Tuesday 31 May 2011


The past month I’ve felt like I’m playing a massive game of “whack-a-mole”. Every time I turn around I’m bumping to another guy I refused to sleep a million years ago. It’s like they all got together and decided they would all pop up at me over the course of 4 weeks.

Just so you don’t think I’m being over dramatic, I swear to god this is an honest list of guys that have contracted me in the past month. Paul, Jason, Sukhi, Shane, Daniel B, Danny, Peter, Daren, Daniel S, Andy, Clint, Mr. X and the unknown texter (whom I thought I had blocked on my phone).

Out of that whole list of ghosts of men past I am only happy about one of them getting in contract with me. He’s the only one on that list that can make me laugh and always makes me smile when his name pops up. I’ll let you guys work who I’m talking about.

As for the rest of them, why the hell do they popup from nowhere? I’ve just proven that the odds are against anyone being happy to see them. What’s their motivation? It really does feel like a game of Whack-a-Mole, they popup, I hit them with bitchiness then they crawl back into the hole came out of. And with a bit of luck most of them well stay there this time.

I’m a lovely person but there is only so many “men moles” a woman can take before she has to throw all niceties out the window.

Anyways my dears I off for the night, so always stay safe.


The Honest Bitch


Sunday 29 May 2011

Girls Night Out

On the last Saturday of every month me and a few girlfriends and our gay side kick get together and drink way too much. A lot of the time we just stay in and watch a film, screw around online and bitch. But this month we decided to go to bingo.

I had free tickets because of my birthday so we decided to go and try and get rich and drink cheap booze. I swear the booze is so cheap so you can’t play your cards right.

When we got there the guy that took our cards recognised me. It wasn’t till I looked at his name badge I worked out who he was. His name was Ross he’s someone I went to college with. He was a second year when I was a first.

The second we found a table the talk turned to whether or not I slept with him. I don’t think I did, I’m actually sure I didn’t. Some of them remember him flirting with me at college and bumping into him at town a few times but minus a little texting nothing happened.

He was actually calling the books and I blame him for us not winning. He came up and chatted to me for a while. Turns out he has a kid and asked if I had a family yet. My brain wasn’t a fan of that question. I just turned 24. Call me old fashion but I want a ring on my finger before I even think about having kids. Hell I want the ring before I think about having pets with anyone.

You can say a lot of things about me but I have my head on straight, unlike some of the people I know.

Anyways my dears I have things I need to do. As always stay safe.


The Honest Bitch

Thursday 26 May 2011


A moonlighter is someone who only sends messages in moonlight, for whatever reason they only send and reply to messages under the cover of darkness. Moonlighters are not to be confused with “lights out texters” who are generally motivated by their nether regions. Moonlighters aren’t always nether regions driven.

Moonlighters messages can be about anything and yes sometimes they can turn a little spicy but the difference between a moonlighter and a lights out texter is a lights out texter will message whenever horny comes a knocking and a moonlighter will only message when it’s dark out.

It kind of begs the questions why only in the moonlight? There are different theories out there. Some are quite basic like they’re in a relationship or they’re married. Some have suggested they’re murders or crooks. I’ve even hear stories about these people being under a witch’s cure. However my favourite theory is it’s a werewolf type syndrome and the moonlight sends their thumbs into over drive.

I don’t really trust moonlighters, there is just something creepy about them. They popup out of nowhere, send you messages while your asleep and then when you reply in the morning, they’re gone. They’re like living ghosts who leave a text message footprint.

I remember stories from my childhood about things that go bump in the night and they rarely turned out to be friendly; the only difference is instead of going bump moonlighters go beep.

Be careful guys, and stay safe.

The Honest Bitch

Saturday 21 May 2011

Happy Birthday To Me

Hey Guys,

I just wanted to thank you all for the birthday wishes. I managed to have a great birthday this year, partly because I was wasted for a larger part of the day. I wasn’t up 15 minutes before that first cocktail past my lips. I’m not a massive drinker but some days you just need alcohol.

My day started well; before I got out of bed I snuggled up and watched my friend’s latest video. That got me laughing; it’s never a bad day when you start laughing before you get out of bed.

When I did get out of bed I head for the kitchen and made myself a lovely cocktail. I then started on the mountain of text messages and Facebook messages. I definitely felt loved and special, there were quite a few messages for me to reply too. I also got a few text messages from Canadian friends and family, Facebook messages are fine but these people went out of their way to message me. It’s a lovely feeling to know they haven’t forgotten me.

Gift wise I got what I asked for which was a book. Not sure how I got it because it’s not out here yet but the mailman must love me. I got a lovely laptop tray. I’m totally in love with it. It’s a great set up for my late night blogging. My mother took my shopping the following day to get a cute skirt I wanted. (And yes, I do wear skirts from time to time, when in the sun or when planning on getting laid outdoors)

I had lovely birthday even if I did have a little bit too much to drink. I managed to keep myself out of trouble. The best part being I woke up the following day with no hangover. Although it is possible I was still wee bit drunk. My old friend Tequila does like to hang around a bit.

Thank you guys for a great birthday and as always stay safe.

Love you

The Honest Bitch


Monday 16 May 2011

Breaking with Birthday Tradition

I’ve always blamed my bad birthdays since I’ve moved to England on me being homesick. I’m away from my best friends and family it’s not the makings of a good day. But after a little chat NTB I’ve realised there’s been another reason why my last 3 birthdays have been below par.

I’ve been broken up with days before my birthday 3 years in a row. Clearly they weren’t that important to me if I’m only just realising that. In all honesty there are just other events that standout more to me.

Last year (2010) was when Mr. X and I started talking again. Which over shadowed my breakup with Stephen (my rebound to Mr. X) and my breakup with Andy who by the way was a cheating scum bag. Before you ask yes I did overlap relationships if you can call a rebound boyfriend a “relationship”.

2009 was the breakup with Steve. That breakup was overshadowed by the sinus infection from hell.

2008 which was my 21st birthday was all about me knocking out my ex boyfriend Keith whom broke up with me days earlier. He deserved to get his ass kicked and I’m pleased I did the world that service.

This year is the end of that tradition. I’m heading into my birthday 100% single and more importantly I’m not interested in anyone so this birthday should be drama free.

My plan for my birthday this year is to get very drunk and with a little bit of luck I won’t remember it so I won’t know if it’s another shitty birthday or not. Smart thinking eh? I think I should start writing apology notes now. Lucky for everyone I’m a fun drunk, random but fun.

Anyways my dears it’s not my birthday yet so I have things I need to get done. As always stay safe and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

Love Always

The Honest Bitch


Saturday 14 May 2011


There is a small group of male friends of mine that are always being mistaken for my boyfriend. I can understand why people would think that. It’s not uncommon for them to sit with their arm around me or for me to use them as a human pillow. I’ve even shared my bed with a few of them. We may flirt and joke around but there is nothing sexual there....Even if it may appear that way to some.

NTB isn’t like those guys. There isn’t even any harmless flirting there. Actually once upon a time there was a little flirting on my part but he’d never flirted back and that’s just no fun. Have you ever tried one sided flirting? I don’t recommend it.

NTB and I have a weird relationship and I don’t mean weird in a bad way I mean it in a go out and get drunk and come home with more money than when you left kind of way. As where the other guys are mistaken for the physical side of what you’d think a boyfriend would do, NTB is more the emotional side.

He’s someone who will be there if I’m having a bad day and crack a bad joke to cheer me up. He’s also someone who will listen to me vent no matter how ridiculous I sound. I feel bad for him some days because he has well and truly seen me at my worst and that’s not a pretty picture.

He got his name NTB (Not The Boyfriend) because of some of our conversations. To anyone else reading them they’d think he was my other half. We were talking about how we needed to work on our relationship and our commutation skills. I’d never agree to that with a real boyfriend. We’d breakup and I’d move on, but for NTB I’m more than happy to work on those things.

Like I said it’s a weird relationship, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. He is someone I really trust and care about and that’s rare for me. I don’t trust anyone. He’s just down earth and easy to talk to and he makes me laugh. That makes him a winner my books.

Anyways my dears, I need to crack on with a few things. Have a great weekend and as always stay safe.

Love Always

The Honest Bitch


Wednesday 11 May 2011

Moods Begone

Anyone who knows me has witnessed my unique ability to talk myself out of most moods. I am not sure where this ability comes from. My best guess it’s from my years of working retail and having to detail with asshole customers then 10 seconds needing to be happy and ready to help the next.

It probably comes off a little crazy to people who don’t know me the first time they see me do this and it might even be a little confusing for them. They normally get clued in pretty quickly and they get use to it. Most of them find it really funny and I can’t blame them for that. Normally even I’m laughing by the end.

It kind of plays into my theory sometimes all you need to do is vent or the old saying “a problem shared is a problem halved”. I feel better afterwards and then I can move on to handle things like an adult.

I love to do this technique through email because at the point I’m writing it there is no one adding fuel to the flame. I get what’s bugging me off my chest and later after I’ve calmed down I get some sensible decision about what happed. Plus later when I read it back it’s pretty damn funny. I rarely mice my words in those kind of messages.

Through my message blurting I find I can self extinguish most moods. The only down side is because I can sort my own moods out some conversations I should have never take place. People may not know I’ve been an offended or have taken issue with something because instead of dealing with the source of the problem I just deal with effect it has on me. Sometimes it doesn’t end in a pretty picture.

I’ve always been told you can’t control the acts of others but you can control you react to them. So that’s why I deal with things within myself instead trying to change others, I just figure it’s easier. Don’t get me wrong if something is truly bugging me or if I know I’m right I'll put you in your place quicker than you can blink your eyes. But I pick my battles. Sometimes it’s just not worth the headache.

I’m heading off to bed guys, sweet dream. As always stay safe and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

Love Always,

The Honest Bitch