Saturday, 25 December 2010

Last Christmas I gave you my heart and the very same day you gave it away.

Merry Christmas Everyone,

I hope you are having an awesome day with friends and family. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you all have a drama free day and the only headaches are the Boxing Day hangovers.

I can’t help but let my thoughts drift to last Christmas. That’s probably why I’ve taken a shine to Taylor Swift’s version of Last Christmas. The song sums it all up from”your soul of ice” to “But if you kissed me now I know you’d fool me again”. The only change that needs to be made is to cross out “the very next day” and replace it with “the very same day”.

A year on I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned because of that day. However I’m still at the point where I’m just not willing to be hurt again. It’s a weird situation because I completely forgive him. It’s me don’t forgive. How could I be so stupid? Why did I let myself believe him? I have a lot self hatred over that day. I will always be my hardest critic and because of that I’m confident I won’t let it happen again. I just have to get over the fact it happened at all. I failed myself.

I hate this time of year, I’m homesick. No matter how many Christmas's I celebrate here, this isn’t my home. It feels like the longer I live here, the more I hate it. It’s becoming very hard for me to find a positive to being here. Does the feeling I’ll have when I leave here count as a positive? Please don’t get me wrong England is fine, it’s just not my home, and it’s not where I should be. I’m not happy here.

Anyways dolls I’ve off to open presents and help my mother get ready for the guests. Merry Christmas Everyone, have a wonderful day.

Lots of Love

The Honest Bitch

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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