This might be the first time in a long time I’ve blogged
because I’ve needed to blog rather than blogging because I want to, and am trying
to get back into the habit because I miss you guys. At the end of the day we’re
one big dysfunctional family here and crazy needs crazy.
Uncertainty is the theme of this blog as I’m sure you can
tell since…..you can read; and there seems to be a lot of it in my life right
now. And I’ll let you in on a little secret, I don’t like it. Inside my head is crazy
enough, I don’t need the thing around me to follow suit, that’s too much crazy…nobody
needs that much crazy.
Uncertainty number 1 is my job; it was announced Monday
that the site I work at is being closed down and presumably relocated. I say presumably
because nothing has been announced, but truck driver’s gossip more than teenage
girls and we’ve been aware of new site in the works for several months.
The problem I have is the new site is about an hour and a
half away. So an hour and half there, 12 hours at work, an hour and a half
back, two hours to get ready for work, 2 hours to fall asleep after work ……if
math isn’t your thing let me help you out, that leaves 5 hours. This bitch gets
bitchy when she doesn’t get her beauty sleep. Yeah, yeah, I can hear you
already, “she gets bitchy when she does get her sleep too”. ….charming.
Problem 2 is I crazy ex-girlfriend stalked my company
online and I can’t find an application for an operator’s licence for the alleged
new site anywhere. Which is worrying me…. A lot. No licence, no job, it’s as
simple as that.
I am a little reassured by the fact that if there is a
new site, my supervisor is leaning towards going. I don’t want to work under
someone else, (that sounded a little wrong) I’m finally in a position where I can
build on my knowledge and possibly move up. And as much as I hate to admit it, I’m
working with the best person to help me. I may wholeheartedly disagree with
his decisions at times (which is how I know it’s time to think about moving up) but
I’m not going to find anyone better suited to teach me. ……Shhhh if you listen
carefully you can hear his ego growing.
I do have the advantage of not being tied to my current
location, but A) There has to be another site for that to work and B) my pay
would have to go up to match the standard of pay at that location.
The other major uncertainty is the “not boyfriend” as I
call him. Barney and I have been dating nearly 4 months at this point and we’re…well…uncertain.
We’re not boyfriend/girlfriend, we’re not seeing each other enough to get to
that point…yet the desire on both parts to get to that point is there, but it’s
not going to happen anytime soon and by soon I mean this side of 2014.
Part of me thinks my best bet is to cut my losses and run and
the other part is brainwashed by a man I never get to see but really wants to.
I don’t know what it is with this guy, I’m immune to guy bullshit normally;
even with Mr X I was able to call him out of his bullshit. This guy’s bullshit
has mutated for the pure purpose of slipping past my defenses and it’s driving
me crazy!
And I’m sure it’s driving me crazier than it otherwise
would if it wasn’t for all the uncertainty at work. It feels like I don’t know
anything right now. I don’t know if I have a job, If I'm going to have to find a new job, if I I’m going to have to
move, if it’s worth moving, if there will be any staff left when we get to the
new site, if there will be a new site, I don’t know when I’m going to know any
of this, I don’t know when I’m going to see my not boyfriend, when I’ll hear
from him, if he’ll ever be more than that, do I want him to be more than that…….hell
I’m not even sure I know my damn name right now!
I don’t like uncertainty, I like to know where I stand
and right now it feels like I’m standing on quicksand reaching for a one
armed monkey swinging from a tree.
Anyways, that’s enough of…whatever that was. I need to go
get dressed and go vote because if you don’t vote you have no right to bitch and
we all know I like to bitch. So I shall leave you with this question; what don’t
you know that you wish you did? Let me know your answer to that and any
thoughts you have on my mess in the comment box below and as always my dears,
stay and play safe.
Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo
I can't help with the work side of things but my suggestion to you is forget Barney and date the supervisor, you two seem to have a spark, so why not go for it?
ReplyDeleteI think that might be the worst idea I've heard.....ever.
DeleteI have to second that! What spark is Jess talking about it?
DeleteMy advice: none. I should be all relaxed and my life seems very much on tracks, but ... Well I dont know what the but is about, so I am just running a bit too much every single day. It's my way if escaping from uncertainty.
I the supervisor am staying quiet and reading... getting slightly big headed too ^^
ReplyDeleteYou could always throw the one armed monkey a banana and hope he falls into the quicksand with you. Misery loves company, right?
ReplyDeleteDude it's been over a month ... Why are you not writing? Or at least commenting on my stuff !!! Missing you!
ReplyDeleteMiss you too hun, I'm working on it I'm working on it... failing but trying lol
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