"Special Bond?"

Recently, while working out of another depot a strange comment was made that caught me off guard. The girl I was working with made a comment about how Tyler and I should get together, because “we’re prefect for each other” and we balance each other out. And all I could think is I’ve heard this somewhere before, are my reader putting you up to this?

Clearly not, as she, like everyone else at work, has zero clue my blog is a thing. I just found it so strange how everyday comments from the blogosphere have followed me into real life. And even stranger still, one of the guys from another depot also made a similar comment recently and now I’m a wee bit freaked out.

I understand… short of, where they’re coming from. We do get on well, we can talk for hours on end and he is one of the few people on the planet that I’m yet to find “too peopley”. If you’re anything like me, you’ll understand that sentence, if not, there’s no explaining that one. That said, I’m not so sure about this alleged “special bond” we have, I think some people are grasping at straws.

Anyways, I’m going to leave this with you and let you chime in, “special bond” or just a person I don’t want to stab? Leave your thoughts in the comments below. And, as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Ducks AWOL

Sometimes I think I’m finally starting to get my ducks back in a row, and other times I’m writing a blog post on my phone at work last minute because I choose sleep over getting my crap together. This week it’s more of the latter.

I’m finally starting to feel more like me again, but it doesn’t make getting everything done any easier.

Hopefully this is a lesson learned, and next week I’ll be back to scheduling as normal. Because I go I will leave you with this question; what do you do to keep your ducks in a row. Let me know in the comments below. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo 

Play The Game

Once in a blue moon I like to play the game. Keep people on their toes. This week I choose to do that. This week I am working 7 days, why you ask? Aren’t you normally the girl that tells management to fuck off? Of course, I am, but occasionally the game suits me, so I play.

You see, we are working on October’s wages right now. Meaning the following month is November. In November comes our Christmas bonuses. Since that has to be managing director approved that stuff is all finalized in October. Putting a good foot forward goes along right now. Since my reviews always contain a comment that I don’t do overtime. I am hoping “my change of heart” will be rewarded.

Sometimes being a bitch 99% of the time pays off, because when you’re nice its most memorable. Anyways, I am off to get some sleep. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

A Giant F*ck You

Today is September 14^Th and if you’ve read my posts lately, you’ll know today is the day, my night-shift co-workers and I were meant to be going out drinking, however, I am currently snuggled up in my pyjamas so clearly that didn’t happen. And to be honest, I’m actually happy it didn’t.

It became painfully clear, fairly early on that nobody cared, and people were going to flake on this meet up. Sure enough, one by one they all folded as predicted. So much for one, big happy night-shift family, eh?  

They say people don’t quit companies; they quit managers. I’ve found over the years, night-shift workers tend to not leave companies due to the work families they form, regardless of how shit the manager or company is. They tend to stick around for each other.

This whole flaking thing started to make me question why? Why does, or, should, a pseudo-family has any impact on any decisions.

The answer I came to is, it shouldn’t. No other person should impact any decisions I make regarding my life, career or anything else for that matter. I need to be in this for me, everyone else can go fuck themselves.

So, I made a few decisions; mama bear is dead. I go to bat for a lot of my co-workers more than they’ll ever know. Being one of, if not the most senior on nights I feel protective of my little cubs, and I don’t let big bad management just say what they like. However, the cubs can get the fuck out of the cave now, Mama bear is over it.

The next decision I came to is I want to do my management CPC; not because I want a management role, but because I want to move on and finding somewhere that pays the same as I am on now is difficult. That bit of paper will make things easier in the long run.

The last decision I made is to be more me. Every year after review season, I find myself doubting my words and actions. I start questioning how I am being perceived. Why? Who the fuck cares? My favourite quote is “Be all the crazy bitch you want to be. They’re going to say you were anyways.” And it’s true. I could send a harmless email and it’ll be read with a bitchy undertone. So, I may as well be a bitch, say what I like and enjoy it. Life is too short to bite your tongue.

Anyways, that’s enough for now, I have plans this evening to make poor life decisions. Before I go I have this question for you; what is your favorite quote? Let me know in the comments below. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxo

Drunken Blog Update

I think we’re overdue for a drunken blog, and not just because I have no clue what to write about, but because I want a valid excuse to get drunk. Normal drunken blog rules apply; I will both write and edit this post drunk and no alterations will be made once sober. So, let’s begin, shall we?

The burning question still seems to be what is going on with Tyler; So, I guess I’ll start there. Nothing, not a damn thing. Super easy question to answer. He is lovely and a complete sweetie, but that’s where that story ends. Sorry to disappoint.

The other question I’ve been getting a lot of is; what happened to Mr. Block? Once again, the answer is nothing. He could well be dead for all I know. We met and now I’m done, the fascination is over. He’s a prick, we knew that a long time ago and now he’s dead to me.

My dating life seems to be another hot topic at the moment, and I get it, this is after all a dating and relationship blog. There is nothing going on at the moment, that said, I am feeling a little more stable now, things have settled so this is something I’m more open to, then I was.

Work is the last topic I’ll touch on. I said in January, I think, I would review what I wanted to do in July. July has come and gone and I’m not there yet. I think it may well be time to move on, but for now my work family is keeping me there. I’ll review again in December, but I think I’m staying… I mean have CV’s out so maybe not but staying is the current plan. I am actually looking at doing my CPC so I may hold off leaving until I’ve done that. But I don’t really know.

Anyways, I am going to head to bed as that last fireball hit me way harder than it should have. Leave me your question down below I am looking at doing a Q&A soon. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Am I Really Angry?

Since my last work review where I was once again told I am emotional and angry, I’ve decided to work on that. I have read a few books, watched a few videos and I’m starting to believe I am not the problem…at least not the main one.

I will hold my hands up I am sarcastic and more of a realist, however, those traits don’t make me an angry person. What makes me an angry person is other people being stupid. I think me being a bitch is just my body’s way of dealing with stupid… it’s like an allergic reaction almost. I have tried a lot of techniques over the past month or so and they’ve all resulted in me feeling angry. Unlike before, where I would verbalise my displeasure and I never actually felt angry. Now I feel angry.

You could see this on my Fitbit as well; my mouth sounds pissed; however, my heart rate is normal. When I was trying CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) it was the opposite, my mouth sounded fine, but my heart rate was up, and I felt mad.

It’s all very strange and leading me to believe I don’t have an anger problem. It is possible for what I’ve been reading I may have “chronic irritation” but, I work with idiots whom leave me chronically irritated so seems fair.

I have become more aware of my triggers from this little self-help journey and they say knowledge is power, so maybe that will help. Personally, I think I need to go back to acting lessons as even when my mouth is shut, my face is loud, and I can’t seem to shut it up these days. You’ve heard of resting bitch face. I have murderous you are a fucktard face.

Anyways, I am off to drink because work last week was a test of my will power to not go to jail. Good job I don’t have angry issues or I’m positive I would have lost that battle. I’ll leave that as the question of the blog; how do you stay calm when surrounded by idiots? Let me know in the comments below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Kicking Butt

Once in a while, it’s nice to be reminded that you are vastly more competent and able than you give yourself credit for. Once in a while, management shitting on, gives you a chance to shine. And despite the fact they won’t see that, it’s a good reminder to yourself that you do indeed kick ass.

Thanks to my company deciding that holiday cover and sick cover isn’t a thing they should concern themselves with, I got a reminder that I’m awesome. I’ve been with my company over 4 years now, my depot has been open just over 4 years and was one of the 1^st to open. So, by default I am one of the longest serving night operators in the company. And for most of my shift I am the longest serving on shift. Thanks to that… I know things… Not things I’ve been training on necessarily, but I have picked up.

Last week, I was running not 1, not 2 but 3 depots, and these depots weren’t in the same location, they actually couldn’t have been farther apart. Plus, I was running one of our biggest contacts while doing tech support on a new system we recently launched. And I smashed it.

I did everything that should have been done, missed nothing and even got my paperwork done. I received zero thanks for it, but I don’t care. It’s nice to know, what I’m capable of.  Other operators always say I am good at my job, but I don’t see it or feel it anymore. It’s just second nature. That was a test, and it felt good. I don’t want to do every day, but I almost enjoyed it.

I am off to drink because that may have gone well, but my last shift didn’t. What was your last personal or professional victory? Let me know in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Weird Dream Freak Out

 I had a weird, weird dream last night and I think I might be done with the whole sleeping thing now. Science still doesn’t fully understand the function of dreaming; some say it’s your subconscious, some say it’s to help deal with emotions or decision making. I don’t care what the reason is I just think my dream system is drunk.

 The dream started off pleasant enough; a group of my work colleagues and I were out for a meal and drinks before a big meeting the following day. It was getting late and we had an early morning we all went back to our hotel rooms.

Tyler and I were sharing a room, we went to the room opened the door and there was a giant bed instead of the 2 bed there should have been. This wouldn't have phased me in reality and didn’t in the dream either. We are both adults and the bed was a super, massive, giant king that could have fit 15 people.

We got into our pjs and decided to order room service; I mean the company was paying so I think dream us did the right thing. It appeared we ordered popcorn, chocolate and sweets because clearly, we’re classy like that. We turn on a film and watched that, giggling and have a good time.

I can only assume we fell asleep at some point, because the dream continued with me waking up in the night to move a blanket slightly. At which point I noticed Tyler was cuddled up to me, all big spoon like. Nothing wrong with that, it was actually sweet. Also, please note, our pjs were still on and everything in this dream was 100% PG.

I snuggled back into him and fell asleep. I then wake up, in a different bed, Tyler was still the big spoon, I was still happily snuggled up… however, I was no longer the little spoon, I was the middle spoon and there was a baby asleep in my arms.

At which point I woke up in a complete panic, as if Freddy Krueger had just showed up. I was freaked out to a whole new level. I don't have these kinds of dreams. What the actual hell? There is no need for that dream. That dream has no purpose. What the hell brain? You have some explaining to do. And clearly some sobering up to do as well. Actually, don’t explain yourself, I don’t want to know… just don’t ever do it again.

Where the hell did the baby even come from? Did a stork bring it? Why was I co-sleeping? Since when do PG snuggles land you in an 18-year mini prison? So many questions.

Clearly, my dreams are out to get me, and sleep is a thing I need to quit with immediate effect. What is the strangest dream you’ve had? And do you think it meant anything? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And, as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Halfway There

Welcome to July ladies and gentlemen. The year is officially half over, and it seems like now is as good a time as any to reflex on the year so far and to see where we are with the goals we set in January. Hopefully we can point ourselves in the right direction to actually achieve some of those goals before we run out of time.

Let’s start with my “love life”. Yep, it’s so bad it gets quotation marks. Still single, still mainly ok with it. This year, I feel, isn’t the year for that. It sucks knowing time is against me, but I need to be a good me before I can be there for someone else.

My job is next up on the list. I still have a love hate relationship with it. The hate isn’t that strong at the moment, but I know it’s just around the corner. I feel my July review will be telling. I have other offers and depending on what is said and what money is offered, it may be time to move on.

Next is my blog. I am not sucking at this one. I haven’t missed a week yet. My numbers are looking good. My ad revenue blows; I think I was actually making more when I wasn’t posting regularly. But, that’s AdSense for you. I’m still not rocking the social media side of things, but baby steps. I’m happy where I am at the moment.

My health was the last goal I wrote about in January; it’s a thing. I have stuck to using my treadmill every day. I feel better for it. My weight still isn’t a focus, but I think I may be getting to a better place where it can be. I feel a lot less mentally exhausted. I think my head is finally wrapped around everything, at least for now.

And that’s where we are halfway through the year. Some progress has been made. Some more could be made. But, so far, so average. That brings me to the question of the blog; How are you doing with your goals for 2019? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friends In Low Places

As much as I can find my job soul sucking and absolutely hate it at times, I also realise I am very lucky to work with the bunch of people I do. Night workers in general tend to have closer bonds. I think it has to do with having no management around and having to work together to make things work. But the group I currently have a special and just when you’re at your lowest they have a way of reminding of that.

Recently I was thrown to the sharks, made to cover 3 contracts with next to no training. Admittedly, I had done one of them before, however, that was 3 and half years ago, but my training on that was seriously outdated. My teammates around the country, knowing I was struggling, jumped in to save me. Nobody had to do anything, but without evening asking they happily helped.

I couldn’t be more thankful or grateful for the team of people I have around me. The job may suck, but the people are second to none. And, it just goes to show it’s good to have friends in low places.

Love ya,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Joining Team Tyler?

After my “date” with Mr. Block and some soul searching, I may be coming around to this whole Team Tyler way of thinking.

I’ve said it many times, Tyler is a lovely guy, I can’t fault him. I was thinking about this other night he actually reminds me a lot of my backup plan pact friends from school. You know the pact, if we’re not married by X age, we’ll marry each other. I had a couple of them and not surprisingly, they all got married. They were lovely guys. The ones your mother didn’t mind hanging out in your bedroom because they were nice boys.

I’m a little said they all got married off. I briefly dated one of them while we were in school, and I ended up breaking up with him because of peer pressure. He wasn’t cool enough. Not my brightest move, but he’s living his best life these days. Happily married with kids and is still a sweetheart. We still talk occasionally.

Tyler reminds a lot of that boy particularly. Something about being a voice of reason when my brain wants chaos. And his ability to actually make me listen. Which is rare; I can only think of a handful of people that can do that and even fewer that manage to do that without being a twatbag (Mr. X being the one that comes to mind with that description).

I don’t know, maybe you guys aren’t so crazy. Or maybe I’ve just had too much blue agave juice… nope, that sounded sound any better than tequila. It was worth a shot.

Anyways, I am off to enjoy my last few hours of freedom before work sucks all the life out of me. But before I go, I have this question for you; Are you Team Tyler? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always. Stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

It Actually Happened

Here’s a blog I never thought I’d be writing; After being cancelled on, what must have been 15 times, I finally met Mr. Block. And I can safely say it wasn’t worth the wait.

Here’s what happened; It was his birthday and I sent him a generic happy birthday message on Facebook. He responded back and we ended up chatting. Nothing flirty at all just normal friendly chat. He mentioned during the conversation he was spending his birthday alone. I didn’t take much notice, but it said it again later and apparently my heart isn’t completely stone because I felt bad for him.

I told him if he wanted, I would come around for a drink since nobody should spend their birthday alone… Unless you’re me and that’s your idea of a fantastic birthday. So, after a little back and forth it was decided I’d go around.

He lives in a lovely area, it was nice driver, highlight of the experience really.  Once I found the place, he came out to get me, said he hi and to follow him and that was about it. The apartment was cute, very single guy basic. Nothing wrong with that. He got me a beer; he was drinking Bud Light. That’s not normal. What dude drinks Bud light? Hell, I don’t know any girls that drink that shit. He sat down and chatted about work. He apparently got a promotion and pay raise, just that week. Men who brag about that stuff on a first date normally have a small… personality that’s all I’m saying. And we watched a little TV.

The beer was the first little warning, the second was the tv programming, murder, all murder shows. I love true crime, but not really something I’d watch with someone I just meet. I was a little worried I was going to end up on one of those shows.

He then tried to put the “moves” on me as if he was 12. He kept inching his hand towards mine, brushing my hand. I ended grabbing his hand to stop whatever he was doing.  I also think he tried to kiss me a couple times, but I dodged and played dumb.

I ended up leaving around 23:00 I only stayed a couple of hours. He didn’t try anything when I left, which I found weird. No hug, or attempt at kiss, he just waved and didn’t even walk me back to my car. The whole night was just weird.

Not sure I’ll be doing it again, but glad to have crossed it off the list. Anyways, I am going to go and enjoy the remaining few hours of my holiday. Before I go I have this question for you; Do you trust a guy who drinks light beer? Let me know in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

A Problem Only I Could Have

Recently I met our trainer for dialysis, the person who will be coming to our house each day for 3 weeks to train both my stepdad and I on how to run the lines and things like that. Slight issue… I know him.

The real issue…. I dated him… can’t remember if I slept with him, but, it's a possibility. But yeah, I  definitely dated him and I’m pretty sure I did a disappearing act on him. From what I remember he was really clingy, and I found it super off putting, as you would, so.... I stopped replying to him.... with no explanation.

I was kind of hoping he didn’t remember me, but the fact he wished me happy birthday on Facebook leads me to believe otherwise. I swear if the ghosts weren’t bad enough, now I have a zombie on my hands. I can’t catch a break. Although, even I’ll admit this kind of funny. In a if I didn’t laugh, I’d cry kind of way.

Wish me luck, I may need it. I’d leave you with a question of the blog, but the only one I can think of is; Does anyone know any good hiding spots? Stay safe my dears… and be careful whom you date.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Team Tyler

A lot of you have been asking for an update on Tyler, and I don’t really have one; Nothing has changed. I know a lot of you think he’s “the one” or “he’s perfect for me”. I think you’ve all watched one too many rom coms.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Tyler to bits, he plays a very important role in my life; keeping me sane and stopping me falling to pieces. I’m very grateful to have him around. Somehow, he has found a way to bring out the non-evil bitch in me even though I was positive that side of me was dead. I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

That said, we share different wants in life. He doesn’t want kids, I… haven’t made that choice yet. He doesn’t see himself getting married. I do. He doesn’t want to relocate, I can’t. He is very extroverted, while I’d happily never leave my house again. People are very peopley and I just can’t these days. I understand the why your Team Tyler, he is a great guy, but I don’t see it happening and I'm positive he doesn’t see it happening either.

Love you guys, thanks for not writing off my love life just yet. I’ll leave you with this question; is “the one” an actual thing or are we all deluding ourselves? Let me know your thoughts in the comments down below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

And Another Ghost

I kind of feel like something has happened to awaken the dead, and it needs to piss off and take all the ghosts it stirred up with it. I don’t have the patience, time, want nor will to deal with any of them and apparently the memo regarding that was either not dispatched or is just being ignored, and I am about to snap.

The latest ghost to rear its ugly head, is even more retro than Mr. X. This one dates back 19 years. He lived from the time I was 13 until I’m guessing around 19 – 20. He sent me a message on Facebook asking how I was and talking about old times, saying we should meet up… I wasn’t biting. As we know I’ve dealt with many ghosts before I’m basically I pro at this point.

He did say something while I was ignoring him that still has me laughing. “u lost ur v plates to me”. What the actual fuck? Is this meant to be a positive thing? It was 18 years ago… my virginity would be an adult by now. I thank you for setting the bar so low, but really, what relevance does that have at this point in life. Also, what adult types like that? Grow up. P.S this twat-bag is married so it gets even better.

Anyways, I am going to go and hide from these ghosts because this isn’t funny anymore. As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Happy Birthday To Me

“Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to me.”

It’s my birthday today, and a good sign I am old is my birthday fell on a Friday and I’m spending it at home, in bed, just chilling all by myself. And I can’t think of a better way to spend the day. Although I’m not sure if that’s my age or just the fact I hate 99% of people.

 I’m sure I should be stressed about life, and about being a scary age and having to make some life decisions, but I’ve decided to take the day off stressing. Those worries will all be there tomorrow, today is just about relaxing and being.

I am off to enjoy a birthday drink and play the Sims. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Not Dealing With Stress

I’ve learned throughout the years that if I ignore stress it will manifest itself in physical symptoms. Most commonly for me is a sharp pain in my left shoulder. While it sucks; I can cope with that fairly well. I handle it better than real stress anyways. That said, it appears my body has gotten wise and has upped its game.

The pain in my shoulder, morphed into tension across basically every muscle in my body. I feel like I may snap in half at any moment, my body has no flexibility. When that didn’t cause me to deal with things it moved to screwing with my sleep. I’ve developed a death gripe in my sleep. If I am lucky, I grab onto blankets or pillows and not let go. If I am lucky, I grab onto myself, which results in bruise of whatever body part I grabbed, thigh, arm, wrist.

Now, that it appears we’ve moved on to vibrating. Which it’s new and I’m already bored of. Like, come on body can you just not let me be? This one is weird. It’s like I’m shaking, but faster. Apparently, a lot of people say it feels like an electric toothbrush. I can really put it into words other than to say it I’ve over it.

I don’t know what I am meant to do to deal with the stress, to relieve the issues. My mom is dying, it’s stressful. The end of that is her dead and that’s way more stressful. Seems like I can’t fucking win this one.

Anyways, I am going to go and do something to take my mind off things. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Are You Happy?

Despite my conversation with Mr. X being brief it may have opened a can of worms I didn’t intend for it to. I asked him if he was finally happy. And to my shock, he said yes. He then turned the tables and asked me if I was happy.

That’s a question, and not a straight forward one, although he got a straight forward answer. It’s a difficult question. I’m not unhappy. I have happy moments if that counts for anything. I’m kind of just being. I don’t think I’m even allowed to be happy right now. I don’t know.

It’s a strange question. And to be honest, I’m less than happy he claims to happy these days. His misery gave me hope. Shocking, Mr. X kicks me while I’m down one last time. And he doesn’t even realize. What a prick.

Anyways, I am going to go drink because alcohol is a solution. Before I go I shall leave you with this question; Are you happy? Let me know in the comment down below. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxo

One Ghost Down, Another One Up

When one ghost vanishes another one pops up and this one my friends, is a good one.  After being absent for nearly 2 years Mr. X popped up and I’m not sure what to make of it. He popped up in the most small talking way possible, it throw me off. As we all know, he doesn’t do small talk and I don’t do it either. I trait to this day I blame him for.

The shoe failed to drop during the conversation. I’m not sure what the motivation was… and I’m sure there was a motivation. Don’t get me wrong, I have actually missed him, and thought about messaging him myself, but what does one say to a ghost?

The conversation was painless and kept fairly brief. It was just weird. However, it’s been a nice distraction so I’m not complaining. Just thrown off my game by the whole thing.

Anyways, I am off to job hunt, that’s a story for another day. But before I go, I will leave you with this question; Why do you think Mr. X popped up? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Mr. Block Vanishes

So… it appears I may have broken Mr. Block and I’m finding the whole thing hilarious. He tried to cancel on me yet again and I called him out on his bullshit and informed him I was so confident he’d cancel I had actually made other plans. At which point he decided he was joking, and I told him that was fine, my plans with him came first, he responded by vanishing off the planet.

What a gem he clearly is. Guys like that actually make dying alone appealing.

I haven’t heard from him in around 2 weeks, so I am assuming he’s dead. No real heart break there We all knew what he was and now he’s out of the way to make room for the next reject.

I am off to try and get things done, before I fall asleep again. Fighting off this bug going around is hard work. As always, my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo