Friday, 17 May 2013

The Grinch Who Stole My 21st Birthday

It’s my birthday! Or as I call it the anniversary of the day I knocked my ex-boyfriend out cold. I wrote a blog a long time ago, August 2011 to be exact, about it and over the years something interesting has happen with that post, it’s accumulated just under 50,000 views. By far my most read blog of all time. It’s horrifying and makes me really wish I had done a better job writing it. So since it’s the 5 year anniversary of that event I thought I’d take another swing (pun intended) at writing it.

Let me start by telling you a little about the Grinch; The Grinch was a 27 year old personal trainer and regular in my local pub. The fact he drank in that place should have been my first warning sign but sadly it wasn’t.

We had been swapping flirty eyes for months when New Year’s Eve rolled around and since I was a wee bit intoxicated (it was New Year’s Eve after all) I decided screw it and make the first move. We ended up having a fantastic time and exchanged numbers at the end of the night.

The Grinch was a real slow mover, we texted all the time and chatted but things were going nowhere. Then after a huge push from some friends, we somehow ended up in a relationship not long after Valentine’s Day.

It was never a happy relationship, that dude had more issues than Playboy. Issues he did a fantastic job of hiding until I had and everyone knew I had that “girlfriend” title.  He had a massive problem knowing when to stop drinking and I later found out he had a drug problem too. Which would have been an instant deal breaker had I known.

I remember one night he called me up begging me to come get him, I reluctantly agreed to come and take him home. I get him to his place and he wouldn’t get out of my car. I pushed him, pulled him, hell I even kicked him and he wasn’t moving. After 40 minutes of this shit I had him half way out of my car. Then out of nowhere he looks at me, laughs, gets back in and shuts the car door. That man is lucky I didn’t kill him right then and there. I decided fuck it and drove home to let him sleep it off in my car.

3 hours later I’m a sleep in my bed when I hear noises at my door, I get up to see what the hell is happening only to discover the Grinch trying to get in my house with his keys. I was fuming but let him in since I didn’t really have any other choose. I gave him my bed and slept on the couch. I was ready to dump his sorry ass right there but stupidly listened to my friends and gave him one more chance instead. (Needless to say I’m no longer friends with those people.)

A few weeks after that nightmare, started another one when he dragged me to his cousin’s wedding. It’s a well known fact I hate weddings and this wedding did nothing to help that. The first problem was he evidently comes from a long line of whack-a-doodles. These people made the Adam’s Family look normal.

The second problem was him. He was drunk, loud and ridiculously rude to his family. I was mortified to be seen with him. He was such an ass at one point I ended up putting him on the floor. He spent the weekend acting like an obnoxious over grown child.

After that shit show I had every indentation of dumping him; however it was only 10 day until my birthday so I figured I’d wait until then, after what that asshole put me through I figured I deserved a present.......or a metal.

As much as I deserved it I never did get that present, 2 days before my birthday he dumped me. That’s right that sorry fucking excuse for a man dumped me! It would be a drastic understatement to say I was pissed. I wasn’t hurt, or heartbroken I was just plain old mad. After the way he acted who was he to dump me?

As if I wasn’t mad enough I found out he was planning to pop in and see me at my birthday party, a party I had been saying for month I didn’t want. But he and my best friend wouldn’t have any of it. I figure since we had broken up I could spend my birthday the way I wanted to....I was clearly mistaken.

To be fair up until the Grinch walked in I was having a wonderful time. Then he walked in and I actually saw red. After that I don’t remember anything until we were stood outside talking and he clearly said something I didn’t like because the next thing I knew I had punched him square in the jaw and he was falling in what felt like slow-motion. I do however remember afterwards feeling really cheated because he went down do easily. I wanted to kick the shit out of him. It was so disappointing, kind of like our relationship.

The real punch line is he was a personal trainer who had just come back from a boxing course......Guess they forgot to teach him to keep his hands up.

I got a lot of praise and few drinks for putting that asshole in his place. He use to walk around with a puffed chest and an over inflated ego. He couldn’t do that after getting beaten up by a girl.

As good as it felt; it kind of sucks that that’s my 21st birthday memory. He stole that night from me, hell he stole all my birthdays from me. A birthday doesn’t pass without someone talking about my 21st. On the bright side I did do something that a lot of women only dream of.

I told you about my birthday memory now it’s your turn to share yours, the good or the bad, let me hear them in the comment box below. And as always stay and drink tequila safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

22 comments:

  1. That story made my day :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

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    1. I'm glad :-) and thank you Jocelyn

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  2. Happy birthday! My birthday is right after Christmas, so it has been a bit of an unevent.

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    1. Thank you sweetpea :-) I think we need to give you a honorary birthday in July to fix that.

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    2. That is an awesome idea! My brother and I are born in September one day apart, but he is never around so we would just pick a day whenever he was around and we would have a birthday party :)

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    3. Sounds like a great plan to me. But then again when does a pretty ever sound like a bad idea?

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    4. were you trying to say party? I am guessing it is the phone again :)

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    5. go.th@live.com Small Man here, stop laughing, OK I have a small dick, but I'm not the only one, Rourou likes them her brother has a small dick and he F***'s her all the time isn't that right Majid aka ps.y@hotmail.de

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  3. Fancy a SHAG, I'm fantastic email me Kev ;) truthseeker222@gmail.com

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    1. Fancy a face full of mace?

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    2. How can you say no to such charm? LMAO!

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    3. LMAO Happy birthday to me eh?

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    4. he deserves a medal! the Moron Medal!

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    5. How about you have the Mace to cheer yourself up and improve your attitude, when a guy offers you a shag, you should take it, unless you bat for the other side.

      Ps.y@hotmail.de

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    6. What about you improve your pick up lines dear anonymous?

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    7. Ah!! hormones.......

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  4. Happy birthday! What can I say? I just hate celebrating birthdays..I make it a point to be at work on the day..guess its called peter pan syndrome! hate knowing I'm getting older :P

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    1. Thank you. I'm not a huge fan of birthdays either but working on my birthday is a no no lol It's a sleep in sort of day :-)

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  5. On my 20th birthday, I was very intoxicated and was telling anyone who would listen, or was around my table or walking by my table, that I was only 20 :) the waitress wasn't too thrilled since she could have ended up in jail for serving me but I was obviously too drunk to shut my mouth or realize what was happening. And then my 21st birthday, as much as the dinner was amazing, I was asleep by 2 am. I literally didn't even want to go clubbing, I was tired - made me feel sooooo old!

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    1. lol It is a well known fact that drinking is much more when you're under age.So I can't blame you too much :-) I should have gone to bed early on my 21st would have saved a lot of drama

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  6. 21 ? you look tired and old already, hope you make it to 22....

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