I get asked a lot of questions, and the one that comes up most often is “why can’t men be honest about their true intentions?” To be honest this question has baffled me for years so instead of me trying to use my woman logic on it, I decided to go straight to the source and ask a guy. So I posed the question to my friend, fellow blogger and kick ass author Joel Sparks. And he was kind enough to agree to write a guest post and try to shed some light on things. So here’s what he has to say on the matter:
Inevitably the question has been asked by a woman, which puts an interesting slant on it. It is also a sweeping question that implies all men are duplicitous when, in fact, some are brutally honest and others are complete rats. Ironically, with a man answering the question, the response should be instantly doubted. However, The Honest Bitch can vouch for my honesty being so brutal that it would make Ghengis Khan and Nero wince.
"Why men can't be honest about their true intentions?”
First of all, allow me to make something clear. Men are weak. We prioritise our agenda over our principles because that yields more satisfying results. So for example, when a girl asks “Does my bum look big in this?” our principles would have us say “Yes, it does” when our agenda makes us say “No, don’t be silly.” The reason being that we know the repercussions of being truthful, namely being labelled insensitive, inconsiderate and unfit for the company of a woman. That is something we do not want. For all the bluster about women driving us mad and preferring to hang out with the boys, we like the company of a good woman. So why would we burn our bridges with a trivial thing like the whole truth?
Secondly, the dishonest nature is pressured upon men by the increased sense of competition. The men who tell the truth are competing against the men who are prepared to lie to win the girl. It is a universal reality that an entertaining lie is always more appealing than an uncomfortable truth. So by that notion, the reason women frequently feel that men are taking them for a ride is because they pick the liars. By choosing them, not only does it endorse deceitful behaviour, it encourages it. It is easy to understand why someone would choose that. Men are the same. We would rather choose a woman who wears make up, a push bra, plunging neck line and uses well measured vanity tricks over the girl who goes all natural. It is a vicious cycle but we all play the game or lose out.
Finally, the truth is too much information too soon. Some guys only want physical intimacy. Some want a long term relationship. Either way, to lay your cards on the table straight from the off is not only bad poker, it’s a bad idea with ladies. Why? Because we don’t like rejection and a flat out honest offer brings a 50/50 chance of that. Men approach women like a hot bath. Jumping in just gets you scolded. Ease in gently and you increase your chances of success. So “commit to nothing and see if you can extract what she is after” is the mentality that most men take. If she is after something acceptable to us, we roll with it.
If women want men to be honest about their intentions, then women need to lead the way. Like I said, men are weak and their actions are dictated by what they believe will yield the best chance of success with women. Ladies, do you want men to be honest? Then demand it. Not in blogs or Facebook statuses. In clubs, bars, dates and wherever else you may meet guys. The problem is if you were honest with yourselves, it is the last thing you want.
I am sure you’ll join me in thanking Joel for his insight. So what do you guys think? Why can’t men be honest about their true intentions? Let me know in the comment box below. And if you like Joel’s style be sure to show him some love on his site: The Sparks Maxim and follow him on twitter @Sparkyjcs
-The Honest Bitch