Wednesday, 19 September 2012

Enigma?

Joel and I have decided to team up to work on an experiment of sorts called “Enigma?”

Instead of me trying to explain the idea behind it, here’s a link that should bring you up to speed.

I think it’s going to be a lot of fun for us to write and hopefully just as much fun for you guys to read. 

But for this project to work, we’re going to need your help. We need you to send us some questions you’d love to have answered by the opposite sex. You can either leave them here, tweet me (@TheHonestBitch), Email me (Ms.HonestB@gmail.com), or if you’re feeling a little feisty tweet Joel (@sparkyjcs)

Let me know what you guys think, Love you,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Sunday, 16 September 2012

Women and Porn

Someone sent me a question on twitter asking me if women watch porn, and if so why? Since he isn’t the first man to ask this question I thought I’d turn it into a blog. So let’s start with the first part of the question.

Do women watch porn? YES!! Yes, women do indeed watch porn.

Now on to part two of that question, why? There are a lot of reasons why....

Reason 1: Safety: The only thing you’re likely going to catch from porn is a computer virus, making it a lot safer than sex. I’m not just talking about STDs here, I’m also talking about physical safety; every time you invite a stranger into your house it comes with a risk.

Reason 2: its their Boyfriend’s: This is probably the second biggest reason women watch porn.  They come across it on their boyfriend’s computer and can’t help but check it out to see what kind of freaking stuff their boyfriend is into.

Reason 3: Education: A lot of women watch porn to learn new moves. Ever wonder where you’re girlfriend leaned that new move she used on your birthday? Porn.

Reason 4: Sex Buddies Have Lives Too: They aren’t always there when you need them and as I’m sure you know horny waits for no one.

Reason 5: To Explore Secret Fantasies: Women can be a little shy about these things and through watching these sorts of films they can explore that side of themselves.

Reason 6: To get in the Mood: Women unlike men need a build up; we can’t just snap our fingers and be ready to go. Porn helps with the build up and good job too because a lot men suck at foreplay.

Reason 7: A Lacking Partner: Some guys just can’t get the job done or Mother Nature wasn’t kind to them in the size department porn lets us to escape that reality.

Reason 8: We Need a Good Laugh: It’s not unheard of for women to get together and drink wine and laugh at porn. Some porn can be hot, yes. But a lot of it is ridiculous. No woman is into it that much.

 Reason 9: Curiosity: A lot of porn has a certain freak show quality about it, whether its boobs that can function as floatation devices or people doing things that science can’t explain. Sometimes you just have to look.

Reason 10: To Orgasm: This may come as a shock to some men but the number one reason why women watch porn is to get off; women get horny too, hence the whole Ann Summer’s being a thing. Plus who do you think is keeping all those battery companies in business? Sex toys are a billion dollars a year businesses and most of that comes from women. What did you think we were using those toys for, to make sandwiches?  Think again.

So hopefully that answered some of the questions my handful of male readers had and to my female readers, do you watch porn and why? Let me and them know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

Good on Paper Guy

We’ve all been there, a lovely guy who is everything you should want in boyfriend, he is perfect on paper, but in reality you’d rather pull your eye lashes out one by one then actually date him.

Such was the case with my good on paper date a few weeks ago Kyle. He was a lovely guy, well mannered, hell the guy brought flowers, who does that anymore. But the date was less fun then a root canal.

He’s what I call a paint by numbers guy, everything had a place and time, was planned out and that isn’t me. I’m a goofball, I like to have fun and he, wasn’t. Thinking about it I don’t think I laughed at all during the date.

Guys always bitch that women say they want a guy that can make them laugh but we don’t. I’m here as living proof to tell you, that is what we want. This guy is not getting a second chance because he failed to make me laugh...and to be any fun at all.

I should have known better, I’ve never gone for the good on paper guys; they’re just not for me. That’s not to say I like bad boys because I don’t. For me the most important thing in a relationship is a spark. That spark is what makes you want to work on things or even put any effect in, in the first place. Without that spark you may as well be dating your brother,

So that’s just my opinion, what do you guys think? What is the most important thing to you, good on paper, good in bed, spark or something else, let me know in the comment box below.

As always my lovelies stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Saturday, 8 September 2012

Poorly Week with A Little Smile

I guess you’re probably wondering where on earth I’ve been this past week. Well thanks to my doctor and his infinite wisdom I’ve not been very well. He decided to mess around with my pills and put me on something called Gabapentin.

Gabapentin sucks!! I’m not sure what it’s meant to do but all it’s done for me is make me feel like a zombie and cause me to throw up. Just what everyone wants for their pills. All the side effects with none of the results.

Luckily I’m starting to feel less like a zombified throw-up queen and more like a human. That may have a little something to do with me not listening to my doctor. He told me to stick it out a little longer.....I decided to go a different way, a way that involves much less vomit.

Besides explaining where I’ve been this past week, what I want to do with this blog is give a little shout out to Steve Dangle. Since I’m pretty sure none of you know who he is since his target audience is sports crazed men and mine is women who are fed of men, let me tell you.

He is a YouTuber, he also works for CBC and there is some weird zoo connection too which I’m not really sure I want to know about.

The reason I want to give him a shout out is because one morning while I was enjoying the side effects (aka throwing my guts up). I heard the mailman put something through the door. When I looked I spotted an envelope with Canadian stamps on it. When I opened it I found a Shea Weber card and a short note from Steve Dangle. And despite the rocky start to my day, I couldn’t help but smile. And I just wanted to thanks him for that. (See I’m not always a bitch, just most of the time).

The reason he sent the card is kind of awesome. He decided he wanted to show his appreciation to his viewers and to do so he decided to send out some common hockey cards. Which if you ask me, is a lovely gesture; one that I’m sure is costing him a pretty penny in postage.

It’s rare to see someone gain success and still care about their original audience. And for that I have to show him some love. Plus anyone who can make a throwy-upy zombie smiles deserves that much.

Anyone else thinking a week of being sick has made me soft?

Anyways I’m going to leave you with a question that has nothing at all to do with this post because...I can.

Someone left me a comment on one of blogs saying you should wait at least a year before sleeping with someone. What do you guys think about that and how long do you think you should wait before sleeping with someone? Let me know in the comment box below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Thursday, 30 August 2012

Spite Leads To Date

Who says spite is a bad thing? This spiteful bitch has a date Saturday night with a guy who......sounds good on paper.

For blogging sake I’m going to call him Kyle. According to his profile he is 6”3, has brown hair, blue eyes, non-smoker who has a bachelor’s degree and works in the health care profession. It also says he has no kids and no pets.

On paper he sounds good but there are two things on his profile I do not like.

The first one is it says his longest relationship is less than a year. That’s a bit of a worry. At 28 you’d expect a person to have had at least one serious relationship. And I think it’s safe to say if it lasted less than 12 months, it wasn’t serious. And if it was, the guy isn’t rational.

The other thing I don’t like is his interests or rather the sports he listed; Football (soccer), cricket and golf. Soccer is a girls sport played by drama queens that are in desperate need of an acting class. Cricket is just dull, I’d much rather watch paint dry. And golf, well it’s ok to play but watching it is the best sleeping pill around.

There is also the problem that I can’t decide whether he’s good looking or not. In some pictures he’s cute and in other’s I’ll pass so god only knows what I’ll get Saturday night.

We’ve been texting each other for about a week now and he seems like a really sweet guy, but I’m a twisted individual and sweet doesn’t really do it for me. I like my men to have a bit of fire in them and I’m not sure he has that.

I thought writing this post might help ease my nerves some.....it didn’t. Its actually made it worse. So I think I’m going to stop now.

So what first date advice do you guys have for me, let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest and very nervous Bitch
xoxoxo

Saturday, 25 August 2012

Zach The Breakable

Fact: The better looking the guy the more breakable he is.

I don’t know what causes this to happen but it’s happened so many times now I’m willing to call it a fact. If anyone out there has any insight to why this may be, please let me know. It’s one of those mysteries of life that is crying out for an answer.

So now let me explain the story behind the latest guy I broke.

So you know I’ve been on a dating site spite mission and it hasn’t been going to plan. All the site seems to be turning up is freaks and stalkers. With one exception, a gorgeous guy I use to work with about 5 or 6 years ago. For the sake of this blog I am going to call him Zach.

Zach worked on checkouts briefly before moving to another department. A man on checkout is almost unheard of, so when there is a guy around, the ladies turn into teenage girls talking about Justin Bieber. But sadly the guy normally turns out to be more Shrek then Prince Charming. So when I heard the girls swooning over Zach I didn’t think much of it.

Then I saw him, long blonde hair, cute smile, gave off the stoner crowd vibe not my type at all but even I’ll admit he was damn good looking. Then he opened his mouth and coherentness (yes that’s a word now) came out, I was impressed, gorgeous smile, nice down to earth guy, hot body, I wanted some. And so did most of the checkout girls, even some of the married ones had some very non –PG comments to say about him.

Minus a little flirting on my part nothing happen while we were working together. Then while dealing with a stalker type I saw his picture come up and I must admit when I saw his picture there wasn’t a pure thought in my head. I didn’t join the site for sex that was the last thing I was looking for but when it comes to him that’s a different story (one that is in the adult section of most book stores).

His message was about work and people we worked with all friendly non sexual stuff. I got the vibe he wasn’t into me that way. But to my pleasant surprise I was wrong. Boy was I wrong. Apparently he had noticed me and had some very nice things to say. Things that turned me an interesting shade of red, I was home, in bed alone and he had me actually coving my face with my arms trying to hide the blushing, from whom I don’t know. He’s definitely a smooth talker.

Things were on the verge of getting a little risqué when he sent me two pictures at which point my brain broke, and all I could think about was his hot naked body pressed against mine and his lips exploring my body. For a brief moment I think I got a glimpse into how it must be like inside the male mind. Sadly I can’t share the actual pictures with you guys but you can use your imaginations or any good porn site.

Once I regained some non-sexual thoughts in my head the conversation continued and then abruptly stalled. The reason it stalled was he wanted a picture of my ass. I don’t like my ass; it’s not my best feature. So getting a picture I'm willing to send to someone I want to fuck is impossible. You can’t just send crappy pictures you don’t like to a man you want in you....that story doesn’t have a happy ending (then again nor does this one).

Since he didn’t get a picture he ended our conversation there and hasn’t been heard from since, leaving me to officially declare him broken or maybe dead.

I know what you’re thinking if the guy couldn’t last 24 hours there’s no hope for a relationship, and I agree with you but I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I was looking for penis. The funny part is that night I had dream about him and me in bed, he was laying behind me with his strong arms warped around me kissing my neck, our naked bodies pressed against each other, his rock hard...... and I still didn’t get laid.

I couldn’t even get any in my dreams! How pathetic is that? Maybe its best I don’t sleep with him it might ruin the fantasy but given the chance we all know I would.

So I’ll leave the question with you, would you sleep with your fantasy or do you think it would ruin things? Let me know in the comment box below also if anyone knows why good looking guys are so breakable please tell me. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  
xoxoxo

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

True Intentions

I get asked a lot of questions, and the one that comes up most often is “why can’t men be honest about their true intentions?”  To be honest this question has baffled me for years so instead of me trying to use my woman logic on it, I decided to go straight to the source and ask a guy. So I posed the question to my friend, fellow blogger and kick ass author Joel Sparks. And he was kind enough to agree to write a guest post and try to shed some light on things. So here’s what he has to say on the matter:

"Why men can't be honest about their true intentions?”

Inevitably the question has been asked by a woman, which puts an interesting slant on it. It is also a sweeping question that implies all men are duplicitous when, in fact, some are brutally honest and others are complete rats. Ironically, with a man answering the question, the response should be instantly doubted. However, The Honest Bitch can vouch for my honesty being so brutal that it would make Ghengis Khan and Nero wince.

First of all, allow me to make something clear. Men are weak. We prioritise our agenda over our principles because that yields more satisfying results. So for example, when a girl asks “Does my bum look big in this?” our principles would have us say “Yes, it does” when our agenda makes us say “No, don’t be silly.” The reason being that we know the repercussions of being truthful, namely being labelled insensitive, inconsiderate and unfit for the company of a woman. That is something we do not want. For all the bluster about women driving us mad and preferring to hang out with the boys, we like the company of a good woman.  So why would we burn our bridges with a trivial thing like the whole truth?

Secondly, the dishonest nature is pressured upon men by the increased sense of competition. The men who tell the truth are competing against the men who are prepared to lie to win the girl. It is a universal reality that an entertaining lie is always more appealing than an uncomfortable truth. So by that notion, the reason women frequently feel that men are taking them for a ride is because they pick the liars. By choosing them, not only does it endorse deceitful behaviour, it encourages it. It is easy to understand why someone would choose that. Men are the same. We would rather choose a woman who wears make up, a push bra, plunging neck line and uses well measured vanity tricks over the girl who goes all natural. It is a vicious cycle but we all play the game or lose out.

Finally, the truth is too much information too soon. Some guys only want physical intimacy. Some want a long term relationship. Either way, to lay your cards on the table straight from the off is not only bad poker, it’s a bad idea with ladies. Why? Because we don’t like rejection and a flat out honest offer brings a 50/50 chance of that. Men approach women like a hot bath. Jumping in just gets you scolded. Ease in gently and you increase your chances of success. So “commit to nothing and see if you can extract what she is after” is the mentality that most men take. If she is after something acceptable to us, we roll with it.

If women want men to be honest about their intentions, then women need to lead the way. Like I said, men are weak and their actions are dictated by what they believe will yield the best chance of success with women. Ladies, do you want men to be honest? Then demand it. Not in blogs or Facebook statuses. In clubs, bars, dates and wherever else you may meet guys. The problem is if you were honest with yourselves, it is the last thing you want.


I am sure you’ll join me in thanking Joel for his insight. So what do you guys think? Why can’t men be honest about their true intentions? Let me know in the comment box below. And if you like Joel’s style be sure to show him some love on his site: The Sparks Maxim and follow him on twitter @Sparkyjcs

Stay safe

-The Honest Bitch