The Honest Sick Bitch

I’m baaaack! I’m sorry I’ve been missing for so long, but I’ve so sick it’s unreal. I haven’t been to work in 3 weeks due to this stupid bug and I’m still not completely over it.

For the first week of this bug my fever was unreal, without medication it was contently over 40c. At its highest it was 40.9c for my American friends that’s 105.6. I actually hallucinated that aliens that were trying to cook me, my temperate was so high.

The second week a chest infection joined the party, so not only was incredibly unwell with flu like symptoms, but my chest was full of crap and since I’m asthmatic that’s never fun.

Week 3 has been easier, the original bug is pretty much gone, and I’m just dealing with what’s left of the chest infection and the fatigue. I lost 20lbs throw the illness some of which was due to dehydration so I’m also having to make an effort to rehydrate and stay that way because I’m still occasionally ill thanks to my stupid cough.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so ill. I wasn’t even this bad when I had Mono and I was off school 3 months with that. I’m just happy I’m starting to feel better, and things can start getting back to normal.

So I guess I should leave you with a question, what do you do to make yourself feel better when you’re sick. Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Less Like Murder

The power of blogging never ceases to amaze me; I was in the worst mood I’ve been in, in years and after a

short little blog I was perfectly fine.

Don’t me wrong, things aren’t all roses, but the risk of me committing murder and or blowing up the world has been greatly reduced. However, my work week starts tomorrow and I’m fighting off a cold, so how long it’ll last is anybody’s guess.

On the Brightside I have a whole 24 hours more off and since I’m feeling a little under the weather I think that’s the perfect excuse to have a lazy do-nothing day. What’s your favourite way to spend a lazy day? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Mad

Oh, how a week can change things. The supervisor or the ex-supervisor or the cunt as I’ve been calling him

this past week (a word a never use, which is just a sign of how fucked off I really am), got himself signed off and didn’t tell me, got himself signed off again… didn’t tell me and is about to hand his notice in which he did tell me but by that point… I didn’t fucking care.

Don’t get me wrong, he has the right to do what the fuck he wants, but he did it in a weasel like way and played me for a fool in the process and I don’t take kindly to that. I don’t even have the words to describe how mad I actually am.

The problem I’m having is I’m mad, I know it’s not all because him, but I’m not in a place right now where I can sort out what’s what. He’s taking the brunt of it, deservedly so or not. I can’t filter my angry right now it’s too raw.

Logically, I know it’s not all his fault, but logic and angry don’t really mix. I know at some point when I don’t want to test the theory that I’ve watched enough murder show I could easily get away with it, I’ll sort through it all and be able to begin to figure out how much of an asshole he truly is or was but right now I am just mad.

So until I am no longer mad I shall try and bite my tongue, channel that angry into something productive and attempt not to kill anyone…but no promises.

I guess that brings me to the question of the blog, what do you do when you’re mad? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

The Supervisor

Some of you have asked about my relationship with the Supervisor and since I’m struggling to fall asleep I

thought I’d oblige.

The Supervisor and I have a strange relationship, despite what you might think there is absolutely no sexual tension between us. That spark you’d expect when we swap looks across the desk is completely AWOL. It just doesn’t exist.

That spark however does exist with a few other men at work but sadly nothing act-on-able. But it’s always nice to have a little something to play off of.

But back to the Supervisor; I hear the questions already; no sexual tension, no spark, so what's the interest?

It’s simple; I think he’d be a good lay.

I hear heads spinning, let me explain; a sexual spark makes sex good, no matter the sex. If the sex is already good the sexual spark isn’t necessary. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a plus but it’s not needed. That pesky spark is the reason feeling develop, meet someone without that spark and you have a first class fuck-friend on your hands.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do have feelings for the Supervisor, just not I want to have his baby feelings. It’s more of a we’ve been married for 30 years and are trying to run a household and raising 60 toddlers together sort of feeling.

We’re a team, and one hell of a team at that. We just have a way of bringing out the best in each other and because of that things just work better when we’re together. We may not have a sexual spark, but we still have a special bond…60 toddlers have a way of doing that to you.

Anyways you’ve asked, I’ve answered and now I’m going to bed. So sweet dreams my lovelies and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

Oh, and PS; what do you do when you can’t sleep?  

Feeling Single

I’ve been single for just over a month now and until recently I hadn’t really noticed. I know that sounds crazy, but given mine and Barney’s relationship it’s understandable. I didn’t see the man very often and towards the end of our relationship, our conversations weren’t very boyfriend/girlfriend like. Breaking up wasn’t any great loss…hell it wasn’t even a moderate loss.

That said, the other day for the first time in a very long time I truly felt single. What was the catalyst for this feeling you ask? 

This

<---------

       Well, in actual fact, this.  

                      ----------------->

Leave it to Ikea to make a girl feel all alone. I’m not an overly girly girl and going into the whole flat pack thing I felt confident. Then I opened the box and quickly realised why women get married.

Now don’t get me wrong this girl is no quitter and I did get it built, it may have taken 12 hours but I got it done. But even afterwards that all alone feeling lingered. There was nobody there to share in my flat pack triumph.

It was weird, I’m not someone to worry about my relationship status. I couldn’t care less whether I’m single or in a relationship. As long as I’m happy within myself anything else is a bonus.  

The way I see it is I spend all day around men and if I’m going to put up with one without being paid he better be something special. I get my fill of jerks and fuck-wits at work. Admittedly, I do get some sweethearts and real gems at work too, but for the most part…..I spend 90% of my night wondering how on earth most of these men are married and whether their women are being held captive King Kong style.

I really should be thankful that some of them are so repulsive, it was the thing that managed to pull me out of my “being single” funk. It’s hard to long after something when you’re wondering if soap and water are just a little too complicated for their species.

I have to admit there are a few men there that make being in a relationship seem tempting. I work with some absolutely lovely guys that would do anything for me and that often prove that not all men are bad. However, all that loveliness is quickly balanced out by a grown men having a temper-tantrums……the joys of the transport industry, eh?

Anyways, my dears, I am off to that lovely place I call bed to dream about doing very unladylike things to my Supervisor….what? Just because I’m content being single doesn’t mean this girl doesn’t have needs. Anyways, before I go I shall leave you with this question; what snaps you out of your “being single sucks” moods? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Too Well Oiled Of A Machine

I’ve always said the Supervisor and I have an extraordinary working relationship despite only working together since April we’ve quickly found our staid and became a well-oiled machine.  Possibly too well-oiled.

I know personally I hate not working with the Supervisor, things just work better when our team is in, we know what each other is thinking and doing without having to ask. He doesn’t have to chase me and I don’t have to chase him everything just gets done.

The downside to this relationship is I hate to let him down and he’s the same with me. I know I should be focused on finding a new job right now, but I keep putting it off because I don’t want to leave him on his own. I have an interview next week for a fantastic job that pays £6,000 a year, more than I’m currently on and I feel horrible about it. I don’t want to go and leave him, but the choice isn’t mine.

He’s proofing right now it’s a two way street, his doctor wants him off work due to stress, but he doesn’t want it off because he doesn’t want to leave me in on my own. I’m having to do the right thing despite really not wanting to and push him to look after himself. Admittedly the thought of being in on my own next week is about enough to get me signed off with stress, but I have to do the right thing and put his health first…. Doing the right thing sucks.

I think it might suck a little more because if I do get this job, this could be our last set of 4. Which is almost enough to make me cry. I’m having one of those “I’m not ready to be an adult” moments but I guess I don’t really have a choice.

Anyways, that’s enough of me having emotions I need to go and be a cold heartless bitch and balance the universe back out. Before I go I shall leave you with this question; what is your favourite thing about your current job? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

I Do Not Negotiate With Terrorists

This seems to be a trend lately whether it’s Barney and his emotional manipulation or the drivers at work with their blatant refusal to keep operations running. I feel like I’m constantly negotiating with terrorists.

Call me naive, but when I stopped working a customer facing role I thought my days of terrorist negotiation was over… how wrong was I. If anything drivers are a million times worse than any customer I’ve ever dealt with.

In customer service you have the power, at the end of the day, yes, you want the customer to be happy, but they want something from you so the end game is ultimately yours.

In transport the power lies with the driver, they have the class 1 license you want them to use said license to deliver your goods so the power is theirs, and my god do they know it. It feels like you’re trying to negate the release of a chocolate bar a toddler is determined to eat. You’re never going to win at least part of that chocolate is getting eaten.

As much as I keep telling myself I don’t negate with terrorist….I do. I’m just kidding myself if I say otherwise. My job title may as well be "terrorist negotiator" at this point. The odd part is until recently I actually enjoyed my job. I enjoyed going in and defusing bombs and against all odds making everything work. But lately it’s just been a lot of work and with everything so up in the air, it’s a lot of work I’m not sure that even worth doing.

Anyways, my lovelies, I’m going to go and relax and make the most of my precious time off. I guess I’ll leave you with this question; what is your favorite way to distress after a long week at work? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Did You Try?

When I've talked about my “relationship” with Barney ending, a couple of friends have asked me the same question; did I try? And I find this question incredibly offensive.

Why is my duty to chase a grown ass man? I messaged him, he failed to message me back, in my book I tried. Did I try hard….no but why should I? If I’m not a priority to him why would I want to chase him?

I hate that emphasis is placed on the woman, like somehow it’s our job to corral men and beat the asshole out of them; while training them in the art of common courtesy and communication. I’m sorry, but I didn’t sign up for that. There are only 2 things in this life worth chase and neither of them are men. They’re alcohol and dreams and I recommend one more then the other.

Given the men I date, it’s a no brainer chase alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol J

Anyways, my lovelies, that’s my rant over with. I am off to make the most of my last night off, cocktails, chick flick and a face mask are just what the doctor ordered. I suppose before I go I should leave you guys with a question; have you ever chased anyone and was it worth it? Let me know in the comment box below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Work Killed Barney

Hmmmm….where to start…… well Barney is dead or as good as.

What happened is his inability to work a phone continued and I was joking with him and told him about my supervisor even joking about his caveman like phone skills and Barney lost his shit. I quickly defused his temper-tantrum, but it was a big warning sign. Then he went radio silent again for 5 or 6 days, so when he finally reappeared, I told him I was bored of him and that was that.

I’m sure it’s not normal to choose your supervisor over a boyfriend, but the way I see it is if he’s going to snap over a joke, it’s only a matter of time before he snaps at me and add that to him not texting and vanishing for weeks at a time….3 strikes and you’re out buddy.

Next up is work; they sent me an email with the ad for my job telling me if I want it, apply for it. I sent one back saying ha ha ha try again and they changed their mind so it appears I have a job. But sadly my supervisor isn’t going which I find strangely upsetting.

Forgetting the flirting and the cum strained boss’s desk; we’re a team and my teammate is abandoning me. Don’t me wrong, I completely understand why he’s going and I don’t blame him, but I don’t have to like it.

We work well together; it’s very yin and yang. He’s laid back and deal with things as they come, I am more proactive and like to get things done before anybody has even thought about them. It just works well for us. There is no, he’s higher up the food chain than me, we work as equals and when there is a problem to be solved, we bounce ideas off each other and come to a solution sometimes he’s right and sometimes I’m right. There’s no dictatorship with him. When you have a good working relationship with someone and you manage to have a laugh while doing it you can’t blame a girl for not wanting to lose that.

Plus, I still kind of want to fuck him…not really sure why, just do.

Anyways I have to go I can hear a pint of beer calling my name and I’d hate to disappoint it. So let me leave you with this question; what caused you to end your last relationship? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

Uncertainty

This might be the first time in a long time I’ve blogged because I’ve needed to blog rather than blogging because I want to, and am trying to get back into the habit because I miss you guys. At the end of the day we’re one big dysfunctional family here and crazy needs crazy.

Uncertainty is the theme of this blog as I’m sure you can tell since…..you can read; and there seems to be a lot of it in my life right now. And I’ll let you in on a little secret, I don’t like it. Inside my head is crazy enough, I don’t need the thing around me to follow suit, that’s too much crazy…nobody needs that much crazy.

Uncertainty number 1 is my job; it was announced Monday that the site I work at is being closed down and presumably relocated. I say presumably because nothing has been announced, but truck driver’s gossip more than teenage girls and we’ve been aware of new site in the works for several months.

The problem I have is the new site is about an hour and a half away. So an hour and half there, 12 hours at work, an hour and a half back, two hours to get ready for work, 2 hours to fall asleep after work ……if math isn’t your thing let me help you out, that leaves 5 hours. This bitch gets bitchy when she doesn’t get her beauty sleep. Yeah, yeah, I can hear you already, “she gets bitchy when she does get her sleep too”. ….charming.

Problem 2 is I crazy ex-girlfriend stalked my company online and I can’t find an application for an operator’s licence for the alleged new site anywhere. Which is worrying me…. A lot. No licence, no job, it’s as simple as that.

I am a little reassured by the fact that if there is a new site, my supervisor is leaning towards going. I don’t want to work under someone else, (that sounded a little wrong) I’m finally in a position where I can build on my knowledge and possibly move up. And as much as I hate to admit it, I’m working with the best person to help me. I may wholeheartedly disagree with his decisions at times (which is how I know it’s time to think about moving up) but I’m not going to find anyone better suited to teach me. ……Shhhh if you listen carefully you can hear his ego growing.

I do have the advantage of not being tied to my current location, but A) There has to be another site for that to work and B) my pay would have to go up to match the standard of pay at that location.

The other major uncertainty is the “not boyfriend” as I call him. Barney and I have been dating nearly 4 months at this point and we’re…well…uncertain. We’re not boyfriend/girlfriend, we’re not seeing each other enough to get to that point…yet the desire on both parts to get to that point is there, but it’s not going to happen anytime soon and by soon I mean this side of 2014.

Part of me thinks my best bet is to cut my losses and run and the other part is brainwashed by a man I never get to see but really wants to. I don’t know what it is with this guy, I’m immune to guy bullshit normally; even with Mr X I was able to call him out of his bullshit. This guy’s bullshit has mutated for the pure purpose of slipping past my defenses and it’s driving me crazy!

And I’m sure it’s driving me crazier than it otherwise would if it wasn’t for all the uncertainty at work. It feels like I don’t know anything right now. I don’t know if I have a job, If I'm going to have to find a new job, if I I’m going to have to move, if it’s worth moving, if there will be any staff left when we get to the new site, if there will be a new site, I don’t know when I’m going to know any of this, I don’t know when I’m going to see my not boyfriend, when I’ll hear from him, if he’ll ever be more than that, do I want him to be more than that…….hell I’m not even sure I know my damn name right now!

I don’t like uncertainty, I like to know where I stand and right now it feels like I’m standing on quicksand reaching for a one armed monkey swinging from a tree.

Anyways, that’s enough of…whatever that was. I need to go get dressed and go vote because if you don’t vote you have no right to bitch and we all know I like to bitch. So I shall leave you with this question; what don’t you know that you wish you did? Let me know your answer to that and any thoughts you have on my mess in the comment box below and as always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

A Surprisingly Nice Birthday

Despite my fears that my birthday was going to follow its normal trend and be horrible; it was actually very nice.

Because of a coworker's sudden “sickness” I ended up spending the first 6 or so hours of my birthday at work which oddly enough wasn’t so bad. The drivers were quick to stop moaning when they found out (which, if you’ve ever worked with truck drivers you’ll know is a miracle in its self”. Most wished me a happy birthday and gave me a hug…. Admittedly, there were a few wondering hands, but who can blame them.

My supervisor was a sweetheart and got some non-alcoholic beers in so the shunter and the two of us had a drink to celebrate the start of my birthday. He also got me some Turkish delight and shortbreads which I may or may not be eating now for breakfast right now at 9pm. I give credit where credit is due and the man was a total sweetheart and actually made working on my birthday almost pleasurable.

I got home from about quarter past 7 had a mojito and snuggled up in bed to watch a little TV. About a half hour later I heard my phone go off and when I had a look it was a message from Barney saying “Happy birthday princess, hope you have a wonderful day x” I was more than a little shocked, I’ve made it more than a little clear to you all I really wasn’t expecting to hear from him at all. We had a little chat and then I went to bed.

I woke up about noon to message from Barney asking if I wanted to meet up for a drink later in the day, which nearly gave me a heart attack. Didn’t see that one coming, but of course I agreed. So at about 5pm I went to meet him at the pub for a few hours. It was lovely to get to see him. It was a much needed reminder of why I put up with everything I do.

After seeing Barney I came home and had a few drinks, dinner and of course I enjoyed my birthday cake. Then the gay husband came around and we got ready to go out for a few drinks with some friends.

The night out was entertaining, we drank, we danced, we gossiped and I had to explain the bruise on my boob to a room full men and dirty minded women, that weren’t believing the truth about how I actually got a bruise so I had a lot fun making up stories. If you want to know a giant penis did it from the inside out.

I got home about 4am, very drunk, had another drink, crawled into bed and slept until 19:00 today…. Impressive I know. However, thanks to my sleeping binge, I managed to wake up without any sign of a hangover so as birthday presents go that might be the best one I received.

Anyways, I’m back at work tomorrow, so I need to make myself look human and get some more sleep. So I guess I should leave you with a question, what was your favorite birthday surprise? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Birthday Weirdos

I’m going through one of those phases where everything that is hitting me on me…..shouldn’t be. It’s gotten
to the point where I’m starting to wonder if it’s not them, it’s me. Am I giving off some form of loser homing signal I’m not aware of?

Forgetting the strange Mr X incident, in the past week I’ve been hit on by not one, but two married truck drivers, a guy I used to flirt with many moons ago, an ex and today joining the pack of weirdos CM has made a reappearance.

What the fuck?

It’s always flattering to get hit on but when the quality of guy is as low as it has been you start to wonder if it’s more of an insult than a compliment.

CM’s reappearance was unexpected if you remember that far back, CM was in a 3 year relationship with someone else when we had our fling. Then I decided he had too many deal breakers and had to break things off. He informed me today, he has finally broken up with his girlfriend. That’s all well and good for him, but it doesn’t change anything, yes, he has one less deal breaker now but he still has far too many to overlook.

Plus, I’m spoken for… sort of. There are no titles with Barney and I yet so theoretically I’m single but I’m not about to play that game. Although I wish he'd realize I’m a woman in high demand (even if it’s by weirdos) and make a make a little more time for me.

The guy is trying and I see that and I appreciate it but its slow going and I turn 27 today; I’m not getting any younger. I’m not about to cry that my biological clock is ticking but I do want to settle down one day and I don’t want to look back and regret wasting my time on someone who couldn’t even spare a minute of his weekend to send me one lousy text message.

That’s my life right now, getting old and being unloved, or at least being unloved by anyone worth being loved by….. I hate my birthdays. They always seem to be the most depressing day of the year. Maybe because I’m always single for my birthday and I’m so far away from home, I just can’t help but feel alone or maybe it’s because getting old just sucks I don’t know. Maybe that’s the question of the blog; do you like your birthday? Why or why not? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Facebook Post

After two days of not hearing from the man I’m meant to be in some form of a relationship with I posted this image to my Facebook wall as a gentle hint. On day 3 while I was at work I spotted a Facebook notification on my phone. When I looked at it, I couldn’t control my mouth from yelling “You cock” a little stunned, my supervisor asked what was up. I explained that I hadn’t heard from Barney in 3 days and the fucker just liked my post. No call, no email, no text just liked the fucking post. Needless to say I wasn’t in the slightest bit impressed. My supervisor on the other hand couldn’t stop laughing and repeatedly called him “fucking legendary”. My supervisor is an idiot.

I didn’t hear from Barney all day 4, day 5 I messaged him saying good morning, asking how his weekend was, being a Monday he messaged me back. It didn’t take him long to ask about the post. Apparently he felt it was a cheap shot because he feels guilty enough that he doesn’t have the time to message me or hang out as much as he’d like.

Forgetting the fact he clearly had the time to be on Facebook and like the post which doesn’t take any longer then typing and sending “good night”, how am I am the bad guy in this? It’s not like the good night thing is news to him, we’ve had this conversation… a lot. It shouldn’t really come as a surprise at this point. 

We managed to talk it out and he understands where I was coming from but the whole thing has left a bit of a nasty taste in my mouth. But I will leave the question with you, was I in the wrong? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Unavailable Men

So it’s been nearly 2 months since I last posted and the good night text message battle rages on. Lucky for him I’m pretty laid back because I’m pretty sure any other woman at this point would have kicked his ass. Hell, if this was any other guy I’m pretty sure I would have kicked his ass by now. But for whatever reason he seems to have a weird effect on me.

I may not be winning the good night battle, but we are talking a lot more throughout the day so it's making the good night battle seem less important, but he still isn’t messaging at all during the weekends and that's grating on me a little. It’s my birthday Saturday and I’m willing to bet I don’t hear from him at all. But if I want to see what’s there I guess that’s something I’m just going to have to deal with.

In other news Mr. X messaged me yesterday….yeah, I didn’t see that coming. It appears he’s been reading my blog and a few questions and a statement for me. His opener was “surely I don’t have a hold over you now?” Nothing like a simple opener eh? He followed that gem up with “I do regret that we never saw things through, you know? I wasn't fair on you with that and I apologise”. I hate to admit this but I shed a tear when I read that. Don’t get wrong, I’ve gotten over all this and have moved on but looking back at it all….it still hurts.

Mr. X and I have a strange relationship, there is a reason things went on as long as they did, we have spark and not just sexually.  We’re able to be very straight spoken and honest with each other even now so when he says “if I was ever alone with you again, I'd jump you” it’s not in itself shocking but its definitely unexpected coming from a now married man.  

Speaking of married men that evening I also got a message from one of my old drivers asking me out…..small problem he’s married. Larger problem for him I’m not interested.

I already have my own unavailable guy (admittedly at least these ones text, but still) and if I wanted one that wasn’t single well, I’d finish what I started with my supervisor…..who I may or may not have made cum on our boss’s desk, but that’s a blog for another day and also pre-Barney so no angry emails please.

I guess that brings me to the question of the blog; what makes married men hit on single ladies? And when was the last time one hit on you? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Limited Time and Weekends

The new guy I am dating (Barney) works away Monday –Friday and then come the weekend he has his son, so as you can imagine that doesn’t leave a whole lot of time to see each other, especially  when you figure in me working 4 on 4 off meaning for about 4 weeks I don’t have a weekend at all.  You would think this would bother me, but it doesn’t.  

The only thing that bothers me is the lack of commutation on the weekends. We can go all weekend without even a single text and as much as I hate to admit it, that saddens me.  If I do say so myself, I’m a fairly low maintenance girlfriend, I don’t need a lot in a relationship to be happy, but I do like the odd text message and I particularly like a good night message.

For me a good night message is special; when I’m snuggled up in bed I tend to miss my partner more and getting that message that that person is thinking about me too is special and always puts me to sleep with a smile on my face.

I’m actually sitting here looking forward to going back to work tomorrow; just so my mind is preoccupied. This is weird for me, I actually find myself missing him throughout the day (not just when I’m lying in bed with nothing better to do) and I find myself smiling like an idiot when we get off the phone or he sends a sweet message. This is all….not me and weird. It’s freaking me out a little if I’m honest.

I suppose I should leave you wonderful people with a question, so I have to ask; what is important to you in a relationship when you don’t get to see each other very often? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Talking Dirty and Hang Ups

I don't normally do this but lets start with the question of the blog; what are your thoughts on talking dirty? Turn off, turn on, can you do it sober or do you need a drink? I'm dying to hear your thoughts on this.

It's a well known fact I can't talk dirty sober, for whatever reason it makes me giggle uncomfortably. It's just not something I am able to do. And I'm probably not much better drunk in all honesty, but when everyone involved is drunk who's to say?

I bring this up because I had another date with Barney last night and it turns out he is very much a dirty talker and well it's not really having the desired effect on me. And to add things he's very keen for me to join in and well..... That's not happening.

Let me preface this by saying I really like this guy and outside of the land of sex everything feels natural and easy. It's just in the bedroom things feel.... forced.

Part of it is my own hang ups and I know it, thanks to the epic shit show that was Mr. X  I'm more cautious and guarded and painfully adware things may not be what they appear. And as you can imagine, that uncertainty doesn't really pair well with great sex.

However, as I was writing that, it hit me just how much I must like this guy. I mean I've had sex since Mr. X, I've had good sex since Mr. X and none of this has been a problem. It's fear of everything feeling right and then on the turn of a dime everything changing, to find out it was nothing more than a physical thing from the beginning. It's that dishonesty I'm scared of. 

That could very well be why when he's saying "I want you to ride my cock" I'm thinking is that all you want? What if I don't? Are you going to leave? Are you going to vanish for months? And instead of feeling turned on by his dirty talk all I'm feeling is pressured. Which is weird because I want to sleep with him, it's not like I'm being pressured into having sex with him, but yet I feel pressured....and yes I'm aware I sound like a crazy person right now. 

I think this crazy person needs to go to bed before she over thinks things and ruins what hopefully could be a meaningful relationship with a great guy.....even if the sex isn't quite there yet. I mean sex isn't everything, right? And thankfully it is improving it's just a process..... hopefully not a long one. Anyways as always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxxo

Barney

As promised in my last blog, here are all the Barney details.

Barney is a 36 year old, truck driver who I met at work. Facebook kind of had a helping hand in it too. When I started at my new job his named popped up saying I might know him because we had 8 friends in common. When I looked I noticed they were all drivers from my last job so the next time Barney came into work I asked him about and I found out he use to work there, so that instantly got us talking.

I wasn't interested in dating him off the bat, he has a lot deal breakers working against him. He has kids, and we all know I don't date men who have proven their sperm works. He's been nearly married at least 4 times, although I joke with him that that number is in 100's. He smokes.... He just isn't someone I date.

Plus, we were working together and I can't date someone I work with. There's no rule about it, but working in the field I do, I can't afford to get a reputation. As I've witnessed guys talk more than girls do and working with 60 guys a night, it won't take 30 seconds for that gossip to spread.

But after Barney left I didn't see the harm in agreeing to go to dinner with him. He might not be someone I date, but we always had a laugh working together so I figured why not.

We went out a few weeks ago and I have to admit I had a blast. It was probably the best first date I've had. There was no awkwardness, everything was so easy and I don't think we stopped laughing all night. He was a perfect gentleman too. Well....almost.

Things did get a little heated during our good night kiss but due to circumstance out of our control we didn't take things to the bedroom. But I'll tell you something, it's been 3 weeks since our date and I'm still thinking about that first kiss.

So that's it for now I have some stuff I have to get on with. That brings me to the question of the blog, what was your best first date? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

A Quick Catch Up

I know, I know I've been a horrible blogger, I just haven’t managed to find the right balance of writing, social life and work since I started my new job but I promise I’m working on it.

Anyway, I guess I should fill you in on the current man situation. The CM thing is over, I just couldn't get over him smoking pot. Believe it or not I do have a moral compass and that just never sat right with me. 

I'm still flirting with the supervisor, I haven't done anything with him as of yet but I'm working on it.

Then we have Kumquat one of my old drivers who I had a date with New Years Eve day and then went crazy on me not once but twice. Which is impressive seeing as I only slept with him once. Also, I feel the need to add the man is hung... Like ouch that hurts hung. He was probably my favorite driver, hence giving him a second chance, plus he's he can make me laugh like no one else but he murder any hope he had with the second freak out.

This brings me to the newest guy in the mix who for blogging sake, I'm going to call Barney. He used to work at the new place, but recently left for a new job. It also turns out he use to work at my old job before I did. Which is a little dangerous since we know a lot of the same people. We went out Saturday night and had a good time, so despite him having some deal breakers working against him I do plan on seeing him again.

I will go into more Barney details later, but right now I need to get some sleep before work. I just wanted to say hi and fill you guys in a little bit.

So, since there isn't really a question in this blog, tell me how you guys have been? As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo