A Blogger’s Reaction

Mr. X’s Wife is having a baby.

I received this news a few hours ago as I’m writing this, Saturday in your world. And I’m most surprised how ingrained blogging is in me. My focus has turned very quickly from the effect it was having on me, to my blog.

Let me start by saying, I’m not even going to try and pretend I took the news well. I lost it. I started crying, uncontrollability. I throw up, then slid down the door and just trembled. And once I could see my phone again through the tears, I lost my temper with Mr. X. (I’ll explain that more in a different blog) Despite it all, I feel I restrained myself well. It could have been worse, I definitely had things I could have said and didn’t.

Mainly because my brain switched to my blog. I had posts planned this week; one of you asked the interested question; would the person I am now, date the person Mr. X was. I thought it would make a great post, I can’t write that now. Some of you asked if Mr. X would do another guest post, another great idea. Although I’m not sure I could handle that now. I had all these things planned and it's fucked, he fucked it.

I’ve been blogging over half my life, so I guess it shouldn’t be surprising my brain heads there. I’ve often said I blog to stay sane. And I’m fighting to stay sane at the moment. My brain is frazzled, I’m can’t think straight. I’m just holding on to what pieces I can, hoping I don’t fall completely apart.

I am going to go and get some sleep. And hopefully when I wake up I’ll have a better outlook on things. And with a little like this shaking will have stopped because it’s driving me crazy. I should really leave you with a question, but I have too many to ask and none of which I truly want answers too.

Anyways, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Not What I Thought

I’m a little over a month away from I kiss my 20’s good-bye and enter my 30’s and I can say one thing for sure, I’m not where I thought I’d be.

Physically; I still haven’t bounced back from the issues I had with my back. I’m getting back slowly, but I wanted to be me again by the time I hit 30 and that’s not going to happen at this rate by the time I’m 35, maybe.

Career; In an ideal world, I didn’t want to still be working my day job. I wanted blogging to be my main income. In a non-ideal world, where I was still working a day job, I wanted a management roll by the time I hit 30. Not happening. Not likely to happen either, ad blockers suck and I keep pissing off management with my logic.

Relationships; I wanted to be married before 30, because I wanted to start thinking about kids at 30. My logic being I’d be a strong place in my career by then and having kids wouldn’t impact me too hard. What a pipe dream that turned out to be. I’m very single, having even met a guy I can tolerate in years. And thanks to the overgrown children I work with, I’m not even sure I want kids anymore.

Life is definitely not what I thought it would be. I guess as my 30^th approaches I need to take a hard look at life and change the mental image I had and with a little luck shape it into something better.

Anyways, you sexy beasts I am going to go and have a drink because getting old is depressing. But before I go I have this question for you; What did you think your life would be like at 30? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Good Idea, Gone Bad

I really must learn to leave well enough alone. I just had to test whether I was dead inside or if it just the work effect. I just had to know…I’m a dumbass.

“Sure, I miss that face, that skin, that kissing ability, that sarcasm... but someone who gets me, someone who understands me, more than most - It makes me miss you.”  - Mr. X

If I was at work, I know for a fact, that wouldn’t have had any effect on me. But, because I was at home, all the feelings. It made me remember that connection we had and why I loved him. It made me remember he wasn’t always evil.

I’m a fucking genuine. I get mad at him for frustrating comments, that are useless in the grand scheme and there I am doing the same sort of thing.

Anyways, I’m going to go and drink and pretend I didn’t open that whole can of worms.  But before I go I have this question for you; what was the last thing you regret doing? Let me know in the comment box below. And, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Let’s Get Drunk and Talk

Let me start with normal disclaimer: This post will be written drunk and edited drunk. Once I have sobered up I will not touch the post again.  I will of course answer comments and all that, but there will be no sober editing done. Now that that’s all been said, let’s bring on the tequila.

Mr. X that is the big question and something both you and I and probably him would like answers on.

1.      “I miss you” is the most useless, misleading, bullshit comment ever spoken by a human being.

That statement makes me more angry than anything. It’s designed to be an emotion fuck. It’s a “I’m in a happy marriage, but I miss you.” How useless and utterly disruptive is that comment? It achieves nothing. Other than evidently pissing me off.

2.      Balance

Balance is the answer to all popular question “why are you still friends with him.” Mr. X has always brought balance to me and me to him whether he likes to admit it or not. Maybe not as much these days, because I’ve learned and have been able to take his heartless logical… ness and implement it myself. But, he still is a source of reason for me.

3.      I will not be “the other woman”.

While Mr. X is married, he will not be touched in any way by me! Other then maybe me slapping him, because…. I’m sure he has it coming. I will not play second fiddle to anyone and that’s that.

4.      Is there a future?

I have never ruled out anything with Mr. X. Our history is undeniable. The spark is undeniable. That said, we never dated, we never had time to learn each other, so I’m not going to say I’d marry the man, but I’d be willing to see what is there.

5.      I don’t know what I feel!

Mr. X has and always will have a special place in my heart. We’ve been through a lot. Forgetting the romantic side, which was a shit show. He’s always been a good friend to me and someone to lean on. He’s been one of those people who make you better… his method may be questionable, but the results there.

All that said, my point about never dating remains. I wish we gave it shot back then. I wish we could have seen what was there. I wish things had gone differently, but they didn’t. And life goes on and things, at least for me, worked out well. 

6.      I wish nobody failure in their marriage.

Do I wonder how things could have gone? Of course. But life wrote a different story. And maybe it’ll bring us together one day so whose knows. Maybe he needed marriage number 1 to change him to be better for marriage 2.  I don’t pretend to know what the future has in store. I just hope he’s happy by the end of it.  That’s all I really want, is him to be genially happy.

And since that sentence made me cry, today’s drunk blog is over. I hope it was entertaining, made sense, answered some questions, and more than anything I hope the hangover won’t make me pray death. Before I go I’ll leave you with this question: what are your hangover cures? Let me know your answer to that, any other thoughts you may have in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo