Yep, It's My Fault

“The problem is you pick the wrong guys” – People who suck at breakup advice

With the exception of Mr. X my relationship problems have nothing to do with the men I pick. And has everything to do with the fact relationships turn otherwise nice guys into pricks.

I’m not the sort of person who goes out with a guy once and then he’s my boyfriend. I like to get to know my prospective boyfriends. I like to befriend them first, get to know them. See if they’re good boyfriend material or if they have more issues then playboy.

I’m selective with my boyfriends, I don’t go for “bad boys” or guys who are rude or disrespectful. That’s just a massive turn off to me. I like nice guys who are independent, who have the ability to make their own decisions and not follow the crowd. I like a guy who has his own beliefs and morals and stick to them. It’s not like I go for jerks and cheaters I put every effort in to screen them out.

I’m not a high maintenance girlfriend either so why men turn into assholes when they’re in a relationship is beyond me. My requests in a relationship are simple; I like a good night text and message if you’re running late. Clearly the makings of pushing a man over the edge.

It just infuriates me when people assume the girl is the problem, and it’s her fault things end poorly in a relationship.

Of course it’s my fault; I’m the one inserting his dick into other women. Yep it’s my fault I put his tongue in that girl mouth. Completely my fault I wrote the script he read when he lied to me. Give me a fucking break.

I know I’m not innocent and I’ve fucked up in the past and I own that. I’m by no means perfect. But neither are the guys I’ve dated and to pin their fuck ups on me is low and pathetic. Grow the hell up.

That’s my rant on the matter, what do you guys think. Is it the girls fault when a relationship doesn’t end well? As always dolls, stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Questionable Penis

There is something that has baffled women for years and I have to ask, why do guys take pictures of their junk and send it to us?

On behalf of women everywhere “STOP”! I don’t know what response you’re hoping for but I can guarantee you’re not getting it.

When we receive these unsolicited pictures our first response is to laugh, men look funny naked, it’s just a fact of life. While we’re laughing we’re also scanning the picture for information. This may sound strange but women are nosey and by scanning a picture of this type I managed to find out the guy I was chatting to was married. See, not so strange, it’s smart.

After all the laughing subsides, we begin to wonder why any guy in their right mind would want to show that off. Guys in these pictures always look so proud and after seeing more then my fair share I can safely say they shouldn’t be. I don’t believe there is such a thing as a well hung picture flasher.

Picture flasher is the technical name my friends and I have come up with for this phenomenon. Unlike their flasher cousins these men don’t wear trench coats they’re just armed with digital cameras.

I’m sorry to tell you this guys but on the whole women just aren’t turned on by seeing a dick. There is actually scientific research to back me up on that statement.

Men are mainly turned on visually; they can see something and thier little friend pops up to play.

Women on the other hand are more turned on by sound. We like to hear the interaction and hear that everything is being enjoyed. So because of that fact women are never going to ravage you just because you held your camera up to your junk.

The other thing you may not be aware of is women talk. We also share picture and when we share these pictures nice things are never spoken. I would say for every 1 picture you send 3 women and a guy see it.

If I had my way all the unsolicited pictures would be posted online with a picture of the guys face next to it. That way all women could see it and judge and or laugh for themselves.

Also by sending us these pictures you’re just setting yourself up for failure. If we decided to see your manhood in person, you know what we’re thinking. We’re thinking it’s a lot smaller than in the picture both in length and girth. Keeping in mind we probably didn’t think it was that big to begin with. That’s what you call double disappointment.

And double disappointment is the number one cause of faked orgasms.

Play safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Most Annoying Words In The English Language

Are there any more annoying words in the English language then “send me a pic”?

It’s like the modern day equitant of sharing a bed with a women and repeatedly poking her in the back while she’s trying to sleep.

Give it a fucking rest!

First of all, are men aware how whiny and needy they sound when they’re repeatedly asking? It’s like a small child throwing a temper tantrum in a grocery store because he can’t have any candy. Nobody wants to fuck a man-child.

If all you really wanted was a picture you wouldn’t have to ask, it’s called Facebook. Pretty much everyone on the planet has more than their fair share of pictures on there. But you don’t really want a picture do you? You want something to cum over but instead of being honest you take the slimy road. And then wonder why the girl is getting irritated with you.

Of course your cure to the irritation you caused is to butter us up with comments about how good we look or your “feeling” for us. You couldn’t be any more transparent. It’s pathetic.

What I don’t understand is, if your goal is to get laid how does pissing off women get you closer to that goal? It makes no sense to me.

The whole thing is just a blatant insult to our intelligence. Then men wonder why women think romance is dead. We think it’s dead because pretty much every nice thing that comes out of a man’s mouth seems to be followed by “send me pic.”

How would you like it if we related everything nice we said to a picture? Image this, you’re making out with a hot girl, it’s all going great then she says “oh you’re so hard”.....”But it looked a lot bigger in the pic.” Mood killer right? Cheapens the whole thing, and that’s what you do to us every, single time you ask.

There is a time and place for pictures and if you have to ask it’s not the right time and you don’t deserve one.

Play Safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Teddy Bear with Razorblades

I was chatting with NTB the other night and while he was catching me up on all his gossip he brought up a blog I wrote about how women want what they can’t have. He said if that’s true he’s screwed because he won’t play those games.

In his case I don’t think he should play those games. His strength and appeal is that he doesn’t do that stuff. He’s a straight shooting guy who won’t mess you around. There a lot of girls who would appreciate that. However there are a lot of girls who that kindness is wasted on and will take advantage of it. Luckily he’s a smart guy so I’m not overly worried about that. Although there is one girl I’d like to punch on his behalf. He just needs to patient and someone will come along for him. Someone who will see him as the teddy bear he is and not a doormat.

Mr. X on the other hand is a teddy bear full of razorblades, cute and cuddly but also sharp and deadly. But what he does so well and that I wish NTB would take note of is he plays to his strength. He knows he’s an ass but he owns it.

We were debating my sports knowledge last night, and by debating I mean he was ranting at me. After he said his piece I jokingly called him an ass and his comeback was “well I am Mr. X after all”.  There’s nothing you can say to that because he’s already owned it.

Don’t get me wrong he does show some NTB style flashes of sweetness but he likes to down play those. He knows his strengths and what works for him and he’s plays to it and if people don’t like it, I can’t be sure but I think he kills them.

I love NTB dearly, he a great friend but I wish he would take a little of Mr. X’s Oscar the grouch attitude and mould it into a firmer hand. Just a little hint of that don't fuck with me attitude would go a long way in keeping some chicks in check.

So my question to you is, if you’re a girl have you ever used or played a nice girl and if you’re a guy, have you ever been played by a girl?

As always stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

The Honest Bitch Rants

My computer is being bombarded by ads for “Dettol No-Touch Hand Wash System”, and since it won’t leave me alone I feel the need to point something out.

It’s the stupidest product ever made!

And this is coming from a girl, who will willingly admit she has more than a few germaphobic tendencies.

In case this product hasn’t harassed you, the idea is it’ll dispense soap for you without you having to touch the “germy” soap bottle. I have two main problems with this

1. You’re about to wash your hands, so why does it even matter if you touch the bottle! 10 seconds later your hands will be under water washing all those little germs away.

2. By saying you shouldn’t touch the bottle in fear of germs killing you, aren’t they basically admitting their hand soap is shit.

Think about that for a second. Dettol sells hand soap which is the same soap that goes into their no-touch dispenser. If it’s not good enough to kill the few germs on the bottle how is going to kill the germs on my hands?

It hurts my head to think about how someone gave the okay to make this product and it hurts my head even more to think there are people out there buying this pointless piece of plastic at 6 times the price of Dettol’s normal hand soap.

That’s my rant on the matter and hopefully their stupid ad will leave me alone now. (It’s not going to happen I know.) I have to ask, are there any other completely pointless products on the market that irritate you?

As always my dears stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

The Cloud

Before I start my rant let me give you a little information because a little research goes along way (Yes, I mean you people commenting on TMZ’s image”. The above picture is of The Cloud. It HASN’T been built yet. It’s due to start construction in 2013 in Seoul, South Korea.

Now that you have a little information let’s start the ranting.

Americans are up in arms over this design and I can understand why but at the same time I don’t care if they’re up in arms. Let me explain before you start sharpening your pitch forks.

It would be one thing if The Cloud was being built on US soil but it’s not. It’s being built half way around the world. It’s not exactly rubbing it in anyone’s face; most Americans will never even see the building. Also keep in mind the drawing for this building have been floating around Europe for a few months now and nobody made the connection until the images were released in the states.

I’ll admit when I first saw the above image I was a little shocked. But who wouldn’t be with TMZ’s headline “Intentional or unfortunate mistake?” But after I did a little research about the concept and saw ALL the images available my opinion quickly changed.

I actually really like the design now. In my opinion architecture is like great art, it should make you feel something. After all the comments it’s clear this building makes a lot of people feel a lot of things.

Forgetting the design for a second. I love the concept behind the building it’s meant to be two building connected by clouds. On top of “the clouds” is green space which is a perfect for such a busy city where space is at a premium.

Now back to my rant. I have an issue with some people’s stance on the cloud tower. And it’s an issue that spreads further then just this topic. That issue is...The world doesn’t revolve around America.

Yes, it was a horrible day in your history, and it effected the people of many nations, you have made it  “your history”. It doesn’t bring up the same emotions in other nationalities as it does in your own. I live in England if I say 7/7 would you even know what I was talking about? (The day London was attacked by suicide bomber on public transport)

Different people have different perspectives. Take the White House for example. American’s fill with pride when they see it. I’m Canadian when I see it, I think of it on fire in the war of 1812. Different perspectives and everyone is entitled to their own.

Personally I hope the architect doesn’t change the design. He designed it with something totally different in mind. So get over yourself. Your constitution gives you freedom of speech and ideas. The architect should have the freedom of expressionism. And you’re free to feel about it however you want and I’m free to rant about the little things that tick me off. Like the US media choosing the most Twin Town like image to show. Slow news day?

As always stay safe and keep your pitch fork sharpened.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

72 Hours Marriage Rant

I don’t normally blog about celebrity gossip, but this story is on my nerves and ranting is the only known cure for that. Before I start the ranting let me say allegedly and facts may or may not be true.... you know those Hollywood types they like to sue when they get cranky.  

Let the ranting begin....

It is one thing to get divorced after 72 days of marriage but it’s quite another to bullshit to the media for that length of time, then expect the people you lied to, to have your back.

The chick has balls I’ll give her that.

The thing that annoys me about this story is she’s taking no blame. Her and her pimp (manager) are just spinning the story and for once the media isn’t buying it. (Well done tabloid journalists)  

How hard is it to release a statement that says “I fucked up!” Screw this, his parents didn’t like me, I made no money, I was in love BS and just admit you screwed up. Don’t continue to lie to the media, which is why the world has turned on you in the first place.

Her and her family spinning of this story makes me want to scream. The story started she didn’t want to move so that’s why it ended. Then it was he wanted fame, then she had doubts, them his family hates her and that’s why it ended. Give it a week and she’ll be claiming he hit her or some other BS like that.

Give the world a break and stop talking. You’re making it worse. It’s clear the media and a lot of your fans have turned on you that should be your sign that you messed up. So stop blaming everyone else and admit your screw up.

The next annoying thing....

“She didn’t make a dime off her wedding”. Really? Is she the stupidest celebrity on the planet or just failed first grade math? Anyone who is anyone makes money on their wedding. They sell pictures, make magazine deals, use someone products. It's common to make money from your wedding when you’re famous so why lie about it. Most people aren’t stupid, and just because you keep saying it doesn’t make it true.

I’d also like to add love doesn’t evaporate, if you actually loved him you still would. You just wanted the money and the attention from the wedding, you know it, I know it, the world knows it, so just admit it so the world can move on to whether Justin is a daddy and if jail orange makes Lindsay look fat.

Stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Twitter Stalker

I was having a conversation the other day with this Internet random. Ok, at this point he isn’t so random but he’s still a relative stranger. We were on Twitter chatting about film and TV mostly when I heard my phone go off. I looked down to see who it was and to my shock and horror I saw it was a text from a ghost of boyfriends past.

This is never a good thing. I do my very best to make sure when I’m finished with a guy he never wants to see or speak to me again.  So when I see an ex’s name pop-up I know I’m in trouble.

I looked at the message to see what the asshole was contracting me for. I was thinking law suit, warning me of the hit man he hired or maybe he was pregnant. I was a little relieved when all it said was “who’s the new man in your life?”

I was relieved but also confused. I’m single, so the only thing with a penis in my life is buzzy the rampant rabbit. So I replied back with just a question mark. He wasn’t worth risking chipping my nail polish over.

He quickly replied back with the name of the Internet random. This meant one of two things, he’s either friends with said random (which is unlikely because he has no friends) or he’s stalking my Twitter feed. Don’t you just love the digital age?

This, my dear friends, is why they call me a bitch, I simply replied with “Oh, he’s not new. He’s the guy I was imagining you were when we were sleeping together.”

Personally I thought it was funny, he on the other hand....always had a bad sense of humor.

What did he expect? He contacts me after 3 years and wants to know about my love life. Did he think I’d welcome him with open arms? Not a chance. I took the opportunity to teach the little bastard a lesson.... maybe he’ll think twice before he puts his nose in my business again.

I don’t believe in staying friends with ex’s. People breakup because they can no longer stand to be around the other person, staying friends is basically just removing the sex from the relationship. When did taking the sex out of anything make it better?

See my point? It’s kind of crazy when you think about it.

Anyways, that’s my rant on the matter. Have a great night and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Dating

Every now and then I get the feeling I should start to date again. Then I go on a date and I quickly decide I’d rather die alone.

I stopped dating a while ago because of all the drama and headaches it caused. Let’s just say I haven’t been having the best of luck with British guys. They look all sweet and charming in the movies but let me tell you, in real life a large percentage of them are douche bags.

Not to mention a lot of them are liars too. I don’t have a problem with a purely sexual relationship. If you’re looking for a fuck-friend that’s fine by me, it saves me money on batteries. But be straight about. Don’t wrap you’re horniness up in a lie. Don’t pretend you want more then sex when you don’t. Just don’t be an ass.

NTB has made a big thing out of not playing games and I love him for that. If he has something to say he’ll come right out and say it. He takes all the guess work out of relationships and dating. I personally think there is a time and place for a little toying and flirting but on the whole I wish guys would follow his lead.

That’s kind of why I still keep Mr. X around. I love that he is so straight forward. There is no game play with him. He is what he is, take it or leave it. The difference is Mr. X does it in a jerk way and NTB does it in a way that doesn’t make you want to run him over with your car.....repeatedly.

Saying all that I still continue to flirt with Mr. X. What can I say; some people are just fun to flirt with. It’s not a I want to see him naked thing, it’s more of a he’s cute so why not thing. Flirting is good for you. It’s good for your health and your mood. (That may or may not be a scientific fact.)

I’m sure one day someone will come along who will change my mind on the whole dating thing but right now, I’m not interested. I’d rather have a peacefully life, with no drama.


As always my dears stay safe and don’t do anything I wouldn't do.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

NHL v GLAAD

This isn’t something I wouldn’t normally write about but it’s bugging me and it’s my blog so I’m going to write about it.

GLAAD is demanding that NHL take action against Philadelphia Flyer Wayne Simmonds for allegedly calling New York Ranger Sean Avery a faggot during a game last week.  

I have a lot of problems with this. I normally respect GLAAD and the work they do but in this case they can’t win and instead of passing on a good messages to NHL fans they’re just pissing off the fans who now don’t care what their message is and just see GLAAD as a pest.

The first problem with this case is Wayne Simmonds in a game earlier that week had a banana thrown at him. It was a blatant racist attack...if you believe the news. I personally think that might be all the guy had to hand but that’s beside the point. It didn’t make anywhere near as big of a news story as this.

The second part of this problem is Sean Avery in the same game where he was allegedly called a faggot, was picked up on a microphone threatening to kill Claude Giroux. There is no allegedly in that story he clear as day said it.

So the problem NHL fans are having with GLAAD is who are they to say their issue is more important than racism or a death threat. Other things happened in that game and for them to make a fuss over something nobody else heard when Avery himself said horrible things in that game makes them look pity.

The other issue of course is Sean Avery. He’s not what you call well liked. Actually I don’t know a hockey fan that has a nice thing to say about him. So even before GLAAD opened their mouth they were on thin ice. If you’re going to try and make a stand, logic would dictate you do it off a respectable player. Something Avery is not.

Maybe this is because I live in England now where they eat faggots and smoke fags but I feel GLAAD is being a little sensitive. Things get said in the heat of the moment during sports and what they say may not be pc it’s not a crime. They’re not saying these words to hurt or offend, they’re saying it to get under each other’s skin and clearly since Avery cried to the media it worked.

I personally take offence to claims that the NHL and their fans are homophobic. Give me a break. Hockey players talk shit that's their job, it's part of the game. What they say may not be politically correct or even fit for TV but that doesn’t make them or their fans who understand this homophobic.

I’m willing to bet this wouldn’t even be news if Avery hadn’t been over heard threatening to kill Claude Giroux. He didn’t want the shit storm, so instead he throw Simmonds under the bus. Classy.

I’m a big believer in what happens on the ice should stay on the ice and if Avery had a problem with what was said he should dealt with it on the ice instead of crying to the media like a over grown baby.

I’m a Leafs fan so I kind of feel dirty supporting a Flyer but I had to unleash my rant. I'm not saying what was said is right I'm just saying the sky isn't falling. Anyways my dears, I’m off for the evening as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

Talk Like A Human

I normal don’t have a problem with people choosing to sound like an idiot. It’s a personal choice if you want to make people to think you failed kindergarten or not. However there are two things that make me want to bitch slap people.

The first one is when people add an X in ask or asked making it into axe or axed.

Why? There is no fucking need for it. It just makes it sound like you never stepped foot in a school. By all means be stupid but you don’t have to sound like you are. Where did the X even come from? It’s not like X is a commonly used letter in the English language. Some people just shouldn’t be allowed to open their mouths.

Speaking of people who shouldn’t be allowed to talk that brings me to the second thing that drives me crazy.  People who pronounce the silent H in words.

I remember be taught in first or second grade that you don’t pronounce the H in words like what and where. So who decided once you become fully grown you can start pronouncing that H? Did the H get jealous and decided it was time for him to start talking?

Some people blame Hollywood for whole H not being so silent thing but I blame stupid people emulating Hollywood. I mean it’s not a trend if only a few people do it. People should be smart enough to put a stop to things at are clearly stupid and make you sound stupid along with it.

All I ask is for people to use their brain and if you don’t have one keep your mouth shut so I don’t have to hear your nonsense.  

I’m heading off to find a way to cool off (stupid English weather). As always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Born Again Virgins

I recently did a blog about purity rings, in that blog I touch on “born again virgins” and you guys had a lot to say on the matter so I figured I may as well turn it into a blog of its own.

Once again I have nothing against people who decided not to have sex before marriage. My problem is with the title and the lengths some people go to.

The title is stupid, you’re not a “born again virgin”, you’re playing hard to get. Really hard to get, a ring and “I do” hard to get but it’s not like you’re nun or anything.

You may regret your first but you don’t get a do over. It doesn’t work like that. Once a penis cuts the ribbon you can’t superglue it back together.

No amount of praying will grow your hymen. Some women understand that and go to extreme lengths and have something called a hymenorrhaphy. Basically they have their hymen reconstructed. Women who go that far clearly have more money than brains. Why would anyone do that? Was the feeling of your hymen ripping the first time that enjoyable? That’s just plain old crazy.

I’ll never understand why they need a title anyways. No one cares what is or has entered and left your vagina. If you believe you made a mistake by having sex unmarried why on earth would you give it a title and draw attention to that mistake? It just doesn’t make any sense in my books.

The term was coined by fundamentalist Christians who put a lot of importance on stay pure. That’s all well and good but they also teach that God forgives and that forgiveness makes you pure again. It’s kind of like forgive and forget. He’ll forgive you and not hold it against you but he still knows you had sex.

He also knows you asked for forgiveness. He’s like Santa Clause; he knows when you’ve been good or bad so if he knows, why the hell does the rest of world have to know. What God’s forgives isn’t good enough for you; you need a special title too? You’re not a “born again virgin” you’re wannabe virgin and that’s pathetic.

I’d also like to point out, nobody in their right mind chooses to give up sex; sex chooses to give up you. And instead of admitting you’re in a dry spell, you play the “born again virgin” card. Everyone sees through that. We all know what it really means. So give it up.

I thought we were meant to embrace our mistake, that’s how we learn and grow as people. “Born again virgin” is a copout. No matter how many birthday candles you wish on you’re not a virgin.  You’re someone who feels they made a mistake by having sex before marriage. That is fine. But put on your big girl panties, drop the stupid the title and own it.

Anyways that’s my rant on the matter why do you guys think?

Stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Purity Rings

I recently got into a big debate about purity rings. I’m categorically against them; they’re just a stupid idea that leads to stupid and reckless decisions.

Let me start by saying I have nothing against people who wait to have sex until marriage, I wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it but each to their own. My problem is with that stupid silver ring.

The people who wear these rings make a pledge to God to remain abstinence until they get married. By placing that ring on their finger, they’re attaching a stigma to sex. Which is pretty much the worst thing you can do, these people are too ashamed and guilty to seek advice on sexual health issues.

Furthermore after causing teenagers to feel too ashamed and guiltily to seek advice, these abstinence groups don’t teach anything more than abstinence putting these kids in unnecessary risk for STD’s and pregnancy. Everyone should know about safe sex whether they plan to use that information or not.

Case studies have proven teenagers who wear purity rings are just as likely to have premarital sex as teenagers who don’t, but they’re substantially less likely to wear a condom or use any other type of birth control.

These rings just don’t work and all it does is shame and guilt teens into having unsafe sex.

Unless you accompany a purity ring with a chastity belt it’s not going to stop anyone who having sex. So stop pretending it will. Educate teens so they can make informed and smart decisions. And if they decided to have sex they’ll know how to protect themselves and we won’t have to watch show like “teen mom” and “16 and pregnant” anymore.

One of the other things this person ask is if women for aren’t virgins should wear white. Personally I don’t think the whole wedding party should be able to tell the brides sexual history based on her dress. But that’s just me. The person said it’s like wearing a cap and gown at graduation. You should only wear it if you put the work in. I call bullshit. You stay a virgin or “pure” because its god will not so you can wear white. Plus women will do and wear whatever they want, that’s just a fact of life. There is no point caring if it’s right or wrong because she’s going to do it anyways.

The other issue that came up in this conversation was the idea of born again virgins. This may be the most stupid idea ever, even more stupid then the ring. Dear world, once it’s gone, it’s gone.......deal with it. This is why you should be smart and educated before you start having sex so you don’t became some idiot who thinks they can think back their virginity. News Flash Einstein it’s does work like that. That’s like me saying if I wish real hard I’ll become the tooth fairy.

Anyways I'm off to wish I was the tooth fairy and that Elmo was president of the United States. As always stay and play safe guys.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo 

A Blogger's Most Hated Question

There is one question I hate more than any other. And that question is..... Is this going to end up in your blog?

Why do people even ask? I’m a blogger. If they do something blog worthy of course I’m going to write about it. And the more a person bitches and moans about it the more likely I am to make them look like an idiot.

I’m never sure when people ask if something is going to end up in my blog or not if they’re asking because they want or don’t want to be in it. We live in a time where everyone tweets and updates their status every 5 minutes, basically everyone is an attention whore so it only stands to reason they’d want a mention in a blog too, even if it does make them sound bitchy, whiny and needy.

I’m a reasonable person...for the most part, and I don’t write about everything. I do exorcise a little decorum. There are just some things I wouldn’t share without the person’s permission (provide they know about my blog). What? They don’t call me a bitch for nothing.

Most of the time if a person would just dropped it; they wouldn’t end up in my blog in the first place. But when people make a scene and kick and scream they make it more entertaining and therefore a better blog so I have no choice but to write about it.

The solution is simple if you don’t want to end up in my blog don’t do anything stupid and if you want to end up in my blog, keep being stupid because I can never have too much blog material.

Anyways I’m off. As always guys stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Dating Horror Story

I was looking back at some of the reasons I decided to take a break from dating and I just randomly started laughing at something that was so horrific at the time but is kind of funny now. I thought you guys might get a kick out of the story.

It was about 3 years ago I think. I meet a guy online and we started chatting. After a few months of chatting and texting we decided to meet up. We got along great and went out 5 or 6 more time. Nothing more than just a good night kiss ever happened between us. Which I thought was odd but didn’t read much into it.

About 3 days after our last date, I was sat on my bed checking my Facebook and I noticed this guy updated his relationship status. As you do when a guy you’re dating updates his relationship status I checked it out.

It had him as “in a relationship” with some dude so I figured it was guys fucking around and didn’t think anymore of it.

....until about 5 minutes later when I saw he uploaded some pictures.

These picture were of this guy full on making out with the guy he changed to “in a relationship” with.

I was in shock. I just sat there on my bed not moving, with my mouth wide open. I don’t even remember blinking. I just sat there like a statue for a good 5 – 10 minutes. When I finally did move, I didn’t break eye contract with the screen. I just moved my right hand to pick up my phone and dialled my best friend at the time.

I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. It went something like this.

Me- “hmmmmm, hi.......do you remember that guy I was seeing?”

K – “Yeah, what’s wrong”

Me “hmmm, hmmm"

K –“You’re not pregnant are you?”

Me – “God no”

K – “Then?”

Me – “Facebook”

K- “I need more”

Me- “He changed his status”

K - “To?”

Me - “Fucking some dude”

K – “What!?”

Me - “He’s in a relationship with a guy”

K – “He’s joking”

Me – “No, no, no, there are pictures”

K – “Pictures?”

Me – “Yeah..... Crystal clear, colour photos”

K – “Oh”

Me - “Yeah”

K – “I’ll be right over”

When she got here I was still sat glaring at my netbook. She closed it and looked at me. And we both started to laugh because what else can you do. She then asked to see the pictures, which lead to the most horrified look on her face I've ever seen, It was so funny, my sides hurt thinking about it. That girl is far too innocent.

We then went out the pub for a drink and then......I don’t really remember much. Oh, I lie, I do remember getting a beer for free because we told the bartender I turned a guy gay.

I never did confront the guy because I don’t think the words for conversation exist. That’s why Hallmark doesn’t make greeting card for it. So once I was over the shock, I just laughed it off. I figure when they make the movie of my life that scene would keep people talking and make me more money.

Sometimes in life you just got to laugh....even if it’s because you turned a guy gay. How many people can say that eh? Lol

Stay safe guys,

Love you,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxoxo

Sorry

I just wanted to say sorry to you guys. I’ve been a bad blogger over the past few weeks. Hopefully by this weekend I’ll be back to normal and back to keeping you guys entertained and laughing.

Because some of you have been asking the problem was the doctor changed my pain medication and I neglected to read the enclosed leaflet. I’ve come to find out anyone taking the pill also needs to take a multivitamin because it blocks certain vitamins. After a couple months of not getting those vitamins I’ve been feeling ill, tired and ran down.

I’m hoping by this weekend I’ll be feeling better and be able to return to my normal posting schedule. Which is one weekday post (Mon-Thurs), and one weekend post (Fri-Sun).

I also do a post every Monday for Logic Haze (http://logichaze.com/type/article/thehonbit) I’m looking at bring back “The Honest Bitch Helps” for that weekly post. It’s a lot of fun for me to write and you guys seem to enjoy it. So if you have any questions about relationships, sex, life, or whatever you’d like me to answer is my unique way send them to Ms.HonestB@gmail.com It’s all in fun and maybe it’ll help someone and ….upset a few guys :-)

Also keep your eyes open for my guest post on http://almostlastmanstanding.com/ and he’ll also being doing a guest post for here so that should be worth a read, he's a talented and funny writer. I’d tell you guys to be nice but that’s not your style I know. So I'll just tell you to be honest and have fun with him.

I’m looking look forward to getting back in to the swing of things and back to having some fun with you guys. How I’ve missed your evilness.

Love you guys,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

Logic Haze

Hey Dolls, 

Sorry about the lack of a weekend post this week, I just had a nightmare weekend. But my new post for LogicHaze.com has been posted:

http://logichaze.com/posts/article/logic-laws-why-women-fake-it

Please check it out and tell me what you think. 

Love you guys,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxox

The Law Is The Law

There has been something making its rounds on Facebook…again and instead of ranting on one friend’s status I thought I’d just rant here instead to a wider less argumentative audience.

“TO NON-PET OWNERS who visit my home. Don't complain about my pets. (1) They live here, you don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'Fur'nitur e. (3) Chances are, I love my pets more than I like you. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are family who are hairy, walk on all fours & don't talk back. Re-post if you love your pets!”

Speaking as a non-pet owner, all the above it’s perfectly fine. There is no problem with furry furniture or you loving you animal more than me because odds are I’m not your biggest fan either. The problem comes when your stupid fucking pets jump on and lick me and you just stand there doing nothing looking like it’s the cutest thing in the world.

It’s not cute. It’s gross and really unhygienic.

It’s not that I hate pets. I grow up having dogs and cats. But mine were well trained and knew who the boss was.

If people want to pretend their pets are human, that’s perfectly fine by me. However if that’s the case I was to see those furry little bastards in a pair of teeny tiny paw-cuffs.

If a human were to act in the same manor, jumping on and licking me, without hesitation I’d have that person arrested. It’s a criminal act and I’d expect the perpetrator to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. If the offender happens to be four legged and have a cold nose so be it. I want to see the little bastard behind bars and in a bright orange jumpsuit. No means no and not speaking English is no excuse for breaking the law.

If you want to pretend your pet in human, that’s fine. I’ll play along but I want to see that them follow the same laws as any other human. After all fair is fair :-)

Stay safe guys, Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Being Sick Sucks

Everyone in my household has been sick over the past two weeks and I’ve come to realize something and it’s really fucking me off.

Just because I’m a non-smoker they don’t consider me to be as sick as them.

I’m the only non-smoker in my house and obviously when a smoker gets ill they get a nasty cough that tends to sound like they’re losing a lung thanks to the years of damage the cigarettes have done. As a non-smoker my cough is naturally not as bad. So despite having the same virus they have they seem to think I’m not as ill as them because I sound better.

How is that fair? Just because I choose not to pick up a nasty habit I’m never as sick as everyone else. I know life isn’t fair but self inflicted, is self inflicted and I don’t see why I shouldn’t be granted the same courtesy they get when ill.

I shouldn’t be made to do things they never would when they're ill. It just isn’t right and it's really granting on me. It’s not like I’m asking to be looked after. I just want to be left alone to curl up in a ball a die.....Or sleep which ever I’m not fussy.

Anyways my dears I’m going to sleep and with a little luck I’ll wake up feel better and a little less cranky. I love you guys and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo