I’ve mentioned this before, but I am going to mention it
again, I can’t stand “sad eye”. I’m under no disillusion, I understand my mom
is dying and I’m an only child basically losing the only family I have, I get that,
and I understand it’s sad. Trust me, I get it, I’ve cried it out many a night. But
looking at me with pity sad filled eyes really doesn’t help. It in a lot of ways
it makes things worse.
I am a lot less social than I use to be and a lot of that is
down to “sad eyes”. I either feel like people feel sorry for me or are judging
me. I don’t feel like I’m allowed to be me. To fair, I don’t feel like myself
most of the time, but when I do remotely feel normal, I feel as if I can’t show
it.
This is part of the reason why the husband loves Tyler so
much. He sees that he brings out the silly, fun side of me that hasn’t been
around in quite a while. A lot of that was, until very recently, Tyler didn’t
know what was going on. I had lost it on the phone with him a couple times,
around the time when my mom was having surgery, but never vocalized what was
happening. So, it’s yet to be seen whether he’ll continue to bring that out in
me or if he’ll be another sad eyes person.
I can tell you he’s back off on non-work days. It’s is not
ideal for me, but is understandable. He was a good distraction, but new coping mechanisms
are always there to be found. He doesn’t
owe that to me nor would I ask for it so, life ticks on.
Anyways, I am going to go and hit the treadmill because it’s
really hard to over think things when you can’t breathe. I would leave you with
a Valentine’s related question but… who care? Just leave your thoughts in the comments
below and as always stay and play safe.
Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo