A Quick Catch Up

I know, I know I've been a horrible blogger, I just haven’t managed to find the right balance of writing, social life and work since I started my new job but I promise I’m working on it.

Anyway, I guess I should fill you in on the current man situation. The CM thing is over, I just couldn't get over him smoking pot. Believe it or not I do have a moral compass and that just never sat right with me. 

I'm still flirting with the supervisor, I haven't done anything with him as of yet but I'm working on it.

Then we have Kumquat one of my old drivers who I had a date with New Years Eve day and then went crazy on me not once but twice. Which is impressive seeing as I only slept with him once. Also, I feel the need to add the man is hung... Like ouch that hurts hung. He was probably my favorite driver, hence giving him a second chance, plus he's he can make me laugh like no one else but he murder any hope he had with the second freak out.

This brings me to the newest guy in the mix who for blogging sake, I'm going to call Barney. He used to work at the new place, but recently left for a new job. It also turns out he use to work at my old job before I did. Which is a little dangerous since we know a lot of the same people. We went out Saturday night and had a good time, so despite him having some deal breakers working against him I do plan on seeing him again.

I will go into more Barney details later, but right now I need to get some sleep before work. I just wanted to say hi and fill you guys in a little bit.

So, since there isn't really a question in this blog, tell me how you guys have been? As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Oops I Did It Again

I’m not quite sure how it happened but I seem to be the other woman in not one but two relationships right now.

You all know about CM, and we’ve becoming fairly serious however I’m not about to forget the fact that at the end of the day he’s crawling into bed with someone else. It’s not in my personality to sit around waiting while he’s off having his cake and eating it too. No matter how I feel about the guy.

Saying that I haven’t been out looking for anyone however if the opportunity presents itself I’m not going to turn it down for CM’s sake.

Which brings me to the second and oddly enough more complicated guy. The second guy is not only not single he’s.....my supervisor.

Let me clarify a few things he isn’t my direct supervisor, I’ve never actually worked with him, he does days, I do nights....he’s not a good thing but it’s a little better.... I think. The second thing is his relationship is a dead relationship, he’s pretty much only there because of his kids (and no I’m not taking his word on that, I’ve heard it from other sources too. And PS I know kids are a deal breaker but I’m not about to date the guy so who cares.)

I don’t even know how I got in this situation with the supervisor. One day I was flirting with him like the other 60 guys I work with and then it got Facebook flirty and then there was a cock picture on my phone. I’m not really sure what happened....but I’m not complaining.

He’s not a bad looking guy  and something about him screams great fuck plus I happen to have sleep with a supervisor on my bucket list..... A fact I was only reminded of after I received the cock pic but a nice bonus nonetheless.  Plus if I’m honest and I kind of have to be, after the way things went with my last job, having someone with power in my corner (no matter how he got there) is appealing and kind of comforting.

Saying that I actually feel a lot more secure in this job, thanks to a de-briefer at my old job....I’m a little wiser.

So that brings me to the question of the blog, what is on your sexual bucket list? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Alleviating Guilt

Today was an interesting day; I finally found some resolve on my feelings for CM. Up till now I’ve been kind of wishy washy on the issue. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve liked the guy and there’s been something there but it hasn’t been enough to alleviate my guilt.

Every time I’ve been with him I’ve been kind of uncomfortable and super aware that he isn’t......mine for lack of a better word. And because of that I’ve made a conscious effort to keep my feelings fairly neutral. Which in hindsight is probably why my guilt wasn’t alleviated.

Today was different, I went to see CM on his lunch break, and after talking for a while he kissed me and for the first time there was no moral dilemma in my head, it just felt right, that spark was there and it out weighed everything else.

It’s been an awesome feeling all day being able to answer those “feelings” questions within myself. However they bring their own set of problems...that at least for today, I’m not willing to think about.

I kind of want to live in LaLa land today and just focus on the positives, him being a total sweetheart, really funny and the way he makes me feel. I’ll deal with the other stuff....later.

Anyways my dears, I have to go and swear at the Leafs until they put some damn pucks on net. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Weekend Animosity

I’ve recently developed a strong dislike for the weekends and it’s all CM’s fault. He works Monday to Friday, so during that time we’re pretty much free to communicate as we like. Yes, he has work to do but we still text all day and normally even manage a Skype call or two.

Then the weekend rolls around and everything changes. I get next to no text messages during the day; I generally get a message from him about 4 or 5 asking how my day is going. I’ll send a reply back and won’t hear anything for an hour or two. The messages are typically slow going and tend to be short and abrupt. Which I find unappealing to say the least.

Please don’t get me wrong I understand why it’s that way, he has “real life” to deal with and by that I mean his “blah-blah-blah” (yeah, that’s the technical term for it now) but I don’t have to like it.

During a conversation the other day I commented to CM that he can look forward to finishing work all he wants but I happen to like it better when he’s there. He of course asked why and I explained that when he’s not there he’s a bit of an ass (that’s harsh wording on my part, he’s not an ass but that’s the word I used.)  And he sent me this message explaining why.

“You have to remember I usually have someone sitting directly next to me when I’m at home. I know the messages seem short and I really don’t want them to be but it seems like that’s the way they come across x x x x x”

Call me a bitch (because that’s my name) but that’s not the mental image I want of the person I’m having a pseudo affair with. I want to picture them on opposite sides of the room screaming, about to kill each other.....And yes I am aware that makes me a horrible person.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m under no disillusions, he’s not going to leave his.....blah-blah-blah and I wouldn’t expect him to. I don’t foresee this ending “happily ever after” but I would like to enjoy the ride while it lasts.

That brings me to the question of the blog; is it really that bad to just enjoy the ride while it lasts? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below. And as always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo 

CM First Kiss

The same day I posted my last blog, CM made his move and kissed me and I’m sure you’re dying to know how it was but sadly I can’t tell you. Why you ask? Because the whole time he was kissing me why brain was too busy informing me there was another girl’s boyfriend on my lips.

I swear the little voice in my head was going “knock, knock......sorry to bother you miss but I wasn’t sure if you were aware that the man current attached to your lips should be attached to someone else’s”.......and yes I am aware that sentence makes me crazy but that’s nothing new.

I was super nervous about the kiss; CM and I spend an impressive amount of time talking during the week and I was worried that it might change things. It turns out he was nervous too but for a different reason, he was worried it wouldn’t go well and he’d get “friend zoned”.

I can honestly say his “friend zone” fear is unfounded, I would not have sent him to the friend zone over a kiss.....well I lie but it would have had to be god awful for that to happen. The funny part is he thinks my fear is unfounded too because and I quote “that just wouldn’t happen”.

As for the kiss from CM’s point of view he seems to have enjoyed it, he’s eager to get his lips on me again, which can only be a positive thing, and apparently I have very soft lips which is only a borderline creepy thing to say. With a bit of luck the next time we kiss my brain will be more on my side and I can have my own borderline creepy thing to say or at the very least I’ll be able to tell you if it was any good or not.

So I guess that brings me to the question of the blog, have you ever been in a romantic situation and your brain refused to co-operate? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Crossing The Line

It’s no secret that when it comes to dating and relationship I’ve been known to make some.....questionable decisions. However despite many years of ill-fated decisions there are a few lines I’ve never crossed.

I’ve never dated a friend’s ex, I’ve never made a pass at married man and I’ve never gotten involved with someone who is already in a relationship.

There’s actually a running joke among my friends about the latter, because despite me being.....me. It’s my friend Courtney (a relationship good two-shoes) who is the homewrecker. In her defence she is now happily married to the man but it doesn’t change the fact she had to break up a home to get him.

For whatever reason this has always been a line I’ve not been willing to cross; in my head once a man is living with a woman he is as good as married and becomes an untouchable.

With that said over resent months I’ve found myself flirting dangerously close to this line and fear it’s only a matter of time before I completely cross it.....if I haven’t already.

And if that sounds ominous, it kind of is. Let me just say I’ve purposely not made any moves and have taken the back seat in all this because somehow in my head it makes it a little less bad.....but in all fairness...it doesn’t.

It all started with some harmless messages, then some harmless flirting, at which point he told me he liked me and I made my position clear. Then he gave me a cuddle and as ridiculous as it may sound, my will to resist him severely depleted.

You’ve heard of pussy whipped, it’s quite possible I’m cuddle whipped. What I can I say the man give the best hugs on the planet, when his arms are around me it feels like a meteor could fall from the sky and I’d be safe. (That might be the lamest thing I’ve ever said.)  

After the cuddles weakened my defense we started flirting more and more; once again with him taking the lead because someone that makes it better. Then one night some flirty messages turned a little (ok a lot) risqué and a line might have been crossed. (Yeah, I know I’m a bad person.)

Saying that in theory we’ve done nothing wrong, reality might be a different matter but in theory we’re golden. The most we’ve done in person is cuddle and that’s not a crime, it’s socially acceptable for two friends to cuddle. So by all rights I shouldn’t feel guilty............Right?

But I do, I really do, especially because I know damn well the next time I see him that “in theory” is going out the window because he’s going try to kiss me and I’m going to let him. I shouldn’t, I know shouldn’t but I going to. I know all of this is a horrible idea but what if it isn’t?

Let me know what you guys think in the comment box below and as always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

Be Canadian

The world tends to see Canadians has polite timid little creatures that wouldn’t do or say any that runs the risk of upsetting anyone. While this stereotype may be based in some reality, for the most part we aren’t the reserved push-over’s a lot of the world seems to think we are.

The problem being a Canadian living outside Canada is people love a stereotype when they meet us the focus is on all those “Canadian characteristics” which is all well and good until people take your “Canadian characteristics” as a sign of weakness or you don’t get the respect you deserve because you’re “too nice”.

To combat this over the years I’ve developed a few techniques; there is a tone in my voice I used to make it clear I know what I am talking about; it can come off condescending, it’s not the intent but it works. My other technique is to externalize some of feelings we’re taught as children to keep inside. In other words instead of putting a happy face on and not making scene, I wear the face I’m feeling. I can’t tell you how long it’s taken for me not to feel like a horrible individual for showing my negative emotions.

The problem I have now is sometimes these techniques take over and I forget to be me. I forget that it’s ok to be reserved and it’s ok to be friendly and caring, that these qualities aren’t a sign of weakness but rather a sign of humanity.

And since I struggle to remember this from time to time the code phrase “Be Canadian” came to be. It’s just a friendly little reminder given to me quietly to make me.....more placid. It brings me back to the way I would be acting if my family was present.....most of the time, sometimes even Canadian’s lose their shit.

Anyways I am off to bed to try and remind myself that sarcastic comments said in my head in French does not count as “being Canadian”....what? Like I said sometimes even Canadian’s lose their temper.

Love,

The Honest Bitch