Outside The Box

We all know by now when it comes to thinking none of mine is done inside the box. I’m a little out there but some of my theories aren’t that crazy or at least I don’t think they’re that crazy.

My theory on why exes come back around long after a breakup comes to mind. I think my theory is completely logical; my friends on the other hand do not.

Most women would like to think their exes come crawling back because their exes still love them and that love conquers all and all that other fairytale bullshit.

I’m not that stupid; I know love isn’t what’s dragging them back. My theory makes much more sense than that, its lust that is dragging them back. That’s the part of my theory most people can agree on.

Here’s where it gets a little less agreeable.

I believe the time since the break up and how good you are in bed are directly proportional. My logic being if someone isn’t good in bed you wouldn’t put in the time or effort to stalk them. I mean your hand is a much more time efficient solution. If someone is willing to chase you after 10 years there is a reason and it sure as hell isn’t love. My theory is........its skill.

I may be crazy but I’ll leave that up to you to decide, so what do you say, am I crazy or does my theory make some sense? And while you’re at it tell me what strange theories you have? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

I Win

As many of you know my mother is a baker and because of that in the world of desserts I’m screwed. Nothing I ever bake is as good as hers. I’ve come to accept this for the most part but thanks to a little help from Pinterest and (Cookin' Up North) I finally beat her at her own game and damn it feels good.

At Thanksgiving my dessert was by far the best and even my mother admits that. I’m enjoying this while it last because it’s only a matter of time before she puts mine to shame so I thought I’d share the recipe with you guys.

It’s super simple, delicious and more importantly beat all 5 of my mom’s Thanksgiving desserts.  

Cinnamon Roll Cake

Cake

3 cups AP Flour

¼ teaspoon Salt

4 teaspoons Baking Powder

1 cup Sugar

1 ½ cups of Milk

2 Eggs

2 teaspoons Vanilla

½ cup Butter (melted)

Topping

1 cup Butter (softened)

1 cup Brown Sugar

2 Tablespoons Flour

1 Tablespoon Cinnamon

Preheat the oven to 350. Mix everything together expect the melted butter. Then very slowly mix in the butter. Once it’s all mixed together pour the batter into a 9x13 pan. Then combine the topping ingredients very well and put drops all over the cake then swirl in with a knife. Place in a 350 oven for roughly 30 minutes, it should test clean. Here’s a little tip if you find it’s browning too fast on top cover with tin foil.  

Glaze

2 cups Powdered Sugar

5 Tablespoons Milk

1 teaspoon Vanilla

Mix everything together keeping an eye on thickness it may take a little more or less milk you’re looking for a something that will drizzle, once the consistency is right drizzle over the cake while it’s warm.

If you decide to give this cake a try let me know how you get on. As always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Cursive Writing

I’m the first to admit I’ve an opinionated person and once my mind is made up it’s not worth you wasting your breath trying to change my mind. At the same time I am always willing to listen to people and hear their side and if I still don’t agree to defend my position.

What I can’t stand is people who are so closed minded they won’t even hear the other side out. Nobody is saying they have to agree with what is being said but at least hear the words.

Tonight on Facebook someone posted a rant bitching about how schools are no longer teaching cursive writing. This person went on to say this move is making kids dumb and how will kids sign their names or read important historical documents and that The U.S Constitution and The Bill of Rights will be un-readable to the next generation.  

I left a comment saying that it’s sad but in a way I get it. They’re replacing cursive writing in the syllabus with things like computer programming and web design which in the long run are more useful to know.

The women deleted my comment so now I get to be a bitch and point out she’s stupid.

Let’s start with “how will they sign their names?” Are you fucking me!? Next to nobody signs their name using real cursive writing. I worked retail per chip and PIN days; people tend to sign with what I can only call at best a squiggle.

“How will they read historic documents?” How do you think they read them now? It’s called the internet or hell, a text book. These things aren’t printed in cursive writing. Most of us can’t read Latin or Hieroglyphic either but that doesn’t make us any more stupid.

The next generation will be learning computer programming as early as grade 1, they’ll be writing programmes in grade 2 and 3. How does that make them a dumber generation? While you were learning how to making curly letters they’re be writing programmes that can do that for them. So which generation is really the dumb one?

Some people hurt my head. I’m not saying I’m right but what I am saying has some real valid points. And nobody gets any smarter by being not hearing other people out. So what do you guys think? Let me know in the comment box below.

And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

P.S To my readers in the USA Please remember to let your voices be heard and vote. 

Stupid Little Voice

That part of your brain that makes you make dumb decisions is currently keeping me up for the 3^rd night in a row. It keeps yelling at me to do something, or someone as the case may be, that the rest of me know is a HORRIBLE idea.

I know what the right and logical thing to do is but this stupid “what if” voice has been badgering me for so long and I’m so damn tired, I’m starting to think the only way I’m ever going to get any sleep again is to give in and listen to the stupid little voice.

My question to you guys is how do you shut up that little voice in your head when you know it has completely lost its mind? And as always my dears stay and murder little voices safely.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Shit My Friend's Say

I have the best group of friends a person could ask for; however they aren’t the sanest group of people you’ll ever meet. We all have a love for something creative be it art, writing, acting or music; we’re all very creative people.

There is a stereotype that creative people are kind of nuts and well, we don’t disappoint on that front.  The things that come out of our mouths are enough to make the average person wonder about our mental stability. However when we can make someone inside our group think that, well that’s just impressive.

This week my friends have been on fire, so I thought I’d share some of the funny, random and downright head hurting stuff that has flown out of their mouths.

Starting with......

“I am a horny ice cube.” – This is, believe it or not, how one of my dear friends introduced himself to someone I use to work with. Some who I’m willing to bet is un-friending me on Facebook as I write this.

“We’ve all been there a hot guy undresses and then boom there it is a tiny penis and instantly he’s hotness diminishes by like 600%. Do men have that same problem?” I have no comment for this at all, unless you want to answer her “do men have that same problem?” Sometimes I think I need new friends.

“Sex is like riding a kangaroo.” I can’t tell you where she was going with this one because she never got to finish it, because that’s what happens when you randomly blurt out “sex is like riding a kangaroo.”

“The stars are like the sun’s illegitimate bastard children.” This was said when I had people over for a late Thanksgiving last weekend. We were sat outside waiting for dessert and this gem fell out of one my friend’s mouths.

“Men like women to wear make-up while they’re having sex so they can tell if they’re doing a good job or not. The more clown-like the make-up looks the better job he did.” .......Really I think I could use some new friends. On second thought that one could be true, men’s minds are pretty messed up places after all.

So that’s some of the random things that my friends have said, what random things have your friends said let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Irked

Normally in my blogs I try to give advice or words of wisdom so you guys can learn from my many, many mistakes but in this blog I need your advice.

It’s my cousin’s 21^st soon and I was planning on sending her some lovely flowers and chocolates for her birthday. But then someone pointed out something that has been bugging me for a while and now I’m not sure I want to bother.

When I lived in Canada we were super close. We saw each other almost every day and when I moved we stayed close until 3 years ago when she had her daughter. Even though we weren’t as close as we use to be I’ve always made a point of sending gifts over for her daughter.

She’s a full time student, lives with her boyfriend at her parents’ house and has a nearly 3 year old daughter so I figure money must be tight so I don’t expect anything back. But what has irked me is she never says thank you.

Last Christmas I spent £120 on her daughter (that’s almost $200) and she didn’t even tell me the present arrived. When I asked her in February about it she said “yeah”, and her daughter loved it but she hated it (It was an annoying Sesame Street Lets Rock Elmo so that’s how it should be.) But she never said thank you.

I know she has a kid but last time I checked they ruin your body not your manners.

I’m not sure what to do now, part of me wants to send something because that’s what you do when it’s someone’s birthday but the other part of me thinks if she can’t bother with 9 key storks why should I bother?

So what you do you think, should I sent something or should I keep my money and time and put it to better use. Let me know in the comment box below.

And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Somewhat Twisted Logic

This isn’t going to be one of my normal blogs, this is me trying to prove to some of my friends that my “lateral thinking” hasn’t taken a nose dive into nuts lands.

I’m not a typical girl, I hate high heels. I figure I’m 5”7 that’s tall enough and why on earth should my feet hurt for the sake of a couple more inches. So I live in flats.

Most of the year, I rock flip flops and when that’s not appropriate ballet pumps. When it gets too cold for that I love my chucks. The only issue I have is that I live in England and it rains all the freaking time. And as I’m sure you can imagine flip flops, ballet pumps and canvas shoes all have one common problem......they aren’t water proof.

Since I believe there is almost nothing worse than wet cold feet I’ve been on a mission to find some winter water proof boots, a mission that has lasted more than two years. Maybe it’s because I’m Canadian but I know there is a HUGE difference between water proof and water restraint, and I will not settle of water restraint.

Last week I decided my hunt was useless and gave up and bought a cute pink and white pair of chucks, using this....somewhat twisted logic to justify it.

Since I can’t find a nice pair of winter boots that will do the job, and it’s just going to be a fact of life that my feet will be wet most of the winter I decided I need a new pair of chucks so that while on pair dries my feet can be nice and dry in a  different pair and the more pairs I have the more dry my feet will be.

This makes perfect sense to me; my guy friends on the other hand can’t see the logic at all and think I’ve clearly lost my mind. So I bring the questions to you have I lost my mind or does my somewhat twisted logic make sense? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always my dears stay and play safe. I also posed the first part of The Enigma Project last weekend so be sure to check that out.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo