Fuck It Reboot

I feel like it’s been a long time since I’ve been in a place where I even remotely felt ready for a relationship. I know there has been guys in the past few years, but nothing “real” for lack of a better word. They were all doomed from the start due to the fact I wasn’t in a place where I could be in a relationship my focus needed to be elsewhere.

I hate to blame Mr. X because despite everything we’re still friends, I like him and I’ve very grateful for everything that “relationship” taught me, but holy hell, it’s taken a long time to feel strong enough to be able to take a risk again.

 I’ve been dating sure fire failures for years because there is no real heartache involved when you know it’s doomed from the start. Don’t get me wrong, it still sucks, but it’s a quick rebound when you know it’s coming.

Over the past few weeks I seem to have snapped back to my old self. I’m flirting without thought, I’m messaging with a guy, and I’m being playful and not nearly as standoffish as I have been. I’m having fun with being single and I can’t remember the last time I was like this.

It’s almost as if all the drama, stress and pure hell of work over the past few months teamed with that long term underlying fear of getting hurt and has caused my brain to do what I’m going to call a “fuck it reboot”. It’s decided, I can’t control any of this; work, men, life so I may as well just have some fun. I’ll just deal with each battle on a need battle basis and with a little luck, at the end I’ll find out I’ve won the war or wake up with a nasty hangover.

Anyways, I need to go and work on that nasty hangover, however before I do, I shall leave you with a question; have you ever had a fuck it reboot and what caused it? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

A Message Not To Wake Up By

My last blog was nice and sweet; this one however is back to business as usual.

My first night off this week, I was woken up by a message from a girl I use to work with, as you can imagine the following conversation both quickly woke me up and enraged me.

Kate - “Did u shag Barney??????????”

Me – “What lol”

Kate – “I heard u shagged Barney in a hotel”

Me - “Who from”

Kate – “Barney said to girls on days an they told me lol”

Me- “Lol that's the sort of message you like to wake up to”

Kate – “Just thought I would ask lol, and CM????”

Let me start by saying I’m not mad at Kate as far as I’m concerned she did the right thing. She did what many wouldn’t do and she asked me, far play to her. Barney on the other hand is a dead man.

We went our separate ways 6 months ago when he proved himself to be part psycho. As far as I’m concerned at this point there is absolutely no reason for my name to be leaving his mouth and the fact that it is, has only proven that I was right to get rid of him in the first place. However, that satisfaction of being right hasn’t eased my anger any.

When you’re a female in a male dominated industry you have to be very careful to protect your reputation and given the fact truck drivers gossip more than teenage girls, crap like this could affect my ability to get work in the future. Nobody cares that I didn’t get involved with him until long after he left the company, or that it wasn’t a one night stand type thing; all they hear is she slept with one of her drivers.

And what pissed me off even more is the bastard won’t reply to me. I sent him a message asking why I was being asked if I slept with him and he hasn’t even had the balls to reply to me.

This gossip is going through my old place like a wild fire and minus being pissed off I find it kind of funny, I mean I left over a year ago, if I’m all they have to gossip about, I feel like kind of sorry for them. Plus, I must have left an impression on them, if they remember who I am after all this time. I almost feel bad the story isn’t a little juicier for them.

Anyways, my dears, I’m off to plot a murder, but before I do, I guess I should leave you with a question or maybe two. Question 1: How do you deal with being gossiped about? And question 2: What makes someone gossip about an ex 6 months on? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Happy Belated Thanksgiving

I’ve done a lot of thinking over the past week and even more crying and I’ve come to the conclusion I

need to refocus my effort on my blogging. I was in a very fortunate place that when I lost my job, my blogging was able to keep me afloat and since re-entering  the work force I seem to have let slip this community that always had my back and for that I’m sorry.

Canadian Thanksgiving hasn’t long past and this year more than most; I need to take a step backwards and just be grateful for what I have. Yes, there are a lot of things going on in my life I am deeply unhappy about, but I need to try and remember there are also many things in my life I wouldn’t change for the world.

The numbers may lean more one way or the other, but that’s life and those sort of things shape us into the people we are and give us the strength to be the people we’re going to be.

Sometime in life we get so swept up in the things we wish we could change that we forget to enjoy the things in life we wish will never change.

Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone or happy early thanksgiving to my American friends.

Love Always,

The Honest Bitch 

xo

Sometimes I Have No Answers

I got asked a very interesting question by a reader the other day and it’s not often I’m left with no response but this one left me stumped.

She commented that it always seems to be the same sort of guy that complains about being “friend zoned”, the sort of guy you laugh with and have a joke with but doesn’t flirt. Whether it’s real flirting or playful joking flirting, you just get none of that from them. So how on earth are you meant to know if they’re interested?

I’ve been in this girls shoes, where years later I’ve found out I’ve missed out on a great guy because I could have sworn he wasn’t interested. Even replaying it back now there is no possible way I could have known he was interesting and since, despite contrary belief, women aren’t mind readers; how are we meant to know?

My first port of call was to Google it, but I’m pretty sure it’s answer was I’m about to die so I quickly gave up on that one.

Then I thought I’d ask a guy who like the one in the question doesn’t flirt in any shape or form however he failed to respond.

So that leaves me with plan C, to ask you lovely people to answer her question for her since I’ve failed miserably to do so. So how do you know when a non-flirty guy likes you? Let me know in the comment box below and if you have any questions you’d like to see me struggle with, leave them below as well. As always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Work Anxiety

I don’t normally write on work days but my anxiety is high and I can’t sleep so I thought I’d channel that into something creative rather than staring at the ceiling for another 2 hours.

I finished my application form and have it in my work bag ready to hand in. I’m still really unsure if it’s the right move, but like I’ve said before, it’s the hand I’ve been dealt. I’m not sure what I’m so worried about if I don’t get the job, nothing changes… actually maybe that’s the problem. I need a change and if I don’t get it, I’m back to square one.

The other thing playing on my mind is I always said if I got promoted I wanted to earn it, unlike some others who were handed their jobs because there was nobody else. Yes, I’m applying for it so at least in theory I’ve beaten outside candidate, but in actual fact, I know the job hasn’t been advertised so… that theory is a little flawed.

My poor head is all over the place and I’d dreading going into work tonight, I just need a simple, straight forward week and I know that’s not about to happen. You know how I know that; remember the guy whose girlfriend/ baby mama’s twin sister messaged me because I didn’t know they existed and somehow that’s my fault. No, you don’t remember, I’m not surprised, it happened years ago, like 2010 years ago, but he messaged me last night….. That can’t be a good sign.

Why can’t past crazy just stay in the past, if I wanted present crazy, I’d just date someone, I don’t need to watch the repeats. Anyways, on that note I shall go get ready for work, but before I do I have to ask, when was the last time your crazy past made an appearance? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Decisions

Anybody who knows me knows I haven’t been happy lately, my job has become an evil, happiness consuming monster turning me into someone I hardly recognize. Something has to change and I’m not 100% which way I need to go to fix the problem.

Part of me thinks it’s time for a new job, I should just cut my losses and move on. The other part of me is thinking it’s reached the point where I need to make the jump upwards. I’m not being challenged anymore and because of that my job is becoming more soul sucking than it would otherwise be.

So I’ve quietly made the decision to apply for the shift manage the position. I’m not 100% ready to make that jump, but it’s reached the point where it’s better the devil I know and if anything is going to change I going to have to make it change myself.

I just hope I’m making the right decision, I wish the supervisor or even Hank hung around a little longer to help get me to that level but I just have to play the hand I was dealt.

Anyways, my dears, I’m off but before I do, I shall leave you with this question when you’re unhappy at work, what do you do to change it? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

 xoxoxo

The Departure Of Hank

So Hank has been returned to his natural habitat and I’m actually a little sad about it. I may have even shed a tear or two on the way home, which is completely ridiculous given the fact I didn’t even cry when the supervisor left. But for whatever reason I’m genuinely saddened by his departure.

Part of it is selfish, with him gone, my development fundamentally ceases and that’s horrifying to me. Part of the reason I love my job is the challenge and without the ability to grow to meet the challenges, what’s the point. I may as well just stay in bed.

The other part of it is I really like Hank, he is the grumpiest, sharped tongue asshole you’ll meet. But he’s genuine. Don’t get me wrong, he’s also sweet, super funny and a lot of fun to be around, but what I respect most is there’s nothing fake about him. He’s just unashamedly him and that’s awesome. He’s the sort of person I like to spend my time with in the real world. So it was nice to have someone like that in my work life too, it made work seem less flying knifey.  

I’m pretty sure the gay husband is going to miss him too. He was on a one man mission to marry us off. He wholeheartedly believes Hank may be the only man on the planet that has the ability to deal with me at my worse. I take a little offense to that, but I can’t disagree that Hank seemed to manage my moods effortlessly. That poor boy saw me at the worse I’ve been in years and came off completely unscathed. There are many that wouldn’t believe that to be possible.

I like to give credit where credit is due and that man is definitely special, but I hate to pop the gay husband’s bubble but I can’t foresee anything happening there. First of all, I’m not his type, second, I’ve never dated anybody younger than me and third of all, I occasionally enjoy sex and his penis is currently an investment banker.

And on that note, I shall leave you wonderful people with this question; why do people in relationships try to marry off their single friends? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxoxo