Another Valentine's Day

 

Happy early Valentine’s Day you lovely people. I am spending another year alone and I am ok with it. I was hoping to hangout with Hugh, but I am at a loss for what is happening there and, to be honest, I am sick of trying to figure it out. I am here when and if he wants to talk, but I am not chasing anymore.

The funny thing is I ordered him Valentine’s day plant at the beginning of January, so he will still get that. And given where we are now, the card may read rather sarcastic. I was sweet at the time but hasn’t aged well.

I have no hard feelings towards him, he was perfect for what I needed when he came into my life. I am sad if our friendship is over, but that’s not something I can control. The door is open, and he knows where to find me. I just hope he is ok.

As for me, I am good. I have a few new dating site stories to update you on, because wow, I am going to die alone, and if that’s all that’s left out there…. bring it on.

But I am going to leave this here for now as I am writing this on Super Bowl Sunday and I have football to watch. As always stay and play safe.

The Honest Bitch 

Enable GingerCannot connect to Ginger Check your internet connection
or reload the browserDisable in this text fieldEditEdit in GingerEdit in Ginger×

Dating

I would seem curious minds would like to know what the dating situation is given Hugh being a thing. First of all, we’re currently in a national lockdown so dating isn’t easily done in the current climate. It’s not impossible, but definitely not advisable. Second, Hugh isn’t a factor. He made his feelings and or intent clear, he wants to be friends and I am good with that. I never say never, but that ball is way out of my court and not something for me to dwell on. What will be will be. 

That said Hugh has made my dating life more difficult in the most convoluted way ever. I already had high standards, as I kind of like being single. He has made things worse. Because things are so easy with him, and it doesn’t feel like work, everything I start talking to someone, I quickly eliminated them when things aren’t at that level of ease. My standards may now be completely unachievable.

Not that they’re set that high, really. I just don’t feel the urge to compromise. All I want is a guy with a respectable job, a guy who has his life somewhat together, no kids, and to be somewhat of a gentleman. The list isn’t that unreasonable. And then the obvious I get along with them and actually like being around them. Surely that isn’t too much to ask. I mean, I hate most people and guys are inherently… less than gentlemanly like so maybe I am just completely screwed.

Anyway, I am off to try not to think about any of this. Let me know your dating must-haves are in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

Enable GingerCannot connect to Ginger Check your internet connection
or reload the browserDisable in this text fieldEditEdit in GingerEdit in Ginger×

Blah

I am in a weird place right now, and lockdown isn’t helping. I feel fine, but I am not. I am not looking after myself, I am not eating correctly or daily for that matter, I am not showering and doing skincare when I am off work. I am just sleeping or trying to. I am shutting down and while that is helpful a little bit, it’s not healthy long term.

I am really missing Hugh’s stupid face right now. He’s the level of human I can tolerate. When things were really bad, I was leaning on our “friend dates” to keep motivated. It was a reason to shower, eat, look after myself. It was a reward for making it through the week. I haven’t had that regularly for a while and that shift hasn’t been seamless.

Don’t get me wrong, I know I’ll get there. I will bounce back. I am a stubborn bitch, who cannot and will be kept down. It’s just… not pleasant. And things are ickier than I’d like. I miss the stress melting cuddles. That’s a scientific fact, not me being mushy for the record.

Anyways, my eyes are leaking, and that shit needs to stop. I am back to the only breaking down in my car and shower rule. Let me know, your coping mechanisms and thoughts in the comments below. And hopefully next week we can get back to more juicy and less feelingy posts. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

Enable GingerCannot connect to Ginger Check your internet connection
or reload the browserDisable in this text fieldEditEdit in GingerEdit in Ginger×

Hugh's Turn

 It seems just as I am starting to feel better, it’s Hugh’s turn to not be ok. And while it’s perfectly fine to not be ok, I don’t know how to best help him. Unlike me, he doesn’t come with a manual. I don’t know if he needs me to show up with food or go away. I don’t know if he needs a phone call or to be left alone. I know when I am off, I need plans and for people to pull me in even if I pull away. I just don’t know with him.

What I have been doing, and all I feel like I can do is the small things I enjoy and hope they happen to bring a smile to his face as well. Sending morning texts, sending funny imagines, and trying to be positive and smiley and hoping it rubs off.

Not sure it’s working, but all I can do is try right? I hate when he’s down. He’s been so good at cheering me up, without even trying. I hope, somehow, I can return the favour.

Anyway, I have to go get ready to collect my mother’s ashes which I am not looking forward to. As always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Enable GingerCannot connect to Ginger Check your internet connection
or reload the browserDisable in this text fieldEditEdit in GingerEdit in Ginger×