Feeling Single

I’ve been single for just over a month now and until recently I hadn’t really noticed. I know that sounds crazy, but given mine and Barney’s relationship it’s understandable. I didn’t see the man very often and towards the end of our relationship, our conversations weren’t very boyfriend/girlfriend like. Breaking up wasn’t any great loss…hell it wasn’t even a moderate loss.

That said, the other day for the first time in a very long time I truly felt single. What was the catalyst for this feeling you ask? 

This

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       Well, in actual fact, this.  

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Leave it to Ikea to make a girl feel all alone. I’m not an overly girly girl and going into the whole flat pack thing I felt confident. Then I opened the box and quickly realised why women get married.

Now don’t get me wrong this girl is no quitter and I did get it built, it may have taken 12 hours but I got it done. But even afterwards that all alone feeling lingered. There was nobody there to share in my flat pack triumph.

It was weird, I’m not someone to worry about my relationship status. I couldn’t care less whether I’m single or in a relationship. As long as I’m happy within myself anything else is a bonus.  

The way I see it is I spend all day around men and if I’m going to put up with one without being paid he better be something special. I get my fill of jerks and fuck-wits at work. Admittedly, I do get some sweethearts and real gems at work too, but for the most part…..I spend 90% of my night wondering how on earth most of these men are married and whether their women are being held captive King Kong style.

I really should be thankful that some of them are so repulsive, it was the thing that managed to pull me out of my “being single” funk. It’s hard to long after something when you’re wondering if soap and water are just a little too complicated for their species.

I have to admit there are a few men there that make being in a relationship seem tempting. I work with some absolutely lovely guys that would do anything for me and that often prove that not all men are bad. However, all that loveliness is quickly balanced out by a grown men having a temper-tantrums……the joys of the transport industry, eh?

Anyways, my dears, I am off to that lovely place I call bed to dream about doing very unladylike things to my Supervisor….what? Just because I’m content being single doesn’t mean this girl doesn’t have needs. Anyways, before I go I shall leave you with this question; what snaps you out of your “being single sucks” moods? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Too Well Oiled Of A Machine

I’ve always said the Supervisor and I have an extraordinary working relationship despite only working together since April we’ve quickly found our staid and became a well-oiled machine.  Possibly too well-oiled.

I know personally I hate not working with the Supervisor, things just work better when our team is in, we know what each other is thinking and doing without having to ask. He doesn’t have to chase me and I don’t have to chase him everything just gets done.

The downside to this relationship is I hate to let him down and he’s the same with me. I know I should be focused on finding a new job right now, but I keep putting it off because I don’t want to leave him on his own. I have an interview next week for a fantastic job that pays £6,000 a year, more than I’m currently on and I feel horrible about it. I don’t want to go and leave him, but the choice isn’t mine.

He’s proofing right now it’s a two way street, his doctor wants him off work due to stress, but he doesn’t want it off because he doesn’t want to leave me in on my own. I’m having to do the right thing despite really not wanting to and push him to look after himself. Admittedly the thought of being in on my own next week is about enough to get me signed off with stress, but I have to do the right thing and put his health first…. Doing the right thing sucks.

I think it might suck a little more because if I do get this job, this could be our last set of 4. Which is almost enough to make me cry. I’m having one of those “I’m not ready to be an adult” moments but I guess I don’t really have a choice.

Anyways, that’s enough of me having emotions I need to go and be a cold heartless bitch and balance the universe back out. Before I go I shall leave you with this question; what is your favourite thing about your current job? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

I Do Not Negotiate With Terrorists

This seems to be a trend lately whether it’s Barney and his emotional manipulation or the drivers at work with their blatant refusal to keep operations running. I feel like I’m constantly negotiating with terrorists.

Call me naive, but when I stopped working a customer facing role I thought my days of terrorist negotiation was over… how wrong was I. If anything drivers are a million times worse than any customer I’ve ever dealt with.

In customer service you have the power, at the end of the day, yes, you want the customer to be happy, but they want something from you so the end game is ultimately yours.

In transport the power lies with the driver, they have the class 1 license you want them to use said license to deliver your goods so the power is theirs, and my god do they know it. It feels like you’re trying to negate the release of a chocolate bar a toddler is determined to eat. You’re never going to win at least part of that chocolate is getting eaten.

As much as I keep telling myself I don’t negate with terrorist….I do. I’m just kidding myself if I say otherwise. My job title may as well be "terrorist negotiator" at this point. The odd part is until recently I actually enjoyed my job. I enjoyed going in and defusing bombs and against all odds making everything work. But lately it’s just been a lot of work and with everything so up in the air, it’s a lot of work I’m not sure that even worth doing.

Anyways, my lovelies, I’m going to go and relax and make the most of my precious time off. I guess I’ll leave you with this question; what is your favorite way to distress after a long week at work? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Did You Try?

When I've talked about my “relationship” with Barney ending, a couple of friends have asked me the same question; did I try? And I find this question incredibly offensive.

Why is my duty to chase a grown ass man? I messaged him, he failed to message me back, in my book I tried. Did I try hard….no but why should I? If I’m not a priority to him why would I want to chase him?

I hate that emphasis is placed on the woman, like somehow it’s our job to corral men and beat the asshole out of them; while training them in the art of common courtesy and communication. I’m sorry, but I didn’t sign up for that. There are only 2 things in this life worth chase and neither of them are men. They’re alcohol and dreams and I recommend one more then the other.

Given the men I date, it’s a no brainer chase alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol J

Anyways, my lovelies, that’s my rant over with. I am off to make the most of my last night off, cocktails, chick flick and a face mask are just what the doctor ordered. I suppose before I go I should leave you guys with a question; have you ever chased anyone and was it worth it? Let me know in the comment box below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Work Killed Barney

Hmmmm….where to start…… well Barney is dead or as good as.

What happened is his inability to work a phone continued and I was joking with him and told him about my supervisor even joking about his caveman like phone skills and Barney lost his shit. I quickly defused his temper-tantrum, but it was a big warning sign. Then he went radio silent again for 5 or 6 days, so when he finally reappeared, I told him I was bored of him and that was that.

I’m sure it’s not normal to choose your supervisor over a boyfriend, but the way I see it is if he’s going to snap over a joke, it’s only a matter of time before he snaps at me and add that to him not texting and vanishing for weeks at a time….3 strikes and you’re out buddy.

Next up is work; they sent me an email with the ad for my job telling me if I want it, apply for it. I sent one back saying ha ha ha try again and they changed their mind so it appears I have a job. But sadly my supervisor isn’t going which I find strangely upsetting.

Forgetting the flirting and the cum strained boss’s desk; we’re a team and my teammate is abandoning me. Don’t me wrong, I completely understand why he’s going and I don’t blame him, but I don’t have to like it.

We work well together; it’s very yin and yang. He’s laid back and deal with things as they come, I am more proactive and like to get things done before anybody has even thought about them. It just works well for us. There is no, he’s higher up the food chain than me, we work as equals and when there is a problem to be solved, we bounce ideas off each other and come to a solution sometimes he’s right and sometimes I’m right. There’s no dictatorship with him. When you have a good working relationship with someone and you manage to have a laugh while doing it you can’t blame a girl for not wanting to lose that.

Plus, I still kind of want to fuck him…not really sure why, just do.

Anyways I have to go I can hear a pint of beer calling my name and I’d hate to disappoint it. So let me leave you with this question; what caused you to end your last relationship? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

Uncertainty

This might be the first time in a long time I’ve blogged because I’ve needed to blog rather than blogging because I want to, and am trying to get back into the habit because I miss you guys. At the end of the day we’re one big dysfunctional family here and crazy needs crazy.

Uncertainty is the theme of this blog as I’m sure you can tell since…..you can read; and there seems to be a lot of it in my life right now. And I’ll let you in on a little secret, I don’t like it. Inside my head is crazy enough, I don’t need the thing around me to follow suit, that’s too much crazy…nobody needs that much crazy.

Uncertainty number 1 is my job; it was announced Monday that the site I work at is being closed down and presumably relocated. I say presumably because nothing has been announced, but truck driver’s gossip more than teenage girls and we’ve been aware of new site in the works for several months.

The problem I have is the new site is about an hour and a half away. So an hour and half there, 12 hours at work, an hour and a half back, two hours to get ready for work, 2 hours to fall asleep after work ……if math isn’t your thing let me help you out, that leaves 5 hours. This bitch gets bitchy when she doesn’t get her beauty sleep. Yeah, yeah, I can hear you already, “she gets bitchy when she does get her sleep too”. ….charming.

Problem 2 is I crazy ex-girlfriend stalked my company online and I can’t find an application for an operator’s licence for the alleged new site anywhere. Which is worrying me…. A lot. No licence, no job, it’s as simple as that.

I am a little reassured by the fact that if there is a new site, my supervisor is leaning towards going. I don’t want to work under someone else, (that sounded a little wrong) I’m finally in a position where I can build on my knowledge and possibly move up. And as much as I hate to admit it, I’m working with the best person to help me. I may wholeheartedly disagree with his decisions at times (which is how I know it’s time to think about moving up) but I’m not going to find anyone better suited to teach me. ……Shhhh if you listen carefully you can hear his ego growing.

I do have the advantage of not being tied to my current location, but A) There has to be another site for that to work and B) my pay would have to go up to match the standard of pay at that location.

The other major uncertainty is the “not boyfriend” as I call him. Barney and I have been dating nearly 4 months at this point and we’re…well…uncertain. We’re not boyfriend/girlfriend, we’re not seeing each other enough to get to that point…yet the desire on both parts to get to that point is there, but it’s not going to happen anytime soon and by soon I mean this side of 2014.

Part of me thinks my best bet is to cut my losses and run and the other part is brainwashed by a man I never get to see but really wants to. I don’t know what it is with this guy, I’m immune to guy bullshit normally; even with Mr X I was able to call him out of his bullshit. This guy’s bullshit has mutated for the pure purpose of slipping past my defenses and it’s driving me crazy!

And I’m sure it’s driving me crazier than it otherwise would if it wasn’t for all the uncertainty at work. It feels like I don’t know anything right now. I don’t know if I have a job, If I'm going to have to find a new job, if I I’m going to have to move, if it’s worth moving, if there will be any staff left when we get to the new site, if there will be a new site, I don’t know when I’m going to know any of this, I don’t know when I’m going to see my not boyfriend, when I’ll hear from him, if he’ll ever be more than that, do I want him to be more than that…….hell I’m not even sure I know my damn name right now!

I don’t like uncertainty, I like to know where I stand and right now it feels like I’m standing on quicksand reaching for a one armed monkey swinging from a tree.

Anyways, that’s enough of…whatever that was. I need to go get dressed and go vote because if you don’t vote you have no right to bitch and we all know I like to bitch. So I shall leave you with this question; what don’t you know that you wish you did? Let me know your answer to that and any thoughts you have on my mess in the comment box below and as always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

A Surprisingly Nice Birthday

Despite my fears that my birthday was going to follow its normal trend and be horrible; it was actually very nice.

Because of a coworker's sudden “sickness” I ended up spending the first 6 or so hours of my birthday at work which oddly enough wasn’t so bad. The drivers were quick to stop moaning when they found out (which, if you’ve ever worked with truck drivers you’ll know is a miracle in its self”. Most wished me a happy birthday and gave me a hug…. Admittedly, there were a few wondering hands, but who can blame them.

My supervisor was a sweetheart and got some non-alcoholic beers in so the shunter and the two of us had a drink to celebrate the start of my birthday. He also got me some Turkish delight and shortbreads which I may or may not be eating now for breakfast right now at 9pm. I give credit where credit is due and the man was a total sweetheart and actually made working on my birthday almost pleasurable.

I got home from about quarter past 7 had a mojito and snuggled up in bed to watch a little TV. About a half hour later I heard my phone go off and when I had a look it was a message from Barney saying “Happy birthday princess, hope you have a wonderful day x” I was more than a little shocked, I’ve made it more than a little clear to you all I really wasn’t expecting to hear from him at all. We had a little chat and then I went to bed.

I woke up about noon to message from Barney asking if I wanted to meet up for a drink later in the day, which nearly gave me a heart attack. Didn’t see that one coming, but of course I agreed. So at about 5pm I went to meet him at the pub for a few hours. It was lovely to get to see him. It was a much needed reminder of why I put up with everything I do.

After seeing Barney I came home and had a few drinks, dinner and of course I enjoyed my birthday cake. Then the gay husband came around and we got ready to go out for a few drinks with some friends.

The night out was entertaining, we drank, we danced, we gossiped and I had to explain the bruise on my boob to a room full men and dirty minded women, that weren’t believing the truth about how I actually got a bruise so I had a lot fun making up stories. If you want to know a giant penis did it from the inside out.

I got home about 4am, very drunk, had another drink, crawled into bed and slept until 19:00 today…. Impressive I know. However, thanks to my sleeping binge, I managed to wake up without any sign of a hangover so as birthday presents go that might be the best one I received.

Anyways, I’m back at work tomorrow, so I need to make myself look human and get some more sleep. So I guess I should leave you with a question, what was your favorite birthday surprise? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo