It’s my birthday! Or as I call it the anniversary of the day I knocked
my ex-boyfriend out cold. I wrote a blog a long time ago, August 2011 to be
exact, about it and over the years
something interesting has happen with that post, it’s accumulated just under
50,000 views. By far my most read blog of all time. It’s horrifying and makes me
really wish I had done a better job writing it. So since it’s the 5 year anniversary
of that event I thought I’d take another swing (pun intended) at writing it.
Let me start by telling you a little about the Grinch; The Grinch was a
27 year old personal trainer and regular in my local pub. The fact he drank in
that place should have been my first warning sign but sadly it wasn’t.
We had been swapping flirty eyes for months when New Year’s Eve rolled
around and since I was a wee bit intoxicated (it was New Year’s Eve after all)
I decided screw it and make the first move. We ended up having a fantastic time
and exchanged numbers at the end of the night.
The Grinch was a real slow mover, we texted all the time and chatted but
things were going nowhere. Then after a huge push from some friends, we somehow
ended up in a relationship not long after Valentine’s Day.
It was never a happy relationship, that dude had more issues than
Playboy. Issues he did a fantastic job of hiding until I had and everyone knew
I had that “girlfriend” title. He had a
massive problem knowing when to stop drinking and I later found out he had a
drug problem too. Which would have been an instant deal breaker had I known.
I remember one night he called me up begging me to come get him, I
reluctantly agreed to come and take him home. I get him to his place and he
wouldn’t get out of my car. I pushed him, pulled him, hell I even kicked him
and he wasn’t moving. After 40 minutes of this shit I had him half way out of
my car. Then out of nowhere he looks at me, laughs, gets back in and shuts the car
door. That man is lucky I didn’t kill him right then and there. I decided fuck it and drove home to let him sleep it off in my car.
3 hours later I’m a sleep in my bed when I hear noises at my door, I get
up to see what the hell is happening only to discover the Grinch trying to get
in my house with his keys. I was fuming but let him in since I didn’t really
have any other choose. I gave him my bed and slept on the couch. I was ready to
dump his sorry ass right there but stupidly listened to my friends and gave him
one more chance instead. (Needless to say I’m no longer friends with those
people.)
A few weeks after that nightmare, started another one when he dragged me
to his cousin’s wedding. It’s a well known fact I hate weddings and this
wedding did nothing to help that. The first problem was he evidently comes from
a long line of whack-a-doodles. These people made the Adam’s Family look
normal.
The second problem was him. He was drunk, loud and ridiculously rude to
his family. I was mortified to be seen with him. He was such an ass at one
point I ended up putting him on the floor. He spent the weekend acting like an obnoxious over
grown child.
After that shit show I had every indentation of dumping him; however it
was only 10 day until my birthday so I figured I’d wait until then, after what
that asshole put me through I figured I deserved a present.......or a metal.
As much as I deserved it I never did get that present, 2 days
before my birthday he dumped me. That’s right that sorry fucking excuse for a
man dumped me! It would be a drastic understatement to say I was pissed. I wasn’t
hurt, or heartbroken I was just plain old mad. After the way he acted who was he to
dump me?
As if I wasn’t mad enough I found out he was planning to pop in and see
me at my birthday party, a party I had been saying for month I didn’t want. But
he and my best friend wouldn’t have any of it. I figure since we had broken up
I could spend my birthday the way I wanted to....I was clearly mistaken.
To be fair up until the Grinch walked in I was having a
wonderful time. Then he walked in and I actually saw red. After that I don’t
remember anything until we were stood outside talking and he clearly said
something I didn’t like because the next thing I knew I had punched him square
in the jaw and he was falling in what felt like slow-motion. I do however
remember afterwards feeling really cheated because he went down do easily. I
wanted to kick the shit out of him. It was so disappointing, kind of like our relationship.
The real punch line is he was a personal trainer who had just come back
from a boxing course......Guess they forgot to teach him to keep his hands up.
I got a lot of praise and few drinks for putting that asshole in his
place. He use to walk around with a puffed chest and an over inflated ego. He
couldn’t do that after getting beaten up by a girl.
As good as it felt; it kind of sucks that that’s my 21st
birthday memory. He stole that night from me, hell he stole all my birthdays from me. A
birthday doesn’t pass without someone talking about my 21st. On the
bright side I did do something that a lot of women only dream of.
I told you about my birthday memory now it’s your turn to share yours, the
good or the bad, let me hear them in the comment box below. And as always stay
and drink tequila safe.
The problem is this proof/job
is.......well....let me tell you about it. The first 3 days, I sat alone in a
large empty blue room looking out a window wondering if I jumped would I be
hurt bad enough to go home....my conclusion was no, no I wouldn’t. I didn’t
have any actual work to do. On day 1 I was told to research something, which
took me all of 2 hours to do. And that was that for 3 days.
Day 5 I continued with
the word for word typing and came up with a new escape plan, since jumping was
clearly never going to work. There is this pink bus that comes by so I decided
I could jump, land on the bus hold on for dear life and ride off into the wild
grey yonder (the job is in town, its concrete for as far as the eye can see) 
