The Larry Theory

The week of daily blogs continues, well, we’ll see if this lasts a week but that is the aim. Last night at work wasn’t too bad, I’m pretty over it and have normalized again… my body language is still a wee bit off, but its minor shit like my toes are pointed the wrong way… and to be fair, I wear steals so nobody but me would know that.

I wanted to talk about the theory one of my long time reads had on why I didn’t click that I might have feelings for Larry.

She’s sent me a message saying give my long history of falling into relationships, and being the last to know when I’m in one, she's not surprised the feelings didn’t register because that wasn’t my focus. I was focused more on the character, humor and personality traits. All the other stuff was secondary and not relevant until Miss Pippi whore stockings showed up.

I kind of think that theory proves once and for all you’ll a lot smarter than I am. I thought a lot about this yesterday before I went to bed and looking back on my dating history; she’s not wrong. We all know I am the last to know when I’m in a relationship; I tend to read it on Facebook or back in the day Myspace. A lot of my exes have been friends that have turned into more. I sure as hell wasn’t looking to bang them from the offset. But for the most part they were solid relationships while they lasted, largely because we had that solid friendship ground work.

The theory seems highly plausible to me, I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I’m sure you will let me know. I think I’ll make that your question of the blog; is friendship, then a relationship a good thing or a bad thing? Let me know what you think in the comment box below. And as always stay, and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Awkward

It would appear my “The Story of Larry” post did its job, I actually feel better. My mind doesn’t feel like a shaken snow globe anymore. I almost feel like me again…. Almost. I still feel a little awkward, but that might be for another reason.

I had a “fuck it” moment and gave up my URL to Larry. Actually, what happened was Mr. X messaged me, I took that as a sign and now he’s a one of my readers. That sounds just as bad written out as it does in my head. I’m comforted by the fact Mr. X handled it so well, proving it is at least possible for it not to go up in flames.

Last night was my first time seeing him since everything and to his credit he seemed alright. His body language was a little off, but mine was on the different planet so I can’t talk. I think the worst part is thanks to script writing and acting classes I’m painfully aware it’s off… and I still can’t fix it. Luckily I managed to keep myself busy so at least I could hide a lot of the awkwardness.

Tonight on the other hand is going to be a test; one I don’t like the odds of me passing. I have Larry and Pippi together to deal with. I’ll be honest, the thought of that is keeping me awake. To be fair, it’s more not knowing how I’ll react that’s stressing me. Since I don’t know how I feel, my reaction is surprise to everyone…including me, which is a fucking nightmare. At least I can brace myself if I know I’m likely to react. This, this is a guessing game…… and I don’t like games.

Anyways, I’m going to go and pounder over a comment I received about a theory on why I was clueless regarding my feelings for Larry. I shall report on that one. But before I go I have this question for you; Will Larry reading my blog end badly for me? Let me know in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

The Story of Larry

I promised in my last post to explain the whole Larry situation and I figured I better do this while I have the clarity of the weekend and before new events add to the craziness already going on inside my head.

Let’s start with who Larry is. He is a 29 year old, father of one, lorry driver come office monkey who works on night with me. He is genuinely a nice guy, with a great sense of humor. He isn’t afraid to make an ass out of himself in the name fun. He is also a shameless gamer geek, who loves North American culture. He’s exactly like the guys I hangout with when I’m at home. He is just an all-round good guy.

I’ve gotten to know both him and the other gentleman on night pretty well over the last month. I’ve managed to spend a couple of nights just sitting with them learning the ropes. Fortunately, we’ve all gelled quickly and have been able to have a lot of fun swapping stories and sarcastic jabs.

The only problem I have with Larry is, over a very short period of time, he’s learned to read me like a damn book. The Supervisor was the same with me and I hate it because I can’t seem to get away with anything. And the worst part is, he seems to know when I’m not being completely honest with what’s bugging me. That’s not good, especially when I don’t know what’s up or what’s up is him.

You see, the other day at work he was the problem, or at least part of the problem and you can bet your sweet ass I was going to admit that, and he wasn’t buying what I was telling him. But, I was only not telling him the whole truth because how do you tell someone your mind is melting down mode because you think you may like them?

And I use the word think, because even now, I’m not completely sure, I mean everything was fine and normal of minute and the next crazy land. I don’t know when or how or why this happened and it’s completely thrown me for a loop or 12.

I’ll be very honest here; I’m struggling to verbalize what happened, largely because I don’t want to admit it and partly because I handled it poorly, and in a very non me way, and I’m kind of ashamed of that. But I know if I don’t write this, it’ll haunt me and I’ll never move past it, and things will be forever weird so here it goes.

There is this female driver at work, I’ll call her Pippi. Larry has a bit of a crush on her. A couple nights ago when she finished her shift, she hung around chatting. We were having a laugh, a joke and then it started to appear that she might have a thing for Larry as well. Which, in theory, is fine. He’s a good a guy he deserves someone special… In theory, in reality she was stood telling about her friends who she introduced to this guy she liked and now her friend and this guy live together and all I was thinking was “you fucking bitch, and now you’re going that to me.” Which was weird because I don’t know why I'd be thinking like that so I just kept a smile and tried not to let it phase me… hell what’s one crazy thought in a female brain right.

At some point I had to go and get on with some work, so she moved over and started chatting with Larry, making it, at least to me, clear she’s interested in him and that didn’t sit well with me. That said, I’m protective of all my guy friends so I didn’t read a whole lot into that. I stayed quiet and got on with some work.

Then I had to interact with him, and instead of the normal playful, sarcastic exchanged, I got mean, and I think I even physically pushed him away at one point. Which is unacceptable and not like me at. I can only think of one reason why I would have acted that way…. Jealously, and one would assume if jealously an issue is, there’s a reason why.

I was a little bit confused by own reaction, and in an act of damage limitation and to honor girl code, I completely backed off, I spent the rest of the night at my desk, I just kept myself to myself. Apparently I backed off too much though, because Larry questioned what was wrong with me, I gave a reason but he wasn’t really buying it. But, I’ll give him his dues he still did make a point of trying to cheer me up.

The drive home that night sucked, I had to fight to keep it together; I actually felt physically sick. And when I finally got home, I lost it. I’m not sure why; whether it was the confusion, or the feeling that I lost or never had a chance. I mean there is no competition between Pippi and me, she wins every time.

The following night at work was awkward to say the least; I just didn’t know what to do with myself. The reason I had been hiding behind wasn’t there so I had to keep it together a pretend everything was fine, which is easier said than done when your brain is still trying to make sense of the previous day’s events. I thought I was doing ok…. Until the other guy I work with on nights asked me if I was ok and, for the real reason I was upset the night before. I just stuck to my story and I think bought it or at least decided not to push it.

Now it’s the weekend and I have to sort of this mess so I can go into work Monday and be normal. And not react to what may happen and by that I mean, him banging her because in the grand scheme of things, I loose and I have to be ok with that… and if I’m not, I have to fake it.

Anyways, this blog is way longer than I planned and it didn’t help nearly as much as I would have hoped, but it does give you guys some background for the next time I break down and completely snap because something tells me that will happen, it’s only a matter of time.

I am going to go and get some sleep and pray that when I see Pippi and Larry together Tuesday, I managed to at the very least, keep my damn mouth shut as to not make things worse than they already are. I mean, at the end of the day I have to still work with him. But, before I go, I must leave you with a question because that is the law here. How do you deal with rejection? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

New Job, New Boys

I’ve been at the new job 2 months now and for the record, despite some of my old co-workers fears I really am enjoying it. I’m starting to find my feet and almost know what I’m talking about, it’s seems to be going well.

The other perk or the new job is a lot of new men, which sounds better than the reality of it. Most of them are too young, or too old, or too married or too gross. Despite being surround by men all night it really is slim pickings.

That said; slim pickings doesn’t mean no picking and I’m me so, yeah, I’ve managed to find two to make my life needlessly more complicated than it has to be.

Guy number 1, who I am yet to come up with an appropriate blog name for, pursued from the end of my first week. He messaged me, and we got chatting which all seemed harmless enough (isn’t that always the case?) Then he started talking about his penis and the harmlessness became a distant memory.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a nice enough guy, but he is a walking, talking red flag and I’m not interested in risking my reputation for what would be just a hook up or at most a fuck friend situation. He has way too many issues going on to be what I’m looking for right now.

Then we have guy number 2 who I’m going to call Larry for blogging sake. Larry is an interesting story, I didn’t know Larry was even a thing until the other day. I’m still not sure he’s a thing, that’s going to take some writing and probably some drinking to figure that out. And since it’s currently 8am we’ll address that issue in another blog.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t take this job to troll for men and I tend not to get mixed up with the guys I work with anyways. But the harmless flirting has always been a plus. It makes the night less dull and it distracts when things are going horribly wrong. This job is kind of missing that. At least right now, its early days I guess.

Anyways, you pretty people, I am going to go and get ready for my lunch date with the gay husband and then probably write that Larry blog since I suspect drinks will happen at lunch. But before I go, I must leave you with a question; do you always know you have feelings for someone straight away? Let me know in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo