Drinky Drinky Time

I think we’re overdue for a drunken blog, you guys have asked some question I think drunken me would be better suited to answer. Normal drunken blog rules apply; this will be both written and edited drunk and once sober, it will not be touched again. So, let’s get started, shall we?

A lot of you have asked my opinion on Tyler, and the truth is I don’t have one. I’m not looking at him in that way. I’ve said this before, I’m not dateable at the moment. I am damaged goods and wouldn’t be a good partner. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone to have to put up with me, when I have next to nothing to give. In knowing that, I’m not looking anyone at the minute.

That said, I will give you some of my thoughts. He is a lovely human being.  He is someone I can be myself with. I don’t feel like I get to do that often anymore. He reminds me of the gay husband or one of my drama geek friends, he gives off this warm familiar vibe, that I love. He is also hilarious, both deliberately and non-deliberately. He’s managed to bring a smile to my face when that seems impossible. He is also my favourite person to flirt with. And, no I’m not flirting with purpose, I’m flirting for humour. That poor guy doesn’t know what to do with himself and I find it beyond amusing. Actually, he doesn’t take any compliments well, which I can relate to, but it’s fun to torment him.  

And on that note, since he doesn’t take my flirting well, I think it may be safe to say he’s not into me. Sorry to ruin all of your big plans. I know that revelation may have broken a few hearts. I know the gay husband basically has me married off at this point. I just don’t think that’s on the cards my sweets.

The other thing you guys have been asking about is whether he’ll be doing a guest post. No. He’s not up for that nor am I for that matter. You guys are rough and asked questions I’d rather not know the answers to.

Anyways, it’s getting close to bed time. So, I shall leave this post here. But before I go, I have this question for you; Do you take compliments well or do they throw you off? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Valentine's Day

Normally around this time of year, I am writing this on February 11^th, I’d be writing a piece mocking all the surviving Valentines Day posts. This year, however, is a little different, mainly because I feel like I’m having to survive Valentines Day.

It’s not that I’m longing for a boyfriend, or any of that typical whiny shit those types of posts normally cry on about. It’s that with everything going on, I am feeling very alone. I am having to play the part of someone who is incredibly strong, and I don’t feel it. And in playing that part I’m pushing people away because if I didn’t, I’d simply fall apart.

Now don’t get me wrong, I still stand by what I’ve said in all my past Valentines posts, if you need to survive Valentines Day you should stay single. You need to be able to find your own happiness without relying on anyone else. Now, I don’t fall under my own advice, happy is not my issue, I am fine on my own what I wish I had was someone to lean on. That said, I wouldn’t date me right, I am a mess and I wouldn’t place that on anyone.

But my lack of self-worth is a story for another day. I am going to go and get ready to return to work tomorrow, but before I go, I have this question for you; would you date you? Let me know in the comments below and as always. Stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Tyler

Apparently, some of you lovely people have decided you required more information before siding with either myself of the gay husband on the whole Tyler thing and since it’s 4am and I can’t sleep I thought I’d humour you.

 Most of you wanted to know a little more about Tyler so here we go. Tyler is a few years younger than me, our birthdays are actually a month a part, making him an Aries and me a Taurus. And if you believe in any of that, you’ll know the stars don’t like that pairing. We both obviously work in the same field and work nights. He happens to like people more than me, I’ve grown a little introverted over the years. As I said before, we both enjoy cheesy films and musicals. He has a fixation for cars. I enjoy classic cars, not classic British cars though, I like hot-rods and muscle cars and if we’re pushing it, I enjoy monster trucks.

Like I said previously my relationship with Tyler very different than the one with Steve. The other night at work we spent 7+ hours on the phone to each other just talking. Work was dead, so we were playing Snapchat games and Words with Friends, and we were singing at each other. It was a lot of fun. However, you know what we didn’t do during that 7 hours? Flirt.

Tyler doesn’t flirt, not a at all, not one teeny tiny bit. I, on the other hand, flirt all the time. I don’t even know I’m doing most of the time. It’s like a second language. That said, it’s not just me. Everyone flirts, hell, I’ve heard the guys flirt with each other before now. Its transport; drinking, swearing, bitchy and flirty those are the languages of the industry. And he just doesn’t partake.

I don’t actually know what to do with him in that regard. I’m almost trained to make the dirty punch line quickly, before the guys can, it makes it less awkward. However, since he doesn’t bite, he just giggles when I make the jokes and it’s still a little awkward. I can’t really win.

And as previously mentioned, I am not sure how straight he is. My Gaydar doesn’t seem to even register him as human. I get no reading from him at all. Maybe I need to introduce him to the gay husband to find out for sure.

Anyways, I hope that fills you in on any information you felt you were missing and let me know whose side you’re on, mine or the gay husbands, in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

The Gay Husband's Bright Idea

My lovely, dear, gay husband has had another one of his “bright idea” and I thought I’d let you in on his latest brain wave because personally it made me laugh.

The gay husband is over the whole Steve thing, he believes he’s all talk and while he served a purpose, that purpose has now been served. Fair enough, I guess. However, he believes I should replace Steve with, wait for it, his brother Tyler.

Now, if you’re anything like me, your reaction to that was “wait, what?”. The words just did not compute. He has his logic and some of it is understandable, but it still sounds crazy to me.

His logic is that Tyler is clearly someone I am comfortable with; he’s seen me without makeup, he’s seen many unflattering pictures of me, he’s someone I communicate with easily. We share a lot of the same interests (country music, musicals, crappy films), and we have a similar sense of humour. I don’t dispute any of that. However, the same could be said for most of my friends.

There also many other issues the gay husband is overlooking. Starting with his brother; now imagine for a second, he was right, and me Tyler started dating…. How messed up would have Thanksgiving be? Dating Tyler, sat across from his brother whom I use to sext? That’s not a thing.

Then you have the other issues, like he’s younger than me, I don’t date younger guys. You have the distance, you have secrets, he’s doesn’t know I blog, and he can’t find out for obvious reasons. And then you have the fact I am not ever sure he’s straight!

I am pretty sure the gay husband is way off on this one but let me know what you think in the comments below. I’d love to know your thoughts and the gay husband would love to find out if anyone is on his side. Anyways, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Looks Don’t Matter

I made a comment a few posts back about looks not being a deal breaker and this raised a few questions and bought on quite the debate, so I thought I’d elaborate on my stance a bit.

Now, don’t get me wrong physical attraction is a plus and if it’s there awesome, but it’s not the be all and end all. For me at least, being attracted to someone’s personality is way more important. Sex with pretty people who you want to stab when they open their mouths isn’t sustainable. Personalities on the other hand tend to last. And, in most relationships anyways, you tend to spend more time clothed than naked, so there needs to be more than looks build a happy healthy relationship.

There are actually scientific studies that back up my stance, apparently “traditional attraction” wears off after 18-24 months. And apparently, that’s the point where a lot of issues tend to surface. When that “honeymoon” or “lust” phase wears off relationships fizzle out if there isn’t something else to draw them together.

I, on occasion, have chosen to skip that lust phase. I’ve dated guys whose personalities I enjoyed, but who may not have been my idea of sexually stunning. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t monsters, but I also didn’t look at them and want them naked either. That said, just because they didn’t make me drool doesn’t mean they couldn’t make me scream. Just because I wasn’t into them looks wise doesn’t mean the sex was bad. Actually, from my experience, what they say is true, good looking men tend to not be great in bed because they don’t have to be. While less stunning men, well, they develop skills to compensate.

Anyways, that’s my two cents on the matter. I’m going to go and enjoy what remains of the last day of my holiday. I shall leave you with the question though; Do looks matter? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Q&A

Welcome to November and more importantly to the Q&A I’ve been promising. I’m not going to waste a lot of time here, I’m just going to jump into the questions you lovely humans have been asking.

How are you?

I am ok. I am in a better place than I was that’s for certain. I am still not perfect, but all things considered I am doing well.

How is your mom?

My mom is a fighter and she’s hanging in there. Her kidney function is back up to 11%, which is a relief. Her spirits remain high and that’s all you can really ask for.

Are you dating anyone?

Nope. Not even flirting with anyone these days.

How are things with Mr. X?

Perfect. I haven’t spoken to him months.

Do you miss Mr. X?

Of course. As toxic as he could be, he was also a sweetheart who could always get through to me when no one else could. Now I have to rely on myself for that, and to be honest, recently that almost didn’t work. As much of a twat as Mr. X can be, he has he’s good and I miss that.

How are things with Steve?

Things are ok. We don’t speak a whole lot these days, but that’s to be expected. Peak has started at work and time is a premium. Plus, I don’t like messaging him at home, so January will be when things start to show.

Hove things changed with Steve?

Yep. But, like I said I won’t really know what’s changed and what’s just peak stress until January.

Is Steve going to do a guest post or a Q&A like Mr. X did?

Nope. I asked the question for you and he’s not interested.

Given your firm no kids rule would you still sleep with Steve?

In case you don’t know the rule this person is talking about it is birth control, condoms and a reasonable chance the guy I am sleeping with is shooting blanks. When it comes to Steve I’d make an exception on this one.

Would you still sleep with Steve given how things have changed?

I would indeed. The whole Steve thing is about pleasure not logic.

Do you think Mr. X and Steve are cheaters?

Every relationship is different and has their own rules. By my standards in a relationship, yes, but that’s not to say that’s the case in their relationships. And since I chose not to know those facts, I can only assume they’re playing within the rules they’ve set.

Anyways, my dears, those are all the questions that you’ve submitted for this Q&A, if you have any more leave them below and I’ll either answer them there or save them for my next Q&A post. But that’s all she wrote for this one so, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

Trigger

I’ve just finished writing the post you saw last week, and as I finished writing it, I became acutely aware there was going to be a question asked afterwards. So, I figure I should address it now rather than waiting for the questions to roll in. Of course, that question is regarding Steve, and whether he is one of my bad decisions or not.

Despite what some of you think, Steve is not a bad decision. Steve is actually the trigger for this latest freak out. Up until now, being single was my choice, something I controlled. Cue Steve, who has reminded me not all men are fuckwits and I might be missing out on things by staying single and now the control has shifted.

I am aware, thanks to many of you, Steve can be viewed as a negative and I do get that. I’ve also said, I don’t know the situation in that relationship and I don’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss. Every relationship must play within their own rules and those rules are nobody else business. So, I can only comment on me. And right now at least, Steve is definitely not a negative, even if he has triggered some problematic behaviour.

However, lucky for me the universe is still preventing my stupid decisions. I’m sure the reason for the universe plotting to prevent stupidity will be revealed at some point, but in the meantime, I guess I’m going to have to cope like every other adult, by drinking.

Anyways, I am going to go and have a nap because adulting sucks. But before I go I have this question for you; What do you do to escape? As always, let me know your thoughts in the comments below, I’d love to hear them. And as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Control

Continuing my mission to make horrible decisions with my life; I am currently debating reinstalling Plenty of Fish. Now, I’ve had zero luck with POF in the past, a couple of dates, none of which I’d recommend. I personally find it depressing and good way to loss fate in the goodness of men. But, that’s kind of the name of the game at the minute.

There is also the issue that I hate dating. It’s just not for me. Every relationship I’ve had, I’ve fallen into., no dating involved.  So clearly a dating site isn’t my best option. Let alone a free dating site which tends to draw in a less “relationship based” clientele. That said, I find pay for sites draw a needy desperate clientele, so both have their cons.

So, why do it you ask? Control. I’m under so disillusions, I understand my destructive behaviour. I have no control over a large portion of my life right now. My mom is dying, it’s just a matter of time. I have zero control over my work situation at the moment, I’m just trying to survive. I’m single, and you can’t force nor rush love, it happens when it happens.  So, I’m drawn to the things I can control. Lucky for me, I have no will power, because I’m pretty sure that mentality is how eating disorders and things like that start. I on the other hand find my sense of control in my sex life.  

If you’ve been around a while, you’ll know throughout my teen and early 20s I did the same thing. Although at that point in my life I didn’t understand what I was doing or why I was doing it. Mr. X was the reason I came out of the spiral. Not sure if it was a blessing or a curse in the long run.

The problem is at my age, I’m not young and stupid anymore. I understand fully what’s going on. What I haven’t learned is a better way of coping.  

Anyways, I am going to go and drink because that sounds like the healthier option. But I do have this question for you. What do you do to find a sense of control? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Bad Decision

I concluded about a week ago that I need to make a few bad decisions in my life, a conclusion that may be strange to some, but I’ll explain that in a moment. My real issue is the universe seems hell bent on preventing me from carrying out my bad decisions and I’m getting annoyed. But I guess I should explain.

Steve is all well and good, but he’s fictional, I mean he’s real but it’s he’s not tangible. I don’t need my head clouded with fairies and unicorns, when what’s around is demons and trolls.  Steve is an ideal, and even that ideal with shattered when you really look at it, as one of you pointed out the other day.

I need to keep my head in the head game and the best way I know to do that is to sharpen my skills with practice. How does one practices dealing with demons and trolls, you ask? You agree to a date with Mr. Block.

The whole thing promises to be an exercise in disappointment. As discussed in my 2014 blogs, I am not physically attracted to him.  This is nothing new though, nor a deal breaker. I have dated many guys I wasn’t attracted to, hell I was engaged to 1 of them, technically 2, but we won’t talk about that. The real issue is at this point I find his personality repugnant. And I’d still happily go through with the date, if the universe would stop getting involved.

Last weekend the universe gave him the flu. I’d normally I’d think he was trying to blow me off, but I am actually friends with his housemate and he too was dying with man flu, capturing every second on SnapChat. This weekend I mentally broke down and spent 3 days in bed. Long overdue and I feel better for it, but ruined the whole date thing.

Today is a bank holiday, and I am trying once again to make this piss poor decision and now, he’s not checking his messages and I’ll be asleep later since I am back to work tomorrow so today looks like a write off too. At this point I could send him a message saying “hey wanna fuck?” and I’m sure a Pterodactyl would swoop down and eat him. I can’t catch a break.

Anyways, I am going to go and get some sleep before I do something really stupid like message Mr. X. But, before I go I have this question for you; What is your deal breaker? Let me know your thoughts in the comment below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Don’t Settle For Less Than A Steve

Forgetting the fact, the whole Steve thing is morally reprehensible. It has proven to be a good learning opportunity and even seems to have facilitated some self-growth.

This was never more evident to me, then the other night at work. Both Steve and Mr. Block were messaging me at the same time and both conversations were eerily similar but handle in two very different manners.

I had sent both a picture of me at my desk, the image was cleavage heavy, however, I am cleavage heavy so unless I’m in a turtle neck that’s always an issue. Steve’s response was to ask me to remove the filter because “I don’t need it”. While, Mr. Block’s response was to ask me to get my tits fully out. It’s safe to say only one of them received any further images.

Now I am aware both of these gentlemen were after the same thing. Neither of them had pure intentions. Their motivation was more pictures to perv at. But, the old adage is true, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. And Steve is masterful at this.

Steve is basically a horny genius and he really should consider writing a book on his skills. He has mastered the technique of building you up to get the end result he wants. At this point, I can’t tell if this is something he does consciously or subconsciously and to be honest, I don’t want to know.

I’ve gone substantially further with him, digitally speaking, than with any other guys and the reason is simple. He builds me up, he makes me feel good, sexy, cute, he gives and as a result I want to give back. I want to make him feel that same way. Unlike a lot of other guys, who are all about them, who want to know what you’re going to do to them; he’s all about what he’s going to do for you. It’s a nice change.

Motivation aside; the technique is flawless, and the end result is a win, win. He gets off and my confidence is back, and I feel better in myself.

All that said, he is also a genuinely nice guy, which certainly does help the charm factor. He has quickly become one of my favourite humans to talk to at work. It has nothing to do with the flirting, although that is a nice touch, but he is a calm influence and a good voice of reason in a very stressful environment.

Just recently, I was having an issue at work and he the one I turned to not the work BFF. He was so sweet and went out of his way to make sure I was ok, and he offered some incredibly useful advice. I felt so looked after and in such safe hands, I haven’t felt the need to mention it to the work BFF at all.

The issue I have now is when I compare the likes of Mr. Block to Steve (not apples to apple, I know) it doesn’t balance out. Knowing how I feel with Steve, I’m left wondering why Mr. Block’s approach is acceptable. Why should I consider settling for less? I shouldn’t be left questioning things after a conversion with a guy. I shouldn’t be left questioning myself. I am something special, if not to him, to someone.  And if he doesn’t see that or doesn’t make me feel that way, fuck him. Nobody and I mean nobody, should settle for less than a Steve.

Anyways, I am going to go and enjoy the time rest of the time I have off. This post took way longer to write than it should have. But, for I go I have this question for you; What makes you feel special? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxo

I Told Me So

When you have been a blogger as long as I have (8 years here, 6 on the previous site) sooner or later you’ll prove yourself to be an idiot and won’t even realise it. This is going to be one of those stories, so stay with me until the end.

A few days ago, out the blue my old work husband popped up again, last seen in May for anyone who is keeping score. He sent me a message explained he’d been having family issues and that’s why he hadn’t not been in touch and asking if I was still up for meeting for drinks. I said sure, why not. It would be nice to finally meet after all these years.

Then something happened, during this friendly conversation, this meet up suddenly went from a meet up to an actual date.  And in this moment, I learned something about myself. I don’t like the word “date”.  Mainly because I don’t date, I haven’t for years. I don’t like dating, it’s stupid. Something just about the word makes me nervous and instantly makes me want to cancel. I know this is stupid, but I don’t care.

However, I did talk myself in off the ledge, and I decided to keep the date. At the end of the day, I am a blogger and material is hard to come by. What is the worst that can happen right? At least that was my decision.

I was prompted while writing the post, you’ll hopefully see next week, to look back to through my old blogs. I was certain I had written about the work husband in the past and wanted his “name” for consistency purposes. After looking back through a lot of posts, I found it, boy did I find.

November 2014 was where he was hiding. What was his name you ask? Mr. Block. Anyone remember that prick? To honest, I didn’t until I reread everything. This is where the whole I am idiot comes in.

Frankly, I wasn’t having great feelings towards this date anyways for reasons to be discussed next week. There were signs were there. But, it stings so much more when it’s your own words telling you, your choice of men is horrible and clearly, it’s not improving.

This brings us nicely to the question of the blog; Do you let bygones by bygones or do you heed the warning of the past? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxo

Lets Get Drunk

It’s been a long time since we’ve done a drunken blog and I figure it’s about time we do it again. Allow me to give the normal disclaimer: This post will be written and edited drunk. Once I have sobered up, this post will not be touched again. I will of course respond to comment and all that goodness, but there will be no editing to what has been written. Now that that’s been said; Let’s drink.

This drunken post is going to be about Steve. Steve is, of course, the gentleman with the pregnant wife, I’ve been swapping inappropriate messages with for the past month. Once again, I am fully aware I am going to hell. I am good with it.

Steve was meant to be safe; he is after all a married man. Workplace flirting, as a rule, is a great confidence booster. And I’ll admit it, after everything, I needed it.  Not that I was lacking confidence but, the best way I can describe it is, I have confidence, but it’s lacking self-assurance. It’s a fragile confidence if you will. I’m not 100% happy with the way I look at the minute and I’m not totally happy with me, as a whole either, so bare that in mind as this story goes onwards.

Last night, I was swapping inappropriate messages with Steve, trying to get, for lack of a better word, a rise out of him, when he got a rise out of me. I had just sent him a picture that I wasn’t comfortable with, but I knew he’d like. And, instead of a normal response. He fired back asking for a different picture, one my insecurity wouldn’t allow. And then he wouldn’t drop it, he was like a dog with a boner. I didn’t mind so much he asked, but the pressure was unneeded, and I didn’t like it.

Considering he was meant to be a safe option, it didn’t feel safe. It didn’t feel good, It felt like I was a teen dating a prick and I am far too old to be dealing with that shit. And then, of course, he got an attitude with me because I was upset. Like I’m the bad guy in this. I know a lot of it is my own issues. Which is why I didn't debate any of this with him at the time, but still dude don't be a selfish horn dog.

Anyways, my tequila is not holding its buzz so I am going to end this here. But before I do, I have this question for you; What do you do when you’re pushed outside your comfort zone? Shut down? Yell? Let me know in the comments below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Missing Little Voice

You know that little voice inside your head that is meant to stop you from doing stupid things that and sooner or later you’ll regret? That little buzz kill that ruins all your fun? That little kill joy that stops you becoming a meme on the internet. Yeah, I think mine quit. Or, at the very least has gone on an extended holiday and not left a forwarding address.

I know I am partly to blame. I should have listened to that voice more, made his job easier. But, I didn’t and now his absence is leading to some, frankly, sketchy decisions on my part. I never thought I’d say this, but I want him back. Preferably, before sketchy turns into dicey.

What has this little voice failed to prevent me from doing you ask? Let’s call it an inappropriate exchange of messages with a non-single male. A very non-single male. A married male. A married male whose wife is about to have a baby. Yeah, I’m going to hell.

For what it’s worth, I swear on my vibrator it started off innocent. It truly did. And then, there was a line, and it got crossed and subsequently got tap danced over in a bra and lace panties. Yeah, yeah, I am going to hell, I know.

 I know what you’re thinking, and in this case you’re wrong. I do not have an issue with unavailable men. It’s actually a pet peeve of mine and something I vented about just a few months ago. This was a judgment call failure and something that little voice should have been there to stop.

Allow me to add this minor caveat before I continue; I don’t know what their relationship make up is. There could open relationship deal there or a freedom I don’t know about. I don’t have nor have enquired about that information. I make all my moral calls based on what would upset me in a relationship, not on the rules of someone else’s relationship.

This whole thing started innocently enough, with a little work place flirting. No big deal, everyone flirts. It’s a thing you do to remind yourself not to kill everyone when you finally snap at your desk one day. It then progressed to harmless snapchat messages and pictures. Still firmly in the I am not going to hell category at this point.

Then there was a snap that changed everything, and it wasn’t sent by me. I’ll leave the nature of that snap to your imagination, but from there things got less innocent.

There were some sexual exchanges, that may have leaned toward sexting and some pictures that, well still were leaning PG-13 probably weren’t in good taste. And were definitely not appropriate to be sending a married man. All this from a girl who was once dumped for not doing this sort of thing. Go fucking figure, eh?

I don’t get it, my moral compass appears to be lost and that damn little voice seems to be living it up in Hawaii well I’m planning a tour of hell. And, to be honest, at the moment, I don’t even care.

I’m not going to leave you with a question of the blog, because I predict I’ll get plenty of questions and comments without me prompting you. So, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Let’s Talk About Sex.

Let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about… well me. As I assume most of you know my sex life is pretty much an open book and has been for many years, from blogs, articles, sex toy testing to pod casts, most of my sex life is out there in some shape or form. Because of this, I sometimes forget other people have hang ups regarding the topic.

I was having a perfectly ok conversation regarding sexual pasts and I casually mention a 3some I had in my late teens. Boy, did the conversation shift. Anyone would have thought I said I was into humping taxidermy or something messed up like that. And most of it was because it was my “boyfriend” and I wasn’t the guess star.

I will say, if you are going to have a 3some be the guest star, it’s way more fun, but, why the hell not give it a try. If all parties are safe, there is no real harm to be done. The guy who I was talking to about this with was trying to make the point or wrap his head around “how could you watch your partner screw someone else.” And I can understand the thought there. However, in my case, there were no feelings there. That’s why we worked. Hell, we were fuck friends for 6 or 7 years. I still see him about this day and we’ll have a drink. There were never any romantic feeling there, which made things easier for sure. It was purely lust, and for the record it was fun. But I don’t see any issue if there were feelings. However, that boils down to a relationship’s dynamic and surely if you knew it was likely to be a problem. You just won’t do it.

Anyways, what are your thoughts on 3somes and where do you draw the line sexually? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Dating in a Male Dominated Industry

I’ve recently done some research on women in male dominated industries and the effect it has on their life both physically and romantically. To be honest, I was shocked by the research out there. And not only that, but, I was shocked by the stigma single women get from men when they work in an industry dominated by man.

Let’s address the stigma first because, I don’t understand it. Maybe you require a penis to understand the “logic” on this one. But it seems ridiculous to me.

Men seem to believe women who are single in a male dominated industries are broken, or damaged or in some way faulty. Their “logic” seems to be if they can't get a guy with that number of men around them, they're not worth having. 

These guys clearly have forgotten the golden rule “don’t shit where you eat!” Do not mix business with pleasure, it’s a horrible idea. And when you disqualify the guys you’re around 50 hours a week, it’s hard to find a man that can handle their partner being around men 50 hours a week. I’ve worked in transport over a decade and I can count on 1 hand the amount of men that have been ok with my job and most of them worked in the industry themselves. 

We’re definitely not broken, at least not any more so than other women, the system just doesn’t work in our favor. Unless, of course, you plan to climb the company ladder wrong by wrong.

What I was really surprised by is all the research regarding the negative health effects working in a male dominated industry has on women. Where was that warning when I started my career 10 years ago? They are physical risks like women tend to have higher cholesterol and nutritional deficits. And then there’s the mental risks that are even scarier.

Research has found that in a male dominated work place, the hormone found when a person is stressed is on average 15% higher in women than in a man doing the same job. Add in other factors such as lack of support, workplace harassment and sexual harassment and the risk of mental issues pile up. The number of women who work in a male dominated environment that are prescribed medication for mental issues is scary. Some studies have the figure as high as 70%. 

Those figures, actually back up something I’ve said over recent years. I can’t cope with dating and my work life. The men at work drain me mentally and when I get home, I can’t deal with bullshit. I’m snappy and lack almost all patience. Things need to either work effortlessly or I’m out. And since you’re meant to work at a healthy relationship. I am out.

I started my research hoping to find out it was possible to have a healthy relationship while working in a male industry and I’m even less sure than I was before.  The odds are simply not with us. I’m not about to say it's impossible. We pick “impossible” career paths so women in these industries know how to beat the odds. It’s just not as easy or straight forward. And personally, it’s not a fight I am willing to go through at the moment, but for the right guy I am sure it’s possible.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always. Stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

“You Deserve To Be Single”

The other day I received a comment notification on a post I wrote close to 5 years ago. The post was about how I didn’t need a guy in my life to fill a gap, I didn’t need one to lean on or do things for me. A guy was a bonus not a necessity. A point I still stand by all these year later. This “bright spark” felt the need to reply to a blog half a decade old with “if that’s how you feel, you deserve to be single.”  

“You deserve to be single.” I’m not sure why the sentence is an insult. But, it’s  definitely meant as one. Unlucky for him, I don’t personally see it that way.  However, many do, and that troubles me.

Many people, some of them friends of mine, have made it their career to help others not be single. As if being single is the worst thing that could happen to you. And this mindset, is A. Making a lot of people money and B. non-conducive to a happy life. If you think being single is the end of the world, you’ll make it the end of the world. And that tends to lead to settling and that leads divorce where you're back in the “end of the world” scenario again.

I don’t understand any of this. If you haven’t found that special someone that adds to your life, you deserve to be single. You deserve not to waste your time on some loser, you deserve to be happy within yourself.  I don’t understand why being single is seen as death sentence… It’s kind of the opposite.

Anyways, that’s my thought on the matter. What do you think is “you deserve to be single” is an insult or not? Let me know in the comments below. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The  Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Why Do Men Think It Is Ok

This is going to be a fairly short post, mainly because I once again left writing it to the last minute and because I want to throw this out there and get your thoughts.

Why do men who are in committed relationships think its ok to tell other women they like them and or ask them out? On what planet does that end well for them?

Many saying come to mind; “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” “A zebra cannot change its stripes, ” “Lie with a dog, get up with fleas.” “What you associate with reflects on you.” All of which boils down to you’d have to be an idiot and think pretty lowly of yourself to reciprocate.

So why do they bother? It only lowers a person’s perception of them. Which means if they are ever single, they have no hope at all.

Anyways, I am going to throw this one out to you. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always, stay, and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Good Idea, Gone Bad

I really must learn to leave well enough alone. I just had to test whether I was dead inside or if it just the work effect. I just had to know…I’m a dumbass.

“Sure, I miss that face, that skin, that kissing ability, that sarcasm... but someone who gets me, someone who understands me, more than most - It makes me miss you.”  - Mr. X

If I was at work, I know for a fact, that wouldn’t have had any effect on me. But, because I was at home, all the feelings. It made me remember that connection we had and why I loved him. It made me remember he wasn’t always evil.

I’m a fucking genuine. I get mad at him for frustrating comments, that are useless in the grand scheme and there I am doing the same sort of thing.

Anyways, I’m going to go and drink and pretend I didn’t open that whole can of worms.  But before I go I have this question for you; what was the last thing you regret doing? Let me know in the comment box below. And, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Dead Inside

I’m starting to worry that I am slightly dead inside. I’ve spent years building walls and toughening up to become the strong woman I am today. Working in such a male dominate environment has really focused me to be less emotional and almost detached in order to be taken seriously and gain success. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t always succeed in keeping my emotions in check, but it takes a lot for me crack these days.

With all that said; I think I may have done too good of a job. I know what I should be feeling regarding the whole Mr. X thing, yet I feel nothing. It’s like my brain hasn’t taken the information in. I’m not sure if it’s because every time he’s spoken to me, I’ve been at work or if I’m genuinely broken.

 I’m fairly switched off at work; I have a job to do and I get it done and once I leave it never happened. It’s a stressful job and I find that the easiest way to stay sane. So, I’m wondering if that’s why Mr. X hasn’t sunk it. He spoke to me at work, we had the needed conversation and I came home as if nothing happened.

 Either that or years of dealing with fuck-wit men has left emotional scarred and broken. Either, or really.

Anyways, I’m going to go and have a nap. But before I go I have this question for you; do you compartmentalize work and real life, or do you have a different way of dealing with stress? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

"I Miss You"

I’ve been a little baffled by my lack of reaction to this whole “I miss you” thing. And after a little thought; more than I’ve given the actual statement in all fairness, I think I understand why. I miss you is a very vague statement. In the grand scheme of things, it means almost nothing, and that’s probably why I’ve felt almost nothing regarding it.

I miss my old Corsa. I’m not going to do anything about it, the car is nearly 20 years old at this point and is long gone, but I miss it. It was a good car to me. That about sums up Mr. X’s statement. I’m broken down car with fond memories attached.

"I miss you" is so vague, what does it even mean? Does it mean anything? I suppose if I want these questions answered I should just ask Mr. X.

But, do I want them answered?

I feel I may be too sober for this conversation. Actually, I feel like I’ve been tricked into having a different conversation, one I didn’t want to have. Because you should never ask questions you don’t want the answer to. And I don't think the answer benefits me in any way. 

Anyways, I am going to go and… drink. I think drinking is the answer here. But before I do, I have this question for you; What does “I miss you” mean and do I want the answer? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo