You Don’t Date

This whole Hugh thing has raised some questioned, and rightly so. I mentioned in the previous posts that he isn’t looking for a relationship and plans to date around. And as I have mentioned in many posts, I hate dating, I hate the area of dating before being in a relationship… I dislike the guessing and uncertainty. I don’t like any of it.

This is different. First of all, I knew from the start what I was getting, I made that choice. There is no guessing, he is a man whore and upfront about it. Second, I don’t want a boyfriend. I am not in the mind set to date, or deal with someone’s bullshit…. But sex…. I kind of want that.

I got lucky when he popped up. Things are very easy between us. We are comfortable with each other; we can talk and have a laugh and most importantly I trust him. I am not stressed about him catching something and giving it to me. Despite knowing he’s fucking about, he’s still a good guy. He just has some wild oats to sow.

Is this ideal? No, but it’s what I need and want right now and maybe him too. I am not worried about it. I am actually more worried what I’d be doing without him…. Some of my exes that have been in my DMs were starting to look tempting.

Anyways, I am off. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always. Stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

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Nothing Goes to Plan

I am sure you’ve noticed I have back dated a few blogs in an attempt to catch you up on all the gossip. This post will be the details on all my dates with Hugh so far. I am writing this the morning after our 4^th date just to give you a little perspective.

Date 1: Drinks

This date was lovely when it finally got started, we went for drinks, followed by a lovely walk. And he kissed me on a bridge overlooking the water. He, however, did showed up 40 minutes late to it. Partly my fault, he was trying to calm down my nerves.

After Date 1:

I got put into quarantine after my step dad and the mom tested positive for COVID-19. Hugh and I continued talking and planning a date for my “Freedom Day”.

Right before our second date he sent me a message raising some concerns and double checking I was ok with us not having a relationship and just dating… no commitment. I responded back by telling him I was. He was clear from the start on what his wishes were.

Date 2: Pumpkins?

The second date was on my Freedom Day. The plan was to go around his to carve pumpkins. I got there, he started pushing my comfort level quickly. We know I am not body confident and his hands were everywhere. Let me say, it wasn’t distressful in anyway, it was just the vibe. But it was a lot…. Good though. The pumpkins didn’t happen, but other things did.

This was a little overshadowed by mom, who was in hospital at this point. I ended up freaking out in the middle of the night and crying on. Just what you want on a date. 

Date 3: Pumpkins

To change things up, he decided to come over and we’d carve those pumpkins at last. I was stressed about this date. Things between us were very easy, we have a lot in common, we’re able to laugh and joke. I love how things flow and just feel natural. And with everything going on I didn’t want that to change or be affected.

This date both sucked and was awesome. Early in the evening we got the news my mother passed away. I felt bad for Hugh it’s a strange place to put but he handled it well. And luckily for me that comfort held because I am positive, I would have fallen apart without him there. He gave me a reason to hold it together if that makes sense.  We went on with our evening and carved the pumpkins and watched a film.

I made a mistake that night and asked about other girls and he was honest and told me there were 4 and he had a date with another that upcoming Sunday. I thought as much, but it stung a little. I knew the score and I was happy with it, but…. She had a date, and I was struggling to get another lined up. 

Date 4: Jealous

At some point I gave in an admitted to Hugh, I was jealous. I should have been playing by fuck friend rules, but those can lead to trust issues and I like how easy things are with us, I don’t want to question everything he says. I am comfortable with him. I am actually starting to feel good about his hands on me. His response was to come over. And I am glad he did. After a few minutes of awkwardness. I settled into a nice place. We have a spark, and it was fun to explore that. And while I know he’s not after anything serious, right now this is fun, and I could use some fun. I trust him enough to not worry and to have my walls down, but I don’t feel completely vulnerable. Despite being a bit of playboy he’s a good guy.

Unless he calls things off with me today and which case, he’s a…

Anyways, that’s you guys all up to date now. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

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When One Door Closes…

 October 11^th, the day after the worst soul-destroying date ever. I’d like to pretend I handed it well, I definitely didn’t. I cried… a lot. And to be honest, I didn’t get out of bed. I am not sure why that one hurt so badly but it did.

After many hours in bed, I nipped on to the site and noticed not only had he crushed my confidence, but he had also blocked me as well. To be honest, I got mad at that point, still teary eyes but mad. So, I did what any rational person would do… I went looking for a fight.

Cue Hugh; good looking guy, but just a picture, age, and location on his profile. In my mind he was bound to be a creep just after one thing, so I dropped him a message. And he messaged back. But to my surprise not with the standard “do you have anymore pictures”. He sent me a message that included facts from my profile. So, I kept messaging him, however, I was still a little confrontational and maybe blunter than I’d otherwise be.

Then he let it split he had joined 8 dating sites and that’s why there was no information on it. Yes, my friends, you heard that right…. 8. So I asked the question “are you just trying to get laid?”  He responded back with a reasonable answer about just trying to get back out there after a breakup. And since I was forced on the site by my gay husband, I get that.  So, the conversation continued. And continued some more and before he went to bed that night, he had asked me on a date for the following Saturday.

I am going to leave this here, and the next post will be our dates. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch Enable GingerCannot connect to Ginger Check your internet connection
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xoxo

Jake

About a month after Barrie disappeared (who for the record made it a whooping 12 hours after our 2nd date) Jake messaged me. Jake was fun to talk to, but he came with some warning signs; first he as younger than me and second he had a kid (which we all know, I just don’t do) but after having my confidence knocked I figured what the heck. 

October 10th, we arranged to go out for an evening in Nottingham. We booked hotels (separately) since the pubs close at 10pm we figured we’d want to hang out after and have some more drinks. The date was… Ok. We had no issues with conversation, but I didn’t think we would. There was one part of the date though, where he started showing me pictures of other girls that were messaging him from the site, which is never a good sign but, we carried on drinking and having a giggle and once the pubs closed we headed back to my room.

Once there we continued drinking and having a giggle. He then pulled me up to dance and kissed me. Things felt like they were back on track, turns out they weren’t. While kissing me his hands started to wander and started to touch me and out of the blue it stopped. He looked at me and said he should really be going and with that he left. It was like someone flipped a switch.

I was left alone in the room, both hurt and insulted. Given my previous confidence knock followed by this. I am not sure why I even ventured back into the dating world. Its horrible.

Anyways, I am off to write a few more of these posts since I am a little behind. What’s was your worst date. Let me know in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

My Head Is Spinning

Part of being a blogger is self-reflection and understanding. After a while (I've been doing this over well over years) you start to be able to almost psychoanalysis yourself, and to be honest, that sucks. My head is spinning and has been spinning since my date with Barrie, actually it's been spinning since halfway through my date. Where most girls would just blame the guy and put how she feels onto him. I can't do that, I know better. Yes, had things happened slightly differently, I likely wouldn’t be in this head space now. But I didn’t verbalise my needs and that’s on me. Guys, much as we hate to admit it, aren’t psychic and we shouldn’t expect them to be.

The issue is he knocks my confidence, not on propose. He’s just out of my league and I know it. So, sometimes I need a little reassurance, a reminder that I’m worthy or special enough for what my brain believes to be too good for. That night, on the date; I needed something. A firm hug, a hand hold, a hand on the leg, just something and I didn’t get it. And because it never came, my brain made me feel less. I was questioning why he was there, why he speaks to me, if this was it. In the end, I'd catch myself fidgeting, trying to distract myself from thinking, from worrying. I’ll be honest, I don’t remember any of the drive home. I could quite my brain, at all. Once again, this is all on me. This boils down to a confidence issue and not feeling worthy. Which, for the record, sucks to say out loud.

When I got home, and to my surprise, he was still messaging me. I was still looking for that reassurance, and shockingly, since I didn't ask for it, and as we established men are psychic, it never came. Yes, once again, I could try to place it on him. He could have played things differently and maybe I'd feel better. But how is he to know any of this going on in my head? We have a playful, banter filled relationship. He’s just being him. I am the one that’s off.

He's not to know, what damage is left for previous relationships. Nobody talks about that shit. Nobody goes, here’s my list of faults and quirks. Due to the whole Mr. X thing, I handle the gray area of dating before a commitment and exclusivity horribly. And who can blame me?  The guy I was in love with and who claimed to have felt the same way got married while we were in this stage. That, my friends, fucking stings. That said, I'm lucky. Most people are damaged in relationships. I am not. I have no unhealed scars there. Relationships are a breeze, I'm chilled. It’s getting there that turns me crazy and once again I'm painfully aware of why that is. It’s like I am the most sane crazy person ever.

Tonight, Barrie has gone out for drinks. I said harmlessly when I found out "have fun, just not too much fun." He responded back with "is there such a thing?". This hasn't helped my brain any. And it’s pissing me off, because I know in a relationship that sentence wouldn't have phased me at all. But in this stage, I'm writing a blog at work because I need the logical side of my brain to kick in. I have zero right to feel any way about anything he is or isn't doing. Yet, I'm positive he’s on a date. And I’m positive given the hour, he's fucking some girl right now. And clearly this makes me feel things. The stupid thing is I know had he said, "you have nothing to worry about." as a response instead, I wouldn’t even have given it a second thought. Again... this is a me thing. Like I said, I have no right to feel any way. He is not my boyfriend, we are not exclusive, he owns be no loyalty nor explanation. This boils back to me feeling like he's too good for me and questioning why anyone would want me let alone someone on his level. That’s a me problem.

Knowing this stuff sucks. Rather than lashing out, which might make me feel better. I have to look within and just deal with it and try to grow. I am a large part of the issue, it’s on me. I am responsible for how I react. No one else.

Anyway, I am off to wonder if the imaginary or non-imaginary girl is better in bed than me (I'm actually laughing about this now. It’s so silly... bet she's more in practice than me.) Have any of you felt like this?  Let me know your stories in the comments below. As always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

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Freaking Out

 

I am trying hard to keep my crazy at bay, but I am freaking out. And not just a little bit, but a whole bunch of crazy freaking-outness is boiling not even underneath the surface at the point. It’s peaking out and I am playing whack-a-mole with it.

Let me explain; I have a date with Barrie coming up, Sunday 23^rd to be exact. Putting aside that fact, I wasn’t expecting a date for our second date to be set yet, it kind of came out of the blue. The idea of this date has me nervous. The whole thing is atypical and has me on edge.

This isn’t a typical second date, we’ve been talking for almost 4 months. Which makes it weird timing to be having a second date. We’re comfortable with each other, we know a lot about each other and about each other’s routines, but we don’t know each other habits. We’re not where we should be, but we’re not where a typical second date would be either.

The other thing making this date feel more, something, is the fact we’ve booked a hotel. Which being 4 months into a “relationship” makes sense and is perfectly normal. However, we’re only at date number 2. With us being at a hotel, sex is the expectation or at least it feels like it is. And that’s nerve-racking. This is one place I prefer to go with the flow, it’s actually the only place I prefer that.

I am nervous about this date. Like when the hotel was booked, frozen in fear scared. I know it’ll be ok. And I am sure, like last time within minutes I’ll be at easy. That said, right now I am freaking out.

Anyways, I am off to chill out before I had back at work tomorrow. Before I go I will leave you with this question; Do you find 2^nd dates more stressful than first dates? Let me know in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

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The Gray Zone

 

If you’ve been here a while the statement I am about to make won’t come as a surprise, but in case you’re new here; I don’t do the grey area well. I put this down to two things, OCD, I can’t stand to leave things unfinished. So being in the grey zone in a relationship plays on that. It never really got started therefor it can’t end. And second Mr. X.

Most people’s relationship trauma comes from bad break ups or bad relationships. I am lucky that I have no lasting scars from my past relationships. Yes, some were less than ideal, but I have made peace with all that. My scarring is in the grey zone. I have no trust in that zone, I am not confident in the zone… I feel vulnerable in that zone. It’s not a place I like to be and my ability to be in it is proving to be minimal. I am aware enough to know it’s not good for my mental health.

However, that OCD of not leaving things unfinished is a powerful bitch. I am at the point where I need to look at the Barrie situation, we’ve been going with the flow for 3 months and like I said I know it’s not good for me. I feel very unlike myself, and I need to get me back. But my head keeps telling me it’s not started so it can’t be done.

I swear I’ve done all the healing and self-reflexion I can from the whole Mr X thing, yet…. Clearly, I am still fucked up. That twat is actually going to land me in therapy at this rate. I

Anyways, I am going to go because I want to cry and that’s not going to happen today. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

 The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

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Communication

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again for someone who makes a living (be it part time these days) writing words, I really suck at using them. And that’s not completely my fault, I am trained to swallow as much emotion as I can. Keep a level and put together appearance while not being ok in any shape nor form. So often I fail to communicate what’s going on, or how I am feeling and just brush off things that are upsetting me because that put together appearance is most important. And that, as you can imagine doesn’t tend to end well either.

A simple emotion like missing someone, or disappointment has a way of getting misinterpreted in all the “yeah, I am fine.” It gets perceived as grumpy or standoff -ish or bitchy. When that isn’t the case, at least to start with.

Let’s talk Barrie for a second; he recently said it would be a while before we got to see each again. Which obviously is fine, things happen, but it’s a little disappointing, I mean I do like the guy after all. My reaction to him is one of non-reaction. Clearly that’s not how I feel inside, but I am not about to show that because…. No. So I distanced. It’s easier to keep up appearances that way. He then assumes I am being grumpy and drops his “x’s” from the ends of his messages. I then got grumpy because I wasn’t grumpy in the first place, I was just missing that twat and then he stops talking to me. See the problem? My communication skills are amazing… and I can’t even blame it on verbal issues because this was all in text. And writing is meant to be the thing I am good at…. Someone send help… and alcohol.

This my dear friends is why I am going to die alone. I genuinely had a falling out with a guy because I missed him, and I wanted to see him.  Men of the world, I am sorry, you’re just screwed this is how twisted the female brain can be. There is no hope.

Anyways, I am off to drink because scientifically alcohol is in fact a solution. But before I go, I have this question for you, what is the stupid fight you’ve ever had with someone? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

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Am I Broken?

We’re all shaped by our environment, our friends, our family, our work. After my reactions to things over the past week weeks starting to wonder if as a result of my surroundings if I might be broken.

I work in a male dominated environment; I am surrounded by man at their worst. I see and hear the bullshit they pull on a daily basics. I’ve said this many times, my job is part of the reason I’m single. It inherently gives you trust issues. I see that even the “nice guys” are often jerks.

So, in a twist of faith, I met Barrie. The definition of a nice guy. He is sickly sweet, a perfect gentleman, the sort of guy every girl dreams about and I hate it. I feel like I am waiting for his crazy, assholeness to pop out at any moment. I don’t trust that there can be anyone that perfect. And I am aware that issue is totally mine, he’s given me know reason to feel that way.

We’ve been talking over 2 months now and when I say he’s a gentleman I mean it. Good morning messages every morning, sweet comments that actually make me say “aww” out loud. And not even an attempt to sext, no rude pictures. When I said he was the perfect guy, particularly after a while out of the dating pool, I wasn’t kidding. It’s like teenage dating again. It almost feels innocent.

With all that said, I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Good guys, aren’t single in their 30’s. They’ve all been snapped up. So why is he single, how is he single? What is wrong with him?  And why do I have these questions? Why can’t I just enjoy having a good guy after all the fuckwit in my past. Am I truly that jaded?

Anyways, I am off to stew in my own thoughts. But before I go, I have this question for you; Am I the only one who has these thoughts? Am I alone in not trusting nice? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

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The First Date

After almost 2 months of messaging, Barrie and I finally had our first date yesterday, that was 27^th of June since this post is going up much later. I was so scared. Like I said in my previous post, the whole personal trainer thing was stressing me out. My body confidence was low, and I just didn’t think when he finally met me and he saw all of me, the words he’d been saying all this time would hold true.

Before we met up, the weather took a turn and to my amusement Barrie was stress. We were meeting at a country park because thanks to the lockdown nothing is open, so we needed the weather to be on our side and the week up to it, it looked great but the day of the forecast was dire. He was so stressed it was adorable and actually help calm me down because I spent the morning laughing at him. It wasn’t until I was like 5 minutes away, I was scared.

Turns out I was scared for no reason, he walked up to me a massive hug and kiss on the cheek. Definitely a good sign in my books. He then gave me some super pretty flowers and produced 2 umbrellas just in case it did try to rain on our day. We got some drinks a walked around. We’d walk a little, then sit on a bench and chat. It was lovely. We found this gorgeous spot up on a hill, overlooking some water and it was there he kissed me. And I don’t think the smile has left my face since.

It was a lovely day, probably my favourite first date ever. He was cute and so sweet. After being out of the dating game so long it was just what I needed. And to be honest, I am little smitten. He’s one of the good ones… At least so far.

Anyways, that is you lovely people totally up to date on what’s been happening while I’ve been away. It’s been an interesting few months and fingers crossed it stays that way. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

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Quarantine Dating

I feel like this post should start with me singing “bored in the house, and I’m in the house bored.” But it wasn’t me bored; it was the gay husband… the way all good stories start. It was the end of April and it was decided against my will that I needed to join a dating site. Mainly, in my opinion because the gay husband wanted to judge people. But whatever his motive a dating profile was setup.

In case anyone was wondering, dating sites haven’t changed much. They are still filled with a million reminders that dying alone isn’t a bad thing. That said, after a few weeks and contemplating buy cats, a guy who didn’t send out a million warning flags messaged me. For blogging sake, we are going to call him Barrie.

Barrie first messaged me on May 2^nd, he just started with current normal dating site first conversation “how is lockdown treating you?” kind of thing. Unlike most, the conversation kept flowing, and about a week later we exchanged numbers and we’ve been chatting ever since, just for the record I am writing this on June 28^th.

It’s been an interesting way to start a “relationship”, we, until recently, have been under a strict lockdown, so meeting was out of the question. Hell, it was against the law. So, it forced us to chat and get to know each other more than we likely would have otherwise. We really had the opportunity to get to know each other and figure out some of our quirks.

I will tell you guys this, he is a sweetheart. Like sickly sweet. I am not use to it. I mean, I work in transport I am used to asshole men, I have no defence for sweet. He also brings out a softer side in me. He is a trained personal trainer, which has brought out some body confidence issues in me. Like he’s perfect, why would he want wobble old me. But I know that’s a me thing and nothing to do with him. But we will see how that plays out.

And for the record, I am aware how things ended with the last personal trainer I dated, but that was over 10 years ago, and that guy was just a prick, there is no comparison.

Anyways that is it for this post, I am off to message Barrie and smile at my phone like a crazy person. But before I go I have this question for you; Have you started talking to anyone during lockdown? Let me know in the comments below, and, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxo

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The Obligatory Tyler Update

I’ve been out of the blogosphere for roughly 3 months, so I know you guys would like a Tyler update, since it was my most popular request before I vanished.

Not a whole lot to catch you up on really. He is still a sweetie and the best work husband a girl could ask for. He is still one of the only reason I make it through some shifts without completely snapping. Definitely still the only voice of reason I listen to… most of the time.

However, that’s it. He is not interested. And I hate to put this out there, but I’ve been questioning for a while whether he may be asexual. Please, don’t for a second think this is an ego thing. It’s not his lack of interest in me that is making me question, it’s his lack of interest in anyone. When we talk, he often mentions not getting married or having a family or any relationship at all. He says he fine dying alone. He never comments that a girl is pretty or hot, or guys for that matter. When you ask him about celebrity crushes, he changes the subject. I don’t really know the story, but it makes me wonder.

Anyways, now that I have broken your hearts, I am off, to hopefully write 2 more blog posts because I have a lot to say, this 3 months off has made me chatty. As always you lovely people, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

Xoxo 

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I Am Back

Hey Strangers, it has been a while, I know. Apologies for dropping off the face of the Earth for a few months, but life got a little too real and writing made it more real. I just couldn’t handle more real, real was bad enough.

 Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, you’re aware there’s a pandemic going on. The world is crazy right now. Those of you who has been around for a while know my mom is sick. She is classified as “clinically extremely vulnerable” and has been ordered to “shield”.

In a cruel turn of fate, I am classified as essential worker. Working in transport, apparently, I am critical to the supply chain. I had a lot of guilt about this. I was going to work, day in day out possibly getting exposed and coming home and potentially passing god knows what on to my mom. I thought for many months, I was going to be the thing or reason my mom died. It was a lot to handle and I wasn’t doing the best job of handling it. That’s for sure. But I am in a better place with everything now. I just needed some time to work out a “new normal” and luckily so far, no virus.

I have a lot to catch you up on over the next few posts, so make sure you come every Friday to hear all the gossip. You guys have been amazing through this. Thank you for hanging around and all your concern. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxo

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All Done

So, my holiday is coming to end, and I’m both ready and dreading it. I’m missing chatting with Tyler and the guys in the office, but I am heading back to change, and nobody knows how what is going to happen. I’m also heading back not having achieved what I planned with my time off. I’m not too mad about that though, I needed a little chill time. Wish I had played more sims, but I was kidding myself that I was going to get stuff done.

I am going to keep this post nice and short as frankly I want to go and have a nap and we shall be back to business as usually next week. As always you pretty people, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Nothing To Write About

This holiday from work is going too fast, and I’ve both done nothing and too much. Everything is sorted for my new bed that is coming tomorrow. I’m going to hurt tomorrow, but at least everything major is done. But I haven’t managed to get any studying in, which I really wanted to focus on this week. I guess you win some and loss some.

I am also really missing Tyler this week. I haven’t been very people person-ish this week and despite this I do need to talk and communicate once in a while and he’s one of the few people I don’t want to stab with something sharp.

Anyways, I am heading to bed, its been a long day and I am starting to get sore already. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Charming

There is an interesting side effect from living on the opposite side of the planet from most of your family. It’s when family members die, you don’t instantly feel grief, you get pissed off. It’s a strange coping mechanism or maybe it’s just human nature. You see when you live on the opposite side of the planet you don’t find out about deaths in a normal nature, you find our on social media. And then you get mad, really fucking mad.

My Aunt Joan died a couple of days ago, she’s one of the only people on my mom’s biological side of the family I actually liked. I spent summers there, she held the family Christmas party every year. She was one the only good people on that side of the family. And as you can guess I found out she died on fucking Facebook. Got to love family, right.

Anyways I am on holiday this week, and I am sober, so I need to go fix that. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxo

Plans

Am I the only person that finds having a plan or long-term commitments stressful? Don’t get me wrong, I have a loose plan, I have an end goal, but a step-by-step plan or commitment past the next 7 ish day, stress me the hell out.

I think it has something to do with me not liking to let people or myself down. I know where I am now, mentally, physically, but 1 month, 2 months for now who knows. And I hate to back down, so I know from experience I’ll just push myself and do that I said even though it may not be what’s best for me.

Anyways you pretty people, I am off to go and study because sooner or later I will be that fucking time off work to do my course. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Happy Valentine’s Days

Happy Valentine’s Days you beautiful people. I hope you’re all have a fabulous day and none of you are letting the BS of the day get you down. Just remember today is about love, not relationships, so show yourself a little self-love. Do something you enjoy, spend some time just focusing on you. 

Relationships are all well and good, but the only one that truly matters is the relationship you have with yourself.

As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

I Miss Tyler

I hate to admit this, but I am missing Tyler. We haven’t been as chatty as normal, and I’m feeling the impact. He brings calm, light heartedness to most situations and without that, my people battery is going flat a lot quicker than I’m used to.

It pains me to admit I might actually need him, or any person for that matter, but it would appear that I do…I don’t like this.

Considering I hate most people and can barely tolerate the rest, I find it a horrible inconvenience that I might actually need another human. It’s not something I do. And, frankly, it feels wrong. But I guess it’s ok. I mean everyone needs someone sometimes?

Anyways, I am going to go and get some sleep, I need to flip back to night mode for work tomorrow. But before I do, I have this question for you. Does it bother you to need to lean on someone? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Changing up the plan

Thanks to a lack of holiday approval I’m having to shake up my plan and even as I write this, I’m not sure the change will work since I’m still lacking approve. I put my holiday request in in November and still nothing… feel like it would be easier to get a new job at this point. That said, my new aim, since the course I wanted to do is now full, is to do my CPC in June.

Which isn’t a bad thing, I had fallen behind in studying so this should allow me to get back on track. I have 16 units left to go over and 15 weeks until the course, so I should be able to everything done and fully give myself the best chance to succeed.

Anyways I am off to drink because I am back at work tomorrow and that makes me want to drink. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Slow Going

2020 progress is slow…so slow. I just can’t seem to find motivation. My get up and go, got up and went. And I’m just blah. I wish I could put my finger on why or what’s up, but I am at loss. I know I’m stressed on some level, mainly because my REM sleep is through the roof. Which normally means I’m working through something… I just don’t know what. Too much REM sleep can leave you blah and tired, so everything is likely linked… I just don’t know what the cause is.

All this is quickly becoming boring and I’m longing for the days when I feel good and can actually get shit done.

Anyways its 3am and I am back at work tonight so I need to start getting ready to not sleep when I should and feel like shit for 4 days. Before I go, I’ll leave you with this question what do you do to get motivated? Let me know in the comments below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Mini Tyler Update

A lot of you have been requested a Tyler update and since I can’t think of anything to write about, now seems like a good time to give one.

This is going to be short; this is no update. Nothing has changed, all is the same. Heck, I should have written this post last week when I was running behind. I know Team Tyler is strong and full of hope, but I think you’re alone on that one.

Anyways you pretty people, I am going to go and try and get a little more studying done. But before I go I shall leave you with this question; how is your New Year going. Let me know in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Still Not Together

In case you’re wonder, yep my mission to keep my ducks in a row in 2020 is still failing. Hence why this post will be back dated to Friday despite be writing it at midnight on Saturday. One day I will have everything balanced, I swear, but not any time soon from the looks of it.

The other issue I have is, I have nothing to say right now. Dating life is nothing, work is still very much work and all my free time is currently taken up trying to cram for my CPC in March which I may or may not be doing since I can’t get my fucking holiday days approved.

Anyways I have to go, this is day 1 off which is why I am writing so late, sleep happened. Hopefully next week, things will be better…maybe. Love you all, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Starting The Year Off Wrong

Happy New Year! My plan to get my shit together is a failure already, seeing as its Thursday night and I’m just writing this…oops. However, I didn’t want to miss a post so we’re starting 2020 with a throwaway post. Forming habits is the most important thing, at least that’s my belief. It’s like my working out goal from last year. It sucked however it became such a habit, in the end I couldn’t relax until it was done.

Anyways, I am going bed. I finished work this morning which makes today national sleep day. But before I go, I will leave you with this question; what is your New Year’s resolution?  Let me know in the comments below. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

Not Christmas

Let me start by saying Merry Christmas, but truth be told I am not fucking feeling it one teeny tiny bit. Christmas this year has been the most nothing day ever. It’s 19:00 and I haven’t left my room since opening presents, not had dinner or any of the normal junk, it’s just a normal day.

I wish I could but my finger on why and figure out what is off about this year. But I can’t. it’s just doesn’t feel like Christmas and I don’t feel like doing chiasmas. Hell, I am grumpy about having people around.

May old single and bitter has finally caught up to me. Anyways I am off to sleep more, and to wait for this day to be over. Hope your day was better than mine. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Not Feeling it

It is 6 days until Christmas, and I hate to say it, but I’m not feeling it at all this year. I didn’t even get the tree up until mid-December. It just doesn’t feel like Christmas and I don’t know why. I’m hoping the holly jolliness will come once I break up from work, but that doesn’t happen until the morning of the 24^th.

Can I just pass on the whole thing this year? Try again next year. Is that a thing?

Sorry this is a super short post, but I feel like death, which isn’t helping the lack of Christmas sprite. I am off to grab a nap and hopefully things will be less spiney when I get up.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Oppps

So, the last post I posted was about me struggling to find balance and the one of the ones before that was about goals… sometimes life tries to test us and sometimes we fail that test, and things go up in flames and it’s not pretty. That’s the current situation.

I may have lost my shit at work Saturday night, walked out and quit. That is a thing that may have happened. I knew I was stressed; I knew I was getting towards the end of my rope… I didn’t know flames were about to happen.

It’s strange, I don’t regret anything. I mean I would have liked to be a little calmer but given the situation I did what I felt I needed to. As for what’s next, I don’t know. I have a meeting with my manager tomorrow, and we will see what’s what. I’m at peace with my decision so I’m not sure what can be said on his part.

Anyways, I am off to finish decorating the tree. As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Balance

I’m struggling to find balance at the moment. I know what I need to get done and I’m doing it, but I seem to have forgotten to allow time to relax and I’m struggling to see where I can even remotely fit it in.

My goal is my CPC, and I have 12 weeks before the course. There are 26 units I need to learn, and I have currently done 6. Math right now isn’t my friends. I need to do 2 units a week, and that’s a struggle, I’ve only managed 1 each of the past 2 weeks. And this doesn’t account for the fact I don’t under one of the units I’ve done. My check for understanding score was laughable. I’m stressed, and I shouldn’t be. I guess the Brightside is my scores on the other units were good.

I need to find balance in this all and I’m just not sure how. I know I will get there, but it needs to be soon. Anyways, I am off to have a nap, as I’m back at work in a few hours, like I said no balance. Leave me your tips on how you managed to balance everything I the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

2020 Dating

A lot of you have asked whether 2020 is going to be the year I start dating again. And, it’s a fair question, it has been a long while since I’ve been in a relationship. That said, I’ve learned a lot in being single so long. Maybe too much because I don’t really miss being in a relationship anymore.

 I’m not sure if 2020 is the year or not. I’m not looking for anything, but I’m not ruling anything out either. It would be nice, don’t get me wrong, but I like being alone, a lot. People are work and it seems like the older I get, the more work they become.

Would I like a relationship, sure, but I’m not sure of the practicality. It’s not the be all or end all. I’m happy as I am. That said, it’s something to think about for sure, and I will. If something pops up awesome, if not I am not going to lose any sleep over it.

Anyways, I’m off. But before I go, I have this question for you; we / are you happy single? Let me know in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Goals

I know it’s not January yet, so it seems a little premature to discuss goals and making changes and things like that. However, I am not one to play by the rules. Plus, a lot of things I want to talk about are goals I set in January, so this is more of a reflection before moving on.

 In January I set myself 3 areas of focus, the 3 things in my life I had control over, my health, my blog and my job, and now that it’s coming towards the end of the year, looking back, I haven’t done badly.

Health wise, I’ve done a minimum of 20 minutes every day on the treadmill since January 1^st. My weight isn’t going anywhere, but I am feeling better for it. I think I am going to change it up in the new year, but the goal is still 20 minutes a day.

Blog wise; I haven’t missed a week. I have released some rubbish throwaway posts, but I haven’t missed anything. I want to continue that into the new year, hopefully with less throwaway posts. I would love to sort my social media out, but baby steps.

Work is letting me down in the hat trick. I am happier, however, that’s mainly because I no longer care. I have put more of an effort in but haven’t seen much back from that. My goal going into next year is to get my CPC, that will open more door for me and make decision making easier. I’ve already started working towards this goal and hopefully in March I should be able to achieve it. It’s all about focus right now.

Anyways, I am going to go and have dinner, since it is 23:00. But before I go, I have this question for you; what goals have you achieved in 2019? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo