“I Swear On My Vibrator”

We all have our idiotisms, my friend Jeff has “does that come with beer?” Kelly has “I'm not drunk the ground’s lonely.” Shell has “I think there’s a monkey in his pants.”  And I have “I swear on my vibrator”.

Despite the fact they’re all not normal things to say, it’s only mine that sparks conversation...and if you ask me mine’s the only one that actually makes sense.

I mean hugs, visiting the hospital or walking a friend home clearly don’t come with beer so Jeff is crazy.

Even if the ground is lonely I doubt falling on it and then hugging it would solve millions of years of loneliness so Kelly is nuts.

And I’m sure that grumpy guy or the guy hitting on girls at the bar isn’t hiding a monkey in his pants. I mean surely it’d crawl out the leg or something so Shell is bananas.

A single girl with no current fuck-friends swearing on her vibrator, to me at least, that makes perfect sense.

Let’s think about this, the idea is when you swear on something or someone you’re putting it out there for the universe to destroy if what you’re saying is a lie.

So bearing that in mind having a non-religious person swear on the Bible or to God is kind of pointless. And when someone swears on another human being you always run the risk that they never really liked that person in the first place. I mean I have a few exes (and a cousin) I wouldn’t mind the universe destroying.

So the best way to ensure a truthful statement has to be having the person swear on something they love and or need.

Which brings me back to the vibrator; think about it for a second, what single fuck-friendless girl is going to risk the universe destroying her vibrator? See, told you it wasn’t crazy.

So what idiotisms do you and your friends have and would you risk the universe destroying your vibrator? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo