One Ghost Down, Another One Up

When one ghost vanishes another one pops up and this one my friends, is a good one.  After being absent for nearly 2 years Mr. X popped up and I’m not sure what to make of it. He popped up in the most small talking way possible, it throw me off. As we all know, he doesn’t do small talk and I don’t do it either. I trait to this day I blame him for.

The shoe failed to drop during the conversation. I’m not sure what the motivation was… and I’m sure there was a motivation. Don’t get me wrong, I have actually missed him, and thought about messaging him myself, but what does one say to a ghost?

The conversation was painless and kept fairly brief. It was just weird. However, it’s been a nice distraction so I’m not complaining. Just thrown off my game by the whole thing.

Anyways, I am off to job hunt, that’s a story for another day. But before I go, I will leave you with this question; Why do you think Mr. X popped up? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Mr. Block Vanishes

So… it appears I may have broken Mr. Block and I’m finding the whole thing hilarious. He tried to cancel on me yet again and I called him out on his bullshit and informed him I was so confident he’d cancel I had actually made other plans. At which point he decided he was joking, and I told him that was fine, my plans with him came first, he responded by vanishing off the planet.

What a gem he clearly is. Guys like that actually make dying alone appealing.

I haven’t heard from him in around 2 weeks, so I am assuming he’s dead. No real heart break there We all knew what he was and now he’s out of the way to make room for the next reject.

I am off to try and get things done, before I fall asleep again. Fighting off this bug going around is hard work. As always, my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Sticking At 31

My birthday is fast approaching, and I’m not really thrilled about the concept of getting any older. I handled turning 30 ok, 31 was fine… 32 on the other hand, nope, don’t want to do it.

In my head, rightly or wrongly, I need to have my shit together by the time I turn 33 if I have any plan to have kids. Now, I’m not sure I want kids, but realistically 35 is the cut off for that, the risks get scary after that point. I’m single so I’d like to get to know the guy who is going to ruin my body, so I need to have met him by 33. I have a year to make my mind up and meet someone. Can anyone else hear that loud fucking ticking sound?

I’m not sure where I am meant to find the time to figure this all out and to meet someone and wow, my head actually hurts.

I think the plan is to cancel my birthday and stick at 31 for another year, I can do that right? Anyways, how do you cope with that loud ticking sound? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Taking Control Update

On January 1^St I wrote a post about taking control; understanding there are many things that are going to happen this year that are out of my hands and I can’t do anything to control that. However, there are many things I can control, and I need to take ownership on that. That post went live January 11^Th, it is now coming up to April 11^Th, so I thought I’d give you an update 4 months on.

The first thing I wanted to take control of was my blog. So far so good. I am yet to miss a Friday, which is a lot better than I managed in 2018, I think I made it to February before I missed a post. I’d love to step up my social media game, get that back to where it used to be. But I am happy with the small steps.

I also wanted to take control of my health and build some healthy habits. They say it takes 3 full months to build a habit; I think it may take longer, as none of it is second nature yet. That said, I haven’t missed a day on my treadmill. I’ve slowly built up the time. I do a minimum of 20 minutes every day. I’m feeling better for it. I’ve also cut back on takeout. I only allow myself to indulge once a week and I’m actually in credit with that. Weight loss needs to follow suit soon, however, I’m not ready for that just yet. I have, however, loss 5lbs just making the small changes I have.

The last thing I wanted to take control of was my job. I’ve not done much with this yet. I’m holding out until our July reviews to see what information I can get and how it goes. I don’t dislike my job. I am struggling at the moment with the people part of my job, but I am struggling with people in life, so I don’t want to jump to any conclusions. I need to look at this and sort a long-term plan, but I am not in the mindset to do that yet.

That’s where we are so far. It was actually nice to write this. I hadn’t realised how much progress I had made. I’m feeling slightly less hopeless now. Before I disappear, I have this question for you; what process have you made this year? Let me know in the comments below. And, as always, make sure you stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

The Universe Hates Me

When you make/ date mistakes in your youth why does nobody warn you those mistakes will keep haunting you? I am nearly 32 years old, why on earth are guys I had one-night stands with when I was 20 still messaging me?  Why are guys I flirted with at a job I had nearly 8 years ago messaging me? Why the hell are guys, I hadn’t responded to in 3 years still messaging me? What the heck is wrong with me that those are my options?

I try to remain good humoured in all of this. I have to, after all I’ve made a career out of having a shitty love life. However, there reaches a point where it’s not funny anymore. The joke gets old. I’m not asking for a lot in a partner, I’m really not. Yet, the universe seems to take enjoyment in throwing fuckwits at me, and not even new fuckwits, the universe is too lazy for that, it recycles fuckwits!

I’m perfectly fine on my own. I’ve said this before, I’d make a lousy girlfriend right now. However, given all the energy the universe seems to spend replaying my poor choices on a seemingly never-ending loop. Surely it could throw me a fucking bone.

A nice guy, with manners, who enjoys cuddles and doesn’t mind a little makeup on his shirt, because god knows I can’t hold my shit together these days. Not a lot to ask really. Surely that would take less effort than tormenting me.

Anyways, now that I’ve gotten that rant off my chest I am going to go and enjoy my holiday from work. But before I go, I have this question for you; do you ever feel like the universe hates you? Let me know your thoughts in the comment below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

I am struggling

I’ve always seen blogging as a form of therapy, and right now I am hoping it’ll work in a similar way.  I don’t really want to write or talk about what’s going on, but I need to do something because my sanity is feeling really fragile.

My mother’s latest test results were poor. Nothing was tracking where it should be. Her liver function is down. She has fluid around the lungs and the doctor aren’t happy with how her heart is functioning. I’m not sure if you know this, but the number 1 cause of death in people with kidney disease isn’t kidney failure; its other organs, normally the heart or lungs that stop functioning due to a build-up of fluids in the body.

My mom is handling things like she always does, she’s a rock. I, on the other hand, am holding things together just enough to get by. I am struggling, a lot, and I am not sure what I am meant to do to snap out of this. I want to enjoy what time I have left with her but seeing her like this is hard. It’s funny, she’s carrying on and I’m the one struggling to get out of bed.

Anyways, my eyes are doing that thing where water floods out of them at a rate that is embarrassing, so I am going to go and get ready for work. I’m not going to leave with you any questions. Just remember to stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Mr Block Returns

It may be a brand-new year; however, it seems I’m still plagued by old ghosts. It appears after a silent few months Mr. Block has decided it is time to resume his hunting and unlucky for him my patience for his bull is at an all-time low.

On February 27^Th he reappeared with a “Hello Stranger, have you missed me?” Without missing a beat, I replied “can’t say that I have.” However, he wasn’t phased and preceded to tell me he was sorry and how he’s grown up. He went one to tell me he was making it his mission to prove to me he’s changed. All my brain was thinking during all this was “yep, this is why I am going to die alone.”

After a few messages back and forth, his motive became clear to me. He explained that at the end of March he was moving to a place about 15 miles from me. He hasn’t come out and said anything, yet, but to me it would appear he’s after a dial-a-hoe, and my location makes me perfect in his eyes for that.

Now, I could be wrong. He may have changed or grown up, but that seems unlikely and I am far too old to deal with that shit. Having someone like Tyler around has reminded me that not all guys are twats and I shouldn’t have to put up with this crap. That said, part of me wants to meet him for a drink so at least I’ve gotten a drink out of this shit show. So… I don’t know.

Anyways, I am going to go and enjoy what remains of my night off, but before I go, I have this question for you; should I meet him for a drink or write him completely off? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo