Undecided

I’m having issue I don’t normally have, I can’t seem to make a solid judgment on Martin. Normally I know pretty quickly whether a guy is worth my time or a complete waste of space, but not this time. For whatever reason, when it comes to him, my mind keeps changing.

I was ready to write him off less than 6 days after I wrote my last post, I had decided he was a waste of time. Then my mind was swayed and I decided to let things play on. Then 2 days ago I had decided enough was enough and I was done. Then last night I swayed back to the play on position. 

I’m not really sure what the issue is; he hadn’t done anything major to be written off, I just get that time waster vibe and I’m getting a little old for time wasters. That said, he hasn’t done anything major to lead me to believe there’s anything there either.

He’s kind of just…. There. And, if I wanted just a giant blob of a man that there was no future with, I have Mr. X. I don’t need another romantic nothing, the role is already cast. Romantic love interested on the other hand…. Open casting call going on. However, the casting director is a major bitch and really hard to please.

It’s weird, my head isn’t even all over the place like I’d normally expect. it’s as if I’m deciding to read junk mail first or just throw it away unopened. Maybe, just maybe, I am not that into him. That said…. He is hot, really, really hot.

Anyways, I am going to go and grab a shower and then hopefully finish up a few more posts. We’re reaching peak season at work and if I got a head now, I’ll have no hope come December. But before I go, I had this question for you, is there anything wrong with not being decided on a relationship? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below and as always, stay and play, safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Blast from The Past

It’s not often I received a friend request that actually makes me smile, normally there from what I call “green card man, I’m sure you know that type, creepy man from a dodgy part of the globe, whose request you instant decline.  However, last week was different, I received a request from someone who instantly put a smile on my face, a complete blast from the past.

When I worked for my previous company, before we moved locations, there was this lad in the warehouse, I’m going to call him Martin. He was one of the day shift supervisors, he was well put together, funny, knew shit, the only downfall he had was he was a little younger than me. That said, even back then I was willing to overlook that, which is completely unheard of, we all know I don’t do younger men.

Our paths didn’t cross too often, since I worked nights and he did days, but when they did, we’d always chat and joke around and flirt a little. But nothing ever came of it. When it came to light the site was closing, he joined the army and I stayed with the company. And with that we lost contact.

Then last week his name popped up in my friend requests, I knew who was it was straight away and I couldn’t help but smile. That said, I didn’t read a lot into it, ex co-workers add each other all the time. We had something like 12 friends in common, so odds are I just popped up as a suggestion. I accepted his request and started getting ready for work.

Less than 5 minutes later he popped up in my chat. It was pretty standard at first, I was a little shocked he remembered so much about me, it has been nearly 5 years. We continued messaging while I was at work that night, and then the message got a little flirty and started ending with “xx”. I don’t read a lot into that, but it’s a positive sign.

We continued to message for a few days, getting more and more flirty but nothing even PG-13. Just feeling each other out and trying to figure out each other intent. I’d say, neither of us have completely worked each other out yet. I’m not sure if he’s after a hook up or more. He’s in the army so I always put my money on just sex, but that wasn't his style when I worked with him. My other concern is he’s a little out of my league, words I never thought I’d have to say.  That said, I’m going to play the game and see where it goes. I mean Mr. X got me and I’m way the hell out of his league.

I haven’t been able to speak to Martin in a few days, he’s away on exercise, but once he’s back Friday I’m looking forward to seeing what’s there. And as I always say, if nothing else, I should get a few good blogs out of it.

Anyways, I am going to go and get some sleep, it’s been a long few days. But before I go I have this question for you, have you ever dated anyone out of your league and how did it end? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxo

The Mr. X Relationship

I always get a lot of questions about Mr. X and my relationship, and I get it, we have a weird fucking relationship. I’d be curious too. A lot of you were here and went through it all with me and to think I’d still have anything to do with him boggles your minds. I completely understand and if I were in your shoes…. I’d question my sanity too.

I can categorically say, if he ever actually had the title of boyfriend, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. He'd be dead to me, no second changes, or thirds. He’d be dead. He’s survived all this time on a technicality.

Because our whole relationship has existed in this grey area, I’ve been able to tell myself the feeling I felt were unjust. I had no right to feel that way. I’m a perfectly sane, crazy person so I know the above to be untrue and I have every right to feel whatever I felt. However, it allowed to get to a place where I could try and understand the other side and forgive and more importantly grow.

Over the years, I’ve become incredibly grateful to Mr. X for the growth. I know without a doubt; I wouldn’t be me if it wasn’t for the saga that was him. Don’t get me wrong, life isn’t perfect. But I’d be married to the wrong man, living a life I didn’t want, if it wasn’t for him. In a really fucked up way he saved me. I was headed down the wrong path, one I knew was wrong for me, but didn’t have the strength to end it. Surviving him gave me that strength.

Maybe it’s Stockholm syndrome, but I will always have a soft spot for Mr. X and for whatever reason he’ll probably always have an interest in me. I’m not sure what his reasons are, I stopped trying to figure out his motives years ago. But it’s almost like he has feeling, I suspect it’s a software glitch.

I hope this answered some of your questions, and hopefully didn’t raise too many more. My simple summation is, he’s a friend, that shouldn’t be a friend, that is a friend.

Anyways, I am going to go, I have a sexy man I have to message back, look forward to those details in my next post. But, before I go I have this question for you, do you have any friends, that shouldn’t be friends, that are friends? Let me know your stories in the comment box below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Single

“If Mr. X can find someone you shouldn’t have any problems.” That might be my favourite line I’ve heard all year.

I want to straighten something out with the universe; I am not single because I cannot find anyone. I am single because I rather be alone, I happen to enjoy my own company and other people are kind of assholes. It seems like a no brainer to me.

I’m aware that sounds horrible but, I spend a minimum of 48 hours a week dealing with whiny cry baby men at work, and rightly or wrongly just the thought of having to deal with one at home makes me want to take up serial killing.

“You’ll change your tone when you meet the right man”, I hear you and maybe your right, but I have no will to try and locate this magic man, or even hearing him out if he happens upon me. I think at this point he’d have to tase me and tie me to a chair for me to take notice.

Maybe this is a sign I need a new job, or maybe that Mr. X did change me or maybe I’m just grumpy and getting old, who knows. But right now I’m choosing to embrace my grumpy singledom.

Anyways, you gorgeous people, I am going to go and enjoy the rest of the day before I go back to work tomorrow, but before I do I have this question for you; why is being single looked down on? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below. And as always, stay and play safe. 

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Anonymity

During a recent trip to Manchester to visit a work friend, I got quizzed on why I wouldn’t give out my URL. I was asked why if I want my blog to get hits and grow, why I don’t tell everyone. Since I get this type of question a fair bit, I thought I’d address it here.

The oversimplified answer is; I protect my URL for an easy life. I use to, many moons ago, share it freely and it resulted in more drama than one person should have to deal with. So when I moved my blog here, I decided I needed to protect myself from that. It hasn’t worked completely; I’ve been threatened with a few lawsuits, but that’s all the more reason to limit the possible damage. I’m not shy about what I do, I just need a little bit of a wall.

The less simple answer is; my blog isn’t about me…. Let me try and explain without sounding like a crazy(er) person. When you watch a vlog your opinion is swayed before anything is even said. We’re all shallow to some level. By keeping my anonymity, this place becomes about my stories, experiences and opinions and not about me per se. It allows us to connect on the experiences and opinions rather than on who we are.

I hope that makes sense and if not I’ll blame it on still being a little rusty and whole lot crazy. Before I go I’m going to leave you with this question; what question do you always get from your friends? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Happy Thanksgiving

I just what to take a moment to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving, from my family to yours. I Hope you a wonderful day surrounded by family and friends

Love you all,

The Honest Bitch 

Emotionally Out of Whack

I’ve often said I blog to keep myself sane, and I think the past few months may have proven that fact. Admittedly, my back has been playing up which hasn’t made things any easier, but even bearing that in mind, I’ve been incredibly snappy and bitchy and oh so close to murderous lately.

I was so dumb, I didn’t even put two and two together until I started contemplating quitting my blog. I was lying in bed thinking about all the reason I blog and what I enjoy about it and if there’s been about I’ve been missing and it just slapped me in the face.

I have been missing this release, and without having this safe place to conduct these somewhat controlled releases I’ve just been snapping and going at people with little provocation.

I may be a self-proclaimed bitch, but that isn’t me. I tend to have decent self-control and an impressive ability to bite my tongue, a skill I mastered thanks to my many years of customer service work. Snapping like I have been doing, has been a little scary. It’s felt like it’s only a matter of time before I do something I may regret.

I’m hoping my return to blogging will help balance things out and hopefully make me a little more tolerable. Because I’m starting to piss even myself off. Which is almost impressive when you think about it.

Anyways, you sexy beasts, I am going to go and grab a shower and try and get through the day without hitting anyone, but before I do I will leave you with this question. What do you do to keep you your emotions in whack? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo