percent of the time I just say
or ask what I want without the hassle of making small talk first.
My friends are pretty
use to it now, most of the time. The big issue comes when I talk to someone new
who isn’t use to my straight forwardness. It tends to catch people off guard.
I mean if someone
sent you a message out of the blue that said “where do you hide porn?” how would
you take it?
Personally I’d just
answer the question but not everyone works like that. People have a nasty habit
of getting offending. I’d ask why the question is being asked before
putting the effect in to be offending.
Then again I’m not
the sort of person who is easily offended. I worked customer service for many
years; I developed a pretty thick skin doing that, that and a hatred for most
people.
I think the last
thing that truly offended me was, shock horror Mr. X. We were talking in the back
of his car and he said something about his parents and I replied jokingly “well remind
me keep a ways away if I ever meet them.” To which he snapped “don’t worry you’ll
never met them.” That one got my back up. I actually, come to think of it,
haven’t seen him since he said that to me.
The difference being
I was offended by a statement rather than an open ended question that could be
interpreted many ways. People jump to conclusions when it comes to my random,
out of the blue questions. And personally I think it’s their conclusions that
offend them rather than my questions. But they’ll never admit it.
Anyways my dears, I’m
heading off for the night. As always stay safe.
Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo
xoxo
Thursday, 10 November 2011
20 and Counting
“20 kids and
counting, Michelle Duggar is pregnant......Again”
Really!?! Will
someone please tell that women it’s a vagina not a clown car.
Unlike a lot of
people I don’t actually hate the Duggan’s. I don’t agree with them on most
things but I don’t hate them. There isn’t much to hate really, they don’t keep
the money made from their show, they don’t take government handouts and they do
a lot to help others. But I still can’t help but think they’re crazy.
Baby 19 nearly died
and Michelle could have easy died too. Now surely almost dying should be seen
as a message from god that your baby making days are numbered. I understand
that they see babies as a blessing but surely life is also a blessing that
should be cherished and not unnecessarily be put at risk. I mean you have 19
happy, healthy kids; it’s time to quit while you’re ahead.
The only real problem
I have with the Duggar's is the way the older girls pretty much raise all the children. Sure it keeps them out of trouble and teaches them responsibility but
you’re only young once. They’re just setting these kids up for midlife crises later in life.
You never see the older kids out having fun with friends. They’ve pretty much assumed the role of live
in maids. Maybe that’s just the perk to having kids aged 23 years to 23 months
but it just doesn’t seem right to rob these older kids of their childhood and
teenage years.
Who knows maybe all
this 16 and parenting will change these girls minds on birth control. I mean
who in their right mind could live with 20 kids and then decided they want to
pop out 20 of their own.
Anyways my dears
that’s my rant on the matter, what do you guys think? As always stay and play
safe or you may start off your own collection of kids.
Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo
Sunday, 6 November 2011
Dream: Switching Off
I had a strange and disturbing
dream last night and because a lot of you share those characteristics (Maxwell)
I thought I’d share the dream with you.
The dream took place
in a long, dark, museum like hallway with offset lighted pedestals lining
either side.
I was on this purple
floating moving platform with Mr. X. He was the museum docent. On each of the
lighted pedestals was a half naked gorgeous guy. As we pulled up to each of
these gorgeous guys Mr. X would talk about them.
“This is Nick, he’s
28 from BC, he plays hockey and is hung like a horse.” Then just as I was starting to drool over the
guy, Mr. X would say something like “Yes, hung horse but he could never measure
up to my personality. Then the light on the pedestal would go black and we’d
move on to the next one.
“This Scott, he’s 29
from New York, he’s the lead singer in an up and coming band.” “He can sing but
he’ll never have my sense of humour.” Then the light would go off.
And this kept going
on and on and on, “this is Jeremy he looks perfect doesn’t he?” “Wrong! He
lacks my ability to tell it how it is.” There were about 50 different guys and
one after another the lights would turn off. Until I just couldn’t take anymore.
I ended up jumping off this moving platform and running for the museum exit
(not easy in the dark).
I ended up waking up
before I manage to find my way out of there. The dream was so weird and disturbing,
I struggled to fall back to sleep after it.
I have no idea what
the meaning behind that dream was and I have a feeling I don’t want to know.
The female mind is a scary place at the best of times. Have any of you ever had
a dream like that?
I’m heading off for
the night and fingers cross this doesn’t become a reoccurring dream. Stay safe
guys.
Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
72 Hours Marriage Rant
I don’t normally blog
about celebrity gossip, but this story is on my nerves and ranting is the
only known cure for that. Before I start the ranting let me say allegedly and facts may
or may not be true.... you know those Hollywood types they like to sue when
they get cranky.
Let the ranting begin....
It is one thing to
get divorced after 72 days of marriage but it’s quite another to bullshit to
the media for that length of time, then expect the people you lied to, to have
your back.
The chick has balls I’ll
give her that.
The thing that annoys
me about this story is she’s taking no blame. Her and her pimp (manager) are
just spinning the story and for once the media isn’t buying it. (Well done tabloid
journalists)
How hard is it to
release a statement that says “I fucked up!” Screw this, his parents didn’t like
me, I made no money, I was in love BS and just admit you screwed up. Don’t
continue to lie to the media, which is why the world has turned on you in the
first place.
Her and her family
spinning of this story makes me want to scream. The story started she didn’t want
to move so that’s why it ended. Then it was he wanted fame, then she had
doubts, them his family hates her and that’s why it ended. Give it a week and
she’ll be claiming he hit her or some other BS like that.
Give the world a
break and stop talking. You’re making it worse. It’s clear the media and a lot
of your fans have turned on you that should be your sign that you messed up. So
stop blaming everyone else and admit your screw up.
The next annoying
thing....
“She didn’t make a
dime off her wedding”. Really? Is she the stupidest celebrity on the planet or
just failed first grade math? Anyone who is anyone makes money on their
wedding. They sell pictures, make magazine deals, use someone products. It's common to make money from your wedding when you’re famous so why lie about it.
Most people aren’t stupid, and just because you keep saying it doesn’t make it
true.
I’d also like to add
love doesn’t evaporate, if you actually loved him you still would. You just
wanted the money and the attention from the wedding, you know it, I know it, the
world knows it, so just admit it so the world can move on to whether Justin is a
daddy and if jail orange makes Lindsay look fat.
Stay safe, Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo
Sunday, 30 October 2011
Mr. X and NTB
You guys have been
asking about Mr. X and NTB a lot lately so I thought I’d take this chance to
fill you guys in.
Let start with Mr. X.
I’m over it. It’s no secret
we blow hot and cold. Right now it’s my turn to blow cold. I’m not feeling it
right now. The challenge was fun at first but its turn into the challenge that
never ends. And that's about as appealing as an episode of Lamb Chop’s Play along.
I’ve moved on, I’m
crushing on someone new, someone who is a lot less asshole like. Mr. X is an
amazing person don’t get me wrong, I’m just bored of the games and BS.
I think NTB brainwashed
me into hating games. Speaking of NTB nothing happened there. He’s just a busy
bee right now. He’s trying to become a doctor so there just has been very little
time for anyone more fun than a text book.
So in a nutshell I
replaced Mr. X with a cuter, younger model and I’m waiting for NTB to become Dr. NTB,
no great mystery and last time I checked I didn’t murder them....although that
could change.
Anyways my dears as
always stay safe and Happy Halloween.
Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo
Labels:
Crush,
Feelings,
Flirting,
Friends,
Guys,
Halloween,
Happy Halloween,
Holidays,
Life,
Mr. X,
NTB,
Relationships
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