Looks Don’t Matter

I made a comment a few posts back about looks not being a deal breaker and this raised a few questions and bought on quite the debate, so I thought I’d elaborate on my stance a bit.

Now, don’t get me wrong physical attraction is a plus and if it’s there awesome, but it’s not the be all and end all. For me at least, being attracted to someone’s personality is way more important. Sex with pretty people who you want to stab when they open their mouths isn’t sustainable. Personalities on the other hand tend to last. And, in most relationships anyways, you tend to spend more time clothed than naked, so there needs to be more than looks build a happy healthy relationship.

There are actually scientific studies that back up my stance, apparently “traditional attraction” wears off after 18-24 months. And apparently, that’s the point where a lot of issues tend to surface. When that “honeymoon” or “lust” phase wears off relationships fizzle out if there isn’t something else to draw them together.

I, on occasion, have chosen to skip that lust phase. I’ve dated guys whose personalities I enjoyed, but who may not have been my idea of sexually stunning. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t monsters, but I also didn’t look at them and want them naked either. That said, just because they didn’t make me drool doesn’t mean they couldn’t make me scream. Just because I wasn’t into them looks wise doesn’t mean the sex was bad. Actually, from my experience, what they say is true, good looking men tend to not be great in bed because they don’t have to be. While less stunning men, well, they develop skills to compensate.

Anyways, that’s my two cents on the matter. I’m going to go and enjoy what remains of the last day of my holiday. I shall leave you with the question though; Do looks matter? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Mr. Block

Some of you have been asking what happened with Mr. Block so I thought I’d give you a quick update.

The answer is not a lot happened. We arranged to meet up for the 6^th time and for the 6^th time he cancelled. At that point, I lost interest. I’m far too old for games and frankly the price isn’t good enough for the effort required.

To be fair, there was never going to be a future with Mr.Block. After all the BS at most it was going to be a purely sexual sort of thing. Ok, more of it’s been a while and I wanted to know if I could remember how sort of thing. I mean, why not?

Then Steve popped up with a point that played in my head. He asked why I was wasting my time with Mr.Block when he could fulfil the same function with a few a messages. As much as I hate to admit it, he was right. He also reminded me the reason why not is I have self-respect and Mr. Block is prick. Can’t argue with that one either.

Anyways, that’s the update or lack thereof. I am going to go and enjoy the rest of my holiday, but before I go I have this question for you; Are fuckfriends a good or bad thing? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoo

Q&A

Welcome to November and more importantly to the Q&A I’ve been promising. I’m not going to waste a lot of time here, I’m just going to jump into the questions you lovely humans have been asking.

How are you?

I am ok. I am in a better place than I was that’s for certain. I am still not perfect, but all things considered I am doing well.

How is your mom?

My mom is a fighter and she’s hanging in there. Her kidney function is back up to 11%, which is a relief. Her spirits remain high and that’s all you can really ask for.

Are you dating anyone?

Nope. Not even flirting with anyone these days.

How are things with Mr. X?

Perfect. I haven’t spoken to him months.

Do you miss Mr. X?

Of course. As toxic as he could be, he was also a sweetheart who could always get through to me when no one else could. Now I have to rely on myself for that, and to be honest, recently that almost didn’t work. As much of a twat as Mr. X can be, he has he’s good and I miss that.

How are things with Steve?

Things are ok. We don’t speak a whole lot these days, but that’s to be expected. Peak has started at work and time is a premium. Plus, I don’t like messaging him at home, so January will be when things start to show.

Hove things changed with Steve?

Yep. But, like I said I won’t really know what’s changed and what’s just peak stress until January.

Is Steve going to do a guest post or a Q&A like Mr. X did?

Nope. I asked the question for you and he’s not interested.

Given your firm no kids rule would you still sleep with Steve?

In case you don’t know the rule this person is talking about it is birth control, condoms and a reasonable chance the guy I am sleeping with is shooting blanks. When it comes to Steve I’d make an exception on this one.

Would you still sleep with Steve given how things have changed?

I would indeed. The whole Steve thing is about pleasure not logic.

Do you think Mr. X and Steve are cheaters?

Every relationship is different and has their own rules. By my standards in a relationship, yes, but that’s not to say that’s the case in their relationships. And since I chose not to know those facts, I can only assume they’re playing within the rules they’ve set.

Anyways, my dears, those are all the questions that you’ve submitted for this Q&A, if you have any more leave them below and I’ll either answer them there or save them for my next Q&A post. But that’s all she wrote for this one so, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

Different Friends For Different Seasons

Aristotle said there are 3 types of friendships; Friendships of utility, friendships of pleasure and friendships of the good. Personally, I’m not sure those are the titles I would have gone with, but there are definitely different type friendships, and each serves a purpose, and each has a time and place.

I’ve never classed or even thought about my friends in this way. However, I have noticed recently I’ve been pulling away from certain people. I’ve been slowly discovering with everything going on in my life, certain friends just aren’t a good fit for me right now. It’s not that we’ve fallen out or I dislike them or anything like that. It’s just they aren’t what I need in my life right now.

My work bestie up in Manchester is the best example of this. If we were going to classify the friendship it would fall under that “utility” category. We both serve a purpose to each other. However, right now, I don’t have it in me to serve that purpose. She phones me, and I know what I’m supposed to say, but I just don’t want to. I don’t want to play that part right now. It takes so much energy and I don’t get anything positive from it.

On the flip side of that, when I speak to Steve’s brother Tyler, who also works for the company, I get something positive from that. For the record, we have a very different relationship. Tyler reminds me of my drama geek friends. He is someone I can just be stupid with. We spend our evenings at work singing at each other down the phone or sending each other ridiculous Snapchat pictures. There is no worry about how I look or anything like that; it’s just fun and that’s what I need right now.

When it comes to Steve, that’s where things get complicated. When he’s himself, it’s all golden. I could happily spend hours just talking to him. However, recently he’s been prone to some bad moods. I’m not sure whether works is getting to him or what, but I can’t. They say bad moods are contagious and I’ve been very susceptible to them recently. If there is a hint of a mood around me, I seem to catch it. So, when he’s in a mood, for my own sanity I steer clear.

Then you have the gay husband, who at the moment I am avoiding. Once again, we haven’t fallen out or anything like that. The issue I am having with him is different than the others. The problem with him is the way he looks at me, he has what I call “sad eyes”. He’s treating me differently and questioning my choices. He’s just not being real with me; it’s as if he thinks I’m about to break at any moment. I understand he has my best interests at heart, but I don’t like the way he’s going about it. It’s not what I need and it's definitely not what I want. I don’t want to live in Candy-coated Sugar Land, I want people to be real with me, and if it gets too much, like Steve and his moods, I’ll back off. That’s on me. Fake has never been a thing I do or deal with and it’s sure as hell is not about to start now.

Anyways, my dears, I am going to go and enjoy what is left of my day off, but before I go I have this question for you; What do you do to look after yourself? Let me know in the comments below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Returning To Normality

I am a big believer in faking it until you make it and thanks to that technique I’m finally starting to feel like myself again. With a little effort to do what I “should do”, I’m finally starting to feel how I wish to.

A lot of it down to little things; like making myself shower, making sure I do some skin care, putting a bit of makeup on, going to improv class, forcing myself to smile. Not things I feel like doing, but all things I’d normally do.

The other part that helped was I was out of my routine at work; I was based at a different depot for most of September. I was working with my old trainee, which was well timed for both of us. We balance each other out well. I help him see the funny side of things, so he doesn’t get stressed and he acts as a sounding board for me, so I can remove my emotions from the equation and allow my logic to take over. We’ve always been a good team, and that was more than helpful in turning things around.

Team work helps, and my normal site doesn’t allow for that as we work on own  own. I do have some amazing colleagues at the end of the phone which is useful but not the same. Plus, their usefulness depends on their mood and one shitty mood can be contagious. Steve being the example of that; most of last month he had a stick firmly up his ass and it wasn’t just me that noticed it, everyone who spoke to him seemed to catch part of his mood, and it was just unpleasant for all.

Anyways, I am going to go and enjoy the remainder of my day off. I won’t leave you with a question of the blog but leave me yours in the comments below as I’m finally getting around to the Q&A I promised. As always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

How Things Have Changed

A lot of you had concerns that once Steve returned from paternity leave things would change, are after him being back a week I can confirm your fears were well founded. Like you, I wasn’t surprised; I knew it was coming. What I didn’t see coming was how off he was. I am not sure how much of that was the stress of coming back and how much of that is change, I guess only time will tell on that one.

To be honest, I didn’t speak to him at all his first week back. I lost a lot of respect for him when he didn’t reach out when he knew/should have known I was struggling. I was a lot worse off than I will ever admit, and I hurt that someone I thought of as a friend, the only person I felt remotely safe enough to sort of reach out to, didn’t care. He didn’t even bother to pick up a phone when he came back to work. Knight in shining armour to loser in aluminium foil.

I did choose to extend an olive branch at the end of the week and dropped him a message. I didn’t want any hard feeling to fester as I do have to continue working with him. It was a waste of time at first. However, with a little persistence, we’re ok.

Only time will tell what has changed, what is fixable, what is a loss. At this point, I’m content to take the lessons learned and call leave it at that.

Anyways, I have improv this evening and I need to get off, but before I go I have this question for you; Can you earn respect back? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Trigger

I’ve just finished writing the post you saw last week, and as I finished writing it, I became acutely aware there was going to be a question asked afterwards. So, I figure I should address it now rather than waiting for the questions to roll in. Of course, that question is regarding Steve, and whether he is one of my bad decisions or not.

Despite what some of you think, Steve is not a bad decision. Steve is actually the trigger for this latest freak out. Up until now, being single was my choice, something I controlled. Cue Steve, who has reminded me not all men are fuckwits and I might be missing out on things by staying single and now the control has shifted.

I am aware, thanks to many of you, Steve can be viewed as a negative and I do get that. I’ve also said, I don’t know the situation in that relationship and I don’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss. Every relationship must play within their own rules and those rules are nobody else business. So, I can only comment on me. And right now at least, Steve is definitely not a negative, even if he has triggered some problematic behaviour.

However, lucky for me the universe is still preventing my stupid decisions. I’m sure the reason for the universe plotting to prevent stupidity will be revealed at some point, but in the meantime, I guess I’m going to have to cope like every other adult, by drinking.

Anyways, I am going to go and have a nap because adulting sucks. But before I go I have this question for you; What do you do to escape? As always, let me know your thoughts in the comments below, I’d love to hear them. And as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo