Returning To Blogging

Hello strangers on the internet, it’s been a while, ago long while. My last post was over a year ago, not long after I turned down my promotion, I worked so hard to get it. I would have hoped I had used this year away, to heal and grow; get myself back to a stable place. That, however, my friends, isn’t how the story plays out. And I return to you a year older, feeling like tangled un-sauced spaghetti.

I'm currently tangled in my feelings. I'm not sure which feeling belongs to which emotion or what root cause. I'm hoping by coming back to my blog. I'll be able to sit and write and work through some of the almost trauma of the last few years.

Not going to lie, I'm not going to sugar-coat it the last few years, last decade has sucked. I've worked hard to fight through, I've worked hard to get here. I'm still here, I’m still fighting, I’m still going. But fuck…. I’m tired. That little bitch lied when she said the sun will come out tomorrow. I'm starting to question if there even is a sun.

We all know October is hard for me, this year is no different. I'm trying. I really am. But right now, as I sit here, crying at my keyboard. I'm struggling to find the fight. Don't get me wrong, I know good things are coming. I know the tide is turning. But getting there is. This is a lot of work. I'd like, I said. I'm tired.

I’ll go into details on everything that’s happened recently in the next few posts.  I don’t want to completely fall apart on you all at once. I just wanted to say hi, and let you know, I plan to make a return. Even if I am older and none the wiser evidently.

Love

The Honest Bitch 

I Ended My Career

Monday, July 12^th will go down in history as the day I committed career suicide, and while I am not okay, and I feel like a disappointment, I know it was the right decision for me at present. But right, sure as hell isn’t easy.

I’ve been on my shift pattern for over 6 years, and after the past couple of years, and more importantly, after the past 7 months I need that routine. It has remained my one sense of normality, the one consistent, and you sure can hell bet I am going to fight to keep that. I need that routine, it’s a large part of my coping mechanism. And it sucks, I don’t want to and shouldn’t have to explain that I am struggling. I am doing what I need to remain functioning. I am not okay, and I am painfully aware I still haven’t processed everything. But I have to keep moving, healing will come, but until it does, I have to protect my mental wellbeing.

That said, this sucks. I worked my ass off to get any sense of recognition, to get an opportunity.  Opportunities on nights are unheard of. And I have to pass it up. I am damn good at my job, and nobody knows everything I do, that’s how good I am. I am mad. This is so stupid. Here, have a promotion, but you have to completely swap on to the other set of 4. Why? This just sucks.

Anyways, I am off to get some sleep and try to chill out. As always, stay and play safe guys.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

I am Stressed

My stress levels lately have been through the roof, and for whatever reason, I haven’t been able to unwind completely so I’ve been constantly on edge for a while. Not sure if it’s because of this promotion I am working towards, that I am not going to get. Or because work has been so busy. But it’s just yucky at the moment.

Part of my destressing process is snuggles, and I am not getting that at the minute which isn’t helping matters. I am just all over the place. But fighting to hold it all together and put on a brave face.

Anyways, I am off to have a nap, because that’s the other thing I do when I’m stressed. How do you deal with stress? Let me know in the comments below. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Dating Sucks

The older I get the smaller my tolerance for dating is getting. Which I think is adding to the likelihood I’m going to end up alone with 70 cats. I used to be willing to overlook the odd red flag, now I have no patience for it. I want all the boxes ticked not just most of them.

For whatever reason men with kinks tend to be attracted to me and I am not game. I am not even pretend game these days. I am fairly standard and no, which no. Why can’t they just be normal? I was chatting to one the other day, seemed normal and it turned out he had a bellybutton fetish, what the heck?  Why? And that isn’t the first.

Anyways I need to go and get a little rest before I go back to work tomorrow. What’s the strangest kink you’ve come across? Let me know in the comments below.  And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Bye Lawyer Dude

My ongoing tread of dating emotionally unavailable man continues. Lawyer dude and I called things off this evening. He wasn’t ready to date…. Who said history doesn’t repeat itself eh?

It sucks, it hurts, and once again I am left in tears after some guy uses me as a fucking lab rat to test the waters. I’d love to be bitter and angry right now, but I am not. I am just sad.  It hurts, I clearly liked him a lot more than I realized. But whatever, as I have come to accept my feelings are irrelevant. So, suck it up, and move on.

I wish him nothing, but the best. I am sure he’ll find what he’s looking for, it’s just not me. And I am ok with that, I have to be.

I am going to go cry myself to sleep and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Hugh Hangout

Last night I got to hang out with Hugh for the first time in about 6 months and it was nice, as I always say, hanging out with him is easy. It makes a change to just have a giggle and be silly and not have to think about other things. It was also nice that nothing had changed despite us being in different places now. I was a little worried about that.

The reason he came over is that my hair needed cutting and I trust nobody. My mom normally trimmed it up for me, but since that can’t happen now, I needed a hand. Knowing Hugh’s personally I was pretty sure he’d do a good job, and he did. I am pleased. Also, glad I judged that right could have ended badly.

It was a little weird and I didn’t clock it when we planned it, but it was actually my mom’s birthday. Seemed kind of fitting. It was a nice evening anyway, super chilled and laid back. Felt nice to zone out for a while.

Please don’t get me wrong, Hugh and I are quite different, and we have different morals and views. We aren’t all bubble gum and unicorns, but we somehow manage to put it aside when we hang out and just have fun.

Anyways it’s 10am and I have to be up for work in 4 hours. Let me know, would you let an ex cut your hair? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

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I am struggling to just sit and write, not because I have nothing to say but because I have been so stressed and out of my routine. I am struggling to sit and let my feelings and words flow. I am in survival mode. That said I didn’t want to skip a week. We know what breaks tend to hard to return from. That said I’ll be back next week with my normal content.

You guys are the best

Love,

The Honest Bitch