Friend Dates

 Part of the staying friend’s thing with Hugh has been setting up “friend dates”. We have game nights and moving nights and he tries to murder me on walks through impassable mud. It’s been fun getting to know each other without the pressure of dating. And it’s still feels, for the most part, easy.

I’ve also found these prearranged “dates” greatly beneficial to me, as I am able to use them almost as rewards. I know mentally if I get through my work week for example, If I can put on a smile and adult for those 4 days, when it’s all done, I get to be me, and have some effortless time with Hugh. It somehow makes things easier.

I am sure how he feels though. Sometimes it feels like he’s pushing me away (which I get, I’ve been there) but others, I catch him with this most genuine heart-warming smile on his face. Then he makes comments, like he feels an obligation to me which sit heavily on me. I don’t want anyone to hangout with me because they feel obliged. I want them to hangout with me because they want to, because they like being around me. Not because they have to. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.

My head kind of hurts, and I am probably overthinking things; lack of sleep will do that to you. Like I said, normally things feel easy and we have fun. But I appear that way at work and I’m definitely just playing a part there. I guess only time will tell, eh?

Anyways, I need to get ready for work. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always. Stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

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Q&A Part 2

 I recently did a Q&A and there were few additional questions I thought deserved an answer. And since I am posting this very late, I figured I’d get this out of the way now since the odds are nobody is going to see this post. Let’s get started, shall we?

Now that Hugh and you have broken up are you dating?

No, I’ve made the decision to stay single for a little while. I’m very cognisant of the fact people going through grief can misinterpret feelings and wind up in relationships they wouldn’t otherwise. I am going to hold off a while and re-evaluate where I am in the new year.

How are things going with the just being friends?

For the most part, they’re going ok. We seem to be making it work. It has moments that feel awkward. And I think he goes through phases of trying to push me away, but I expect that. And I am sure I’ll do the same to him at some point. Right now, it’s all fine.

If they’re a future for you and Hugh?

As friends, sure. As anything else… I am not one to say never, I haven’t padlocked any of those doors nor windows, but it’s highly unlikely. I’d place a bet on him being another guy I date right before he finds a girl and gets married. If anyone is counting, he’d make number 8 that’s done that. I am guy fixer upper…. Shame you don’t get paid the same way you do when you flip houses.

With Christmas coming up, how are your Mr. X thoughts?

I have a feeling this year, that may play on my mind in a way it hasn’t for a while. I am ok right now. And I am working over Christmas so hopefully, I won’t have time to think too much about it.

Are you ok?

Yep, I am perfectly ok. I am in fake it till you make it mode and sooner or later I’ll believe it. Thank, god for those damn acting lessons.

Anyways, I am off, as always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

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Bonding?

 Even at my ages I am still surprised how something a guy says in passing can continue to play on the female mind long after it’s been said. For example, Hugh made an “innocent” comment 3 weeks ago and it continues to occasionally pop into my mind.  I am sure nothing was meant by it, but my brain still questions what caused him to say it.

The statement, well question was “are you trying to bond with me?”. I did question it straight away, however he kind of brushed it off and wouldn’t engage. And it has been bothering me ever since.

Why question that? Is it because he feels like we are bonding? Is it because he feels like I am being fake? Is it because he doesn’t want me around? Why? Just why?

The sensible side of me knows it doesn’t matter. And if it does, it’ll play out in the end. But the girl part of my brain wants to use water torture on him to get him to explain what he meant.

Anyways, that’s enough of that, I need sleep and to clean as Hugh is coming over tomorrow evening for a friend date…. Yes, I am aware of how pathetic that sounds. As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xxx

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Ok

 Apologies this post is going up late, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to write anything this week. It’s been a hard week and to be honest I kind of just wanted to let in pass and try to reset, but I think it’s important to continue to write and keep things as normal as I can.

That said things aren’t normal, and I am struggling.

I am doing what I can to stay level-headed, not cause myself issues later. I am taking a step back from a lot of things and am in survival mode. I know it’ll be ok, and I’ll get there, its just going to take time.

Anyways I am off to play the sims. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

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Well That Didn’t Last Long

 

Apparently, ladies and gentlemen, it was not me and dating you had to worry about, it was Hugh and dating that should have been the concern. After 5 dates we have decided to call things off. Hugh just isn’t ready yet, and I completely understand, I was there. And to be honest, I had my suspicions early on this may have been the case, but I chose to ignore the red flag. I, however, don’t really regret that decision.

I am hopeful that Hugh and I can remain friends, actually hanging out, doing things friends. I’ve said this all along things are easy between us, we can giggle and talk, and we share a lot of the same interests. My guard has been down with him from almost the very beginning, I have been just me and he’s handled it well. I kid that someone has given him a handbook or manual on how to deal with me. It’s just natural to him. When my mom passed away, he was perfect. I know how bad that could have been for me if he wasn’t there. He instinctively calms me down and he doesn’t know he’s doing it. He often places his hand on the part of my back, I press against the wall to calm my anxiety. I feel better when I am with him.

It makes me giggle because he was so concerned about me attaching when we were dating. And I did, but not in the loved up mushy way. I attached in a this person is awesome and I like having them around way. He is a good guy and I like him as a human. He’s the only person right now I can be totally honest with. I feel alone and he helps without knowing. I can just be myself, no walls, no acts, just me and it’s nice. With everyone else, I have to tough, I have to be strong, I have things I needed to worry about, perceptions, gossip. None of that is a thing with him, I get to just be.

I pray, nothing changes this. Truth be told, I didn’t need or want a boyfriend or the sex (no matter how good it may have been), I needed a friend and he’s a pretty damn good one.

Anyways, I am off before my eyes leak juices everywhere. As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

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Q&A

 After my recent posts it has become clear I need to do a Q&A. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to, but you guys have questions, and they deserve answers. At least some of them do…. Some were just plain old rude. So, let’s jump into this, shall we?

Are you and Hugh dating or just fuck-friends?

That is a good question, and I don’t really have an answer for it. I am going with we are “whatevering”. I am not really concerning myself with labels. We’re having fun and going with the flow.

Is this going to be a similar situation to Chicken Man?

Impressive recall memory, to those of you that remember him. For those of you that are new here; Chicken Man was a fuck friend from over a decade ago that turned into a relationship. I doubt that is the case here. I will never say never, but Hugh is very clear, and I am not sure I would even want that myself.

You have a history of making bad decisions when stressed; are you actually ok with the situation?

True story, I really do make piss poor decisions when I’m under stress. However, I made this decision before the stress. I am in my right mind when I weighted up what I was doing here, and I am steadfast is this decision as a result.

Are you going to let Hugh know about the blog?

I have let him know, and he has read it. Not sure how smart that move was, but I am in a giant “fuck it” mood. I am not hiding my crazy with him. To be honest, I don’t care what he thinks. This is me at worst, if he hangs around awesome, he’s here for me… and the sex, mainly the sex. If not… I have batteries.

How can you stop yourself from forming feelings?

You can’t, and I don’t think you should. If we called things off despite knowing the score, I would miss him. I mean, I like him as a human. We have a lot in common and I enjoy beginning with him. I think the whole heartless detached fuck friend style makes things less enjoyable and at the end of the day, I am here to enjoy myself and if that means a few tears, so be it at least it was fun at the time.

 Anyways, I think that’s enough for now, if you have any other questions leave them in the comments below and I’ll think about doing another one of these. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

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You Don’t Date

This whole Hugh thing has raised some questioned, and rightly so. I mentioned in the previous posts that he isn’t looking for a relationship and plans to date around. And as I have mentioned in many posts, I hate dating, I hate the area of dating before being in a relationship… I dislike the guessing and uncertainty. I don’t like any of it.

This is different. First of all, I knew from the start what I was getting, I made that choice. There is no guessing, he is a man whore and upfront about it. Second, I don’t want a boyfriend. I am not in the mind set to date, or deal with someone’s bullshit…. But sex…. I kind of want that.

I got lucky when he popped up. Things are very easy between us. We are comfortable with each other; we can talk and have a laugh and most importantly I trust him. I am not stressed about him catching something and giving it to me. Despite knowing he’s fucking about, he’s still a good guy. He just has some wild oats to sow.

Is this ideal? No, but it’s what I need and want right now and maybe him too. I am not worried about it. I am actually more worried what I’d be doing without him…. Some of my exes that have been in my DMs were starting to look tempting.

Anyways, I am off. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always. Stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

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