Friday, 28 August 2020

Left Confused

 I was planning to skip this post until I got some clarity, and I knew what I wanted to say, but I don’t think that clarity is going to come until I sit down and write. So, I guess this post is going to be as much a surprise to you as it is to me.

The fact I was nervous before this date isn’t a secret. I did better this time, I didn’t break down into tears from fear the day before I held my shit together… Until I was 20 minutes off and debating turning around and running away. I didn’t. I got there and this time I wasn’t instantly at ease I still nervous and those nerves didn’t go at all in the 23 hours we were together. Hell, they got worse. By the time I left I visually fidgeting, which I haven’t done in years.

The first part of the date was fine, we went for a drink and some lunch. Things were ok, we went back to the room. Things…. Progressed. I am not going to go into details, but they few hours we spent in the room were enjoyable.

Then we went back out for dinner. This is where things took a turn or didn’t, I still don’t know. This is where I discovered I can’t read him, and he doesn’t flirt, which I knew and is fine, but in this situation, I needed something. And to be honest, that feeling remains.

I am not going to go into any more details right now, because, that sentence better much summed up where I am. Everything was fine and perfectly enjoyable, but I am still left unsure and confused. I needed a hand hold or a tight hold and a kiss or…. I needed a something, that little reassurance. That would have been a game changer. A little confidence goes a long way and mine was knocked and never rebuilt.

I’ve been trying to get something since I’ve been home from him and I am still not so… fuck knows. Anyways, I need sleep so as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

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