Sick :-(

I’m currently cuddled up in bed with a 102 degree fever so I’m afraid I’m going to have to keep this short. I think when I’m sick is the only real time I miss being in a relationship. I’m in bed achy, with a sore throat, blocked ears, sinus pain, boiling up and the only thing I want to do is cuddle up with my head on a cute guy's chest and sleep for a month.

Luckily, when the Nyquil kicks in I’ll be in a coma for the next 4 hours and any sad feelings I may have will quickly be replaced by trying not to drown in my own drool.

I’m so irritated I’m under the weather, I have loads of posts I wanted to write this 4 off, but I’m barely capable of lifting my head off the pillow at the minute.

Anyways, I’m going to go back to sleep and hopefully when I wake up, I will feel well enough to get some of that writing I wanted done. I just hate letting you guys down. But before I go I will leave you with a question: what makes you miss being in a relationship? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Past Rumour

Two new starters at work have had me on edge recently. They use to work with me 3 years ago at not my last job, but the one before. I have no issue with them themselves, what I do have a problem with is the gossip they may possess.

If you remember about a year ago, I was texted in the middle of the night with the news there was a rumour going around my old job about me. To be precise, there were two contradictory rumors going around about me  

It didn’t bother me too much at the time, yes I was pissed off, but at the end of the day I didn’t work with any of them anymore, so what did I care what they were saying. Plus in my head, I knew the negative rumour was bullshit, the man was mathematically outnumbered at the end of the day.

Let’s get to the rumour because I know you’re dying for the gossip. I don’t know if you remember, creepy dirty talk/ baby talk guy? I don’t actually remember what I called him in the blog, well, he somehow ended up working for my previous employer and he ended up going into detail with the girls in the office about what happened sexually between us. He basic called me bad lay. CM, in my defense told creepy guy, he must have been the problem because I was the best fuck he’s ever had. So you can imagine…. People started talking.

For the record, the sex between me and creepy was god awful. He made me super uncomfortable. I’m not sure dirty talk in a creepy voice does it for any girl, but seeing as I don’t like dirty talk anyways, the whole thing was just bad.  

Which is a life lesson for any guy reading this; make sure your girl feels comfortable and you’ll get much better sex out of the deal.

Now, let’s straighten something out here, because as you know my reputation is everything to me, and that’s why these two new starters have me worried. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about me. I didn’t sleep with/date any of these guys while we worked together. I dated creepy 5 months after he left my last employer. I dated CM 3 months after I left the company we worked together at and the mathematical tie breaker I slept with over a year after I left the company.

So there was a 3^rd guy, Mr. Tiebreaker, however, he was a one time deal and he understands privacy so kept his damn mouth shut in all this. That said, he did say I was a good lay at the time. Which was surprising because everything up to the sex was great, but…. He was huge…. That’s why it was a one time thing. I wanted no part of that thing again, but that’s a story for another day. But knowing what he had said did give me the confidence at the time to let the rumour slide. I knew creepy was just bitter.

The problem is I knew he was bitter, but nobody else does. And knowing how drivers gossip….I’m worried. I don’t need to be labelled anything, let alone a whore or a slut or a bad fuck or a great fuck… which is almost worse.

It just goes to prove you need to be careful who you sleep with, because your sexual history will come back to bite you sooner or later. But I guess if a rumour is my only problem, I’m doing pretty well. I suppose, that brings us to the question of the blog; what was the last rumour you heard about yourself? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always, stay and play safe…… and by safe I mean, wear a condom and don’t make babies!

Love you guys,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Stress

Over recent months, I haven’t dealt with stress very well. A great example of this is after my last shift this week, I came home and drank a pint…. Of tequila. Admittedly, it worked, once the hangover pasted I felt a lot better and haven’t thought about work since but it’s not the healthiest way to deal with things.

One of my favourite and ways I find most effective to de-stress is to write. I find it very therapeutic. I just sit down a bleed for lack of a better word. By the time I’m done, I’m drained but feel so much better for it. It gives me great insight into what’s going on inside my head and normally by the time I’m done, I have fairly good clue on what action I need to take to fix things.

One of the other things I do is surround myself with bees. It’s an animal I look to for strength. I tend to do this when I’m feeling mentally weak and drained. I tend to look to pandas on the other hand when I need comforting or reassurance.

Smells are another way I de-stress. There is almost always a wax tart burning somewhere in my home. They have the ability to evoke memories and take you away. I tend to burn “Soft Blanket” when I’m stressed, there’s just something about it reminds me of my childhood and makes me feel instantly better.

Now, my problem is I know how to de-stress in a fairly healthy way, yet I suck at actually doing it. I love to write, but sex and relationships are my niche so when the topic falls outside of that I tend not to write. I suck at walking away when I need to, so actually finding 5 minutes to call upon the bee for strength when I need to, rarely happens. And I can’t really burn wax tarts at work that method is only helpful when I’m at home.

The plus I have right now is a couple of my colleagues are pretty good at reading me and if I start taking their concern as a hint I should be able to walk away regroup and not get to the point where my manager is calling me at home.

Anyways, I am going to go and edit this and crack on with a couple more pieces I need to finish before I head back into work Sunday. But before I go, I have this question of you; what do you do to de-stress? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Potential Super Villain

Mr. X is a straight talking asshole, he’ll be the first person to tell you this. That’s something I’ve always respected that about him, he doesn’t try to hide it. He’s very honest and blunt. He cuts through the bullshit and get to the point. Which is why over the years I’ve turned to him when I’ve needed an honest opinion on a guy. When I’m looking to find out whether I’m being dramatic or the guy is a tool, Mr. X is my expert.

So when I needed some insight on an issue I had with Larry yesterday morning, I sent him a message. A message that’s probably offensive to anyone who isn’t us, but had I not worded that way, he would have called me out for trying to be PC and tip toeing around the issue.

So I messaged him with “Is there something about the Mormon Church that turns men into assholes? Or did I just get lucky twice?”

Mr. X quickly messaged back and asked what happened. I explained everything to him and his initial response was “you’re attracted to assholes”. I explained that wasn’t the case; it was actually the complete opposite that attracted me to Larry, it was that he was caring and went that extra mile. He was challenging, but unlike Mr. X he didn’t cross that line into asshole. Or at least he hadn’t until yesterday morning.

Yesterday morning, Larry was Mr. X and he made me break down and cry in a way I haven’t since Mr. X. And I’ll be honest when I realised that, it scared me. It’s taken a long time to fully recover from everything and truly be happy again and the thought there’s someone out there with the power to jeopardize that, is horrifying.

While talking things through with Mr. X he said something I don’t think he’s ever said to me, he told me I was right. There should have been a parade that followed that, I’m never in the right. But in this case, he said I wasn’t overreacting, this guy was being a jerk.  Admittedly, this didn’t make me feel any better; nobody wants to be told the guy they like is a dick, especially when you were so certain he wasn't.

Now, luckily I’m in the middle of Larry-cation right now, I won’t see him again for a while. It’s been nice up to now getting to judge him purely on the conversation rather outside factors, but now I may have to adjust and rethink how I interact with him. I may have to treat him similarly to how I treat Mr. X. Which is a bad thing per se, it’s just more calculated. And more, not guarded, but braced.

Mr. X lacks emotion, and as the past has shown he doesn’t read them very well either, which is very different to Larry, that guy picks up on everything, he can read me like a book, which in a lot of ways makes me fear him, that man has the ability to be pure evil if he chooses, I already have one super villain in my life I don’t need two.

On the bright side, Mr. X works for me these days, and every once in while he says something that reminds me he’s not pure evil. Yesterday I asked him if he thought I should invest in cats due to my impressively bad dating record. His reply was possibly the sweetest thing he’s ever said to me “no, investing that face, body, skin and kissing skill in cats is a waste.”

Don’t get any funny ideas people, he’s happily married and I’m happily not dealing with that drama anymore. I’ve moved on to new drama, which ironically started over something I thought was sweet. He wanted to know who told me to back off him. I thought it was adorable he cared enough to want to know who was trying to keep me away from him. Until it turned him into a wackadoodle that is.

Anyways, I am going to go and get some sleep, it’s been a long day, this is version 47 of this post…. I wish I was kidding. But before I go I have this question for you; what was the last compliment you received that caught you off guard? Let me know in the comment box below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Follow Up Questions

I’m finding it really hard to write, partly because I’m switching back from daily posts to my twice weekly post and partly because I didn’t want to do another Q&A post so soon after my last one yet there have been a couple questions asked I feel deserve an answer.

The first of which was; is your unwillingness to find an answer a cop-out, and way to prevent yourself from getting hurt again?

Damn straight. I won’t even pretend otherwise. It’s a different way of building walls, and possibly a better one. I’m not keeping him out, I’m just keeping any “romantic” thoughts out. I just won’t let myself go there. In the unlikely event something happened, I’d react to that, but until then I’m good.

Not to mention, I’ve already been warned to back off, not that I was ever on him, but that’s a little drama I don’t need.

The final question I felt needed an answer is “can Larry write a post to give his side of things?”

NO! Hell No! I am aware we’ve done this stuff in the past, and I always try to let anyone I write about share their side. However, in this case, no. Like I said, I’m trying to stay in a little oblivious bubble and I can’t stay in that bubble if it’s in black and white.

Possibly at some point in the future, I might ask him to do a throwback piece or something, I don’t know, well see how things play out but I can’t see it being anytime soon. I’m sorry.

Anyways, I have to go and work on a few bits, but before I do I have this question for you; is there anything wrong with building walls? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below. And, as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

The Least Adult Problem Ever

I’m having the least adult problem ever, I have a week off work which to me means one thing, The Sims. However, I can’t bring myself to play because I get to the part where I create my Sim’s partner and my brain melts down. Not a problem an alleged adult should be having.

I guess, it’s a legitimate problem in an illegitimate setting, it’s just another person asking the same question just this time the person is computerised. However, computerised or not, it doesn’t change my lack of an answer. Or lack of willingness to figure one out.

Let’s be painfully honest here, he knows. He knows more than I do, which is awesome because that puts the ball firmly in his court. And while he has the ball, I can be next-door at the arena playing hockey.

All the questions, all the answers are his at this point, which is kind of nice. It gives me the freedom to just enjoy things and let things fall into place. Even if everyone else finds it frustrating including a computer program.  

Anyways, I am going to go and find a different game to play because clearly the Sims just ask too many complicated questions. But before I go I have this question for you; what is your idea of a perfect week off work? Let me know in the comment box below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

And Then My Brain Exploded

Over the years, I’ve gotten used to being told I’m closed off and impossible to read, I’ve never understood it, I’ve never felt I am but when you’re told something often enough, over time you begin to believe it. It was just 3 weeks ago, this was brought up again when the Penis Flasher said I was impossible to read.  

Now, I have a different problem, I have a guy on my hands that can read me like a goddamn book and it’s making long for the days when I could have a thought and have it just be mine. I’m sure this has it has benefits, but, I can’t seem to get away with fuck all. I am actually debating playing a character for 12 hours a night, but that’s very draining and even then I can’t guarantee he wouldn’t see straight through it.

I posted my last blog Saturday morning after work, Larry and I were messaging; after he read it he sent me this message.

“You know I can read you like a book, right .......Not random thoughts at all, either lol”

Now this intrigued me, I mean I know he can pick up when I’m mad and upset, but I’m pretty sure his superpowers shouldn’t stretch to me wanting to grab someone and kiss them in an attempt to shut them up. So I asked the question, “What did you pick up on this time?”

He quickly replied back with “Do you want the honest answer of what I read this time?”

I, of course, said yes, I want an honest answer, because between you and me, I can’t end this open book nonsense when I don’t know what he’s picking up on.

He then wrote an essay that took a minute off my life for every second he took him to write it.

The essay was as follows:

“Ok. From the looks of annoyance and frustration about the debate, to the looks and the urge to grab me (as you said). The "playful" trying to stop me from banging my feet and the "secret" glances at my crotch. What I saw last night was pretty much the same for most the night. I'm fairly certain that if I had of grabbed you, kissed you and bent you over the desk, then you wouldn't have stopped me .... In fact, I would have put money on you wanting, nay, aching for that to happen at one point.

But, hey, what do I know .... I'm only a guy ..... ;-)”

At which point my brain exploded and the only thing fell out of my mouth and down to my fingers was “I hate you”. And I told him that. Once the little men that live in my head started putting the pieces back together, I did realize I disagree with some of that. But I’ll get into that afterwards. After I told him I hated him and that I disagreed with at least one of his points, he came back with.

“I know.

 I can't be right all the time, but the bending you over the desk part was thrown in there to "test the waters" and let me see your reaction, which I now know for sure and will help me read you more ;-)

Yes, I know, you REALLY fucking hate me .....

Your phone hasn't done anything to you, so stop saying FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK at it ....”

Ok, ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk and break all this goodness down because I have a lot to say and I’m dreading editing this already.

1. The playful, trying to stop him tapping his foot - This was unrelated, at least in my head. I’ve been on a mission to get more comfortable with him so things feel more natural. Because right now normal things like touching his arm or his leg to get his attention feel wrong. And since I decided not go sit on the top desk anymore, I was having to find other ways to push myself. I can see how this could be taken for flirty but that wasn't my intent.

2. Looking at his crotch – I believe this to be utter nonsense, so, moving on.

3. The “testing the waters” comment – He literally could have read me on that one, it’s in print! I believe it was my Q&A post where I said if he tried to kiss me, I wouldn’t say no. As for the bending me over the desk comment well, I hadn’t really thought about it, but I might now.

4. Why is he testing the waters? And adding to that, I need not to be read any better…. It’s already pretty damn creepy.

5.  What does he know for sure? Because I know nothing for sure. Someone want to tell me what’s for sure? I’m lost.

And finally 6. I didn’t yell “fuck” at my phone and I’ll explain why. I was once told by an elder “knowledge has both the power to help us grow and destroy us; be careful what knowledge you seek.” And that has stuck with me. So before I ask a question I ask myself will the answer hurt me more then it helps me. If I believe it’ll help me more, I ask the question, at which point I have to accept the answer knowing it’ll help me in the long run.

Ok, I guess I didn’t have as much to say as I feared. But I think I’m still rebuilding my brain, but luckily I have almost a whole week off work now to recover and try to figure out what the heck just happened.

I may also have to take a few acting classes during the week to try and make myself a more difficult read because nobody should be able to tell that amount of detail about anyone, especially someone who has been dumped more than once for “being closed off”. I feel like I’ve gone from being War and Peace to Dr. Seuss.

Anyways, my dears, I am going to go and try and edit this mess, and probably rewrite it 12 times. But before I go I better leave you with a question; what was the last thing that caused your brain to explode? Let me know in the comment box below, and as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo