Born-Again Virgins (I'm right you're wrong)

I am for the most part a reasonable person and I’m always open to discuss my opinions with anyone who may see the world differently than I do and I will always try to do so in a respectful mature manor.  

With that being said, I can only do that if the other person's counter argument in based on facts and not make-believe.

Today I received an email from someone telling my views on born- again virgins is completely wrong and I don’t know what I’m talking about.

My response was how am I wrong? Let’s just look at the facts here.

The dictionary defines virginity as “The state of never having had sexual intercourse”.

My view on born-again virgins are that they’re a load of bullshit because once a penis enters your vagina you’re virginity is gone and no amount of wishing is bringing it back. Sound spot on to me.

The counter argument is..........god forgive all.

Well news flash your hymen doesn’t. By that logic I could sleep with a million men and then on the day I get married pray and lo behold I can claim to have lost my virginity on my wedding day. Does that seem fucked up to anyone else?

 Give it up! You had sex, “mistake” or not, you did it so now you’re just like the rest of us who didn’t want to wait. You’re common; you don’t get a special title.

And if you’re going to pick an imaginary title there are so many better ones to choose. Like millionaire or queen but just because you call yourself one doesn’t make it true.

There are a lot of my views you could argue with me about and who knows you might even be right about some of them but not this one. You’re SOL. And there is no amount of hate mail that's going to change my mind. But keep it coming please (Ms.HonestB@gmail.com) I can always use a good laugh.

On a side note: Why is it all my hate mail comes from Christians? Aren’t you people meant to be all “love thy neighbour” not tell her she’s a whore and going to spend all of eternity in hell?

Since you’re all reading this and are most likely going to be joining me for all eternity in hell I have to ask what is the first thing you’re going to do when you get there? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Spite

Here’s the problem I’m kind of a spiteful bitch at times, and sometimes that spite leads me to do things I later regret. And it happen again. 

Here’s what happened, a few weeks ago my back had a big flare up and I was in a lot of pain so I sent a message to a male friend (who is normally a sweetheart and fairly flirty with me) saying “I need a cuddle”.

Instead of send me an appropriate message he sent me this reply “well, get a boyfriend then!!” (Men of the world please note that wrong response.)

So me being a bit of a spiteful bitch thought “Fine!!! I will.” So I joined a dating site.

It took me all of 10 minutes to regret that decision and decided I rather die alone then date any of these misfits.

The only non-creep to hit on me so far has been a woman! I had a cop hounding me for more pictures (even though he didn’t have any posted at all) and a guy whose opening line was “I’m an alcoholic”. Really, it’s shocking these men are still single.

I can’t decide whether that's karma punishing me for my spite or whether all the single men left on this planet are fuck-wits. Or maybe it’s a little of both.

So tell me what online dating or trying to date stories you guys have? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

P.S Sorry, This post is a little short. My back is killing me and all I want right now is my bed.

How the Chicken Got His Name

I have told this story before but someone asked me about it the other day so I thought I’d tell it again. Besides, it’s my only relationship story that doesn’t end with me wanting to commit murder.

This story begins (like a lot of my stories) in my local pub on a Thursday night. I was having a drink at the pub with my friend K, my boyfriend at the time (the Grinch) and K’s boyfriend Jeff who was working behind the bar.

A bunch of the guys were playing poker, and as I was chatting to Jeff I noticed a new guy with them looking our way and smiling. So I smiled back and went back to chatting. As the night went on I noticed him making flirting eyes our way and smiling. When he’d come up to the bar to get a drink he’d make small talk with Jeff then go back to his table.

After a few hours of this I turned to Jeff and said “who the hell is this guy flirting with me or you? “ He said he wasn’t sure so I said to him “go on, flirt back with him, you know you want to.” As you can imagine Jeff wasn’t game for that idea. But when K and Grinch went outside for a smoke he said to me “why don’t you do it?” So me being me and not needing much egging on, I did. And soon it was very clear the new poker play guy wasn’t gay. So with that the mystery was solved, and that was that.

Around 10pm The Grinch said he was leaving so he got up gave me a kiss and headed for the door. Before he was even out the second set of doors the mystery flirty guy was next to me and handed me a little piece of paper.

The paper said (which I actually still have) “Hello I’m Mike. Couldn’t help but notice you, my number is xxx xxx, give me a call or text if you would like to get to know me, no hard feelings if not x”.

Since I had a boyfriend at the time I didn’t have much interest in getting to know him better so when I got to my car, I threw it down somewhere and forgot about it.

Over the next few months Mike came in the pub most Thursday night to play poker with the guys. So despite not texting him I did ended up talking to him a few times and getting to know him a little better. I was pleasantly surprised to find out he was a nice guy who was a lot of fun to be around (I normally only get hit on by freaks.)

One night K and I were in the pub bored out of our minds, so she suggested we text Mike. I said ok but she’d have to go liberate his number from the mess that was my car. Once she managed to find it we started sending him random messages while he tried to work out who the hell was messaging him saying they were the tooth fairy.

Before he managed to work out who we were K had to go home leaving me alone to continue our game. It took him a few hours but he managed to work out who it was and after he guessed we chatted for a while, actually if I remember right I actually fell asleep texting him.

Before you ask I did tell The Grinch about me texting Mike and he didn’t care so I continued doing it. It was all harmless and friendly minus his choice words about my boyfriend (which in hindsight he was right about).

That was until one Thursday night in May (3 days before my 21st birthday to be exact) when I was in the pub with the Grinch and Mike was in playing poker with the guys. Mike smiled at me and pulled a funny face which made me laugh, apparently the Grinch didn’t find it so funny because 2 minutes later I was single. Oh well, it turns out the Grinch was cheating on me with a blonde anyways so it was well worth the laugh.

When I left the pub Mike could tell something was up so he called to check on me. When I told him what happened he said to come get him from the pub if I wanted to talk. But by that time K was at my house and she wouldn’t let me go see him. She felt it was a bad idea and she may have been right.

That didn’t stop Mike and I from texting though and since I was now single things were a little less PG....ok a lot less. But he was always a gentleman and sweetheart when K and I would see him in person.

After a few weeks he suggested I go and see him at the pub, since everyone knows me in there and they like to talk, I wasn’t very keen on that idea. Since I wouldn’t go and see him, he kept calling me chicken.

About a week later I sent him a message asking if he was coming to the pub with K and I. He said he’d pass, so I sent him a message saying “what are you, some sort of big chicken man?” He didn’t reply so when I got to the pub and K asked where he was I said he wasn’t coming because he was a chicken man and it kind of stuck.

We finally managed to meet up alone about a month after my birthday. He definitely won me over that night. When I saw him the first thing I noticed was a picture of a chicken on his t-shirt. I couldn’t help but smile. When he leaned in to kiss me, he said “come on are you chicken?” and never one to be out done I said “not at all, you’re the Chicken Man.” And with that I kissed him.

So that is how Chicken Man got his name and if you ask me he kind of sealed his own fate. Moral of the story be careful who you call chicken or you may find yourself being called Chicken Man for the rest of your life.

What nickname stories do you guys have? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  
xoxoxo

Texting Do's and Don'ts

I received an email from someone asking me about texting etiquette. Oddly enough it’s something I hadn’t given much thought to so I decided to do a little research on the matter. It didn’t take long for me to regret that decision. Everybody and their mother seem to have their opinion on the matter and some of those opinions are simply bat-shit crazy.

So I’ve decide to save you the trouble of wading through the guano and make a list of the 10 do’s and don’ts that actually make sense and are routed in reality. Not as easy as it may sound there are a lot of whack-jobs out there.

So let’s get started:

Don’t Over Abbreviate- Better yet don’t abbreviate at all! First of all it’s annoying and second it makes you sound uneducated. Why anybody would wilfully make themselves sound like an idiot is beyond me.

Don’t Guess- When someone sends you a cryptic message that you don’t fully understand don’t guess at its meaning. This leads to misunderstandings and unneeded arguments. Just simply ask what the other person means or wait until you see them in person. Sounds so simple I know.

Don’t Operate a Phone Angry- This includes texting, nagging and snapping back at someone, just step away from the phone. Also included in this rules; do not try to resolve any conflicts via text. It’s very hard to judge tone in a text message which makes conflict resolution nearly impossible and more fighting almost inevitable. 

Don’t Reveal Anything Embarrassing- This includes operating a phone under the influence, and sending picture messages. There are just something’s it’s best not to have a written recorded of. Embarrassing stories and drunken conversations are high up that list, just don’t do it.

Don’t Send Non-Committal Messages- Messages like “we should go for a drink sometime” or “we should catch up” everyone can see through those hollow messages, so why bother? Not to mention they’re really irritating.

Do Text Before a Date- Especially before a first date, 86% of women asked said a text before a date puts them more at easy. Plus it’s just the polite thing to do. I know if I don’t get a text before a date I starting wondering whether I’m going to get stood up.

Do Reply ASPA- I read a few articles that suggest making a guy wait awhile before replying and ok I can see making him wait a little, 20 minutes/ half hour tops but beware most people will assume their being ignored if they don’t get a reply within an hour. So be careful of playing games.

Do Be a Positive Texter- Send your other half sweet nothings and maybe some harmless flirting and a little teasing, just try to keep it PG-13.  Also try to send praise and encouragement; if you know your other half has a big meeting at work or an exam send them a little love.

Do Send Late Night Messages – But use some common sense when doing so. If you know they have an early meeting, don’t send a message after 10pm. Personally I love getting good night messages but I hate getting woken up by them so use your brain and be considerate when sending messages.

Don’t Text All Day- There were a few websites that said not to text every day. I think that’s just crazy. Texting is the world we live in so texting on a daily bases is perfectly fine. Don’t however text all day, every day. That’s a bit much and makes you come off pathetic and needy. And as we all know nobody wants to date pathetic and needy.

So those are the 10 do’s and don’ts I managed to come up with that seemed to make some form of sense. Personally I think if you have any common sense at all you shouldn’t need these rules but I’ve learned over the years that common sense isn’t all that common so I guess a little guidance never hurt anyone.

I guess all that’s left is for me to ask are there any do’s and don’ts I missed and have you ever dated anyone who has broken these rules? I want to hear your stories in the comment box below. As always my dears stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Relationship Killers

There is something very strange going on with my group of friends, we’re pretty much all single or on the road to singledom, which is unheard of. For the most part we’re always outnumbered by loved up couples; it kind of makes a nice change. Because of our group's singleness and the few that are about to make that relationship status change we got chatting about why relationships fail and because drunk conversations are always fun I thought I’d share our findings with you guys.

Lack of Sex Drive – You’d be right in guessing this was the biggest complaint/whine from my male friends. When asked how much sex is the right amount they said 4 times a day......you my dear friends are going to die alone with your hand.

Friends/In-laws- This was one of the biggest issues my female friends had. The family issue was pretty minor, at least for my non-married friends. That issues gets a lot bigger once you say “I do” apparently. My female friends biggest problems was and I quote “his douche-bag friends”. My experience is douche-bags flock together if his friends are that way; he probably is too, so run!

Boredom – We’ve all been there, you get bored of dating the same person and doing the same things, kissing the same face. It just happens sometimes.

Jealousy – Being jealous was something my guy friends had a problem with. But since men are from Mars and women from Venus the girls in my group actually had a problem with their boyfriends not being jealous. Girls like to know that their boyfriends care and them showing a wee bit of jealousy can be kind of sweet. But apparently guys don’t see it that way.

Control Issues – There is a fine balance of give and take in a relationship and when that doesn’t happen, relationships end. Nobody likes being dominated in a relationship save that shit for the bedroom.

Time – Both too much and not enough can be a problem. People need some alone time but given too much of it, you may start to wonder why you’re even in a relationship.

Attachment – Be it my girl friends or guy friends nobody likes a clingy partner. And they also don’t like a clones, someone who is so attached to you they stop functioning like an individual. Doormats aren’t hot, be yourself.

Selfishness- This one speaks for itself. If you want someone to cater to your every whim, hire a maid.

Stubbornness – I’m guilty of this one; I blame it on me being a Taurus. This one goes back to give and take in a relationship. However I standby when I’m right, I’m right and I’m not going to back down when I know I’m right. (Yeah, I’m going to die alone with a million cats.)

Not Being Compatible – This is why you shouldn’t jump into relationships people. This is one of those bullshit problems that shouldn’t be an issue; if you’re not compatible with someone don’t enter a relationship with that person.

Cheating and Lies – Once you do something to lose the trust of the other person, the relationship is always doomed. No matter what you do you can’t rebuild it. Side note: we all agree (guys and girls) faking orgasms doesn’t count as lying and they don’t want to know you’re doing it (trust me).

Poor Communication Skills – Commutation consists of two basic things, listening and talking and you have to do both well to have a healthy relationship. You have to understand that your partner isn’t a mind reader and you need to voice things. On the other hand when your partner voices things you need to listen (actually listen don't just pretend you are).

Comfort Zone – When you get to the point where body functions are normal and you stop putting any effort into your looks. You stop shaving, doing your hair, wearing makeup, you’ve officially reached the point where romance is dead and a lot the time the relationship follows suit.

Lack of Appreciation – When you don’t appreciation what you have it goes away, just remember that.

Disillusionment – We always think the grass is greener on the other side, there is someone better looking, with more money out there. You begin to over think what a relationship should be, those are all very dangerous thoughts to have in a relationship

Fault Finding – Women are experts at this. And within my group of friends we’ve broken up with people, mainly guys, for some frankly pathetic reasons. Here’s a short list of some of my favorites. Too young, too short, strange eye twitch, his hands are like sandpaper and my favorite his dog has bad breath.

So that’s our list of relationship killers, what do you think? Did we miss anything? And what have been your past relationship killers? Let me know in the comment box below. As always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

July 7th Wedding

We all know I’m not a fan of weddings but sometimes one comes along that despite my best effort I can’t get out of. My step dad’s, brother’s son’s wedding was one of those events that I just couldn’t get out of. And God knows I tried.

As you can tell by what I called him, we’re not close; actually I hadn’t seen the groom in at least 5 years. I don’t really enjoy the company of my step dad’s family or even my step dad for that matter but to keep the peace I agreed to go.

My first problem with the wedding was that date, July 7^th. Call me strange but getting married of the 7^th anniversary of the London bombing just doesn’t seem romantic to me. But each to their own I guess.

The wedding itself was alright and fairly painless. The bride (who I’ve never met) looked pretty. I was just impressed by the fact she wore flats, clever girl. I stuck around just long enough to congratulate the bride and groom and to watch a few of the photos being taken, then made my getaway just before it started to rain.

The day didn’t go off without a hitch though, about 10 minutes after I arrived 999 was called. The groom’s grandfather took a funny turn. I understand that it can be frightening but wow they suck in a crisis. They just stood there in front of him screaming and crying.

I’ve been in situations where my mom’s been ill and been taken away in an ambulance, but I’ve always managed to keep my shit together till after she was on route to the hospital.  Getting upset like that just stresses the sick person out and makes things worse. If you can’t get a grip, walk away that’s just common sense.

Before you start thinking I’m a heartless bitch the guy is fine. The room was hot and he hadn’t eaten or drank all day. I just think he didn’t want to be there either and his plan to get out of it was better than mine.

People wonder why I hate weddings, it’s because it’s never about the bride and groom. It’s about who got drunk, who got sick, who did something stupid that will always be remember more than the I do’s.

So that’s my reason for hating weddings, what wedding stories do you guys have? And do you love them or hate them? Let me know in the comment box below. As always my dears stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Dating Horror Story – Ex Talk

I asked this question on Facebook “what is your biggest turn off?” And someone replied “hearing about his ex all day”. That got me thinking about possibly my worst date ever. Since I know how much you guys enjoying hearing about my dating nightmares I thought I’d share.

It must have been about 5 years ago I met this guy. He was a few years older than me, lived locally and had his own photography business. The kind of guy that sounds good on paper. And since he was a Facebook guy paper was all I had to go on.

We swapped numbers and starting texting and chatting; we seemed to have a lot in common and talked pretty much every day for a month. The strange thing was apart from the first night we started chatting, none of our chats had any flirty notes at all.

So I was a little surprised when he asked me out on date, I was certain he wasn’t interested in me. He spent a lot of that past month talking about his ex girlfriend. I was positive he was still hung up on her no matter what he said so for obvious reasons I turned him down.

 After turning him down he pretty much badgered me into changing my mind. Insisting he had no feelings for his ex at all. Against my better judgement I agree to go see a film with him.

However the second I saw his car I knew I made the wrong decision. On the side of his car was a picture of his ex with his company name underneath. I should have ran there and then but I didn’t.

We didn’t talk at all on the way to the theatre; luckily it was a short ride. Once there he bought tickets to see some guy film, he didn’t even ask me what I wanted to see. And the worst part was we had a 45 minute wait.

During those 45 minutes he didn’t ask me anything he spent the whole time talking about his ex. I spent that time secretly texting on my phone trying to get a friend to come rescue me.

After the longest 45 minutes of my life we went into the theatre. He didn’t buy drinks, popcorn, nothing (men of the world, don’t do that, ever). We didn’t even sit next to each other. There was an empty seat between us. I don’t think we even said two worlds to each other. Luckily the film wasn’t bad, definitely the highlight of the night.

Once the film was over we went back to his car and I was thankful it was finally over, well it wasn’t quite. On the way back he went through a KFC drive-thru and got himself food, didn’t even offer me anything.

When he finally dropped my off, I basically ran to my front door, I couldn’t get away from him quick enough.

I guess if there is a positive to be taken away from this date; it’s that I learned to always to drive myself to dates. And also to listen to my gut that was a date I should have never been on.

So what date talking about their ex stories do you guys have? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo