I am struggling

I’ve always seen blogging as a form of therapy, and right now I am hoping it’ll work in a similar way.  I don’t really want to write or talk about what’s going on, but I need to do something because my sanity is feeling really fragile.

My mother’s latest test results were poor. Nothing was tracking where it should be. Her liver function is down. She has fluid around the lungs and the doctor aren’t happy with how her heart is functioning. I’m not sure if you know this, but the number 1 cause of death in people with kidney disease isn’t kidney failure; its other organs, normally the heart or lungs that stop functioning due to a build-up of fluids in the body.

My mom is handling things like she always does, she’s a rock. I, on the other hand, am holding things together just enough to get by. I am struggling, a lot, and I am not sure what I am meant to do to snap out of this. I want to enjoy what time I have left with her but seeing her like this is hard. It’s funny, she’s carrying on and I’m the one struggling to get out of bed.

Anyways, my eyes are doing that thing where water floods out of them at a rate that is embarrassing, so I am going to go and get ready for work. I’m not going to leave with you any questions. Just remember to stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo